The real other woman called me

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Nov 9 - 9AM
ACgirl
ACgirl's picture

HD, I got cold sweats reading your post

It was so upsetting and horrible what you went through. And I got cold sweats because I know that if I ever spoke to all the OW my Narc was with, I would find out all the same things. I too have had gut feelings, and later I found out I was right. My Narc had the nerve to buy new sheets with me and a week later, some young OW was with him in bed screwing on those sheets. Oh, but when I confronted him with it he swore that they didn't f#@k. Oh yeah, he had the nerve to say that to me. He said they were just friends. And what's worse, is I believed it. My gut said he was lying, but I believed him because he was crying that he loved me and missed me. Puke, vomit, puke. I suffered so many of the same things you wrote about. What's horrible is that all this stuff, when we are going through it, makes us think that we are somehow not good enough. It distracts us so much from our lives. They fuck with our minds and souls so much that we miss out of life. My narc made me feel like there was something wrong with me. Yet, it was HIM who was F'D UP!! The amount of lies that I heard was OVERWHELMING. It really gave me the chills reading your post. But I am so glad you wrote what you did and I want to thank you so much for having the courage to write what you went through. It really opened my eyes and is helping me let go even more. I am completely NC with my narc. But he has been hoovering me this week. Because of that I have been thinking of him. But after reading your post, it brought back all the horrible memories of things I went through. And though I have never actually spoken to the OW, I know my story would be the same. I hate these these Narcs. I hate them because of how they steal valuable time from our lives and families, our hearts and our minds. But, because of this website, we are fighting back. We must all continue to write about our stories, and expose their horrible deeds. In doing so, we will help each other and other women see the truth. Thank you for writing this post. I admire your courage and strength. And I will pray for your continued strength. xoxo ACgirl
Nov 9 - 8AM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

OMG ....OMG ....Words fail

OMG ....OMG ....Words fail me ....OMG.. what the flying fuck ...So am i right in saying this was the "friend "that you found was texting when you had his phone ? Did the ow say what she was going to do with the lying rat ... she had no idea you exsisted ... no of corse she didnt as she wouldnt have baby sat .. OMG ... You knew though all along but you couldnt put youre finger on it..Keep calm now though , shit i know its hard not to blast him out , holy mother i bloody would if i found this out .. What are you going to do ? what is she going to do ?
Nov 9 - 8AM (Reply to #15)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

scoop

No, this was a totally different person, but it is the woman he visited two summers ago for a week. I ran all the area codes in his phone and phone an Orange County number with a woman named Veronica. I knew her nickname was V because the kid told me, so there it was. Bingo. Yep, let me tell you: intuition doesn't fail. I will never forget when he brought over those cookies two and a half years ago. I swear to God my heart sank into my shoes. I swear to God I knew right then. Scoop, I don't know what she'll do. She claims she's cool and she's going to walk away, but she is very enmeshed with this kid first of all and then, the sweet talking on top of it. It would be delicious if she walked away and the gravy train stopped coming to town now that I've also closed my kitchen. But even if she does, it won't matter. There will be someone else, and probably already is. I do know that I can't think about it or talk to her anymore. I saw him at school this morning and he gave me a sheepish grin. Seriously. Like, "Whoops. Sorry, honey." Him and his kid wearing the matching jackets she bought them. Crazy, crazy, crazy.
Nov 9 - 8AM (Reply to #12)
Disillusionedx2
Disillusionedx2's picture

He knows....

They know when the supply are "co-conspiring" with one another, he knew when she had his phone something would likely surface, they don't care, they just do "damage control" and hope it works, if it doesn't...oh, well. NEXT N had a phone on my line of course, he never paid the bill as he claimed he would, I had the number switched to a different SIM and popped it into a new phone, tada, text and calls came gushing in, he's frantic on my phone from a secret cell he had asking me to change the number, NO! not changing anything, and truth be told, by the time I explained and listened to all of his garbage I lost interest in the loser, he told a 50 pack of lies trying to control his mess. I still have the same phone, same number, got a text yesterday from one of his "supply" sources, he tried to save the ones that were good supply, left the poor supply in the dust, then text me saying this one said you sound so pitiful, I knew he was lying because I never spoke with whom he was talkin about, I told him to go play in traffic, I don't give a blip who said what, the point is you're a liar and a loser, they're just trifling!

stay~strong

Nov 9 - 6PM (Reply to #13)
moonshine
moonshine's picture

disillusionedx2

it so true that they know...but yet the do. What nerve! Oh..my god what your N did with the phone thing is unbelievable too!!
Nov 10 - 3AM (Reply to #14)
Disillusionedx2
Disillusionedx2's picture

I won't jack

HDs' thread but it gets worse than that, when I am feeling stronger I will post the sordid narc~marish story. HD stay strong, you are doing good, although this may be a set back (it was for me but no worries) you will come out on top! stay~striving

stay~strong

Nov 9 - 6AM
NancyM
NancyM's picture

Helldweller

I am sorry it is still so shocking for you to find things like this out, but knowing what he is beforehand, are you really surprised, or was it that you were holding out hope that there was a shred of humanity in this turd? I worry when I read posts like this because I know you are still in the seeking justice stage, and there is nothing you can do to achieve this from him. Obviously you need to vent and get it out, but please channel your anger and shock towards something productive for YOU, not against him. This person is no longer worth your time of day. If you read one of my very recent posts, I have had a similar experience in the last couple of weeks, but really, after already connecting up the dots about my xN I was not really surprised or terribly shocked. A turd is a turd is a turd, no other way to put it. I am just grateful that I have all my plans in motion to sever ties completely with him, and he can attempt to hoover till the cow jumps over the freakin moon, I no longer give a flying crap if he lives or dies. Just know that he is no longer my problem, as your exN is no longer yours. I had the luxury of maintaining NC for 7 months before I engaged the POS to sort shit out, and I was in a much better place when I did it. Shall I say a fair bit empowered?? It really does make a difference being able to gain that 2020 vision through NC, and until you do, this freaking rollercoaster will continue for you. Don't mean to be blunt or in anyway minimize your pain, but you have to somehow get to a full NC position. Now that you know this, do you feel stronger or more determined to do this? Take care of YOURSELF HD and sending you a hug.

Nevergoback

Nov 9 - 7PM (Reply to #10)
NancyM
NancyM's picture

Helldweller

I think you are in a much better place than i realised before writing this, but it seems I should catch up on the board more before commenting. Hope I did not offend with this post.

Nevergoback

Nov 9 - 5AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Oh and

The thing that floors me the most is: can you imagine the adrenaline he must have going, constantly wondering if the child is going to say something about me to her or vice-versa? You have got to be seriously addicted to mega-drama to put yourself through that for three years! Anyway, she seems very cool. She was totally devastated and she was crying on and off, but she says she's not going to talk to him. While we talked he was texting her, "Go ahead and believe her. But I love you." "She's nuts; everyone knows it" and crap like that--because she texted him that she was on the phone with me. I know I must not become involved with what she does. I know even talking to her was probably a mistake because he will obviously turn it all around. Of course, I warned her against getting caught up in his explanations, and I sent her all the pictures I have of us all together these years, and some recent text messages from him professing his undying love and swearing on his brother's life that he'd never even kissed her. Ugh. I hope I hope she dumps his ass. She seems pretty strong but who among us is a match for what he probably has up his sleeve?
Nov 9 - 6AM (Reply to #8)
Used
Used's picture

helldweller

i thought there is nothing else that could shock me about a narc....well this has!!, i even know they live double lifes, but this.WOW...so she keeps him as well, she is the mother to te child, and all his poxy family and friends enabled him.and the babysitter is her best friend...SOME BEST FRIEND..cos she was devious with her as well....i can only guess at the terrible time you are having, and i am dumbfounded, how we [without knowing], help these bastards by hanging in there.normally i would have said dont talk to her,ow but i am glad you have...its hurt you badly., but now you know what a cruel,degenarate slag, he is. i too showed OW his texts, he told her i must have got another phone and texted my self..she ended up as crushed as anything about him ,she knew what i showed her and told her was not lies but still went back, and this is what i dont get....how woman after woman keep going back.i dont believe your narcs ow will give him up, but thats up to her.its you i am interested in. you have had such a raw deal and you dont deserve it.. remember the time the child said he and a woman had slept in a bed?am i right.then that was her?.so you asking was narc afraid it would all come out..no he wasent, he couldnt care less...he can and will move on to any one else..one body is much like another to him he has no feeling...I have bought a new tv, it still does the same as my old tv, so it looks diffrent so what i am still getting what i want out of it...the saying that we are all interchanable objects is so true. and when you begin coming thru it, you will have a future again ,but with human biengs... not robots. GOD BLESS....LOVE USED
Nov 9 - 6AM (Reply to #2)
Disillusionedx2
Disillusionedx2's picture

They don't think that far ahead...

Hey HD, great validation, but what did she want? Why did she phone you? how did she get your info/find out about you? Sorry about all the questions, just curious. As for as him being concerned about the kid spilling the beans, constantly, no, they're not concerned about that until it actually happens, they worry about what's in front of them right "now" he will deal with that when it comes along, if ever. There won't be anything different here, the same ole Narcrap, doesn't sound like he's d/d'd her though, or has he? I wouldn't get caught up in it, he's gonna rage and lie, that's what they do, no surprise there huh? Best wishes

stay~strong

Nov 9 - 7AM (Reply to #3)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Disillusioned

It was mostly the phone, just like with me. Plus his "work" schedule didn't line up a lot of the time. She wrote down my number from his phone the last time she was in because he had texts to me saying, "I love you" and "I have never looked at another woman since I met you." She said she didn't dare call but asked him about it and he lied and said I was a friend and it was an inside joke. She called several other women, too, who seemed to be just friends, and then called me. She was looking for the truth, i guess, just like the rest of us. She was most upset about the child, and about the fact that the family all lied to her about the Narc not seeing anyone else. The little brother even said, "I love you, V, I would never lie to you." Same shit he said to me. And they all told him, "He's never been so happy with anyone before you." Yeah, right. It was creepy listening to her. She is totally loving, nonest, generous, trusting, unquestioning of everything. When I talked to her, you could see that, just a bit, her world had started to crumble. I felt really bad as I know she must be this hugely strong woman. Her sister died last year--the woman who introduced her to the narc. Can you imagine this f*cking dick taking advantage of a woman in this situation? Just like me after I escaped my bipolar arsonist ex husband out the window in the snow with my daughters--right into his waiting arms. Sick. Anyway, I have no plans to speak to her anymore. She can do what she wants, and if she stays with him, I'll just see that as a good thing because he'll still have one of his lays and one of his pretend worlds to still live in--and leave me alone.
Nov 9 - 7AM (Reply to #4)
Disillusionedx2
Disillusionedx2's picture

yea let Peter Pan

Thanks HD, I appreciate you answering my questions, I was curious how she came to find out about you, apparently he was a bit "sloppy" and she got hold to his phone. So sad how some of us come to learn who we are dealing with, so sad they have no conscious and continue to play on peoples emotions, it's a dangerous situation all the way around in so many ways. I Mean we totally trust what they tell us because that's what you do when you're with a partner in a relationship right? Then you find out your sexual health has been compromised, your trust and everything else, it's N-sanity, but I can tell you are empathetic in your response to her, she is hurting for certain just as we all are/have been, I have spoken with an OW before, it's heartbreaking to listen to someone else tell their grim tale of being in the web of a N, but you sound much stronger, I am very proud to read this, that you did give her some insight but won't continue to engage in it, good for you, best wishes.

stay~strong

Nov 9 - 8AM (Reply to #5)
Used
Used's picture

helldweller

just my take for a man leading a double life, as d2 said he was "sloppy "with his phone with ow, and he was sloppy with his phone with you wasent he? makes me think , he was bored and got "careless" with phones to incite a bit of drama..2 women fighting over him..he doesnt care...my narc was pissed off ow spoke to me and all that but i could see a part of him was pleased...he wasent when i said tell her not to come near me again or i will get nasty..and he said why dont you want to talk to herWTF...boring little men..altho i have to say narc wasent careless about that...i was just visiting somewhere and she happen to be there too.she spoke and the rest is history..i dropped him 13 mnths ago... i ve seen ow twice...each time with a diffrent man, i think she was a narc too..PS b/c my narcs cut off date with his relationships was 3/4 years...tho he told me he finished all his relationships.. it turns out they did...theres a suprise.
Nov 10 - 8AM (Reply to #6)
better off
better off's picture

I think you are on to

I think you are on to something here... I don't think there was anything sloppy about it at all. I mean, what's a narc to do? Helldweller finally DID move away from him, got away from him, is getting well and not engaging in the insanity he so loved... hmm, what better way to up the ante. Just when you think a narc couldn't POSSIBLY up the ante... they do. So I have a feeling that this was no accident that the OW has just now discovered HD. I mean seriously? Now? After she's gone on her way? I'm sure Judge Narc is expecting fireworks extraordinaire from this incident... so it would be sooo sweet not to give him any. At least from HD! He's meeting his sick need in that department by pulling all the same strings on this OW right now. I think this cat is one of the sickest f**ks talked about on this board.
Nov 11 - 10AM (Reply to #7)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

So true, Better Off!

I totally agree. HD is moving on and he knows she is serious about it this time, so he needs some drama. Just like he let HD know about OW in his life, he's now letting this real OW know about HD to see how far he can push it, and to see if he can get OW and HD to up the ante to try to "win". He's probably expecting a lot of new great stuff out of this. HD, don't give in! Don't engage with her in any way. She has the info she needs and is on her own to do with it what she wants. If she wants to keep playing, let her. But you stay out of it. Don't let him get anymore from you. He has already gotten way too much. And I also agree with Better Off that he is one of the sickest on here.