Probably lucky to be dumped

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#1 Feb 28 - 9PM

better off

Probably lucky to be dumped

Wow. This site is great. I am not married to my Narcissist...I am married to an emotionally abusive alcoholic. A very sad girl...who met someone wonderful online, someone who really understood me and wanted to protect me and love me forever, to save me from my pain and misery...IOW...a total narcissist.

I recently broke off contact completely (12 days ago)..although we were "just friends" by then anyway. I have struggled getting over this relationship...but the more I learn about this, the more I am realizing I am probably lucky this man didn't totally destroy my life.

I guess it's the same old story...we had a whirlwind romance..he was in the process of divorcing (so he said) because his wife was a serial cheater (so he says)...who from his description sounded like she has Borderline Personality Disorder. This is either total bullshit...or they are the classic pairing of BPD and NPD. We had a three month intense online/phone affair, were talking about possibly marrying...it was all everyone says here..I was special, I was the one, he played me like a violin. And I'm not stupid, in fact I'm naturally skeptical. He is a freakin genius at being who you want him to be. He pursued me relentlessly.

It culminated in a one weekend meeting (he lived in another city). It was amazing. He called me every day for a week asking me didn't I want to wake up with him every morning?? Yes, yes I did.

Ooops...then he got "confused." We broke up. I was devastated and realized I fell for the oldest trick in the book...he was just using me to repair his ego. CONQUEST. How could I have been so stupid. But he wasn't done yet. It was on again/off again for months...still talking about marriage..and then he abruptly broke it off with me, last April. But he wanted to be friends. We were part of a sporting forum that had grown into a group of friends spread across the world.

I agreed to be friends because I didn't think I could live without him...and I didn't have any other choice. Sometimes he was aloof and sometimes he acted like I was the sexiest thing alive. This went on for months. He claimed always that he "was going to" leave his wife, but she kept threatening suicide, etc. I never believed any of this at this point. In the end, he moved to another country (his home country) with his wife.

We were friends on facebook at this point. That was interesting because I got to fill in a few of the blanks, read between the lines. But it was killing me inside. I still had so much confusion about how he could be so madly in love me so, so genuinely it seemed, and then...just act like it didn't happen. Unless he needed some NS, and then he could just wave his finger and he had me in hand again.

So..now I had a miserable marriage and a broken heart. And a terrible secret. What did he care? He didn't. He came into MY life, pursued me, wooed me, seduced me...and dumped me. Like it was nothing.

It's taken me months to understand what's really happened. Now at least, the dream has finally died...I know that if I HAD ended up with him, it would have been a life of emotional torture, not bliss. I only saw the very edges of his hostility and viciousness...but I believe the potential is there. And for his wife...maybe she IS crazy..but maybe he made her that way. She's the one stuck with him now!

I admit that I still miss him. When he was attending to me it was like nothing I've ever experienced. It's very saddening that it wasn't real. OTOH...I remind myself that N's need you to be something special for your NS to be worth anything, LOL. As far as I'm concerned, he'll never find anybody as good at NS than me, hahaha. ;P

I'm in therapy now to heal from codependence that has locked me in the type of marriage I'm in, and let me be manipulated so easily by someone like my N. One day it would be nice to meet someone "normal."

thanks for listening

~Better Off

#2 Mar 16 - 9PM

better off

"I'm in love"

I remember a couple of things...once after the throes of intimacy..he looked down at me and said..."you ARE me." That's not psychotic. Geez, I loved it at the time though, I was participating in being psychotic! In fact I've always loved the quote from Wuthering Heights when Cathy says, "I am Heathcliff." Maybe I should burn that book. That one and Bridges of Madison County. Anyway, during our stolen weekend, he said, several times over the days, all impassioned and stroking my hair, "I'm in love, I'm in love." And that never set quite right with me, because I'M in love, is NOT the same thing as I love YOU. He can't conceive of anything outside of himself! He's insane.

#3 Mar 16 - 9PM (Reply to #43)

Barbara (not verified)

what they say

NEVER EVER listen to what they say.... LISTEN to what they DO!

#4 Mar 16 - 2PM

better off

his new victim

I know (through a friend) that N has a new victim now. I know who she is...we were friends on that other forum together. She appeared on his facebook page almost as soon as I dropped him and all our mutual friends. He probably thinks I don't know know about her, or know her real identity, but I'm not as dumb as they think I am. He also checked with a mutual friend (my good girlfriend) to see if I "cut her off" too, she said yes..as per the plan. Presto, new girl appears. I know he was keeping her in the wings, because if I had "seen" her earlier, of course I would have asked to be fb friends as well, and that would ruin everything of course. I can just imagine the bullshit he's telling her about me right now. Or always has been, I'm sure this has a long history. I don't even care, in the sense that I now know what a monster he truly is...a criminal mind. This just proves how much he follows the N script. But part of me wants to warn her. I won't. He will just use it against me, even if I do it anonymously, he'll know it was me, and will just try to make me look like a psycho. I shudder for his poor wife. I feel very tired again.

#5 Mar 16 - 4PM (Reply to #35)

Barbara (not verified)

Telling

You can always list him as an abuser on the web. on the right side of cyberpaths.blogspot.com is a list of EXPOSURE SITES. Just be sure to stick to the truth and nothing but and no personal information. And find sites that you can remain anonymous. I am big one on TELLING but not revenge. Telling can be validating and empowering. It may piss him off but too bad so sad. I would guess he WANTED You to find out. Twist the knife a bit. Be glad - he's someone else's problem now. How long do you think it will be before he abuses her too?

#6 Mar 16 - 6PM (Reply to #36)

better off

I think he will definitely

I think he will definitely abuse her...how soon depends on what else he can get going. He may have even seen her while he was in the States, if that's the case, he'll trash her sooner rather than later. I also think, due to my experience with her, that she is very much like him...secretive, different personas on different sites (that she probably isn't aware that some of us know about)...overtly sexual instead of just flirty. So maybe they are a match made in hell, I don't know. I do know I'm better looking. LOL. Sorry, that was snarky. I personally think he will hit on ANYBODY. And always thinks other people are hitting on others...because, that's the only place his mind goes. I don't doubt that he'd like to twist the knife, but OTOH, everything he's done is to cover it up more than play it out. I don't know why..I will just assume it's to protect himself, in case I got jealous and angry, or maybe just as insurance in case he wants to toy with me some more later. Ha. I left him on "good terms" that I still loved him and he was choosing a life with his wife (yeah right)...so I was moving on with my own life and I would miss him. So he doesn't know that I have figured out the blackness of his soul. I want to tell him that I know exactly what he is, but my friend begged me not to. She said let it go, he isn't a normal person, no point in stirring up problems with a snake. I left "safely" leaving him feeling full of himself and satisfied so he won't do anything harmful to me.

#7 Mar 16 - 7PM (Reply to #37)

Barbara (not verified)

Your friend was right

Never confront them that you KNOW what they are. They won't admit it - they think they are perfect. What it will do is set off a NARCISSIST RAGE attack that is endless. My last psycho is still attacking my character... five years later. Sheesh. It's not worth it. Like I said, expose him on one of those sites and then, if people don't google who they meet - it's their own fault. Barbara http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com

#8 Mar 16 - 7PM (Reply to #38)

better off

Okay, thanks for the

Okay, thanks for the warning, I think I felt that on the inside. My intuition said don't do it. I won't even expose him for now. It's too soon...he'd know. And he likes to tell his prey to google him..since he was a pro athlete. Who am I kidding, I will never expose him. He would go insane. His rep is EVERYTHING. And seriously, at this point, I think he's capable of anything. I guess I'll leave that for my last resort in case he ever gets weird and threatens me or anything. Then I have a backup threat to use to defend myself. Because his life is a house of cards. He always said he couldn't leave his wife because she made threats to kill herself, but in reality, he's probably threatened HER. I have no words for how much I hate him.

#9 Mar 16 - 7PM (Reply to #39)

Barbara (not verified)

Mine did the same!

He always said he couldn't leave his wife because she made threats to kill herself, but in reality, he's probably threatened HER. Mine said the same thing! What a crock. Just GUILT. I exposed him - she stayed. Now he's unemployed AGAIN and she's got her own business so she's paying the bills. And he's living in luxury telling people nonsense about me. WHATEVER. Anyone who really knows me knows he's full of it. It took a little while but people (NEW friends) who initially believed his B.S. are starting to see. I say wait a respectable time then expose the bastard. Barbara http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com

#10 Mar 16 - 7PM (Reply to #40)

better off

ummm..is he Australian? They

ummm..is he Australian? They came to the U.S. because of her career...and he does nothing but sit around on the internet trolling for victims apparently. Claimed it was because they were here on her work visa, and he couldn't work anyway so he just managed their considerable investments (yes, they are rich, which checks out). So basically she was the bread winner. Now they've lost most of their net worth in the crash. Which kind of made me happy. I hope he has to get a real job. He was a stock broker before all this (also independently confirmed). As for his new "victim"...she's been watching a lot of his shenanigans unfold over the past year and a half, and honestly, if she's still interested in him, she's being very foolish. He was the new kid on the block when we both met him. I'm sure she thinks she's won him away from me. hahahaha. as if. He's so full of shit I won't even speculate on what he's said about me. But "your sin will find you out." I'm patient. I bet one day she comes asking me questions.

#11 Mar 16 - 9PM (Reply to #41)

Barbara (not verified)

nah... but they are all from the same PLANET

Mine's American One of his OTHER victims put him on this site: http://www.datingpsychos.com/view_psycho.html?psycho_id=807 (WARNING!! It's got all his hooker reviews so don't read past the first couple paragraphs if you are easily triggered. I would never have put that stuff online but... I can't tell other women what to do)

#12 Mar 16 - 3PM (Reply to #31)

better off

I am reminded of the times

I am reminded of the times he accused other women of being attention grabbing tramps...well it didn't start out that way, but the insults of them got more pointed as time went on...but I can just imagine him saying that about ME now, how I had to have everyone's attention...PROJECTION for sure!! lol And he was ALWAYS saying all the other guys we knew were drooling over me, which I don't think was true. He just had a very jealous streak of his "property"...and I think he hates women, actually. I am thinking the beautiful pendant he gave me might be worth enough money to pay for a lawyer to divorce my husband. That would be kind of nice way to wrap up all my loose ends. lol

#13 Mar 16 - 4PM (Reply to #32)

Barbara (not verified)

Ex Boyfriend/ Husband Jewelry for Sale

You can put the pendant HERE: http://www.exboyfriendjewelry.com See what you can get for it!

#14 Mar 16 - 10PM (Reply to #33)

Lisa E. Scott

exboyfriendjewelry.com

Oh, what a great site!

#15 Mar 16 - 10PM (Reply to #34)

Barbara (not verified)

Yeah

VERY KEWL!! I love it... some of the comments are very funny.

#16 Mar 15 - 12AM

Barbara (not verified)

Just let me say I don't

Just let me say I don't believe codependence exists in abusive relationships. Lundy Bancroft's WHY DOES HE DO THAT? convinced me of that one. It's the abuser who makes you feel codependent. Second, have you ever seen this site? Sounds like one of the guys you dealt with was one of these: http://cyberpaths.blogspot.com Recognizing the problem and getting help is a huge step and a good one. In my case, my late mother was a raging Narc so I was a magnet for them. I have had so many of them (friends, lovers, etc) in my life and I am now in my 50s and just sick of them all. I am enjoying my life alone and my children to myself now. Hang in there.

#17 Mar 15 - 2PM (Reply to #28)

better off

Thanks Barbara. Funny, I

Thanks Barbara. Funny, I just bought Why Does He Do That? a couple of days ago. It's an amazing book so far. The cyberpath link was great...There I found this article: http://cyberpaths.blogspot.com/2006/12/lures-of-online-predator.html It describes to a T what he did, almost every word he said and how he played it. In fact, I think he HAD to have read The Art of Seduction. It was also interesting to read about how being online can actually induce a dissociative state. When you add that because of time differences AND because of privacy, I stayed up til 4 am talking to him for hours sometimes...I was functioning on just a few hours of sleep a night in the initial stages of the relationship, which I know made me even more susceptible to manipulation. It just chills me to the bone that he literally targeted me and followed a plan to basically enslave me emotionally. It would be TOO MUCH of a coincidence that he did all these things exactly...EXACTLY as they are described..just by chance. God, I want to get even.

#18 Mar 15 - 9PM (Reply to #29)

Barbara (not verified)

Oh yeah - the Luring Pattern....

After reading WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS I saw that they ALL use a luring method. Every woman should look at this: http://www.deeptrancenow.com/exc2_seduction.htm Whether they learn it or it comes organically - all Ns and Ps seem follow a horrible pattern. Barbara http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com JUST REMEMBER: "Pathologicals only discard the best, the most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They keep fellow abusers, fellow gossips & enabling, misguided lackeys close. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - from http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com

#19 Mar 3 - 7AM

Carolyn

probably lucky to be dumped

You are so lucky. He could have destroyed you emotionally and then taken you for everything you had financially. Although narcissists, who frequently are substance abusers, have no feelings for their victims they are masters at understanding what their victims want. They bait the emotional hook with tremendous skill. The internet allowed him to know all that he needed to know to bond you to him emotionally. If his wife is a borderline that would be a good match for them devastating for their children. You got a taste of what you want but he just offered it never delivered anything. That is their way and do not be at all suprised if he tries to re-engage with you. He might have several women on-line that he is doing this too and he will want them all on 'the string' for his gratification. You are smart to find information and other people who can help. Don't go back no matter how slightly it is always the same. Carolyn

#20 Mar 3 - 9AM (Reply to #2)

better off

Yeah...I've been looking

Yeah...I've been looking back at "how he did it." After reading here..I realize that what he did was actually pretty classic. I love to get into good debates! I'm a mom, I was working in a preschool..and at night I'd do the laundry and hang out online having glorious grownup conversations!! Anyway, I'd been mixing it up on this site over politics and religion...sounds crazy but it was just a rollicking good discussion. My N and I had already kind of been joking around together..he is extremely funny, and I could tell he was kind of attracted to me, but in an "innocent" way I felt. I wasn't out looking for anything, I swear it on my life. I WAS very unhappy, but I was just distracting myself online. So, I was taking the side that God exists against a lot of atheists (including him) on this one thread. SO one day, N sends me a private message...and it's all about this experience he had when he was growing up, regarding faith, and something I'd said reminded him of it, and he thought maybe I'd understand what he was talking about. This makes me sick to my stomach now...because I fell for it hook. line. and sinker. I mean you could not COME UP with something any better to draw me in. OMG..he's spiritually seeking!!!! He tells me this intimate story...to see what I would do I now realize (and I also realize it was hugely inappropriate for him to share what he did, it was too personal)...and let me tell you, he got the mother lode of empathy, caring, etc etc. He used that for a long time. We had deep conversations about all this, he bought several books I recommended (didn't friggin READ them I found out later)...when he felt me pulling back (which I did several times because i felt like this R was crossing some lines)..he always played the card that I was all he had at the time...I just couldn't leave him hanging. He had no problem leaving ME hanging it turned out... He wrote this prayer that he said he prayed for me every day...it's all so sickening now. I thought he loved me so much. Anyway, last summer, when we were "just friends" he was telling me one time about how he really thinks man just created God, which was what he thought in the first place! The whole "seeking thing" was just some stupid whim and act. Anyway, we all know who he thinks is God. ;-) For a while I thought he couldn't really conceive of a R with God because he was so afraid of emotional intimacy, but really..I now think it's because...how DARE God exist!! lol I'm sorry I'm going into all this detail...I'm trying to purge this and tell myself the truth every day because it's so hard. Things are bad for me at home and I want to talk to N because he is so good at fake comfort. lol. I feel like Jack Black in the movie Tropic Thunder (who's a drug addict and they have to save someone from a heroin factory, and he's telling them he can't go with them) he says...TIE ME TO A F'ING TREE!!!! lmao. Anyway, ladies, I sort of feel like I need someone to tie me to a f'ing tree to not talk to him. So this is my tree! ;P

#21 Mar 3 - 3PM (Reply to #3)

Lisa E. Scott

I'm glad this is your tree!

Better off - Don't apologize for getting into too much detail here. This is exactly why I started this website. It is the purpose of this site! We understand better than anyone or any doctor what it is like to be in a relationship with a narcissist and we must lean on each other for support. When trying to get over a narcissist, the worst thing we can do is have any communication with them. We must cut them off completely. It is the only way to heal and move on. Unfortunately, narcissists are addicted to the attention they have always received from us and even when they have no interest in working on the relationship, they will reach out to us when they need their ego stroked. Even if they are already in another relationship, they will try to get a reaction out of us for the mere pleasure it provides them. We must stay strong and not react to them! Instead, come to your tree...come here to this messageboard and write out your thoughts. Here you can talk to people who know exactly what you're going through. Together we can help each other stay strong and avoid giving into their manipulative ways. We no longer need to feed their ego, ladies. We need to take care of ourselves! Stay strong, Lisa

#22 Mar 4 - 9PM (Reply to #4)

better off

still hard

I can't believe how hard it still is for me. But I also didn't go through as much pain as some of you. It never got that far. But today I was watching the news..in disgust..and I remembered something my N said the week of the election. I wasn't so sure about Obama...and we were discussing it..and he told me he really liked him, thought he would be a really good President..because...Obama was so much like....are you ready?? Him.

#23 Mar 4 - 10PM (Reply to #5)

grossot

wow! that's actually

wow! that's actually disgusting! If you don't mind my asking how long has it been since your breakup? nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

#24 Mar 5 - 10AM (Reply to #6)

better off

You know..at the time, I

You know..at the time, I actually thought it was kind of funny...that kind of arrogance. Not to get too political here, but I'm wondering now if he wasn't on to something (takes one to know one)...maybe Obama IS like him...good looking, smooth talker, makes you feel good about yourself, promises a beautiful future...and doesn't know what the f*#k he's doing. LOL. (Yes we can!! Can what? Who knows?? Oh sh!t, I won...) I think 99% of presidential candidates are likely narcissists anyway. Right now I feel like McCarthy...THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!! LOL. Okay, so the question was my breakup..well, he "broke up" with me last April (OMG that was almost a year ago), and then we were just friends...easy to do online of course. We were part of a really active forum and had mutual friends there, and it was like a little social circle I guess. So there was still all the giving of attention..both ways, but it got more one sided over time...or rather, he would ignore me and then bait me according to a mutual friend. Sometimes we were close, sometimes not...lots of mixed signals. But..it was a weird situation. I mean, it's on the damn internet, we're both married...it's not like it was ever a "normal" relationship. It was an escape. In my mind, it was like...we couldn't really have a relationship, but we didn't want to really let go of each other either...but the feelings were still there. Is what I thought. (I don't know, it's hard for me to accept that he really has NO feelings for me, and that he's not just selfish) But he *of course* was leaving his wife...he's apparently on the same time frame as the government (another Obama feature ;P) As I said he's now living on another continent with her and shopping for a house...and STILL SAYS he's not planning on staying with her "forever"...I mean, I can't believe he thinks I believe that. He'll leave her when she gives him a signed permission slip or something, I don't know. If it's on an even numbered Tuesday with a full moon. Again, lucky for me he didn't leave. Okay, blah blah blah. Due to my own miserable circumstances I just didn't want to let go, even though I could have written you a novel on all the reasons why I should. Then I started going to Al Anon in November and it was so wonderful. And to give him credit..he is the one that talked me into going. Anyway, then I felt like I had some moral support and caring people who GOT IT...and then I felt less dependent on him. Let's see...he moved in January...I was wrestling with breaking off contact completely...he came back to the States for a month to do some stuff to his house and sell his cars and stuff (and probably shack up with someone)....I finally just broke and ended contact, which meant cutting off some other friends too, so there were no ways to "cheat" and see how he was doing, or for him to bait me anymore. Like if I posted on a friend's wall on facebook, then he would post too, that sort of thing. So that was 18 days ago, the longest I have ever gone without having any kind of connection, even vicarious. Well, last night I kind of broke down...I did send him a short message on FB, and he replied, says he misses me...it was brief. It actually did make me feel better, not hearing from him as much as just getting it out of my system. 18 days sounds ridiculous, but for 18 months we have never gone more than 3 days with some kind of communication. So that was nine times longer than usual. I know what my trigger was...that I couldn't resist. I used to teach in this school and they asked me to sub last week. And I was in my old room, the place I spent every day when things were at their most intense between us. It really did bring all those feelings and memories to the surface. They want me to come for three days next week and I think I will say no. I have to avoid things and places that bring it back. Prayer helps.

#25 Mar 5 - 10PM (Reply to #21)

grossot

You funny!lol Don't break

You funny!lol Don't break down anymore! He'll hurt you and hurt you some more. There are much better people out there! People that actually use their souls. I know what you mean about old feelings. I get weak in the knees when I hear those trigger songs or see a mutual friend. We have to remember we did love them. It's a blessing to be able to love. How incredibly sad not to have this ability. He told me every day during our break up that he didn't love me. He put his girlfriend's children's picture on our frige ; he didn't want anymore children - not with me. He told me I was boring and that my character would never change. (I said good!). Prayers, nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

#26 Mar 6 - 9AM (Reply to #22)

better off

right on

Hi NLC...I loved what you said there, about saying "good" when he said your character will never change! Right on sistah. Your words are comforting...I did love him and that is nothing for me to be ashamed of. I do have a wonderful capacity to love, it's just been wasted on the wrong people so far. You know for me, it was his acceptance of my love that made me as happy as the love he was giving me (real or not, the experience of it was real at the time). My H is cold...it's his brushing aside my attempts at love that hurt as much as anything...so to be able to give like I did actually did make me very happy for a time. It reawakened a lot. And playing me or not, during that time he made it "safe" for me to finally express myself and start becoming who I used to be. Then he f**ked it all up. LOL. But I had just become numb living in my marriage and the incredibly heady experience of our relationship did change my life. But now with my new information, I do go back and remember certain things he said or did...I certainly see HIM differently. But I think I will keep seeing myself as "special." ;P

#27 Mar 7 - 4AM (Reply to #23)

grossot

Amen!

You are special; anyone who endured this crap is special. "They" are not; "They" are all the same. Yea, I've re-awakened several times as well. God has blessed me with indescribable strength since my N's ego injury. I so agree that it was his acceptance of my love that made me happy. I'm going to quote from a note he wrote me when we were dating that now makes me feel used but at the same time, a "giving" person (which is who I want to be - just not to him the way he wants): "It is said man cannot truely love unless he is loved back, and thats how I know I love you." nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

#28 Mar 7 - 9PM (Reply to #24)

Lisa E. Scott

Don't change

Hi Grossot, That is an interesting note he wrote you. I'm glad to hear you still want to be a giving person. Most of us are overly giving and caring people, which is why the narcissist targeted us in the first place. Although we are cautious now, I hope we never change our true nature, which is to be gracious and loving. It would be a shame if we were to stifle this part of us. It is what makes us special and we should never repress it. Celebrate your giving and loving nature and share it with people who can return it to you. You deserve it! Best, Lisa

#29 Mar 9 - 1PM (Reply to #25)

grossot

Lisa, I'm glad you commented

Lisa, I'm glad you commented on the note. I just happened to come across it. Do you think the note helps to depict the narcissism or is it just something sweet he wanted to say to me? I would love more of your insight. Again, thank you for this forum. It is helpful to me to think I may be helping others with my words. You have been such a blessing during this terrifying time in my life. thank you, nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

#30 Mar 9 - 10PM (Reply to #26)

Lisa E. Scott

Note proves his narcissism

Hi Grossot, Oh yes, I believe this is further reassurance of his narcissism. To put it simply, of all the wonderful things he could say about you that validate his intense love for you, he tells you he loves you because you love him. "I know I love you because you love me" What is that? Pure narcissism at it's worst. I am so sorry you had to endure this horrible man, but am so happy he is making it abundantly clear to you that you are better off without him. I'm glad this forum is helpful to you. You are helping so many of us with your words of faith and wisdom and I want to thank YOU! Best, Lisa

#31 Mar 5 - 7PM (Reply to #7)

Lisa E. Scott

Is Obama a Narcissist?

Better Off - Yeah, many policiticians are narcissists and there have been several articles written recently that propose the idea that Obama is a narcissist. I don't believe anyone can know whether someone is a narcissist or not unless they know them intimately. Lots of people have confidence and poise, yet still have the ability to feel compassion for others. The key indicator of a narcissist is lack of empathy. However, narcissists are great at faking empathy so unless you live with them or know them intimately it's hard to know whether or not they have any compassion for others. Sorry to hear you had a trigger and reached out to him last night, but don't beat yourself up about it. We're all human and this is going to happen shortly after ending the relationship. Just be careful not to let him suck you back in now. Move on quickly and try not to have any contact with him going forward. xoxo, Lisa

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