1 Year Later - Is There HOPE? Need Advice!

10 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 May 27 - 12PM
BrokenHeart27
BrokenHeart27's picture

1 Year Later - Is There HOPE? Need Advice!

Hi everyone,

I’ve been having a really hard time lately. It has been 10 months since the N and I broke up, and 6 months No Contact. I suppose I’ve been “lucky,” meaning that he has pretty much left me alone besides cropping up here and there to mess with me. During the 6 months I haven’t heard from him, I’ve been having weird, conflicting emotions. I guess I’m feeling like I’m starting to doubt myself, starting to put all of the problems of the relationship on me, when I KNOW deep down that it was him causing that crazy-making behavior. And also, I just MISS him so badly. I know I shouldn’t. I know if he were to be back in my life I would me miserable. But I just can’t seem to make my heart get realistic about it. I’ll be doing ok for about 2 weeks, and then this weight just comes crashing down out of nowhere at times, leaving me heartbroken and depressed and anxious all over again for about a week or sometimes a couple days and then it passes. Sometimes I feel like the more time that passes, the more I miss him, instead of it being that the more time that passes, the more he fades away. Is this normal? Will it ever stop?

Recently: He e-mailed me randomly about a month ago, trying to be “nice.” I saw it for what it was and didn’t respond, but just hearing from him after all that time has thrown me back into those old anxious emotions I used to feel that were so strong after the initial breakup. I did something I shouldn’t have – I looked through old g-chat conversations that we used to have. I don’t know what I was trying to find or really why I felt the need to look, but just seeing the “old” him, the way he used to talk to me, the sweetest things he used to say, his vows to love me and stick by me forever, his promises of marriage, etc. – it all just made me feel horrid. THAT is the person I miss so much, and I am having so much trouble reconciling THAT person with the heartless douche-bag asshole that could just dump me for no good reason and never look back. I know it’s the same person, and that the cold, cruel person is the REAL him, but it’s just so hard to let go of that other person I loved more than anything. I can’t make my mind and heart believe that he was never real.

Now I’m back to crying and feeling depressed and moping around. Even after all this time, even with no contact, I have anxiety attacks every morning, and have trouble sleeping, concentrating, being alone, etc. I’m just so lonely and miss him. I don’t have a lot of friends, and I feel like he likes to rub it in my face that he does and that he is going out and partying all the time. He is still unfortunately my first waking thought, and he lurks in the background of my mind throughout my days no matter what I am doing. It has been almost a year and I am ashamed and disappointed at myself that I am still feeling this horrible! I want to stop thinking about him! I want him to stop mattering to me! But he does! How can they just callously throw you away and never give you a second thought when he is ALL I can think about?

Does it ever get better? Should I still be feeling this way after almost a year has passed? Is there any hope? How have you all coped with this, if you have dealt with a similar situation?

May 28 - 3AM
GettingBackTo M
GettingBackTo M's picture

Yes, there is hope!

May 27 - 11PM
Ruby
Ruby's picture

Someday you will wake up and

May 27 - 8PM
Better Now
Better Now's picture

Hang in There Broken Heart

May 27 - 8PM
Journey
Journey's picture

Yes, it most certainly does

Journey on...

May 27 - 10PM (Reply to #6)
Janie53
Janie53's picture

Journey

May 27 - 12PM
Brit
Brit's picture

Broken Heart

May 27 - 12PM
Used
Used's picture

broken

May 27 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
Janie53
Janie53's picture

Used

May 27 - 12PM
thebigpayback
thebigpayback's picture

there is always hope.