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  5. 2 mths NC....I F-ed up royally.I sent him message wishing him a happy holiday@!!!!! wtf

2 mths NC....I F-ed up royally.I sent him message wishing him a happy holiday@!!!!! wtf

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#1 Dec 15 - 8PM
shortway
shortway's picture

2 mths NC....I F-ed up royally.I sent him message wishing him a happy holiday@!!!!! wtf

Yep..I hit a low low point...
Blame it on the holidays...blame it on the fact I snooped and saw a picture of him and the OW at rockefeller center..that got me jealous thinking I had to throw a wrench in there...
I haven't contacted him in 2mths...Then today I broke..I have also heard a rumor..who knows if it is true but that him and his friends are dabbling in the drug"meth:..could be a rumor..But part of me wants to reach out because of that..I messed up...But it felt right to write the email..Why did it feel right? I have had all these bad feelings towards him so far,but it felt right to reach out..Maybe in my pea-brain head since time passed since the smackdown of the OW etc i thought we could mold things over? as friends...Am i high myself? Or just human?...ugghhh....there goes NC.....We had a good run NC....oh man

Dec 16 - 1PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Hello, you know what you

Hello, you know what you did. I've wanted to do the same. You'll just have to start over. If he is on drugs even more a reason to stay away. Pick yourself up ,dust yourself off ,and be stong. This OW will be in our shoes soon. Pity her. Oxox
Dec 16 - 9AM
shortway
shortway's picture

Haha thanks michele and

Haha thanks michele and everyone..I've been crying since yesterday..The "meth' part..Could be a rumor,could be true..he has been hanging around this guy who he follows his behavior and they are bad news together..I guess my emotions run wild because I lost my best friend and step brother to drugs and it's like I don't want to lose another person..but the same thing makes me want to distance myself from him..it's a tough one.. I just am emotional past two days..from the pictures..Oh my god..if you could see this one picture it is the duplicate picture of the cover of lisa scott's book..where she is reaching up to him kissing him and he is like glowing...such a N..I'm not kiss ass enough for him..He wants someone that is younger and will kiss his arse..ugghh
Dec 15 - 11PM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

You're Human Shortway...

But I don't know too many people that can have honest open friendships with meth addicts...you have to be on your toes... You threatened to slap me with pants when I was on my pants rag so now Ima hit you back... Do WE NOT REMEMBER THE DUSTPAN??? C'mon you want a "friend" I'm right over the damn bridge! Hugs....
Dec 15 - 9PM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

shortway

no worries, doll. It's a process. Calling the devil to say merry Christmas is human. It's what love does. And we victims of the devil love way more than others. Chalk up a point for shortway's humanity. That's all. Don't even think about it. Your goodness, your love: they stand alone. What other people do with it is their problem. ((hugs)) I totally get the angst over the narc and OW in some fab vacation spot. Mine took our foster child to Disneyland for a week behind my back and I just found out. My ex husband went to New York after 9/11 to help clean up and ended up banging some woman at a party while our children and I were at home putting up the Christmas tree. F Rockefeller Center. F Disneyland. Reality is in a drop of rain or a snowflake or an hour of work or a moment of laughter or tears. It's in all we do sincerely with love and in NOTHING they do.
Dec 15 - 8PM
Leah
Leah's picture

shortway

I'm relatively new here, and I'm usually here seeking support and not always feeling healed enough to offer it... but... I can pay forward what many other gals on this board have said to me, and that is... don't beat up on yourself. This experience is so hard to go through. We're human. Be gentle on yourself. Hugs, Leah