Hello to all. I was truly a mess when I first posted here some time ago. From the D&D, to the psychological rampage he continuously assaulted me with, to the inevitable realizations I had to face in order to get away from him ... I had never in my life encountered such a monster. I couldn't believe he could really be THAT evil.
He was. And still is...
The difference now? I don't give a crap about him. And I can (almost) laugh at myself to believe I did.
I'm here to tell you folks, life CAN get better once you break the cycle. But it's up to you. The N will play his sickening games and make attempts to re-enter your life if you allow him to. He will put on a new mask & write up a new game plan in his head to draw you back into his web of lies and deception. He will play nicely and tell you whatever he needs to. Because for him, it has worked in the past.
Ladies, that's when YOU have to realize that YOU have value. YOU are worth more than some piece of shit's plaything. And most of all, YOU take back the power and control that the N desperately tried to take from you. Only then are you able to see the proverbial sun through the clouds. And perhaps even smile. You have won.
For me, it took time. I still had to see the ex-N at work. But I paid him no mind and went about my business as though he didn't exist. Did it piss him off? Yup. Was it hard to see him and not think about the (very limited) "good" times we shared? Absolutely. But something inside me had changed. I no longer was allowing him to exercise control over me. And the more time passed and I felt stronger, the more grounded and at peace I felt. I would still have days that I thought I missed him. But all I needed to think about was the lies he told and how outrageous they were, and almost instantly I would snap back into reality and see him for what he was...a parasite.
Now fast forward a couple of years later. I'm stronger. I broke a cycle that could have continued for years. Moving on has not been easy. Finding a new partner was challenging as I was distrustful and completely guarded. But I haven't given up. I was fortunate enough to meet a nice young man who is NORMAL. Yes, he has baggage, as we all do. But it is neatly packed away instead of being strewn all over the place. Where it will lead, only God knows. But I know that in order to love someone else, you must go through the process of learning to love yourself again. And once you do, you'll find opportunities to be happy. YOU deserve someone who will care, respect, and love you for who you are.
And when that happens, we will all be here cheering for you!