Why do they abandon abruptly and then go silent?

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#1 Mar 21 - 2PM
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

Why do they abandon abruptly and then go silent?

My exbf N moved last summer saying he did not want to break up but he quickly cut off communication after about 5 weeks. He invited me to Skype twice after he left in the summer which I did not do (not sure why - maybe was unconsiously glad he was gone) - he used to go silent in the summer time - 2 or 3 summers were ruined). Did me not skyping him make him move to new supply quickly? He just dropped off the face of the earth after we planned a visit. When I finally got Skype, he would not respond. He would only answer superficial texts. After a few months, he also stopped texts - radio silence.
We never discussed breaking up and some of my things are here in his house. Why don't they say they want to break up? Why don't they give you an opportunity to get your stuff back if they want out? Why no good bye?
Is is because they still want to have control over you in some sick way or is it because they moved on to new supply and actually forgot or don't care that you exist? How do they blank out a decade? We parted on good terms so why would they act like they hate you when nothing precipitated the abandonment? Is it shame because they know right from wrong and know their actions were "bad"? Is it narcissistic injury for them? To face the bad behavior would hurt their own image of themselves as a "nice guy"?
I am obsessing a little less each day thanks to this forum. He is starting to seem more like a weird distant cousin rather than the person I was madly in love with. But I still don't understand the psychology of the silent treatment! It is just so bizarre!! Please enlighten me. Is it like a 6 year old who ran away to play elsewhere and does not want to get in trouble by discussing it? Or are we the toaster they do not miss enough to revisit?
When we last communicated when I broke contact, he said he missed me (he has not called me in 6 months and has not texted in 2.5 months and has a new GF).
Could it be me who has the problem that my ego could not take being dumped or is this
a freaky silent N abandonment? It has taken me months to even get to the place where I realize its over! I must have believed the pretend love very intensely!! Part of me still thinks he loves me which I know is nuts! This is not what men do when they love you!

Mar 22 - 2PM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

To answer the why...

It is about control. It is a manifestation of their passive aggression. It is a tool they use they know it works. That's why we go NC because it is a taking back of that control. The narc has analyzed you and has been able to prove to himself time and time again that this tool will get you to react. He's done this his whole life. He knows that you will then react naturally and like a "human" with feelings struggling to break down that wall. It is a hostile concealed rage maneuver on his part. When we go NC it isn't to draw him back -it's to stop the abuse and the insanity. It is to take that control back and remove the toxicity and abuse from our lives. It is a tool he uses to harm us. We have the control to stop the abuse by eliminating the narc from our lives. That is the simple answer. It is about control and abuse.
Mar 22 - 8AM
terri
terri's picture

the light finally came on

I endured these endless "freezes" for years and finally, after going NC and able to see the forest beyond the trees, I made the connection that EVERY TIME he would disappear and go silent was following a fight where I would call him out on his narc behavior. I would point out his lies, mean-spirited treatment of me and others, his "all about me" attitude, his deceptive behavior, etc. etc. He knew what I was saying to be the absolute truth and two things would happen, in my opinion: At the dysfunctional level that requires he create a false self, he couldn't handle the truth - even though he knew deep down that he is not a good and honest person. He would run and hide because I demonstrated that I knew the truth about him. Narcs don't want to be around people that see past the facade. They ABSOLUTELY MUST be adored, admired, trusted. Second is that they have to protect their own false sense of who they are. I think they believe the lies they tell everyone - they really want to be the false person they present to the world. When someone calls them out and reveals that they have discovered the "real side" of the narc, they psychologically CANNOT handle that. They have to get away to protect this carefully constructed lie that they are even believing themselves. I truly believe that there is so much psychologically pathological dysfunction deep in their minds that when they leave, when they go seeking new supply, when they stay away from people who don't totally worship them - this is all for one reason - self-preservation. But please, please know one thing - we absolutely cannot fix them and we can never be happy with them. There is NO SUCH THING as a healthy relationship with anyone who suffers from this disorder. Just try your best to go and stay NC because in time, you will feel stronger and you will understand that your only chance at happiness is to move away from these people. Good luck to all of you!!

Believe in yourself!
Terri

Mar 23 - 11PM (Reply to #50)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

But there is also the element of addiction to supply

I'm not sure if I read it here or somewhere else, but I was reading that when they play this kind of game...it's an up and down for them... The need the attention, supply, when you are waivering they need to create a "crisis" of sorts that will create the "chase" the illusion... They know how to get you to react. When they cut you off your first response is to "respond" this feeds him...he knows how to score his supply. Eventually when he's done and we lose our potency then he goes for the final blow. I don't think it's so much self preservation...it think it's pure cold hearted "DRUG SEEKING" and people are their drug they feed off of. But that's my spin...could be a little of both? But the hiding, that would be more shame and yes they have shame but they are so twisted and sadistic...and we're toasters...given the technique of D&D...I'm not sure if the motivation you described would be Narcissist so to speak?... Jesus, who knows, who cares..thank GOD they're GONE...this gets brain draining after a while...you know I mean right now I just talked myself into a whole circle and I still don't know...Why do they do it....because they do...and if a psychologist can't figure it out...maybe i can't either I just know it's what they do... RUN...RUN...RUN! Hugs!
Mar 23 - 11PM (Reply to #51)
TLSM
TLSM's picture

michele115 YES! BOTH!

My ex narc is a recovering addict, in fact, so this is classic transference. The addiction of the game-challenge, mind-f*cking and drama AND self preservation- to hide this ugly side from everyone but us- after he pulls this crap. They LOVE to deeply wound us and they don't want anyone else to know they are that evil. They make sure they tell others that we are the psychos and they we are just simply "obsessed" with them and we have the issues, not them. They come out of it smelling like a rose to their friends, co-workers and family, while we are left to die on the side of the road, so-to-speak,in humliation. Sounds friggin exhausting to keep this front up, but they so get off on it. Its a total rush for them. I can't imagine living this way 24/7 like they do. I wonder what the average Narc's life span is?!? Lol not too long, I imagine. I feel so bad for my ex narcs 3 kids. They are already so lost in life. Sad.
Mar 23 - 11PM (Reply to #52)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

We need to talk in pvt message....

A bell went off for me and I read another comment you made...
Mar 23 - 11PM (Reply to #53)
TLSM
TLSM's picture

Tell me!!! Send me private

Tell me!!! Send me private message!
Mar 23 - 11PM (Reply to #54)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Check your inbox

I sent it...
Mar 23 - 11PM (Reply to #48)
TLSM
TLSM's picture

terri

I think you nailed it. Self-preservation. My ex N became completely unglued when he found out I spoke to his ex-wife (who he claimed was crazy- he said all his ex's are crazy and obsessed with him, in fact!) and slandered me when I exposed him to friends and family after his brother told me 6 months ago that he had been cheating on me. He completely blamed me and turned everyone against me to cover his ass. I blew his cover and it unnerved him! He will only feel "safe" around people who only know and believe and worship the pretend perfect guy that he is faking. The guy he wishes he could be! Thanks Terri!
Mar 24 - 12AM (Reply to #49)
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

Terri - Yeah

The only time my x N EVER lost his cool and yelled in the whole 10 years was when I told him that I had run into a woman who knew him and she warned me about him and said that I was not really his girl friend - that no one ever is, that he had a history of dating multiple people at the same time and leaving them - he was on the highway when I called him and told him this and he had total road rage toward another driver and was screaming that people say alot of things about him. It was early to mid in our relationship and we were getting along well - he convinced me I was his only girlfriend after he calmed down - I believed him... Three years later he abandoned me without ever saying we broke up...but I did get a glimpse of his fear of exposure when I told him about that lady - I knew alot more than I let on to him. I decided to file the info and observe...but I never saw any signs of cheating. I think he became unhappily monogamous with me for awhile with me...he really lost his happy go lucky cheery manner the closer we got to a normal relationship.
Mar 22 - 4PM (Reply to #46)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Another factor

They might also think you're the one gaming them. The ex-Psych professor was PROFOUNDLY paranoid, he'd invent elaborate scenarios that did NOT happen. He was paranoid that I had photocopied one of his lectures, was selling copies of it to my friends... and mocking it. HELLO, I sell MY writing-nobody else's-as for laughing at him...another issue... In his sick mind, I'm sure he saw my declaration of love as pure manipulation (he claimed I was coming onto him sexually, so he'd move his seminar class from one room to another, another fabrication) because I didn't commit suicide let alone attempt it. Didn't help that I happily wished him a happy life with his girlfriend, and that after meeting the girlfriend, I stopped weeping all over campus&cleaned myself up. He expected me to attempt suicide like Natasha in "War and Peace", who poisons herself when she finds out that her psychopathic fiancee, Anatole, is already married. In his sick mind, I didn't REALLY love him because I didn't give him my home address/phone number for my off-campus place after I met his girlfriend. In his sick mind, I didn't REALLY love him, because *I* was the one who declared my love then pulled the vanishing act. Heck, I didn't even tell his colleagues. Only my roommate (who had no connections with my college) knew I was leaving. And friends of mine who had since left NM. In his sick mind, I didn't REALLY love him because I didn't renounce my friends, family, and faith for him. One of my friends discussed how he had manipulated me after the final D&D. I asked her, "Did you see at my church?" "Yes",she said. I asked,"Did I cut you off as a friend?" "No",she replied. Then I did the BIG REVEAL-saying the ex-P expected me to cut ties with my friends, and to give up my Catholicism. Since we went to the same church, I didn't miss Sunday Mass-if I slept in, I'd go to another church, but I still went to church. His definition of "real love" was REALLY REALLY off. He had about as much control over me as I wield over Old Faithful at Yellowstone. No wonder he called me a poltergeist. Ns/Ps also flee if they're afraid that their victims will end up manipulating/emotionally abusing them. They assume that other people are just like them. The ex-P was constantly accusing me of manipulating&gaming him. I remember he was a big fan of David Mamet, he liked "Oleanna" (in which a female student falsely accuses a professor of sexually harassing her),"Spanish Prisoner" (it stars Steve Martin, it's all about con men-that's why he liked it-and Rebecca Pidgeon's character looked A LOT like his girlfriend) and "House of Games" (an investigator blows the cover of a con man, she ends up gaming him, killing him&it ends with her signing her bestselling book) He was *PARANOID* that the people he took advantage of would end up toying with him for laughs. That's why he ran out when the senior skit mocked his habit of running away.
Mar 23 - 4PM (Reply to #47)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

What he considered "stealing"

The ex-Psych professor was incredibly territorial about his favorite novel, "War and Peace." He was so damn paranoid about it that he made sure the senior class read "Anna Karenina" instead, except having us read "Anna" instead of "War" is like giving your opponent an AK-47 and taking away their knife. Alexei Karenin fit him perfectly... the cold, cerebral, impersonal Narc... his narcissism rubs off on Anna... he's a father figure rather than a husband... worries more about propriety than morality&honesty... his lack of emotional support drives her to adultery then suicide. I can understand why he thought my choice of Augustine's "Confessions" for my senior thesis was the equivalent of North Korea firing across the DMZ. He'd say he was he worried I'd "ruin things with my interest." He used to claim to be an expert on Augustine's "Confessions", he used to consider himself a philosopher, particularly in the subject of religion... NO MORE. Because of my thesis, he hasn't ever written on Augustine again (tho I think his journal article was in the pipeline my junior year) It's not like we can deal some deep Narc wounds, ladies. Let us not underestimate ourselves. I think Ns/Ps STAY AWAY if they know we can deal Narc wounds, and if we know their vulnerabilities&exploit them to the fullest. I remember how the ex-P would discourage me from being a journalist, writing about religion, he'd be practically *BEGGING* me. It turns out it helps as much as telling Old Faithful not to erupt. Or trying to quiet the winds on the Sea of Galilee when you're not Jesus. I ended up being a journalist. I wrote an article in the college paper my junior year... he was paranoid. I had to SHOW it to him to show he was NOT in it. It also was one of the nails in the coffin. Maybe in some way he was afraid I'd steal his false identity&run up his credit charges. He'd be paying the $500 for my metaphysical shopping sprees. Such fun.
Mar 22 - 3PM (Reply to #42)
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

TERRI FOR YOU

I do not see you post much anymore and miss you, your comments are right on target!they cannot be with someone who finally discovers WHO THEY REALLY ARE, you are so right, I too think they know they are rotten to the core, deep down,but must preserve this illusion within themselves or else they will have a mental breakdown, a therapist once told me something to that effect, if he knew all the damage he had done, he would have a nervous breakdown, which is why my narc once told me he carries so much guilt around with him DUH.My narc ran away after 5 years and turned against me viciousely when i wrote him a kind letter asking why the relationship was always about his wants,needs, what about mine and that perhaps he needs to revisit his relationship with his mother, that maybe that played out on the 5 women in his life, wow, did I get back a hate letter, calling me every name in the book and never once addressing what I was asking of him.now as he lays dying of 2 forms of cancer and i sent him a nice thinking of you card, do you think I will ever hear back from him HELL NO, excuse my French but that is all i can say!
Mar 22 - 4PM (Reply to #43)
terri
terri's picture

thanks onwithmylife

I'm not on the forum much anymore but like to check in from time to time. I miss everyone here and when I come back to read the postings, I'm amazed at how much strength I get from all of you! I never really posted my full story and now that I'm several months out of the relationship (actually, I hit my one year anniversary of breaking off the engagement)I think I should post it on the "share your story" page. I want to tell all of the newbies here that staying NC is so vitally important to regaining your life, your sanity, your self-esteem, and moving forward into a better life. In the beginning of NC, you feel in every cell of your body that it's wrong to pull away from this person - that's the most confusing thing. Your mind tells you that he's dangerous and your experience confirms it too. But we have such a hard time letting go. After 6 months of NC, I actually am starting to see the world the way I used to - with excitement, joy, hopefulness, possibility, and words cannot explain what a relief it is. Believe me, I've gone through hell to get to this better place but I was going through hell trying to make the narc relationship work for 9 years. Maybe we should look at NC as "climbing out of hell". The other thing I would like to report is that as you get farther away from the narc and that dysfunctional relationship, you begin to see it for what it really was. You gain a more objective "third person" perspective (less emotionally attached) and you can see the disorder more clearly, the person himself less so. Time really does heal all wounds. Moving forward REQUIRES complete faith in that belief. You also must have faith in yourself and faith that the world will bring to you the right person in the right time. But more importantly, I've learned to concentrate on the most important person - yourself. As giving, loving, emotionally healthy women, we understand that we take care of ourselves so we can take care of our children, our family members, our friends. When we were wallowing in the misery and confusion of the narc relationships, we were being manipulated into only taking care of the narc. It took me months of being away from my ex-narc to finally get that. And sadly, when I was with him, everyone else suffered as a result of my suffering. Do it for yourself, but do it for your children and the others who you love. Anyway, enough of my rambling! God bless all of you here and keep your chin up - and stay NC!!

Believe in yourself!
Terri

Mar 24 - 8AM (Reply to #44)
spinning
spinning's picture

terri, thank you

for this excellent post. I, too, am closing in on six months NC and the difference I feel is amazing. I am so grateful to read these words of affirmation. I hope you will continue to check in and share your insight and observations. Thank you so much. sincerely (finally stopping) spinning... ...and feeling pretty damn good about it!

spinning

Mar 24 - 2PM (Reply to #45)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Spinning

Wahooooo! Do we get to change your name soon? Idealk
Mar 22 - 9AM (Reply to #39)
spinning
spinning's picture

Terri, this is so true...

...and absolutely right on. Mine always silent treatmented me under the EXACT SAME CIRCUMSTANCES. For the longest time, it worked to get me back in line...to avoid pointing out inconsistencies, disappointments and lies... I, too, have realized so much since more NC time has passed. And I, too, now completely and fully understand that there is no happiness, peace, growth and most of all love available at all in relationships with this deeply flawed individuals. Hugs to all, and with deepest gratitude for the sharing here I am sincerely (finally slowing way down from) spinning... ...and feeling pretty darn good about it!! :}

spinning

Mar 22 - 2PM (Reply to #41)
WiserNow30
WiserNow30's picture

Terri, you are so right

My Ex N would always disappear after I pointed out his faults or had an issue with something he had done. He wouldn't answer his phone and I was given the total silent treatment for a few hours. At the time I didn't understand the disorder, so I couldn't fathom why he couldn't have an adult conversation over a disagreement or admit any fault whatsoever. I would so angry that I would flip out and call him 20-30 times. Now I'm the one doing the disappearring act with NC, but for a completely different reason :)
Mar 22 - 10AM (Reply to #40)
jen79
jen79's picture

Mine told me that he loved so much others

Every time he did that, it was when before I was onto him. Now in retrospect this makes more sense to me. Really, they give silent treatment to punsih you so next time you will be relieved you heard from them and be more submissive. And the I so much loved this one and that one always came when before I doubted he being human. Now I remember again.
Mar 21 - 9PM
Tinker
Tinker's picture

silent treatment

i think there's a couple things going on with the silent treatment. they can't get close so the separation, abandonment and silence helps them keep that distance that they need. also, my N used silence to control me. he knew it made me nuts and after he did that i'd be so relieved to hear from him i'd forgive him instantly. sometimes he said he just needed time alone, or was busy with work, whatever. my ex-HN wouldn't stay away, but the N used that to his advantage. even now, in his 50's, never been married, and he still can't stand the thought of spending a weekend tog. he jokes that the thought gives him a heart attack. the whole thing is not funny and is abusive and controlling. he won't let me go but won't spend time with me either. As my therapist told me, not talking to someone you're in a relationship is ABUSE...
Mar 21 - 9PM (Reply to #37)
Veronrose
Veronrose's picture

Yeah, the distance thing.

Yeah, the distance thing. Mine always kept me at a distance too. Then when he would make plans to see me, we'd have a great time, but at the end of the night he would run like hell away from me. Then he would continue to call me every single day. There's just no continuity between their words and actions. It's all that confusion that has me stuck.
Mar 21 - 4PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Did it to a whole lecture hall

When the ex-Psych professor gave his first lecture, the Q&A was more like a D&D. When he was questioned on things that couldn't be answered with quotes or facts, he'd get angry. My classmates were wondering "WTH is wrong with him??" As the Q&A went longer, the angrier he got&he summarily dismissed everyone. He used the term "unauthorized debating." It's a term used in Christian Science, because the Mother Church in Boston coordinates public lectures. Here's a quote from the Church Manual- "Article Ten. Debating in Public. No Unauthorized debating. A member of this Church shall not debate on Christian Science in public debating assemblies, without the consent of the Board of Directors." There's also this- "Article Thirty-One. Section Four. Receptions. If there be an individual who hear and deride truth, he should go away contemplating truth; and he who goes to seek truth should have the opportunity to depart in quiet thought on that subject." I read somewhere in a Christian Science official publication that when it comes to public lectures, if people have questions, they are to ask the lecturer AFTER the lecture in private, rather than in public. The ex-P thought the same thing. He said it in his lecture-that if students had questions, they could ask him AFTER the lecture, but NOT during the public Q&A. It's all about saving face. He wouldn't want to be asked questions he couldn't answer&be revealed like that in front of everyone. The ex-P would use the term "unauthorized debating" in lab class when students questioned him.
Mar 21 - 4PM
really
really's picture

The thing I can't get quite

The thing I can't get quite straight in my head is why when they abandon us and go silent, it's horrible. When we do it, it's not. I know that the motive is completely different and for us, it's the final means of protection and it HAS to be done. I'm not arguing that, believe me. But, the act itself is the same.
Mar 22 - 12PM (Reply to #34)
terri
terri's picture

No, there IS a difference

I've been on this sight reading everyone's postings for 8 months now and I've NEVER read once where someone has decided to go NC as a first response to the treatment they've received at the hands of the narc. ALL of us have stayed for months and years (some even decades) to work on the relationship and become the person their "partners" need them to be. The narcs run and hide because they are not getting the abnormal praise and attention their disordered egos require. They don't try to discuss and compromise. They don't listen to their partner's needs and desires. They don't put their feelings aside for a time to try to focus on their partners needs first. They just jump ship and look for someone else who will worship them in the way they feel is warranted. Think about it... Do you just disappear when you're not getting what you want? If the answer is "no" then you should now understand how we are NOTHING like them. The world is full of kind, loving, generous, normal men and you deserve nothing less. Adopting that attitude (which I know will take some time and effort) is the first and most important step in your recovery and in moving towards a happy normal life ahead. Hugs.

Believe in yourself!
Terri

Mar 21 - 4PM (Reply to #33)
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

No contact - silence - the differences

I believe it is a conscious self-protection healthy decision for us (and by the way, I am still being fake and phony with him when I broke NC- I am being nice about our break up, i.e. no confrontation and trying to not let him know I am on to this disorder - why? I am not sure - I think in case I need my stuff. like car remote, I don't want to be enemies. I also do not want him to know he devastated me ...I did tell him off long ago - only once and when we got back together he said "just make sure you never leave me a message like that again on my voicemail". I told him he was a fake and that his kisses meant nothing and said his actions showed he did not care if I was dead or alive. That was in 2003 or 2004..I was very surprised my one mean voicemail bothered him months later since he seemed like such a tough guy. They are probably way more insecure than we will ever know) For them the silent treatment seems to part of the disorder. I don't know ANY other human being besides him that acts this way - except here, where almost all of your narcs also act this way too. So it must be a typical symptom of the disorder - like a primitive emotional defense to shut down and run away from impending danger (to the false image). Man, why we do we have to deal with this complicated stuff? Look at all the happy folks out there together happily eating pizza!!! And to someone else's comment - I do think it is to humiliate us too. Like you thought you were important to me? Hell no, you are nothing to me. They are wusses...
Mar 21 - 4PM (Reply to #32)
jen79
jen79's picture

cause its not the same

I can only speak for myself. But I have said it all, more than once, I was open, honest, and tried to be as authentic as possible, I didnt hold anything back, although I knew this was great supply for him. At least I was all these things the last months. So what else now. There is nothing left anymore, you just go NC, they do completely something else, they just disappear. Its energetically different.
Mar 21 - 3PM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

ifinallygotit

Mine I was with for 15 years and we were going to move to another state together. /He goes ahead and takes off and leaves a bunch of his stuff at my place and i assume he will be back and we can go together, I send him a letter several months later asking why the relationship is always about his wants, needs, what about mine, very nice and kind letter,nothing mean at all, that was it i was devalued and discarded after 15 years, did not want me to visit him, no discussion, never came back for his stuff, got rid of most of it,changed his phone number, never told me, /NOTHING, I was dismissed, much like a king dismissing you from his realm, the mask was off and he must have know totally ABNORMAL, no closure,no normal breakup.Once they think you may be on to them ,GONE for good, unless they need you for more supply.There is no discussion with these people, they damn well do whatTHEY want to do, you are along for the ride
Mar 24 - 6AM (Reply to #29)
AquariusGal
AquariusGal's picture

YOUR SAME AS ME!

15 years is really long yet it can still happen like that i have nothing more to say. It just means and shows that the amount of years doesnt give any prove nor security to any of us at all. Yes no matter how nice you wanna try talk nicely to them by raising your enquries or what you would end up be fury and angry. We cant question anything. It seems like threadtening them in some way or other. devalued and discarded becomes inevitable. Wow did you say he never comes back for anything? Based on my situation i can say i am pretty certain and sure thats what gona happens to me also. Well part of it, it's also great if they are dead forever and never be back. Yes once and since deemed as "of not much benefits/ usage", There is no discussion with these people. CORRECT! YOUR SAME AS ME!
Mar 24 - 6AM (Reply to #30)
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

AquariasGal

hi there! Nope, he never got his stuff when he left 2 years ago and I even sent a certified letter to make everything correct, this is a good one because I remember getting 2 phone calls on my landline and when I did star68 on one of the numbers, it would not give me a phone number, it said blocked, so I knew the 2 calls were his, he was so scared and 'frightened', my guess, that he dare not give me his number so I could call him and make arrangements for him to get his stuff. He told me years ago he is frightened of women and mentioned his 3rd wife and his older daughter. that is a powerful confession but i knew nothing about NPD or what it meant, all I thought was that is a bizarre statement for him to make, a confession that just came out of his mouth.If you crossed this man, you were ex-communicated, he did that with his oldest son and the poor son tried to amend things but never could and just got disgusted with his father,no doubt and gave up, his son was just acting a little cheeky towards his dad, it was no big deal for a normal person but he is not that!
Mar 21 - 3PM
jen79
jen79's picture

passive aggressive

The silent treatment is passive aggressive way to get out of the situation. In their twisted mind that makes them a good guy, since they didnt say anything, right? So they didnt bitch at you, didnt abandon you, they just disappeared, that makes me a good guy. Silent treatment is also a way to keep control over you, and to not give you closure is their way to do that, so in their mind they think, I didnt say its over, so I can come back whenever I want to. In my case it was even so, that he thought he didnt own me someting cause we werent really together, and their never has been anything anyway. You wont wrap your mind around this one, they fight like girls, its a little 3 year old boy you are dealing with here.
Mar 21 - 3PM
IncognitoBurrito
IncognitoBurrito's picture

Got it...

"He just dropped off the face of the earth after we planned a visit. When I finally got Skype, he would not respond. He would only answer superficial texts. After a few months, he also stopped texts - radio silence." I wonder if he found new supply during that time? Can't imagine why any normal person would just fall off the Earth to someone they say they love, like that. It's cruel. "Is is because they still want to have control over you in some sick way or is it because they moved on to new supply" If N's can still keep themselves lingering around in our lives WHILE having their way with NEW supply, they'll gladly do so. I think you know more than you think you do here, definitely. "When we last communicated when I broke contact, he said he missed me (he has not called me in 6 months and has not texted in 2.5 months and has a new GF)." I wish somebody would bump up that "What it feels like when you break up w/a normal guy" thread. This IS "normal" to an N. Yeah, he missed you... that's why he left you stranded, and didn't bother to SEE HOW YOU ARE for 6 MONTHS. Would one of your friends ditch you like that? Would family? No. Absolutely NOT. It's heartless! Yeah, OH, and he has a girlfriend, even better.... for him. UGH!