Narcissist and Sex Addiction
Narcissist and Sex Addiction
This is very common among Narcissist. Deviant sexual behavior as a means to inflate the ego is like a drug to them. I can not count the number of times my xN would tell me that he is a "people watcher". Little did i understand what that really meant. With every quest they set out to conquer it gets more and more deviant in time. The lengths they will go to are unimaginable to us. Craigslist, Sex sites, Massage parlors, Escort services and Hook up Bars are common place for them.
The problem is that because of the secrecy involved with this addiction, many times they will fly under the radar without getting caught, therefore they dont have to face a consequence for their behavior. To them it is not wrong. To them it is only sex with no emotional attachment. To them it is perfectly acceptable as long as they are discrete.
Narcissist have overlapping addictions that coincide with their NPD. Frequently you will find that there has been drugs and alcohol abuse issues that even went undetected. Remember that they are MASTERS OF DISGUISE. Not only did they fool us but everyone involved in their circle.
Sexual narcissism has been described as an egocentric pattern of sexual behavior that involves both low self-esteem and an inflated sense of sexual ability and sexual entitlement.
In addition, sexual narcissism is the erotic preoccupation with oneself as a superb lover through a desire to merge sexually with 'a mirror image of oneself.' (usually through controlling and brainwashing a target)
Sexual narcissism, coined by David Farley Hurlbert, is an intimacy dysfunction in which sexual exploits are pursued, generally in the form of extramarital affairs, to overcompensate for low self-esteem and an inability to experience true intimacy. This behavioral pattern is believed to be more common in men than in women and has been tied to domestic violence in men and sexual coercion in couples. Hurlbert and his colleagues assert that any sex addiction is nothing more than a misnomer for what is actually sexual narcissism or sexual compulsivity. - Wikipedia
* Obsession over sex to the point where it intrudes your daily routine or hinders your ability to maintain your job and relationships
* Practicing unprotected anonymous or casual sex on an ongoing basis
* Going into and remaining in debt for the purpose of obtaining sex with prostitutes. This may also include subscriptions to pornographic Web portals or "sex chats"
* Looking for sex in public places, including public bathrooms
* "Cruising" in public but calling it "people watching"
* Having sex in dangerous places
* Excessive and compulsive masturbation (3-25 times per day or week)
* A dependence on sexually explicit material in order to become aroused and/or to reach orgasm
* Persistent pursuit of self-destructive behavior. A common rationalization is, "I'll deal with the consequences when I experience them."
* Ongoing endeavor to set barriers to sexual behavior such as moving to a new neighborhood, getting married or even starving themselves sexually, which only fuels the addiction
* The addict experiences intense mood shifts
* Tremendous energy is spent on obtaining sex, being sexual and then recovering from the consequences
* Neglect of important social, occupational or recreational activities
* Having numerous XXX videos and magazines at home
* Exhibitionist activities, including exposing oneself in a car
* Constant preoccupation with sexual fantasies which interferes with daily routine
Sex addiction symptoms will vary for each individual and often develop in different stages over a period of time.1 Sex addicts tend to be controlling and lack any real intimacy in their relationships.
FIRST STEP - ADDICTION "The first change that happened was an addiction-effect. The porn-consumers got hooked. Once involved in pornographic materials, they kept coming back for more and still more... The pornography provided very exciting and powerful imagery which they frequently recalled to mind and elaborated on in their fantasies."
SECOND STEP - ESCALATION
"The second phase was an escalation-effect. With the passage of time, the addicted person required rougher, more explicit, more deviant... sexual material to get their "highs" and "sexual turn-ons." It was reminiscent of individuals afflicted with drug addictions. Over time there is nearly always an increasing need for more of the stimulant to get the same initial effect."
THIRD PHASE - DESENSITIZATION
"The third phase was desensitization. Material (in books, magazines, or films/videos) which was originally perceived as shocking, taboo-breaking, illegal, repulsive, or immoral, in time came to be seen as acceptable and commonplace. The sexual activity depicted in the pornography (no matter how anti-social or deviant) became legitimized. There was an increasing sense that "everybody does it" and this gave them permission to also do it, even though the activity was possibly illegal and contrary to their previous moral beliefs and personal standards."
FOURTH PHASE - ACTING OUT SEXUALLY
"The fourth phase was an increasing tendency to act out sexually the behaviors viewed in the pornography, including compulsive promiscuity, exhibitionism, group sex, voyeurism, frequenting massage parlors, rape, and inflicting pain on themselves or a partner during sex.
This behavior frequently grew into a sexual addiction which they found themselves locked into and unable to change or reverse no matter what the negative consequences were in their life."