There is one thing I have yet to figure out?

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#1 Dec 28 - 1AM
blueeyes's picture

There is one thing I have yet to figure out?

When he would get caught stealing, or feel embarrassed that he wasnt paying bills, he would always "BE SICK." It was back pain, head ache you name it.

The big "job heist" he really determinedly it, he went on a 6 day couch binge. He did get up while I was gone to the store ect, he would get up.

What was that? He cant face reality?

Dec 29 - 6AM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


The element of "distraction" mixed with a deck of sympathy cards. How could a poor sick man possibly be called to task? What kind of unsympathetic woman are you? C'mon know this better than I do... Either that or the jerk has Fibromyalgia!...LMAO....
Dec 28 - 3PM
Briseis's picture

I used to do that when I was

I used to do that when I was a kid when Mom would get on me about cleaning my room. Or picking up dog poop. Sheesh. IIIIIII''''mmmmmmmmmmmm sssssiiiiiicccccccccckkkkk :P It's like a toddler who decides they aren't going to walk any more and down they go in the shopping aisle.
Dec 28 - 3PM
blueeyes's picture


I suspected these tactics so thanks all. Fed-up, you did get me on the passive aggressive way to not meet my needs? Passive aggressive? I like to get technical these days, a way to control my "life" that's so out of control. Ava, I am hanging in there trudging away at "issues". House, kids, work, school, ya know. How are you? BTW, your N sounds just like mine :( Journey, come to think of it, he was like that on a regular basis. I remember coming home from work and he was on the couch.
Dec 28 - 9AM
fedup's picture

It's a very convenient way

to dodge accountability. And, like Ava said, to gain your sympathy all at the same time. "oh, the poor baby.........." A two-pronged attack. Plus, there's the added passive-aggressive bonus of not being available to meet their partner's needs when it matters.....when it's something the partner really wants to do for example.........
Dec 28 - 8AM
Ava's picture

Hiya blue, I agree - think its a mixture of diversion tactics &

sympathy ploy - if he plays sick after he's caught out doing something then it will take your attention away from what he'd done wrong, you'd worry about him because he's sick, he'd get sympathy from you & you'd also feel bad for being angry at him for whatever he did because now he's sick & it'd be mean to be angry at a poor sick person. So he gets a free pass & an extra dollop of supply at the same time. My ex did that quite a bit, got sick at very "convenient" times - so much so that sometimes he'd forget that he was supposed to be sick or which particular sickness he was playing up to which people at any given time. And he often went on couch binges for days - though if I left the house for a few hours he'd be out the door to the pub before you could blink. How are you doing this week? :) Ava xxxx


Dec 28 - 6AM
onwithmylife's picture

Blue Eyes

My take is he is playing the victimized little toddler, not taking responsibility for his actions or lack thereof, so just retreat to the couch and hope people feel sorry for him and it will all pass away, kinda like the ostrich with their head in the sand, make any sense?
Dec 28 - 3PM (Reply to #4)
blueeyes's picture


Makes total sense. Ugh, I just hated that! HE made no sense with doing this because I NEVER felt sorry for him. I got mad. Duh, why try?
Dec 28 - 5PM (Reply to #5)
onwithmylife's picture

blue eyes

I found out the hard way that in some respects my narc was very bright and in other ways like a little boy lacking any emotional maturity so he did not grasp a lot of things a normal functioning adult male would,
Dec 28 - 3AM
Scotchy71's picture

Blue eyes

I read somewhere that when they're caught up in lies, quite often they suddenly have been unwell or conjure up some mysterious illness - when I caught mine out on all his lies and cheating, he had a pounding headache and didn't want to talk about it...when I discovered more lies, his dear friend (must have been imaginary) had been killed by a drunk lows they won't stoop to to direct the conversation away from the lies and to their illnesses! Truly sick individuals....
Dec 28 - 2AM
Journey's picture

Can't face failing?

Maybe it was just that, escaping from looking like a failure - excuses to overlook the other stuff perhaps? Mine would sleep all day sometimes - he would stay in bed for hours some days, saying he was just tired or didn't feel well. In this way he avoided having to do things with me - invites out with friends, events... he would sleep too late to go. I would often be waiting for him to wake up so we could follow through on plans, never knowing if I was waiting for naught. If I'd try talking to him during these times to find out if he was planning to get up, he would accuse me of not giving him space, trying to control him or manipulate him etc. If I defended myself he could be really cold about it and those were some of the times he was the 'meanest' to me. Cold, withdrawn and insensitive stonewalling. I often would end up either feeling really crappy about going out by myself after that and wouldn't because of the hurt and stress, or I would just go without him, confused about why he needed to do that and then have to make excuses for why he wasn't there - when I didn't really understand it myself. It sounds similar to your N, but mine didn't have to have been caught doing anything wrong in order to do it, sometimes it seemed he was so unhappy, reality was not worth waking up for. Journey on...

Journey on...