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18 month recovery for person involved with narc.

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#1 Mar 2 - 8PM
lili124
lili124's picture

18 month recovery for person involved with narc.

I have been reading the posts and saw something about 18 mo period to get healthy after being involved with a narc. For myself I have been NC for two months now but for some reason keep thinking about this person that used, abused, cheated and everything else. I am wondering why after someone would do that to me would I think about this person and wonder and wish that one day they might realize the things that they did. I know this kind of person never does but it I still bothers me. I believe I still have some PTSD which I am trying to deal with. My life is so good and I feel myself getting healthy but these thoughts to come to mind very often. I always took the blame for everything in our relationship and when he would start online dating he would claim that I was getting ready to end the relationship so take the blame off of him. As I now seen some clarity in all of this, I am sure that he internet dated the whole time he was involved with me. He was always secretive, hiding his cell phone and just always acting guilty. He also kept old girlfriends in his phone which I thought was sick. I just needed to vent and didn't know some of your thoughts.

Mar 2 - 8PM
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

same thought

It haunts me sometimes, same questions, why would I shed one tear over such a rotten deceiving person who only lead me astray and tried to destroy me. The betrayal and deception was HORRIBLE, make a long story short, he pretended that we would have a life together and all along it was just a lure to brainwash me into having orgies and sick sexual encounters with him,I never did so it ended after three years. He never loved me, I was nothing to him but probably just an amusing game. Really how does one quit thinking about someone so deformed like that, or maybe how does one forget that another person could do that to someone, I dont think you can ever forget, you are only 2 months NC, same with me we have some time to go yet. Know this, you didnt walk away from anything that came close to what normal is and the further we pull away I think the sicker they will appear. wonder and wish that one day they might realize the things that they did. Oh they KNOW EXACTLY what they did, mine has been doing it all his life obviously they dont care or they would stop doing it to society. They dont have it in them to care and be thankful you got away from someone that could never truly love you or anybody. Remember whoever they are with will be injured too because they are broken individuals that they will NEVER be right. We are right in the decision we made to save ourselves and stay far away from such destruction.
Mar 3 - 10AM (Reply to #5)
dysenchanted
dysenchanted's picture

Same Thing Here

"As I now seen some clarity in all of this, I am sure that he internet dated the whole time he was involved with me. He was always secretive, hiding his cell phone and just always acting guilty. He also kept old girlfriends in his phone which I thought was sick." Mine did the same thing. Kept secret email and IM accounts to communicate with former and wanna be lovers, and of course, complained that I was just "insecure",and didn't want him to have "friends". Never mind that ALL of his so called friends were female, and most were former lov..er victims. Of course the longer this went on, the longer I allowed ny boundaries and feelings to be ignored, the more my self esteem suffered until I actually became the jealous,suspicious, harpy that he needed me to be. What a mind-f***.
Mar 2 - 8PM
lili124
lili124's picture

I messed up how do you

I messed up how do you delete the other posts
Mar 2 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

18 months

is for deprogramming from their mind control/ NLP Hypnosis... not healing. Healing really starts from day one of COMPLETE NC. And that takes as long as it takes. You should be in therapy at LEAST One Year and not date for AT LEAST One Year to 18 Months. ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 3 - 7PM (Reply to #3)
lili124
lili124's picture

Thanks for your impput

Thanks for your impput Barbara and all the others who responded. You all do such a great job with this site and it so comforting to me to come and read all the posts. I some how is healing for me.