Hi! I'm new here...Signs you're dating a Narc!

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Mar 3 - 8AM (Reply to #11)
ally2375
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Journey

You've nailed my list exactly! You know, even though sometimes I still get sad and miss him, I think about the things you've mentioned here and thank God that I don't have to deal with that every day. My life is a little less colorful, but it's a whole lot more stable.
Mar 3 - 9AM (Reply to #17)
MyNaturalState
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"My life is a little less

"My life is a little less colorful, but it's a whole lot more stable." DING, DING, DING! ME TOO! Who knew the enormous JOY that comes from peace?!? That's how I got my name "MyNaturalState". I had been buried in garbage for 3 years and when I let go and 'lost' all of the highs..I found (or remembered) that I'm full of joy! My natural state is joy.
Mar 3 - 8AM (Reply to #13)
Journey
Journey's picture

Ally

I feel the same as you. It's funny, every now and then I'll read someone's comment in a topic and think - OMG, maybe she's talking about my exN! My stomach reacts and I get all excited at the thought (because I think that would be so cool to meet one of his ex's somewhere like this), but alas, when I look deeper I realize they live in different countries or his job is different... Lol - I always feel just a little disappointed, but I know one day (based upon the sheer number of women he 'goes' through), it is more likely than not to happen :)

Journey on...

Mar 3 - 8AM (Reply to #14)
ally2375
ally2375's picture

Journey

Ha! I've thought the same thing many times. Some of the stories are so eerily similar, you know? But, I actually hope none of his exes ends up here. I bear none of them any ill will, but it would be really hard for me to hear specifics about his relationship with someone else. I guess I'm not that healed yet. :)
Mar 3 - 9AM (Reply to #16)
MyNaturalState
MyNaturalState's picture

Hehe, me too! I keep

Hehe, me too! I keep thinking...hmm...she must have been dating my ex too! I mean I REALLY, TRULY think that.
Mar 3 - 8AM (Reply to #15)
Journey
Journey's picture

Oh, for me I would love to

Oh, for me I would love to know the dirt! The connection I thought I had was unique and I know the ow could not take what I endowed it to be from me. Even if it wasn't real for him, for me it was. I think I could detach enough to believe what she got was also a lie, while still relating to what she thought she had from her point of view and empathizing with her. What he acted like with either her or myself doesn't matter so much to me anymore because I know (or am pretty sure) it is all a lie. My ex has been with several other women in the 18 months since he left, so I have come to accept that as part of my recovery. I just try not to think about him with anyone else in any way that is NOT a lie. I think that is the only thing about 'their' relationship now that could still hurt me.

Journey on...

Mar 3 - 8AM (Reply to #12)
spinning
spinning's picture

Journey and ally, I agree...

expecially with your numbers 21 and 22, Journey. It is both disturbing and telling to come to those realizations. I am struggling to find myself as I feel like by the time it was over I didn't even know who I was any more. I had become someone else; he had taken my identity. And yes, I know I allowed it... Like ally, my life is way less colorful and a lot more 'stable' so to speak, but I don't know what to do to make it MINE again. Thank you for sharing on this. I can so relate and it helps. Sincerely (trying hard to stop) spinning

spinning

Mar 3 - 8AM
MyNaturalState
MyNaturalState's picture

Thanks everyone...

Yes, I've been no contact for 12 days now. Of course, our last contact was my Dear John email! I had to tell him exactly what I thought of him in a very controlled, calm, mannner. He HAD to know that I was no longer an option for him. It was the only way I could honestly let go. May I ask if any of you actually told your Narcs that the game is over? One thing I did endure was ENDLESS, LENGTHY disappearing acts. And as many of you have said, I could never predict them. Never figured out what caused them. Thanks for the welcome, everyone!
Mar 3 - 11AM (Reply to #8)
ally2375
ally2375's picture

MyNaturalState

I wrote an email like that, but I never sent it. It was so cathartic for me to write it, but (for me) sending it would have defeated the purpose. I was done, but still in love with him. I didn't want to give him a letter that would essentially give him more ammo to push my buttons. I just went NC without any discussion at all. He started up with the silent treatment again, and I embraced it for all it was worth. ;)
Mar 3 - 1PM (Reply to #9)
MyNaturalState
MyNaturalState's picture

I agree...

I think the writing alone can absolutley be enough. I think for me it was a matter of telling him I wont be coming around anymore. I know if I didnt say it, I would inevitably have weak days where Id be likely to start fooling myself again and I could make contact because I never said goodbye. The goodbye email locks me into it somehow.
Mar 3 - 11AM (Reply to #6)
IncognitoBurrito
IncognitoBurrito's picture

Ugh

The disappearing acts. I'm not going to miss those. Nobody else has ever done that to me in my life. Oops, besides my mother. I'm on Day 11 here. I feel ya. Hang in there.
Mar 3 - 1PM (Reply to #7)
MyNaturalState
MyNaturalState's picture

Wow...Im sorry to hear youve

Wow...Im sorry to hear youve experienced that with your mother. Yes, the disappearing acts were by far the worst part for me. I felt invisible, meaningless, dispensible, and insignificant. The worst part is I practically begged him to stop. I told him how much it was destroying me, but he never cared enough to stop.
Mar 3 - 8AM
Sergie41
Sergie41's picture

MyNaturalState

YEP YEP YEP YEP YEP AND YEP! Every detail here we can all relate to. Hard to wrap your mind around it isn't it?
Mar 3 - 7AM
Kath1234
Kath1234's picture

Hi and Welcome....

I can relate to every "sign" you mentioned... ...so very true!
Mar 3 - 7AM
spinning
spinning's picture

He is and you've been

narced. Now is the time to stop it. No Contact is the only way to clear the fog and end the madness. Welcome to our wonderful community of excellent, brave, honest people, though I'm sorry that you've landed here as I know all to well why (and you've outlined it pretty well above). We'll get through it and get out on the other side as better, stronger, wiser people. Sincerely (still trying hard to stop) spinning

spinning

Mar 3 - 7AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Hello

That pretty much sums it up! NC is the key to success! Welcome Idealk