Miss Lewis's Story

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#1 Jan 30 - 2PM
Miss Lewis
Miss Lewis's picture

Miss Lewis's Story

We have been on and off for 1 year and a half. When I first met him, there was electricity! I had just painfully ended another relationship. "T" drove up to me in his shiny Mustand and drove up to me informing me that I was abosultly beautiful.

We engaged in a long and intense conversation and I gave him my number. He called several times but I ingored his calls; I was still recovering from a previous relationship.

A few weeks later, I ran into "T" again, he drove up to me while I was standing on the sidewalk near the beach. We both thought it was "Fate" that we ran into each other.

This man was over-the-top and too good to be true from the get go. "T" informed me that he owned his own business, house and numerous other things (that turned out not to be true). "T" would take me to the best resteraunts and just listen to me. Come to think of it, he never revealed much, I supposed he was studying me.

Within the first three months he was extremly clingy, making refernces to our future together, and showering me with praise and adoration.

At the three month mark, he actually propsed to me! It took him three hours to convince me that he was serious. The next day, I mentioned something about said proposal and he stated that he actually wasn't ready for a serious relationship. I flipped! I stormed out of his car and said,"Lose my number, creep!".

A few hours later, he was bombarding me with phonecalls. I caved in and met up with him. He informed me that he met a woman on the street, went back to her place because he needed to "talk to someone" and he paid her $40.00 for a foot message. I should have ran a million miles away at that point, but he charmed his way into luring me to stay.

Things pogressivly grew more intense and I noticed so many red flags.He had no friends, his closet childhood friends hang up on him of he calls them to this day (and it's there fault, of course), he had a very promiscuous past that icluded seeing prostitutes on a regular basis, he had no attachment to previous flings, he'd change his number after he was done with them. He was extremly rude to waitresses and he appeared to be disusted with humanity in general (which is strange, because I am a humaitarian). He'd always say, "Take my hand, Angell, it's us against the world.

"T" had violent tendencies, aswell. "T" told me that some guy was looking at him funny in a grocery store and "T snapped, he pushed over a shelf containing canned goods, and smashed a can on the man's skull, also causing $800.00 worth of damage. I was mortified and disgusted when he told me this story; "T" had no emotional reaction and seemed to appear as if his actions were justified.I STILL didn't leave him at this stage!

It turns out "T" lives with his parents, they owned an old truck, and "T" would drive truck for his father. "T"'s father owned the Mustang, aswell. This is a harsh contrandiction from his original story!"T" had actually filed for bankruptsy.

"T" lives in another town, ran up a $200,000 charge on his credit, smashed a rented vehicle that was not insured and lived it up like a rockstar. "T" was very grandious in his telling of this story, stating everyone in the town thought he was powerful, he'd sleep with three random woman on a regular basis, he'd spend $4000.00 on lunches, live out of a posh hotel, he even considered plastic surgery. Eventually, he used up all of his credit, ended up flat broke and had to deal with legal issues due to the car accident. "T" had no job at the time, and was living in a fantasy world, purely on credit alone, pretending he was "rich".

"T" had to move back with his parents, including his Narcisstic Father who was very angry that his son was such a failure. "T" was his father's slave, driving truck non-stop, comepletly cut off fropm the world.

"T" and I would continusously get into arguements. Mainly due to his inconsideration( for example, making plans with me at a specific time, and then not showing up for 5 hour later w/o awnasering his phone) WHen I would confront him with any issue, it became grossly blown out of proporation. He would end up yelling at me and making soul crushing statements, such as calling me a worthless whore. I would be in tears, he would run off for a few hours, then call me back acting as if nothing hapnned and flat out denying the abusve comments that he had made.

We would get into these arguements on a weekly basis, than he would leave town for a week. It was driving me crazy. Somehow he kept me hooked.

Sometimes, I would go along for the ride while he was driving turck. That was a huge mistake! We would be stuck in a car for days, he would say all sorts of rediculous,negative things. My nervres were already bad at one point, and he called me an old, washed up, ugly and worthless whore (I am a very youthful, attractive woman, but 10 years older than him).

I snapped and splashed him with my water, "T" flipped out. "T" grabbed me,dragged me to the door, lifted me over his head and slammed my body against the gravel pavement. "T" threw my boots into the river. I just lay on the pavement, crying and and in intense physical and emtional pain, while "T" proceeded to call me a dirty animal and a worthless whore for the next 30 minutes."T" eventually convinced me to get back into the truck. I was shoken up for the rest of the trip but "T" brushed it off like nothing happenned.He even strated singing a cheery tune!

He managed to lose his driving due to reckless driving (No, he didn't use drugs or alcohol, he was a health fanatic). "T"'s sense of entitlement extended to the road, he got a kick out of bullying people, and racing them on the road. "T" would get pulled over at least three times per day. The police would issue him a ticket and "T" would always flip out on the police, as if he were above the law.

"T" was becoming more and more abusive, not physicaly, but emotionally. "T" was constantly breaking up with me, than phoning me back, denying he'd break up with me. "T" would spend the night at my place and then take off w/o explanation. Everytime I'd had enough, he'd shower me with gifts and beg for me to stay!

We had an itense arguement, "T" stated that he took of the other night becuase he wanted to go to the bar and check out other woman because I am so old. "T" broke up with me and I flipped out.

A few days later, "T" phoned me, sucking up. His father kicked him out(because "T" lost his lisence, couldn't drive truck, and was essentialy useless to his father). "T" basicly told me that he was moving in, I didn't want him to, but I was essentially pressured into it. Big mistake!

"T" had no life skills, was fired from every job he ever had. I enabled "T" by making up resumes, cover letters, and applying for hundred's of jobs. He would go into an interview, and blow it with his arrogant attitude. "T" would inform the manager doing the interview, that dispite his lack of experience and education, he could do the manager's job wih his hands tied behind his back. Needless to say, he recived no calls back. Finally, "T" landed a job at a car dealership (after I spent two hours prepping him for the interview". I was buying all of the groceries, cooking and cleaning. "T" would come home from work everyday and speak about the woman he was working closely with. "T" began to speak about her way too much, so I joked, "Is she going to be your new girlfriend?". "T" stated that if I kept talking like that, she would be. I became very upset and dramatic (due to all of the stress I was facing). I yelled at him,stating that if he wasn't happy, he should leave! I picked up his shirt off of the hanger and threw it on the bed, stating that he could pack his things, "T" started to push me around and than threatened to break my legs. I was rushed with adreniline and called the police but hung up after 1 ring. "T" took of, but a police man showed up and I was so emotional I told him the whole story.

The police warned me not to go back to this man, the police stated thart he was going to speak to "T" and I had no choice in the matter! I begged the police not to ( that's how sick I became, I guess it's a case of Stockholm Syndrome).The police visited "T" at work, and gave him a warning not to return within the next 24 hours.

The following day, I met with "T" begging him to return. "T" moved into a hotel next to my work and refused to see me again (that is, until it suited him!). "T" basicly blamed everything on me, stating that I was a disloyal woman for calling the police.

For the next three months, "T" would contact me after I gathered abit of strength, insinuate that he wanted to get back together and work things through, buy me presents, sleep with me and than inform me that he did not see a future for us, and again, not contact me for a week. This whole process drove me crazy! I kept trying to end it for good, but he'd lure me back again with false promises and mega charm!During our split, I went to the book store and was drawn to a book on Narcisstic Men. That is when I started to figure things out!

I eventually started to emotionally detach and date another man. This is when "T" did a 360 degree turn. "T" Insisted that I was the woman for him, he wanted to move in immediatly, and start our future together. Dispite my instincts and better judgement, I let him move in again.

So many little things happned. We were walking down the street, and a prostitute new him on a 1st name basis, I found a used condom wrapper and we don't use condoms, he had phoned several message parlours, and of course he flat out denied all of these incidents, claiming I was insecure and had trust issues!

"T" was becoming more emotionally detached, he would work 15 hour days, come home, I'd make him dinner and he refused to make any meaningful conversation.The sex with "T" became less frequent and more mechanical. "T" Would treat me like his slave asking me to do little things that he was capable of doing himself constantly. "T" never helped out with groceries, I did everything. When I would try to bring up my frustrations, "T" would mock me, refuse to look me in the eye, and try to distract himself with some other activity, basicly pretending as if I were invisble. I would become more frustrated, then he would call me a psycho who was out of control, too emtional. He threatend to abandon me several times. I would be sobbing and he would get this sadistic look in his eyes, start laughing and than start singing a cheery tune again (Knowing that drove me mad!).

I started to feel like the life was being sucked out of me, I could no longer eat or sleep, always obesessing about him and filled with anxiety. I informed "T" about the stated I was in and he showed no empathy, Stating he likes his woman drained, weak and depressed.

I was starting to feel as if I was living with an emotionless robot, reapeating the same obessesive compulsive rituals (like spending three hours looking in the mirror every night fixing his hair-I'm not joking), devoid of any intimacy whatsoever. He gave me a really creepy feeling and I felt so alone in his presence.

One evening, "T" pushed every psychological bone in my body, he pushed me to the point of snapping. I lost it, packed his bags and kicked him out (literally kicking him in th behind on his way out,lol).I gave him so many chances to work things out, I beleive he pushed me to the edge on purpose.

We repeated the same push and pull cycle again for a few months."T" stating he wanted to be with me, the next minute denying he'd ever said that-sometime there were only seconds between these conflicting statements.

I finally had enough was enough and decided on no contact. It lasted one week. He broke me down with his regular phonecalls and sappy messages on my voicemail. "T" even stated that he was going to all of the places I hang out and walking down my street, hoping to catch a glimpse of me!

"T" came for dinner, stated that he had enough back and forth and wanted to move in with me again. I informed "T" that I wanted to date other men, "T" wanted me all to himself!

A few days later (Today!), I met with him for coffee.He started off being superficially friendly. I asked him if he was serious about me this time. He stated that he was, although we had a lot to work through. I asked him how he planned on working things through., he said communication. For the next half hour he kept switching responses, saying he wanted to be my boyfriend, and then telling me to move on. I got angry with him and told he that he was leading me on this whole time, wasting my time, being phony and making false promises. I told him that I needed to move on and we needed to break contact for good! He tried to presuade me to be his "friend" and take things slowly. I told him that there is no going backwards, if he wasn't ready to work things out, I was done wasting my time. He than stated that he wasn't the guy for me (dispite stating that he wanted to marry me and work onour problems the night before). He said he loved me. I caled him a phony, flaky lier and a monster and stated that I never wanted to see him again! That was three hours ago.

I am back to day one of No-Contact. I pray to god that I have the strength to make it permanent this time. I am still in denail about the possibilty of him being a full-fledged Narcisst and I am afraid I will not be able ot relate to a normal man again.

I refuse to allow myself to be damaged by this experince and I am going to keep ny heart open again, and trust others. This time I will RUN at the first sign of a red flag and not look back!

Feb 5 - 10PM
Disillusionedx2
Disillusionedx2's picture

Miss Lewis

Your story has similarities to my own with some minor differences, one being age difference. He definitely displays characteristics of an N, you will need to accept it, and he is a walking, talking, breathing disorder of an Alien. He appears to have "detached" emotionally but thing is, they never "attach" they mock and mimic what we think is "love" from them but we don't realize until it's too late they are just pretending. He's classic/typical N-fashion/behavior. They must ditch you first as well, since you took the initiative to toss him out, he had to punish you in order to get back at you, they're highly vindictive in this manner. Why the begging, pining when you dump him? SUPPLY, you are a vast source of supply to him but when you start making demands on him to return the emotions he can't, that are all he can do is talk, he cannot and will not ever be capable of returning the love that you feel for him, he's incapable. He can put on a good game face but only for so long before the mask falls off and you see him for what he really is, cover blown, he knows this as well. Please believe he has other supply, likely the woman at work he spoke of, this one did the same, constantly talked about the hours he spent speaking with two different women he claimed he could never be with because one was a known slut and the other couldn't be trusted, lol, funny, when the d/d began he ended up with both of them, probably still doing the same song and dance, his name starts with a T also and when he started that Narcy behavior I began referring to it as him "doing the T" lol, crazy, seriously. Continue to educate yourself about the disorder and please know, yes, it's going to hurt like heck but NC is your best route, he has sucked your soul out of you, it's going to be awhile restoring it, don't rush it, what's the hurry? When you do reintroduce yourself back to the world you want to be free right? You suffer from PTSD, it doesn't just go away, but you are on the right track, stay on the NC path, let him go, he's too toxic, they all are poison of the worst kind, continue dealing with him is like taking an overdose, eventually he will kill your spirit altogether, best wishes. stay~strong

stay~strong

Feb 5 - 5PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Wow! Is this guy a Classic

Wow! Is this guy a Classic Narc or what? Actually he sounds a whole lot like a Borderline. Borderlines are really crazy making. Read up on Borderline peronality disorder I bet it will sound very familiar to you. In the end it doesn't matter if he npd bpd aspd or whatever pd. He is abusive and not good for you. Reading and understanding his disorder will however help you know and understand that it wasn't your fault,there was nothing you could have done and there is nothing you can do. It is incurable and their disorder is hurting people so all you can do is get out and stay out of his path. He is a freak of nature much like a tornadoe crashing into and destroying everything he comes into contact. He is full of intense internal pain and the only way he can purge it from himself is thru relationships where he is able to project and experience his pain thru you. That's just it. I'm sorry to say there is no hope. None. They are very sad little creatures but they will not hesitate to destroy you
Feb 1 - 12PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Miss Lewis

Hello, I am going to be harsh, please re read and re read your story, this guy is so abusive I couldnt finish reading. So tell me,what do you "Love" about him? I can't see one redeeming factor. You need to run so far away from this abuser and clear your head! Yikes! Do you have friends or family to help you ? Are you in thearpy? You need to get help and find your way out. This is not healthy If I wrote what you just did how would you advise me? Exactly, start to help yourself , no one can do it for you. NC is the key to your freedom. Its your choice. You nor anyone needs to be abused is such a way. Be strong! Idealk
Feb 2 - 12AM (Reply to #13)
Miss Lewis
Miss Lewis's picture

Idealk

Hello; Thank- you for your response. I have read and er-read my story and it is so sad because I feel so detached, so desensatized. I feel as if it isn't real. My riends and family cannot understand what I am going through, so I am basicly on my own. My ex Narc lives right beside my work! He moved there after I kicked him out. I have booked my first councelling appointment on Tuesday, Feb 10th/11. I am flooded with emotion, feeling helpless, unlovable, crushing lonliness. I am going to go back to yoga to restore some of my life-force energy that that vanpire had sucked from me. I am thankful I have my job (Ironicly, I am a Mental HEalth Worker) but at the same time it is hard to help the needy when I am running on empty myself. I also get fits of rage where I have to use large amounts of self-control to not allow myself to call him and tell him off. I want to look into re-birthing ( a spiritual tool useful for healing trauma and childhood core issues). I am very inetersted in using spirituality as in helping me heal. I am interested in energy work. Can anyone offer some other helpful suggestions in speeding up the healing process?
Feb 3 - 10AM (Reply to #14)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Miss Lewis

Hi, There is no time frame, it's up to you. First you must go complete NC it's the only way. I've been in your shoes, where did Prince Charming Go? Miss Lewis he's gone. Once you step back you will see hope and light. You may need anti depessants. Stay here with us, vent, kick, scream,cry here. You have done the time, set yourself free. It's up to you, life is good. Miss Lewis, everything has a beginning and an end. Control your destiny and stay away from this disturbed creature. I miss my Prince charming but he died. You will go through the same mourning process as a death. For me the time time I spoke to my N he was so cruel, blamed me. I will not tolerate such abuse. You shouldn't either. Face reality that Hollywood Ending isn't going to happen with this man. Once you are happy with you, things will change. I Promise! Be Strong u can do it. Idealk
Feb 2 - 12AM (Reply to #12)
Miss Lewis
Miss Lewis's picture

Idealk

Hello; Thank- you for your response. I have read and er-read my story and it is so sad because I feel so detached, so desensatized. I feel as if it isn't real. My riends and family cannot understand what I am going through, so I am basicly on my own. My ex Narc lives right beside my work! He moved there after I kicked him out. I have booked my first councelling appointment on Tuesday, Feb 10th/11. I am flooded with emotion, feeling helpless, unlovable, crushing lonliness. I am going to go back to yoga to restore some of my life-force energy that that vanpire had sucked from me. I am thankful I have my job (Ironicly, I am a Mental HEalth Worker) but at the same time it is hard to help the needy when I am running on empty myself. I also get fits of rage where I have to use large amounts of self-control to not allow myself to call him and tell him off. I want to look into re-birthing ( a spiritual tool useful for healing trauma and childhood core issues). I am very inetersted in using spirituality as in helping me heal. I am interested in energy work. Can anyone offer some other helpful suggestions in speeding up the healing process?
Jan 30 - 2PM
strongerthanever
strongerthanever's picture

Any man that touches you,

Any man that touches you, throws you to the ground, should not be given one minute of talking to you, seeing you, or being in your presence. Mine too said "I dont think I am the man for you." This I think is the vocabulary of a Nar, emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally abusive. This is how they justify that they make the break, on their terms, without coming across as a complete ass. It is their way of sort of taking ownership and letting you down easy in their mind but also, puts them in complete denial of all the horrible things they did. It is like Ted Bundy telling his victims before killing them, that he isn't the right guy for them. Ted killed them, these guys killed our soul, self esteem, and self worth. Do not accept anyone hitting you or touching you. Seriously...this guy is dangerous in the worse possible way. Do not be a statistic.
Jan 30 - 3PM (Reply to #2)
Miss Lewis
Miss Lewis's picture

Thank you, strongthenever.

Thank- you, strongthenever. Its sad that I let things continue as long as they have. I haven't even included 90 percent of the info about this non relationship, only the basics. I am going to get counselling, go to yoga, and rebuild my support system. Unfortunatly, he was my life. I am still in denial about him being a Narcisst, he was always so affectionate, and it would appear that he would "pine for me" in my absence. I dont understand why he keeps trying to lure me back, considering that I constantly challenge him. Why waste both of our time? Does he just do it for the pleasure of playing with my mind? I allready know it's about control. Does he appear to be a flow blown Narcisst?
Jan 30 - 3PM (Reply to #3)
strongerthanever
strongerthanever's picture

Interesting that you used

Interesting that you used the word "challenge". My exN's mother told me that I was the only one that really "challanged" him. I sometimes wonder if my ex is a Narc too. But, he has the personality traits of one. there is a book called "To whom not to marry" by Father Pat Connor. He is a catholic priest that goes out and talks to teenage girls. The book isn't "catholic-based" but common sense based. One of the things he listed was do not be with someone that hurts you physically or emotionally, has no friends...and the list goes on. My exN never hit me but, he hit the wall, tried to hit my son, and puppy. He loses his temper easily and everyone in his family chalked it up to his "depression". Could be but, as he gets older, he's gotten worse. His old college friend he strung along for 15 yrs told me that he acted like God's gift to women, thought he was smarter than everyone, made rules for her but did not follow them for himself, was accused of cheating by other girlfriends yet, he denies it to this day, was affectionate and fun to be with. Yep, same way with me but, he lied to me for 3 yrs. As he was being affectionate and us being intimate, he had secret women and flirting with married women at work. That's pure evil! How he looked at himself in the mirror and not slit his throat while shaving, I have no idea. It's disturbing when he was proposing one day and the next, on eHarmony chatting with other women. THAT IS SICK! So, even though he was affectionate to me, held my hand, held the car door open, called his mother weekly, all that stuff does not constitute CHARACTER! That isn't integrity either. My exN has no friends, lots of ex's he keeps in contact with and uses for supply. That old college friend I mentioned, he went silent when she announced she was getting married 11 yrs ago. Didn't even tell her congratulations, go to her wedding or give her a gift. And he told me she was his best friend in college. Wow! And then when she did marry, 8 yrs passed before he contacted her again...while we were engaged and told me SHE hunted him down. LIE! He hunted her down and never mentioned i was alive! How evil is that? That is what I remember, not that he was affectionate in between and even that night when he reached out to her. She is disgusted by him and so am I. He is Satan's spawn.
Feb 5 - 10PM (Reply to #10)
Disillusionedx2
Disillusionedx2's picture

You can say that again, lol.

They are EVIL DEMONIC EMPTY ALIENS, forever claiming that someone is their "best friend" when they have no CLUE what it means to be a friend at all! More lies and N fantasy is all it is, they don't even realise how sick they are, they think the whole world is in love with them, lol, NOT. stay~strong

stay~strong

Jan 30 - 4PM (Reply to #4)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

"Whom not to marry"

That is an excellent book! That priest also advises "Never marry a man who doesn't apologize." The ex-Psychopath professor I knew NEVER apologized for anything, he never showed remorse. He didn't even do fake apologies that much. When I was head over heels in love with the ex-P, I didn't know he had a long-distance girlfriend in Los Angeles, till I met her in the flesh. I was IN LOVE, yet he NEVER told me. He coldly said "It shouldn't matter to you that I already have a girlfriend." When I congratulated him on being engaged, he was enraged. Claimed boundary violations, that I was violating him in a personal way (by then, I would've done so gladly, the more he objected, the more I would've done it with a gleeful grin) A NORMAL man would've said "I'm sorry I didn't tell you I already have a girlfriend. I know you're in love with me. This isn't going to work. I'm sorry." Instead he hoovered me, despite the fact his girlfriend worked at a museum down the street from my college. In the end, I wanted to work some crazy-making... on him... I would've declared passionate love to him... just to see his reaction... then dump him in front of everybody and say it was just a joke, with a sneering "Why so serious? Why so serious?"
Jan 31 - 10PM (Reply to #7)
Miss Lewis
Miss Lewis's picture

I am so heartbroken!

It's only been 24 hours since we last had contact. I can't believe he twisted the whole scenerio around! I broke up with him over a week ago, he spent 1 week leaving me sappy messages, even stalking me by walking down my street and going to my fave resteraunts! I was so strong for 1 week till I finally caved in. I met up with him and he stated that he wanted to fight for our relationship and he was tried with the back and forth, he wanted to move in. He stated that he felt closer to me than ever. We slept together. A few days later we met for coffee and I asked him if he was serious about me this time. I asked him how we would work on things, he said communication. I attempted to communicate, he called it fighting. At the end of it all he told me that I deserve better, I should find a man who is on the same level as me. WTF! Did he spend all of that energy juts to get me back with the intention of turining it around and making him be the one who is responsible for breaking up with me? How sick! Than he said it's impossible to break contact, he wants to be my friend, and work on things slowly, but I told him to get bent and not to call me. It hurts sooooooo much! I hate the feeling of knowing he is going to contact me again. It's usually by the 4th day of No contact. Does anyone understand what kind of game he is playing with me??!! I need some support:).
Feb 2 - 12PM (Reply to #9)
FUMB
FUMB's picture

You have so much support on

You have so much support on this site! Come here to vent, laugh, cry, make friends and get some sense knocked into you :) Your ex is 100% a narc. I'm fairly new to this site as I only found it and realized my ex was an N just short of a month ago. It has been so enlightening and, while I still struggle, I am so much better. This I know for CERTAIN: Past behaviors predict future behavior. There is NO DOUBT if you cave again, he will charm you and then dump you all over again. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT!!!! I thought for sure I'd never hear from my N again bc once I found this site and had my a-ha moment, I sent him a text "outing" him and basically telling him how effed up he is. Sure enough, 10 days later I get a txt... "thinking of you". A week after that "There's no where I'd rather be than with you right now". "I miss you" blah, blah, blah. Sure they miss us... but it's ALL ABOUT THEM!!! They miss us til we cave then that is their red light to DUMP, DEVALUE, DISCARD.... It is not easy and you are definitely going through the most difficult part- the beginning. Avoid places you may run into him, change his contact name in your phone to "Loser" or "Abuser" or "Psycho" so you are reminded of that everytime he tries to call/text... (that helps me!!), start doing things for yourself, RECONNECT WITH YOUR FRIENDS, and spend lots of time on this site and doing your own research. Your N is a complete loser... what kind of future would you expect to have with him? Stay strong, take it day by day and stay connected to your new family here on this forum! FUMB (btw... others already know this, but my user name stands for Fuck You M. B. - his initials- .... see I am starting to have a sense of humor!)
Feb 2 - 12PM (Reply to #8)
FUMB
FUMB's picture

You have so much support on

You have so much support on this site! Come here to vent, laugh, cry, make friends and get some sense knocked into you :) Your ex is 100% a narc. I'm fairly new to this site as I only found it and realized my ex was an N just short of a month ago. It has been so enlightening and, while I still struggle, I am so much better. This I know for CERTAIN: Past behaviors predict future behavior. There is NO DOUBT if you cave again, he will charm you and then dump you all over again. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT!!!! I thought for sure I'd never hear from my N again bc once I found this site and had my a-ha moment, I sent him a text "outing" him and basically telling him how effed up he is. Sure enough, 10 days later I get a txt... "thinking of you". A week after that "There's no where I'd rather be than with you right now". "I miss you" blah, blah, blah. Sure they miss us... but it's ALL ABOUT THEM!!! They miss us til we cave then that is their red light to DUMP, DEVALUE, DISCARD.... It is not easy and you are definitely going through the most difficult part- the beginning. Avoid places you may run into him, change his contact name in your phone to "Loser" or "Abuser" or "Psycho" so you are reminded of that everytime he tries to call/text... (that helps me!!), start doing things for yourself, RECONNECT WITH YOUR FRIENDS, and spend lots of time on this site and doing your own research. Your N is a complete loser... what kind of future would you expect to have with him? Stay strong, take it day by day and stay connected to your new family here on this forum! FUMB (btw... others already know this, but my user name stands for Fuck You M. B. - his initials- .... see I am starting to have a sense of humor!)
Jan 31 - 10PM (Reply to #5)
Miss Lewis
Miss Lewis's picture

I am so heartbroken!

It's only been 24 hours since we last had contact. I can't believe he twisted the whole scenerio around! I broke up with him over a week ago, he spent 1 week leaving me sappy messages, even stalking me by walking down my street and going to my fave resteraunts! I was so strong for 1 week till I finally caved in. I met up with him and he stated that he wanted to fight for our relationship and he was tried with the back and forth, he wanted to move in. He stated that he felt closer to me than ever. We slept together. A few days later we met for coffee and I asked him if he was serious about me this time. I asked him how we would work on things, he said communication. I attempted to communicate, he called it fighting. At the end of it all he told me that I deserve better, I should find a man who is on the same level as me. WTF! Did he spend all of that energy juts to get me back with the intention of turining it around and making him be the one who is responsible for breaking up with me? How sick! Than he said it's impossible to break contact, he wants to be my friend, and work on things slowly, but I told him to get bent and not to call me. It hurts sooooooo much! I hate the feeling of knowing he is going to contact me again. It's usually by the 4th day of No contact. Does anyone understand what kind of game he is playing with me??!! I need some support:).
Feb 5 - 1PM (Reply to #6)
Miss Lewis
Miss Lewis's picture

Question about No Contact Rule

Thank-you, thank-you and thank-you again for your strength and support. I don't know what I would do w/o this board- I'd drive my friends crazy! I faced a challenging situation last night. I am doing very well with no contact (been 6 days), when last night DUM DUM DUM DUM.....I always leave my door locked, however, I just slipped out to take the trash out. I see "T" creeping into my place like a vampire. I came face-to-face with him in my apartment. I actually had my story" My Encounter with a Narcisst", lying on my kitchen counter. "T" picked it up and read it allowed. Although this was a true story, and he was reading about his own shocking behavior, the only response he had while reading it and afterwards was , "Well, you thought I was charming?!" (with a big grin on his face. Afterwards, I told him it was over between us, leave me alone, do not contact me, etc. "T" than informed me that he had just been informed by his doctor that he had an incurable illness, and he would die within one year. I burst out laughing and than insisted he leave. He asked me, "Why?" I informed him that he was crazy. He asked, "What do you mean?", I stated that he was insane! T stood at the doorway trying to seduce me with his eyes, hesitant to leave, it was so obvious he thought that he could get me to change his mind! I walked to the door and locked it in his face! Does this mean I have to start with day 1 of no contact?