12 months, 2 VERY DIFFERENT birthdays

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#1 Jan 25 - 1PM
thenewjane
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12 months, 2 VERY DIFFERENT birthdays

I just celebrated my birthday last week. It was the big 4-0 and my husband planned a trip for us and some of my friends. It turned out to be one of the most special times of my life. All my best friends were there to celebrate with me, with my husband by my side. It was a celebration of life - truly. The life I (and we) have begun to create post-narc. I spent my birthday last year very depressed and sad, unable to function. About 2 months prior, I had told my H about my affair with the N. I didn't know he was an N at the time; actually, I thought he was the love of my life. But, as all of us here know, that is just an illusion.

I have spent the past year looking into my demons that drew me to him. By some miracle (I really think God intervened), I found Lisa's site and started realizing the man I called one of my 'best friends' for 10 years was indeed an N -- A very high functioning, both covert and overt N. After reading as much as I could, and starting therapy, I realized I had had another, very damaging, romantic N relationship in my 20s. I was finally able to understand what happened, and that the loss of that relationship wasn't because I was 'bad' and 'unlovable' as he made me believe. I also saw the N characteristics of my father for the first time. I understood that I was emotionally abused by another friend. I began to understand what happened to me, who I really was, and how to truly love myself and create boundaries.

It has been a really, really tough year. I remember those first days of NC, how hard it was; how it was like coming off a drug. And as the haze lifted, feeling all the terrible guilt and shame over what I had done - to myself, to my family. But, I can honestly say that I am so much better for it. My husband has also grown from this as well. During this awful trauma, we were there for each other. At the same time, for the first time in my life, I WAS THERE FOR ME. I was there for that little girl, and for that young woman, who got emotionally abused by family, friends, and lovers. I showed up in my life... finally! I AM HERE and I'll never let myself get sucked in by these soul-vampires again!!! I will protect myself and those I love from this type of person. I am the Narc-whisperer now!

I still have weak moments. I still get angry. The CD sometimes flares up. But, through the help I've received here from all of you, through complete and utter NC (THE ONLY WAY TO GET YOUR LIFE BACK), through the love and help of those around me, I've come to look at this experience like a gift. A gift I wouldn't wish on anyone; but, it is so true: that which does not kill you makes you stronger.

I'm so happy it is a new year. I'm starting to think that 13 is my LUCKY number. :)

MY BEST to all of you!

Love,

THE NEW JANE!

Jan 26 - 5PM
IncognitoBurrito
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YOU

Jan 27 - 10AM (Reply to #8)
thenewjane
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Thank you, IB!

Jan 26 - 6AM
Sickofhim
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Happy 40th!!! May it be your

Jan 26 - 5PM (Reply to #6)
thenewjane
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Thank you Sickofhim

Jan 25 - 3PM
Pumpkin
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Happy Birthday

Pumpkin

Jan 25 - 4PM (Reply to #4)
thenewjane
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thank you, Pumpkin!

Jan 25 - 2PM
unbreakable
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So happy for you TNJ! (My

Jan 25 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
thenewjane
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Thanks UB!