1 month no contact and I don't feel a thing for ex N bf. Is this normal?

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#1 Feb 29 - 6PM
Dee30
Dee30's picture

1 month no contact and I don't feel a thing for ex N bf. Is this normal?

I don't feel anything. Just COMPLETE indifference. I mean I talk to one other really nice guy but we are not dating yet just talking. perhaps this is why I don't care anymore. I just think this is odd. That I don't feel anything. not angry, no craving him. nothing. Is this normal? I mean I should be happy right that I don't care, but still I just find this unusual. or maybe I have just passed thru all the stages of grief pretty fast. no idea. someone enlighten me.

Feb 29 - 9PM
Dee30
Dee30's picture

Thank you guys for your concern

yes it's very true that this guy is giving me attention and that its filling a void. I shall discuss all this with my therapist. I know I don't want to be dating another psychopath. He doesn't seem like one but then you never know. I am not the most religious person but I have begun praying once again and this has filled some of my empty feelings. As for the guy he seems quite opposite of the guys i have dated pretty much complete opposite. but all and all I know I should not be dating. I am frightened actually I will fall into same patterns. Yes I will continue with my therapist and work on my issues. this guy does seem to very mature, and self analytical as well. but at this point i don't trust my judgement.
Feb 29 - 9PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Be extremely careful getting

Be extremely careful getting to know another man right now, so young into your recovery. The reason you are not thinking of him right now, is simply because you are receiving attention from a new person. The feelings of someone being interested in you is exciting to you, makes you feel better and gives you the confidence that you have been lacking. Whether you are considering a relationship with him or not, it doesn't matter. The positive affirmation is what is filling the void right now. Please be careful, because you can easily succumb to the attention and it could result in a very unhealthy situation for you. I am a firm believer of not dating, not beginning a new relationship, nor rekindling an old one, and that includes meeting new people and "seeing" where that leads. It interrupts your journey. Please be careful.
Feb 29 - 9PM (Reply to #4)
TheBird
TheBird's picture

YES!!

I concur with this and am JUST learning this now. I want to eventually fall in love and meet the right man, but I am really teaching myself to be alone. Even when I go out and someone gives me attention, I am clear with my boundaries. Not that I am wearing a sign saying, "I am NOT interested in a relationship right now", but I am definitely not looking to be "romantic" with anyone. I will laugh, smile, and talk to people, but I will not cross that boundary. I just had a guy that I've been talking to for awhile now, tell me that he was interested in perhaps taking it to the next level. I politely declined and diplomatically told him that if that he was he was interested in, then he should look elsewhere. I'm sure he can be a nice guy and could be the one, but if that is the case, he will respect my wishes. If it's meant to be down the line, once I am healthy, it will happen.
Feb 29 - 9PM (Reply to #3)
jones
jones's picture

I absolutely agree that you

I absolutely agree that you should be very careful dating someone knew so soon. My counselor said that it is very common to go from one N or P relationship to another if you do not learn how to recognize the character traits of bad men since they are very crafty at hiding their disorder until they have you in their trap. I would suggest you read the book: How to Spot A dangerous Man ( you can go to amazon to see the book reviews and order it) I think every girl and women should read this book before dating.
Feb 29 - 7PM
this shall pass
this shall pass's picture

it takes time

Sometimes it takes time to really feel the impact of having dealt with such a disordered person. The first days/weeks after leaving my N, I was feeling better and relieved in a way, and I could not even cry, but then I started to feel things bit by bit. Our memories can be so fragmented from that time due to the cycles of being nice one moment, them being mean and distant the next, so it really takes time. Whatever you do, I would advise you to take your time, and even allow yourself to feel those emotions as they come. I don't think dating or getting into a new relation is the solution. It only distracts and puts off a process of healing that is inevitable and necessary. Be well, stay strong! this forum is a good place to share :)