2 wks and he almost got me

18 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Jul 5 - 6PM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

2 wks and he almost got me

Wow. 2 ground breaking, awesome weeks. Then he sent me a text, wanted me to come see him to talk. I accused him of what I knew it was (booty call) and he denied it. (By this time, we were on the phone. He called me.) I just quit smoking yesterday so I was the epitome of sarcasm. I let it all out. Then I felt like such a bitch and drove to the gas station to buy a pack of cigs. At this point, which was 2 hours later, I was in tears, begging him to never call me again. WTF. Seriously, this is insane. He is the biggest piece of shit on planet N and he reduces me to a sobbing fool. He tried to lie his way out of his lies again, accusing me of making up all the shit he ever said to me. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? WHY DID I RESPOND TO HIS TEXT, LET ALONE ANSWER HIS CALL? AM I FUCKING NUTS? PERHAPS HE DIDN'T ALMOST GET ME, HE GOT ME.

Jul 11 - 2PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

devoured_soul

Call your cell company and HAVE HIS NUMBERS BLOCKED. Nothing is wrong with you: http://www.enotalone.com/article/4291.html you fell off the NC wagon - now get back on!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jul 11 - 2PM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

The addiction to that man is

The addiction to that man is real. You just have to face thats what it is and do the NO CONTACT rule. He triggers a need in you that wants to be satisfied. If you don't respond, or move away, or change your number and e-mail the longer you are away the better it goes. I chose to move away but I would call him. His treatment of me almost destroyed my life so why would I call the other city where he lived. In time it stopped and he was in my city called and I hung up it was over. You will get there and then your life will be so much better and you will look back and actually laugh at some of this.
Jul 8 - 6PM
trueblue101
trueblue101's picture

I am sure we have all been there

Hi Devoured_soul, No you are not nuts, I think most of us on this board have been there. I know you have heard this a million times but NO CONTACT is the only way to go. So when he contacts you, you must not respond in any way becuase doing so shows the power he still has over you and know this, anything that he is going to say will either be anger or further manipulation. You said it yourself "he tried to lie his way out of his lies again"--how much more can you take? You deserve better and I am sure, that even on his BEST day he was not good enough for you.
Jul 5 - 11PM
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

nope, you're not nuts

Hey devoured, I understand what you mean...the urge to contact my ex early on was ENORMOUS. I actually did respond to the first couple of e-mails he sent. Something told me though to play it cool and not to tell him what I'm finding out. I didn't need a cold blast from him after what he put me through. I did continue to read some e-mails, I was a bit paranoid that he'd say something threatening, plus now that I think about it, I was searching for any sign of HUMAN LIFE in him. The e-mails all were basically the same thing. He loved me, missed me, and does not understand how I can just forget all the good times...what's wrong with ME kind of tone. Then I stopped caring so much. Wow, that was a weird feeling! The man I loved a couple of months earlier was kind of a SCHMUCK in my head. Who'da thunk it?? Truly, NO contact is the way to go. It took me a few tries, but my brain is much more clear than it has been in years. I still get sad, mainly because of the friggin time I invested in him, but I don't miss him like you miss someone you love. Keep hanging out here for support, this website helped me through a lot of pain.
Jul 6 - 9PM (Reply to #14)
devoured_soul (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Wow, I get that, searching

Wow, I get that, searching for any sign of human life. I didn't understand what drew me to answer the phone, i used to refer to it as "curiousity" but what you said nailed it on the head. After I regrouped, I felt contempt, not love. Mine always said this stuff too...:"He loved me, missed me, and does not understand how I can just forget all the good times". I swear its like they are ALL from the same mold. I cried tonight when I read the responses. I felt sooooo alone.... Thanks.
Jul 5 - 9PM
better off
better off's picture

Better to smoke and give up

Better to smoke and give up your N...you can always quit smoking later. Give up your N now!! Better a cigarette than an asshole. One day I'll give up beer. ;P
Jul 6 - 9PM (Reply to #12)
devoured_soul (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Gosh, I know, right! Thanks

Gosh, I know, right! Thanks for responding. I think I'll smoke just a tad longer! :) At least til the gym I joined opens...LOL Is it good to now feel hatred? Will that keep me from answering the phone, etc...? I hope so... The gaslighting is the worst and he was trying to master it last night.
Jul 5 - 7PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

devoured_soul

You slipped off the wagon a little. So let's get back on. There's usually a way to block calls/ texts on your cell. Or call your carrier - explain you just got out of a very abusive relationship and need his number(s) blocked. Consider asking the phone company to change you to an unlisted, blocked phone number. They do it for free for DV victims. From now on: Any texts - delete without reading Any messages - delete without listening Block emails & IMs Any other emails or IMs that come in? Delete without opening Any mail, flowers, gifts - REFUSE DELIVERY and ask the delivery person to Return to Sender. Or write on the UNOPENED enveloped "DELIVERY REFUSED - RETURN TO SENDER" Change your locks!!!!!!! If he shows up and knocks on your door - DO NOT ANSWER - CALL THE POLICE IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND - if you accidentally pick up the phone and it's him? DO NOT ENGAGE. Just HANG UP. Don't say goodbye, I'm sorry, excuse me.... JUST HANG UP!!! And when he calls back - do not answer and erase his messages. If he starts calling obsessively - call the phone company and get him blocked and unplug your phone... then go to the list above if he tries anything else. No Contact He's toxic - don't let him NEAR you in any way shape or form. http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/2008/11/power-of-relapsing.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jul 6 - 9PM (Reply to #7)
devoured_soul (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

THANK YOU, I NEEDED THIS!!!

THANK YOU, I NEEDED THIS!!! how appropriate to refer to it like an addiction, I fell of the wagon. Why is it like that? Is it some kind of sick addiction and how do they do it to us? I KNOW it's not me despite his damned gaslighting...I hate that. TOXIC. GOT IT!
Jul 6 - 9PM (Reply to #8)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

why???

You'd have to read WWLP to see the brainwashing, mind control & hynopsis and what it did to your brain chemistry, hormones and well being to see that it LITERALLY IS AN ADDICTION. This is why I am so pushy about THERAPY!!!! for everyone, even short term. PTSD can hang on forever. I know, I am permanent PTSDer from Narc Mother on through exNH. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jul 6 - 10PM (Reply to #9)
devoured_soul (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

what is WWLP and where do I

what is WWLP and where do I read about it?
Jul 6 - 10PM (Reply to #10)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

WWLP is a book

WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS by Sandra Brown, MA Think we’re only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category. They are doctors, attorneys, ministers, students, and truck drivers. They are realtors, construction workers and professors. They are your boss, your neighbor, your family member, and your lover or husband. You might even be with one now and not know it! Learn about the ‘crazy-making’ behavior that all psychopaths do in the relationships. Identify how a psychopath ‘lures’ into a relationship. See how he uses the 'Honeymoon Phase' before it all turns dangerous and disastrous. Women need to understand — can psychopaths hypnotize their women? The answer is YES! Learn about the role of intense attachments, fear, and sex in relationships with psychopaths Understand why women actually come to believe they are losing their minds in relationships with psychopaths -- what does he ‘do’ to her that makes her believe that? Is there really something behind how the psychopath draws her in? What is that ‘vortex-like’ experience? Understand the dynamics about the hypnotic stare he uses that melts and freezes at the same time. Danngerous relationships can exist in all our lives. If you have found yourself trapped in a soul-deadening experience with a dangerous person we can help. Are you experiencing the following: * Fear in the dangerous, abusive, or problem riddled relationship * Confusion—not understanding ‘why’ the dangerous person can’t change * Despair—they keep waiting for them to step up to the plate but it never happens * Hope—that one day they will have a healthy relationship instead of the unhealthy relationship they are trapped in * Misinformation—that dangerous people would be ‘noticeable’ to anyone and only come in certain forms, careers, or behaviors * Cultural Lack of Education—you have not been taught the difference between those that ‘can’ change and those that are permanently disordered and ‘can’t’ change, those with psycho-pathology. Sandra Brown, MA's Institute for Relational Harm & Public Psychopathy Education You can order it here: https://www.e-junkie.com/ecom/gb.php?ii=171497&c=cart&aff=21165&ejc=2 ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jul 5 - 7PM
finallydone
finallydone's picture

You're not nuts

Hang in there girl. Two steps forward, one step back... isn't that what "they" say? :) This is exactly why I avoided his calls in the last few weeks and would only respond with a text. I was afraid of ignoring him altogether because we hadn't gotten to closing on the house yet. But I knew if he got me on the phone it would become one of "those" conversations like you just found yourself in. I thought it was just him... but apparently they're all great at it. It's the mindgames and the emotional manipulation... that's what it is. You're okay... and I TOTALLY get the smoking thing. I've smoked more the last two months then I ever have. You hang in there... we're all right there with you!
Jul 6 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
devoured_soul (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I was sooooo proud of

I was sooooo proud of myself. One whole day and well into the next til he called. It felt so good to not smoke. I am so grateful for this website and to everyone on here. Let's all come to my house for drinks, LOL!!! HOw long have you been N free? I'm fairly new to the website and read a bit about your situation and your house issue... I hate him now. Is that a good thing? Or is it bad to hate?
Jul 7 - 12PM (Reply to #5)
finallydone
finallydone's picture

Sorry I didn't see this

Hey, I didn't see this until now. I haven't really been N free for long. He's been in and out for four months and if you saw my posts, he draaaggggged it out. We closed last Wednesday and pretty much he's contacted me everyday since then. Sent me a hugely insulting email on Friday and since then he's tried to be nice. Hasn't begged me to come back or anything, just.... well... sounding nice. WHICH KIND OF IRRITATES THE HELL OUT OF ME, because I know how NOT NICE he can be. ;) I am way too much of a soft heart and that is probably my biggest danger here. I really hate to hate anybody. Especially somebody I loved so much. Hate feels like it will eat me alive and turn me completely bitter... however I do relate to holding on to the "bad memories" to keep reminding myself. Otherwise I think I'll just break down and run crying to him. It's way too soon for me.... I'm having a very hard time. Strong one minute, very very very sad, pathetic and weak the next. But I'm working at it... hopefully one day I'll feel indifferent like others indicate they're getting there. You hang in there girl! Do what Barbara said... read WWLP! I just did it over the weekend and then I gave it to my mother to read. We were just amazed at the information and how it is presented.
Jul 6 - 9PM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

devoured_soul

Hate will keep you motivated. Here's the last bit of my story (it does NOT include my N-mother, N friends, N or P bosses, 3 N boyfriends or 2 Sociopath boyfriends) I have been free of all of it 5 years tho exNH hassles me thru co-parenting and Psycho-Boy likes to take pot shots at me via the web. http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/03/16/barbaras-story ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jul 7 - 12AM (Reply to #4)
neveragain
neveragain's picture

Hate Does Keep You Motivated

It's true. As "good people" of the world, we don't want to embrace that. However, it's imperative and incredibly important that you use whatever ENERGY you have inside to break free from this. I remember a song from the 80's with a lyric that was: "Anger is an Energy....Anger is an Energy" It's important to stay in touch with that energy until you can GET OUT and away and free from the influence of the "DARK SIDE". Hugs, neveragain