Originally posted by: kate on Nov 29, 2007, 8:03pm
I've just finished Ella's book which I found extremely interesting.
Five weeks ago my 2 year relationship ended and it had been very difficult for one year but I tried everything to make it work.
I wasn't aware of the traits of a Narcissist until the relationship ended abruptly and I tried to seek closure by myself. I cannot express how after the split it suddenly dawned on me that I had been used and abused. Is love really that blind???
He ended it and collected his things without remorse as though I was a stranger. He was just interested in getting the money that I apparently owed him... money for gifts he had bought me etc. Sound familiar???
I have not heard from him since the split over 1 month now and this hurts...
We had been in therapy for 2 months with my therapist of two years after he physically hurt me which was his suggestion.
The relationship started as an affair, he was my boss, right under the nose of his wife. He convinced me it was over between them and I believed him as I had been working with them both for four months and knew she was also unhappy. ???
He was flirty and the attraction was so powerful I confided in him my feelings and the affair started.... She found out and sacked me and chucked him out. He was 15 years my senior and when I was hooked on him he told me he had been married six times with 5 children with 4 different wives. It didn't change my feelings as this man was the man of my dreams...goodlooking and charming. He wrote wonderful love letters.
Anyway we moved in together very quickly...to soon for me but he told me I was his life and his wife filed for divorce blaming me.
When his divorce and finaces were settled, things changed and he started to show a lack of repect to me and became friends with his ex wife as they had two children together. I have to say I put 100% into those kids.
His behaviour changed to...
Raging if I had a problem with his behaviour.
Devaluing and demeaning me in front of his children.
Not understanding or listening to my needs. No empathy.
Mechanical sex almost treating me like a prostitute.
Mistreating and threatening my pets.
Buying me gifts and then asking for the money.
Emotional abuse. Physical abuse and blaming me for his actions.
Convincing me I suffered from depression and it was all my fault.
Not keeping his word. Threatening and taunting behaviour.
Expecting me to work around his daily routine.
Invading my space but I couldn't invade his.
Telling me that his children were a priority and I meant nothing.
Flirting with women excessively in front of me.
He had to know where I was at all times and If I failed to answer the phone he would go crazy... and many more traits.
This man was abandoned by his father and treated badly by his mother when he was a child.
Our relationship ended because we were destroying each other. His words. And I agreed with him.
The part I need help with is that for the entire relationship he had promised that we would get a business together which he asked me to look for. I spent months looking and we viewed about 20 businesses. He always found a problem but it was my incentive to make the relationship work.
He ended the relationship after I found the perfect business which we had viewed together and were going to start 1st December 2007. Obviously I was used to find a business and new life he would be happy with going alone.
I must add the business is a restaurant and his entire staff is made up of 9 women/girls - no men so a fantastic new supply of NS.
I discovered he starts the business on the 1st December and my problem is because I imagined us together working this business although we are apart I can't stop fantasising about it...living the experience. It's what I wanted for us for so long.
Following the break up I am sure he is a Narcissist which was a shocking discovery for me. The only thing is i have realised my love addiction tendancies and I am having a torture of a time stopping the obsession.
Any ideas? What can I do?? :'(