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15 months later...

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#1 Dec 20 - 10PM
really
really's picture

15 months later...

He surfaced. Tonight, I received an email from him. It's in my junk email marked as spam. This is the fifth reappearance, I think. Maybe sixth. I’d have to really think about it in front of a 2000s calendar in order to figure it out.

I got the initial shot of adrenaline and now, I'm just thinking it's perfectly logical that it happened. He's "not a computer guy" and probably hasn't emailed me for years. He's a phone and in-person guy and that's how he's come back around before.

We were never really BF/GF, but best friends, social partners, travel companions, everything but the physical. He told me several times that he wanted us to be together. We'd start talking about it, he'd say he'd call and we'd talk more, and then disappear. It came to a head last fall when we got back from a trip, he decided that "we were fulfilling each other emotional needs" and it was a problem. He wanted to meet other people, but continue to travel with me, etc. It was messed up and I wouldn't do it. It went on from there... The last time he called me, it was to yell at me for not waving at him when we passed each other by the gas station. (We live in the same nhood.) The last time I had communication with him was an accidental dog-walking run-in in March.

In the time since he ditched me, I have started running, lost almost 40#, had an emotional upheaval rivaled only by the death of my sister, finally gotten settled into a peaceful life without the random events (and admittedly, sometimes excitement) of what my life was with him.

I thought that maybe because I was the one who finally wouldn't put up with it any more, he told me he'll "leave it up to my discretion" (betting that I wouldn't walk away), I blocked him on FB and removed him from my phone, and read everything I could get my mitts on to explain his behavior that maybe, just maybe, he would be gone for good. And I thought he was for a while. But, I guess that fact that he resurfaced is more proof that this is what and who he is.

More proof that they always come back.

Dec 20 - 11PM
Samantha
Samantha's picture

Do narcs usually return to

Do narcs usually return to the "scene of the crime?" I haven't spoken with mine in about 8 weeks and assume that he doesn't think about me (because he's too busy thinking of himself!) My narc is married and I've been told his wife has access to his phone and email now. (That is fine by me, I hope she's making his life a living hell.) I ask because there's a part of me that hopes he does initiate contact again, but I think it will take him a couple years. I don't want to talk to him because I still care about him, I want to talk to him because I want him to know I'm wise to his ways. Heck, I'd even let his wife know that he contacted me again!
Dec 21 - 8AM (Reply to #4)
really
really's picture

Samantha

I had those same feelings years ago, too. I wished that he would get in touch with me again. And he always did. And it was always great for a while. Then he would decide to leave again or try to have whatever he wanted. Didn't matter what I wanted. And this man was single. Yours is married and like someone said, "That is enough." If he cared about how you felt, he never would have done to you the things he has done. It's important to remember what those are. Heck, write them down and make a list if you need to. It's all too easy to remember things as how they were for a while or how you wanted them to be. I am trying to do that now, remember the bad things, how he made me feel like crap, how he went back and forth from being supportive and caring (fake!) to nasty and superior, kept me on the fence about everything yet catering to his needs. I know I will end up reading it eventually. He lives in my nhood and the chances of running into him always exist. I need to know what he said in order to know what to expect. BUT, I'm going to wait until I feel strong enough to deal with it completely and know that I will never answer it.
Dec 21 - 3AM (Reply to #3)
Disillusionedx2
Disillusionedx2's picture

forget about him....

Hi Samantha, Your feelings are normal regarding "him" however, unless you want to waste more of your life, or continue the N-ship, the best thing to do is deal with your feelings and not have any contact with him. He's married, that's enough as it is, telling him you are wise to his ways will not mean a thing to him, they know who/what they are, they don't care you are "wiser" and contacting his wife will be more hurt/suffering to an innocent person, best wishes, but work on being whole again for someone more deserving. stay~striving

stay~strong

Dec 21 - 1AM (Reply to #2)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

yes they come back even 15

yes they come back even 15 or 20 years later. You DO NOT want this to happen for the pain he will inflict round 2 will be unbelieveable. I am living this right now. I pray that you are educated now and dont fall for it.