The real other woman called me

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#1 Nov 9 - 5AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

The real other woman called me

Ironically, she has suspected something was up for the PAST THREE YEARS THEY HAVE BEEN DATING. THREE YEARS! So here's the disgusting deal:

They met at a party four years ago because her sister is the next door neighbor of the narc's best friend. She is fifty eight and has never been married or had any children. She said the narc was "smitten with her" for a year before she agreed to go out with him. The whole time, he and I were together and THE NARC'S BEST FRIEND WAS TRYING TO GET HER TO GO OUT WITH THE NARC BEHIND MY BACK! She lives in California (Yup, found the California girl) and HAS COME TO CHICAGO TWICE A MONTH FOR THREE YEARS TO SEE THE NARC AND HIS CHILD AND THE NARC'S FAMILY! THE EVIL BABYSITTER IS HER BEST FRIEND! Apparently, she has asked the babysitter many times if the narc was seeing someone else, and she said no, all the while watching the child so the narc and I could go out or he could come over and screw. Now, get this: she has never been in his house, not once! She stays in a hotel downtown which she pays for and the narc and his kid and his brother come down and hang out, swim in the pool, and she takes them out for dinner! He tells her his house is a mess! She goes to the child's baseball games, has picked him up at school, went to his kindergarten graduation, and the narc asked her to be his GODMOTHER (which he weasled out of last minute; he baptized him behind HER back, too). At least once night every time she's here, he leaves the child to spend the night with her and goes out--guess where? Yup, we lined up all of the weekends we could remember to discover that she had been babysitting his kid while he was f*cking me. But it gets better! She gave him five thousand dollars to buy furniture for his house because he said he was broke, and she gave him a check last week to fix his car! She also sends him a check every month because he says he can't afford to support the child! Rememeber the first year the child was here and they left on his birthday without telling me he was leaving? They were having a bowling party with the OW and stayed in her hotel all weekend! This past birthday, she ordered them a limo which picked them up and took them to the circus and then to a waterpark hotel for the weekend WITH THE NARC'S WHOLE FAMILY!
But wait, there's more!
The first day the child was here, they had already been dating for an entire year. He and the narc came over to dinner and the narc brought a beautiful tray of cookies with a bow around it. He said some woman at work was trying to start a catering business and he bought them from her to help her out. Guess who had made the cookies? The OW! Apparently she sends a care package every week with expensive clothes, shoes, homemade baked goods, and MONEY FOR THE CHILD'S SAVINGS ACCOUNT! I remember that everytime I went to he and his brother's house there were little gifts on the steps: cookies, brownies, candy, wine. And the photos all over the narc's house? Guess who took them all? Yup!
She has taken him to the doctor for all sorts of tests, he quit smoking last month apparently for her, she talks to him on the phone several times a day, calls to say good morning and good night every day, and actually has intercourse with her, unlike me.
She is like a sister to the narc's brother, who also watches the child so the narc can come over or we can go out. The two faced, lying, evil psychos! All of them!
We went through every holiday the past three years and discovered that they were all perfectly lined up with the narc's work excuses: when he spent Christmas with one of us he told the other one he had to work, etc. She gave him the shirts he gave me to sleep in!
I was so amazed to find this out. I really thought this california woman was a one-time thing. It's incredible.
I was so amazed this morning, it didn't really sink in until this evening, and I've been lying awake all night. I almost have symptoms like physical shock. I am shaking, vomiting, chills, and my whole body aches like I got hit by a truck. I knew he was a liar, but to find out that his family was having an intimate relationship with another woman all of this time, that she was the child's mother all along, that she has been around him at school and the park, a block away from me: the balls!

Nov 14 - 7PM
baddream
baddream's picture

So sorry

I read your story and it made me sick. Although I have not seen or spoken to my ex-N in more than 18 months, when I read what happened to you I had one big flashback to my own experience and broke into a terrible sweat. What he did was such typical behavior for these psychos. I had a similar experience.. a long 6 year relationship with the N, and he was living a completely OTHER life with another woman for 4 of those years. I HAD NO IDEA! I know-- hard to believe, right? And she did everything for him, all the time. Cleaned up all his messes and trouble he got in. He would sail in and out of my life-- I think I must have been his whore, and she was the madonna. It was SO sick. I can only say that you must use this experience to get very, very angry and purge him out of your inner soul and life. The revelations we have from N, and resulting anger can be quite helpful for getting them out of our systems for good. Unfortunately, the scars remain; when I read stories like this my bad memories come back to the surface. That is why I do not come to this forum quite as much as I once did. Please be gentle with yourself, and try not to be too sick over this. He is not worth it.
Nov 13 - 7AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Sorry I

haven't really been on here. It's been a very numb week, my head full of the last three years, piecing together all the lies, all the missed dates, the missed holidays, the promises, the feelings, and especially the way he turned everything against me and made me feel like a fool while I still didn't know. How he so easily used me as long as he possibly could, even after the police came, after the public humiliation, the public rage, the drunken stupors over the hurt and loneliness and uncertainty and neglect. And how he used her for so long, without putting forth any effort whatsoever. The last thing she said was, "I didn't ask for much, I didn't expect anything in return, but I just wondered why he didn't give me SOMETHING, ANYTHING." My ex husband gave me a book called "Drinking: A Love Story" the other day, because those first few days I ended up totally drunk each night, just obliterated. The book is written by a young woman in her thirties who is a successful journalist but who gets through her career, her families difficulties and parent's illnesses--and her love life--by drowning everything in alcohol. For the very first time in my life I realized that all of the truly horrible things that "happened to me" in my life happened in great part because drinking allowed me to keep letting them go on, to escalate, to mushroom into situations that no sober person would have allowed. This post is about drinking or whatever else anyone on here is using to get through--but it's about addiction to the narc, too. I have thought a lot about my life, and I remember that, when I was younger, I was so strong and clear-headed. If someone cheated on me, I left. No second chance, no explanations. If someone hurt me, I forgave them but carefully removed them from my life. I planned my life, and I followed the plan to get what I wanted to make me happy. It was careful, measured, sensible, populated with appropriate boundaries for the most part, and I accomplished a lot at a young age. In accordance, I left my husband after he showed signs of neglect and alcoholism--two years after our marriage. I could have left then, but I went back to give him one more chance. When he failed to improve, I started drinking at home. For the first time in my life, I felt I couldn't leave. I had quit my job to raise my daughter, I had no income, no family nearby, no car of my own, no savings, and we had bought a house together with a thirty year mortgage on it. I was IN and for the frist time in my life I felt like I couldn't walk away. So I drank. I left him several more times, in the interim having brief affairs out of starvation for love and affection and worth. I realize now that I told myself the whole time I was entitled to have those affairs, but I wasn't. I was only entitled to leave. So I stayed, and the relationship that should have ended soured to such drastic proportions that the violence began, the running away, the police, the separations, the threats and terror. And the drinking. Finally, my husband lost his job, trashed our house, and set a fire at our church during a drunken rage. I got shit faced drunk and found another boyfriend, and I moved my children out of town to live happily ever after with him, which seemed like a great idea when I was drunk. I ended up taking my husband back after he got out of jail two years later. I drank and drank and drank until I felt it was the right thing to do. He came to live with us and, six months later, I ran away again with our children, taking them out the bedroom window as he pounded at the door, which I'd barricaded against him. I cam home to Chicago and the narc, and he was the ONE I'd been waiting for. I am very conscious of the fact that I felt like poison to men, untouchable, worthless. And that he said, "You are amazing, I don't care about your past." And I'm quite aware that, little by little, he played into that fear he knew was there, and he built it up on purpose, little by little. When I started to have doubts, I drank. When I started to fear he would leave me, I drank. When he was abusive, I drank. When he pulled away, I drank. Drinking let me stay much longer, I think, than anyone had ever stayed with him. I kept telling myself, "I love him more than they did. I understand him more. He'll see. I'll win him over yet, this scared little boy." I saw how afraid he was, how little self esteem he really had, how hurt he was inside, and I was going to take care of him. And so I stayed, and I drank to stay, and so did he, and it got scarier and scarier and more and more violent and abusive and sad. What was I thinking? It was ME who was scared, me who had no self esteem, me who couldn't handle real life. I truly began to see myself as this unfortunate woman who things "happened to." I had completely lost control of my life. I thought I had no right to anything, that I could do nothing to change anything. That there was no hope. I was terrified of losing this man who knew the true, worthless me--and who still stayed with me, no matter how ugly I acted, no matter how undesirable I was. I remember those nights we had the very physical things happen. The brawl outside over the phone, the night I broke his windshield, the day I first found out about his trip and went over and tore up the lawn I'd bought him. I was drinking each time, and I remember at the end having to be so drunk in order to live life with him. Those violent episodes became so surreal. I remember waking up several mornings feeling like Lon Chaney, Jr. in "The Wolfman" when he wakes up to find dirt on his feet and blood on his hands, but with no memory of the night before, just a desperate awareness that it would happen again, and of a powerlessness to stop it. There is a quiet peace this week since I've discovered that I was not "crazy"--that my crazy episodes and rages and drunkenness were not to blame for the core of the problem. I didn't drive him into her arms, as he always seemed to suggest. I'd say, why can't I meet your female friends? Why can't I come to the party? He'd say, "Because you act like a crazy person, because you're always angry." That wasn't true. She was there the whole time. But I am also seeing, for the first time, that--because of drinking and because of my growing addiction to HIM--the effect became indecipherable from the cause. I realized yesterday, for the first time that *I* was actually BECOMING the person he wanted me to be: the untrusting one, the angry and bitter one, the nasty one, the foul one, the one with nothing to offer who was always unhappy and fearful and filled with rage. I was becoming the person that WOULD drive a man into another woman's arms. I had felt that way before: that I was looking at this woman and didn't recognize her, and that I was so angry that he and these other people were seeing that woman who wasn't me. But I had come to believe that he must be right, it must be my fault. Because everyone he knew was standing around me calmly while I was breaking his windshield or tearing out his flowers or screaming in a drunken rage. But then he would come to me and say, "Baby, I understand you. I will stick by you. My ex husband used to say, "You better knock it off. You're turning into that Fatal Attraction woman. No wonder they all dislike you." And I'd get so angry. Because that wasn't me. I wasn't crazy. I wasn't a one night stand. I was his GIRLFRIEND, for crying out loud!" But I SAW and I KNEW I wasn't his girlfriend. Anyone could see that. But drinking--and the mind-bending "drugs" he was feeding me by telling me what I wanted to hear without any action to back it up--enabled me to keep believing that I was. I realize, now, that there is some very sad stuff going on deep inside me. That I truly do think very poorly of myself on some fundamental level. I think, today, I have finally gotten to that place you guys--and my therapist have been steering me towards all this time: the place where the work to do is on ME.
Nov 13 - 10PM (Reply to #45)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Helldweller

OMG. Thank you, this is about the most powerful piece of self awareness I've ever read. It rings with YOUR power. Yours. I drank too, to cope, in just exactly the same way you have. When I stopped, I saw how drinking became my way of coping with what I could not change in other people. It didn't occur to me that I could change myself, and thus change the world I lived in. Bravo :) I am so impressed and so honored you shared this with all of us :)
Nov 13 - 6PM (Reply to #44)
faithinthefuture
faithinthefuture's picture

helldweller

you are an amazing woman! :-)
Nov 13 - 5PM (Reply to #43)
NancyM
NancyM's picture

Helldweller

I was so touched by this post, it is written with such honesty and insight that gave be goosebumps. You have truly turned a corner here, and you have had that shift of perception that while it may seem small, it is actually a huge step towards your healing and recovery. Congratulations, you are well on your way. :)))

Nevergoback

Nov 13 - 10AM (Reply to #42)
desprathousewife
desprathousewife's picture

Respect :)

That was so heartbreaking to read yet at the same time very inspirational. You sound like you are becoming a new person, you've looked deep inside yourself and have seen your demons. Now you can excorsise them at last :) I think you've already done a heap of work on you and when you you're complete again you are gonna be a huge inspiration to others. Huge respect to you Helldweller and lots of luck in your continuing journey x
Nov 13 - 9AM (Reply to #41)
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

:) almostlydia

:) almostlydia

almostlydia

Nov 13 - 7AM (Reply to #39)
Used
Used's picture

helldweller

this is so incredibly sad it bought tears to my eyes. you are a worthy person ,you met someone who is so unworthy that he wanted to take you to his hell which he did.. i believe he was careless with his phones to get some drama and reaction, but has shot him self in the foot....b/c what he has got is helldweller reviewing her life and that wasent suppose to happen...you were suppose to fight it out for him....i am so glad you are at the place you have reached..b/c it maybe? wouldnt have been reached yet if he hadnt so needed "HIS DRAMA" when we finally face our demons its hard, but b/c we are strong woman we will leave our demons behind in the same place we leave the narcs...good luck and god bless...love usedxx
Nov 13 - 7AM (Reply to #40)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

used and Ms Vulcan

Thank you. I was just about to clarify that I am not absolving him from blame but--yes, yes--realizing that while he cannot change *I* can. And that I was a big part of how incredibly horrible the situation became because I actually encouraged the evil to flourish in both of us. And yes, I know there were two choices that I could have made, and can still make. Believe me, there was a moment where I thought, "*I* will be the one to stay with him, and she'll leave, and he wil finally realize that I am the best one for him." And yes, that was the choice he wanted me to make--and the choice he expected me to make. But I'm not the person he left behind on Monday, and that person isn't going to be here when he returns. The last thing I said to him was, F U. I think that was a fitting closing statement from that nasty woman I'd become. I wasn't allowed to say anything kind, anything forgiving, anything loving. He wouldn't let me be any of those things anymore. I'd never said that to anyone before in my life.
Nov 13 - 7AM (Reply to #38)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Wow!

Helldweller, what an excellent, insightful post!! You are focusing on you, and not the narc. You're right, this is where you need to be. I think you are well on your way now to moving on to a better life for yourself and your daughters. It also sounds like you are seeing that narc cannot change, but you have the chance to change yourself, and therefore, your future. I think this is a HUGE breakthrough for you. Just keep moving forward. It will get bumpy at times, but in the end it is for you, and the end result is going to be amazing!
Nov 12 - 6AM
Fawn
Fawn's picture

Intuition

Your intuition was telling you all along, wasn't it. I'm so sorry HD. She sounds more like a mother or grandmother than a lover or wife, just sayin'. What a leech he is! Sounds like he makes plenty of money and he has her paying for everything. What a creep!
Nov 12 - 3AM
CarolKittyGale (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

helldweller

You are in major shock at the moment but you are not alone I have heard about guys behaving like this before, it happened to my friend and the things I've come to realize about these types got worse when I started doing voluntary work in the women's centre. Unfortunately nothing they are capable of surprises me any more. What an evil, self~absorbed, free~loading user...my heart goes out to you and any woman that comes into contact with him. He is a weasel. At the moment you are going through a major shock, who wouldn't be, and it will affect you of course but try to look after yourself like you have just got over a virus, treat yourself to some TLC if you can, I think it is humiliating for him that he can allow women to do so much for him, what a ponce. There are words for him that a lady like myself doesn't use but believe me I am thinking them. This guy and the people round him are bunch of users and out for what they can get. I'm sorry but I would not allow my sons or family members to behave in this manor and be in my life however much I loved them. I could not condone them behaving like this I would have had to insisted they told you or at least come clean with you so they are obviously no good or have no back~bone...are they afraid of him??? Now it's about you and yours, ....it's got to be because it is plainly obvious that this complete waste of space and everything around him that you have come into contact with isn't going to be good for you or your children. Life is to short to waste it's precious moments. You CAN get through this but first you have to give yourself some love and rest because you will be in shock for a while. (((hugs)))
Nov 11 - 9AM
chickon2
chickon2's picture

I hate him...That's all I

I hate him...That's all I got.. he is unreal..
Nov 10 - 9AM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I truly believe that man is

I truly believe that man is demonic. He takes evil to a whole new level. Its all so twisted sometimes when I read the horrific stuff he has done to you I start rationalizing well maybe my N isn't so bad. This is how twisted my thinking has become. They can all rot in hell but especially this one.
Nov 12 - 8AM (Reply to #30)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I just thought to myself how

I just thought to myself how interesting that you chose the name helldweller for yourself for it is he that will ultimately be the helldweller. Ahhh the irony of it all.
Nov 12 - 4PM (Reply to #32)
ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture

not too sure about that...

sounds to me like the Devil should take out an RO on this nut.
Nov 13 - 10AM (Reply to #33)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I pretty sure he is going

Im pretty sure he is going straight to hell:) Im a christian and I shouldnt say things like this but this man is so inherantly evil I cant help myself. God forgive me. I guess even a Narc deserves an opportunity for salvation. Problem is he is too freakin stupid to ask for it.
Nov 12 - 3PM (Reply to #31)
ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture

not too sure about that...

sounds to me like the Devil should take out an RO on this nut.
Nov 10 - 8AM
better off
better off's picture

Parasite Pimp

I am glad you found out about this for one very important reason. SO much of your pain and anguish has been about watching this creep "providing for" the foster child, while giving nothing (even common courtesy!) to your children. All the times you were so incensed seeing the nice clothing on the boy, his nice things in the house,etc, while he gave you a big fat nothing. Well, now you know, HE never provided anything for anyone! This makes so much more sense now! That PARASITE was letting someone ELSE provide for that child. Someone else bought the clothes, furnished the house, provided it all! He is so disgusting it takes my breath away. He takes narc manipulation to a whole new level... he pimps that kid out to women who want to be a mom. It's diabolical. And it really astonishes me how he's able to keep every single woman OUT of his house, even the one that's paying the bills!! That is so bizarre. I swear this is the kind of guy you see on Dateline or something. Maybe one day we will! Hugs to you, HD. I too felt like I'd been run over by a truck once I knew about the OW (a supposed friend). When all the pieces clicked into place and I saw without a doubt how clearly I had been had. But as John Cleese would say, "I got better." Keep moving forward, even if it's on your hands and knees!
Nov 11 - 8AM (Reply to #27)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

betteroff

Haha. My ex husband is an award-winning investigative journalist and is chomping at the bit to write up this story as an idea submission for Dateline. Or at least for our independent paper here in Chicago: they LOVE stuff like this about politicians. Even if I had to move across the country to escape his wrath, I would love to see this in print or--better yet--splashed across tens of millions of tv screens in prime time. Even though I am heartbroken, for me and her, for my kids, for the little boy, there is a pretty damn good bit of satisfaction in knowing I was RIGHT about every single thing. Intuition is a powerful weapon we have. That's another lesson I finally learned well.
Nov 12 - 9AM (Reply to #28)
MovinOnUp
MovinOnUp's picture

Helldweller

It had to be so hard to hear from this woman, Helldweller, but I guess she was a blessing in disguise because you were right and you can trust that intuition of yours. I know it won't heal the heartache this clown caused for all involved but I'm so happy that all your suspicions have been confirmed so you can move forward without wondering. Intuition is a very powerful weapon that we both need to learn to trust in real time. For reasons I finally understand I always let my mother's intuition overide my own... and I dug my hole deeper everytime I let that happen. This guy is someone I fantasize about taking down. I'd love to see his sorry ass on Dateline -- or any show where he'd be exposed as the heartless imposter that he is. Oh how I wish a bunch of nanny-cams could be dropped into that fortress of his. I had jury duty recently and I kinda felt sorry for the sweet old Judge -- because I kept scrutinizing him like he was on trial. lol Take good care of yourself, Helldweller. I'm so sorry you ever got tangled up with this pitiful excuse for a human being. ((( HUGS )))
Nov 10 - 4PM (Reply to #26)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

better off and everyone, everyone . . .

Thank you for your responses. I'm still a bit numb but, thankfully God took the demon asswhipe to Vegas for a week so I have a little breathing room ( I found out about the trip from the OW; didn't bother to tell me on Sunday when he left a note on my car begging me to come back). Oh, better off, so, so true. I remember so many times when I saw his clothes, shoes, backpacks, toys, books, photos of him, etc etc and thought, "Gosh, the narc really loves him and can really care for children." The last time was about a month ago when I saw the bag full of four pairs of children's shoes from a high end department store and the narc had told me he'd taken the boy shoe shopping--he called he to come, he said, but I didn't answer (yeah, right). Well, of course, the OW had insisted on going shoe shopping AND paid for them, along with a ton of clothes and then taken them out to lunch. The whole con artist, mooching thing was a whole new dimension of madness. I mean, I gave him so much stuff, bought a few things for the child, and cooked for them, etc, but that this woman actually TOOK THEM SHOPPING AND PAID FOR IT ALL, rented hotel rooms twice a month and bought round trip airfare between CA and Chicago twice a month for three years AND wrote checks for this $180K salary multimillionaire asswipe j*goff to fix his car and buy funiture and pay the mortgage? I never imagined this depth of slime. All control. It's incredible. Whatever she had to give he took from her. I mean, went out of his way to take from her to just see if she would give it to him. Yeah, she made him look like a great dad, especially to me, at exactly the right times when I thought he was worthless. I'd look at the shoes and think, "Gosh, he can't be that bad." Or look at their little matching coats and think, "That is so sweet." Oh, brother!
Nov 9 - 6PM
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

HD

Oh girl, I am so sorry. This is the truth of how they are and now you see it all. I remember so clearly the day I found one of the OW's and she told me he had been coming to her house once or twice a week for 6 yrs. It literally almost killed me because I was on the expressway and almost ran underneath an 18 wheeler. This is going to throw you for a loop, friend, but in the end you will know the truth about them. this is how they do it. I hope that because you know so much more than I did, it will be different for you. The one that day turned out to be just one of many I found out about afterwards. This is how they are and what they do. It is now that you begin to see that all those things that he said and did with you he was doing with numerous other people as well. This is what they are and how they do it. Sorry, girl. It all sucks. almostlydia

almostlydia

Nov 9 - 3PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Ugh

How utterly humiliating for you :( I can't imagine what it must feel like to be so completely valueless. Just one of many pretty baubles to "visit" and touch and then move on to the next :( At least my exNarc valued me enough to "marry" me, live as man and wife with me, and stay focused on me. It at least fooled me into thinking he truly loved me, at least until the year or so before the end. You haven't even been given the SLIGHTEST bit of that. He devalued you that much. He made you into a beggar :( . You, and all the other women he sleazed and manipulated. None of you are worth a shit to him, except for a momentary thrill, and then he turns to the next one. In your shoes, I can't imagine how I would begin to deal with that :( . The humiliation would be so enormous I probably couldn't even PEEP at it without a few years of therapy first. You are a tough lady, I must say. Saying you deserve better is the understatement of the millenium. And that he is a disgusting swine is another one.
Nov 9 - 5PM (Reply to #22)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Being a beggar

Thanks for your powerful words. They're very healing and validating. "You haven't even been given the SLIGHTEST bit of that. He devalued you that much. He made you into a beggar. The humiliation would be so enormous"-I can see where you're coming from. Your ex-Narc "valued" you enough to marry you, put on the whole love and commitment act. He pretended to be focused on you, and had you thinking he loved you. Of course, he MARRIED you! With the ex-Psych professor, he didn't "value" me enough for me to be "the other woman" or "the woman scorned", let alone a "friend." Because I was his student, I was literally WORTHLESS in his eyes. He liked me being in the state of a beggar... because I was a student. He enjoyed humiliating me... because I was a student. The violation of the husband/wife relationship by an N/P is profound because of the commitment, the union. I guess with the teacher/student relationship, it's a profound violation because of the level of trust and authority. He enjoyed complaining to his students during class about me dating, about how much it bothered him. When I confronted him, he said "You're dating because you don't want to be stuck with me." Truer words were never uttered, by a liar. I preferred casual dating to marriage with a psychopath... so I chose wisely.
Nov 9 - 6PM (Reply to #23)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Being a beggar

I hear you Susan. That is the WORST of it all. A beggar is what we become, and it's like a frog in a slowly boiling pot. You are a beggar and you don't even know it, you're just trying to get "proof" and validation from him or whoever else, and you are still begging and being humiliated the whole time. I absolutely CRINGE for Helldweller (((((((HD)))))))) That's what these relationships look like to me, now. Back then, I was in the thick of it and doing what I needed to do to survive it, or keep some shred of sanity. I didn't know that the whole THING was evil. What depths I had descended to, to keep some kind of connection with my Narc, to animate the dead body when it was STINKING.
Nov 9 - 1PM
The Girlfriend ...
The Girlfriend of Dr Jekyl's picture

Oh HellDweller ! OMG Girl!

When I read this I went from sitting there with my mouth open in disbelief of this stuff your Narc did...to feeling your shock and hurt over it. I feel badly to know how upset you must be to find out about the depth of his betrayals! This is the stuff of nightmares!...but now everything you felt makes some sort of sense...now that you can fit the pieces together of the puzzle he created. All those times he dissappeared on you, or came over just for a short time...but was vaguely 'oh so 'busy' later and could not stay...all the things he did & said that hurt and confused you, the recycled 'gifts'...and everything else he did that left you trying to figure things out all the time...that knot in the pit of your tummy telling you something was not quite right and that you were being toyed with and lied to, even when he said endearing words and vowed his love to you...yeah right!!!...and NOW you have the truth... You handled that phone call from the OW very well. Bravo to you for your compassion and poise during that phone call, when you must have been utterly sick inside while you guys compared 'notes' and learned the truth together. Having the photos of you and him to give to her as proof was really good. You know how these guys lie and deny everytime they are caught with their pants down..Don't be too surprised if he totally hoovers her and pulls out all the stops to charm the heck out of her to keep her...he'll probably promise her anything and everything...etc...he has alot to lose...and this is what these guys do best. So glad you are away from him and that you are NC. Hope he leaves you alone so you can continue to put your own life back together and find a good man who deserves to know and love you for real. I know how hurtful it is to have the truth, but also SO validating. And now Sweetie...you know without a doubt that it was NEVER about you...not even about the OW (pleural I am sure, as I bet both of you combined don't even have all the complete picture of his secret life, OMG these Narcopaths are SO selfish and sick)...it was always all about HIM...and in his own little fantasy world...it always will be...and he could care less who he hurts, lies to, or uses and leaves for dead in his pathetic Narcopath wake! Stay strong! Big hugs xo
Nov 9 - 1PM
moonshine
moonshine's picture

wow..o..wow

Please stay calm and think...then feel better slowly. Words cant help now but please take care of yourself. You are doing your best
Nov 9 - 10AM
desprathousewife
desprathousewife's picture

Jeez, these guys just beggar

Jeez, these guys just beggar belief. I'm so sorry Helldweller that this dispicable man just keeps revealing even more dirt from under his flea ridden carpet :( Both him and his family are truly the lowest of the low. Thank goodness you have got away from him. You have been through so much and it seems you just start picking yourself up and the b*stard knocks you back down again. I agree with Used, they LOVE this sort of attention. Mine actually contacted an ex a few months before we split JUST to provoke a reaction. He rang her one night leading up to a weekend we were both going out knowing full well she would come and front me with the call. Unfortunately for him it didnt go to plan, she enquired whether we were still together seeing as he'd rung her so instead of saying I was, I said nope I'd finished it, smiled an walked away. He came in the pub straight after, I asked him why he'd rung her and he went mute, his friends knew and were convinced we would have a cat fight over him. Uh uh, I threw my pernod and blackcurrant all down his favourite shirt in front of everyone, smiled widely and walked out. Jeez, you shoulda seen his face, it was priceless. I never spoke to him for a few weeks until the slimeball came crawling back on hands and knees, begging me to take him back with a pack of lies as to why he'd called her. Muggings here fell for it and took him back. Not sure I believed his story back then but I KNEW he had only rung her, hadn't slept with her else she would have been GLEEFULL that night and filled me in on all the sordid details. This woman is an evil witch, the one he is now back with. He has no other supply, his name is now mud in this town and she is the only woman available to him for the foreseeable future YAY, they make a beautiful psychotic couple :) I so wish that every woman on the planet was as educated as we all are on these guys, then the poor beggars would all starve to death. What a lovely thought. Take care of yourself Jaycee, Karma will eventually catch up with them all. xx
Nov 9 - 10AM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Helldweller

I am so sorry you have to go through this really, no words can take away your pain. I spoke briefly with my Narcs ex-wife. On some level it was validating, only because I was able to see it wasn't just me he was a shit to - it's who he is. I think as women and as victims, we can all support one another, find good supports and you will get through this. What a shithead! Be glad you're rid of him...he's really pathological - but then again, aren't they all...