You have got to read the text my hN sent tonight, please respond

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Oct 14 - 4PM (Reply to #18)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Jaycee

What I find interesting is how you are able to stand up for yourself on this board when you feel that someone is being too blunt with their advice. I'm going to be blunt...saying something you Don't want to hear. Now we can have sympathy, call it cognitive dissonance, and give hugs until the pigs come home...at a certain point someone needs a kick in the pants! I recall on one posting, can't find it now or remember to whom, you straight out said something to the effect that you're asking a question, not looking for abuse AND went as far as to say, "If you don't want to answer the question you should not have replied" I saw that somewhere on this board. SO...that tells me you are no waif unable to take a stand. You have it in you. Bottom line, what he talks is shit. You know it, I know it, everyone on the board knows it. Anyone who spends five minutes on this site knows what a Narc is, and could translate his bullshit! And it is such clear bullshit, I'm pissed that I entertained it and I never slept with the CHAP! So, I feel compelled to ask...why are you asking what he meant by this text? How is that helping you to move on and heal? That is all I want to know. I am a little frustrated because pain is pain and we all feel it; however, at a certain point you have to want the pain to stop. This is not high school. The NARCS act like they're in H.S. I was just thinking that today about the NARC...how his quest for perfection is so fucking H.S.! How he really believes he is really all that...and he will find some other fool, and I say fool because that is what we are when we come under their spell. Fools in their eyes. BUT Jaycee, I've been here a month I know the asswipe is what he is. SO...does it really matter what they say? Does it? How is the world a better place by knowing what he meant? If you can decipher what he meant, you gonna get more money in child support? Will you get a brand new car? Maybe get a better paying job? If none of these things that are essential to the business of living aren't taking place - what the Narc said really is not that important...it ain't gonna cause World Peace or stop Global Warming. Equally distressing is how cleverly he's gotten a ton of attention not only from you, but from all of us indirectly. I'm starving the fucker. I care about you a lot Jaycee and I feel your pain, but I am not going to enable self damaging behavior which is where this is going, and I'm not nursing the NARC indirectly... I think everyone has said it every which way they can. You want to stay stuck and defend why it's important to translate his fucking chinese bullshit! How it helps, you still haven't answered...and I would really really love to know what you get from a bunch of women telling you the various things he "could" have meant in his text message.... How does this help you heal?!...Do you want to hear He's suffering and wants to come home, of course he doesn't love her, he wants to come home so he can use you some more and make you feel like shit...awwwww, c'mon Jaycee, don't be so hard on him, stop being so proud, take him back. True love never fails, no matter how many many many many times they cheat...there is always one special woman in the bunch and that's you Jaycee afterall, you're his wife she really is just a whore and he will come back and be very very very sad...and this whole situaton that he's created for what? The seventh or eighth time? Ah yes, Jaycee, he's really learned a lesson and will come home a better man, loving your children, and whatever else rocks your boat... That what you want to hear Jaycee? You tell me what he means...I think you know exactly what he means.
Oct 14 - 4PM (Reply to #19)
iAmMINE
iAmMINE's picture

Wow & tooshay....

"Equally distressing is how cleverly he's gotten a ton of attention not only from you, but from all of us indirectly." isn't it amazing how much time they get??? And finding that "fine line" between 'support' & empathy & support' is tough. Love is tuff sometimes. When ya git lil "erk" in u that pisses u off when you read something here??... is precisely what ya need to go to the next level ;) ;)~

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

Oct 14 - 1AM (Reply to #17)
iAmMINE
iAmMINE's picture

jaycee & circles....

Isn't this just the best circle of women(blokes?) here, who've given you their views on all this? I just don't know what I would do without the willingness of them all to point me in the right direction. Answering my questions even if it isn't what I want to hear :) (((((((((jaycee)))))))))) ~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~ ~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them, --she said, (taken from my final remarks in a Sync Weekly Magazine article about my art and mySelf

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

Oct 13 - 9PM (Reply to #16)
jen79
jen79's picture

Oh my god texts....

"...gave two examples of what i thought he was up to in this text and why he would send such a long, deep, oh my God, text, yes he sends texts but not in this ...." Because they just had a fight. Because he needs supply. Because he feels very sorry for himself right now. Because he needs supply, after they had fight. Because he knows, thats what you need to hear, to give him supply.
Oct 13 - 8PM
lisalisa47
lisalisa47's picture

Hey Jaycee

I think you are right on both counts, my dear. Things aren't going "so well" at the OW's. So now it's damage control time, for this - he's pulling out the BIG gunz..... LML

LML

Oct 13 - 8PM (Reply to #14)
jaycee
jaycee's picture

hey jaycee

Lisa, thank you for your version, much appreciated, you are right, in a sense, things must not be going so well other there, yet, he continues to be there, so it could be one or the other. thanks for responding hope you are well..Jaycee

Jaycee

Oct 13 - 8PM
anonymous
anonymous's picture

We don't give a crap

None of us on this board give a shit what he thinks. Stop trying to figure him out. He's done this before and will do it again. What YOU need to figure out is what your response should be. This is a test. What do you think your response should be Jaycee?
Oct 13 - 8PM (Reply to #8)
jaycee
jaycee's picture

we dont give a crap

morty You may not give a crap, but i think others on the board would disagree.........i asked for a response not an abuse........Jaycee

Jaycee

Oct 13 - 8PM (Reply to #9)
anonymous
anonymous's picture

you missed the point

i didn't say i didn't give a crap about you i said i don't give a shit about HIM and I'm pretty sure no one else does either so translating his text is a complete and utter waste of time
Oct 13 - 8PM (Reply to #10)
jaycee
jaycee's picture

you missed the point

no morty, you missed the point, i asked if someone would give me their take on such a text, i hope no one gives a crap about him, but hes not the point here, i am and i was asking what people think, because i can take it two different ways, but others may see it objectively from a different perspective..........so you missed the point, if you didnt want to respond to it, then you shouldnt have. Jaycee

Jaycee

Oct 13 - 9PM (Reply to #11)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Jaycee...

You wrote: i am and i was asking what people think, because i can take it two different ways So, I'm asking - what two different ways can you take this and how after knowing what we know, and you've spent some time on this board and are somewhat informed on what Narcissism is at this point - which doesn't mean you're healed and that will take time... BUT, I am concerned because you are speaking about "two ways" to take this...I only know of one. Please explain the two ways you think this could be interpreted. I'm asking you to do this because the more you think about your thoughts, perhaps it will be easier to process the facts from the fiction. We are all in this place because we create "illusions"...we have to break that habit AND make a decision not to live in denial.
Oct 13 - 9PM (Reply to #12)
iAmMINE
iAmMINE's picture

**like... like a lot!!**

Very well said Michelle115!! Thinking is very good; painful at times but VERY Very GOOD. ~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~ ~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them, --she said, (taken from my final remarks in a Sync Weekly Magazine article about my art and mySelf

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

Oct 13 - 8PM (Reply to #2)
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

The response

is to ignore him. Do not respond. Pretend it never happened. Obviously, things are not going too well over at the other woman's. He's testing the water. Seeing if you'll bite. He's not apologizing. He is throwing out what the thinks you want to hear. Like in the beginning. When he was your soulmate. And mirrored all your thoughts.
Oct 13 - 8PM (Reply to #3)
jaycee
jaycee's picture

the response

agnes, i dont think hes apologizing for anything, i think he may be seeking my forgiveness, so as to go on his merry way with the whore, or things are not well there and hes in need of my supply......and you are right the response is to ignore....thanks Jaycee

Jaycee

Oct 13 - 9PM (Reply to #6)
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

You still got your hopes

You still got your hopes where there will never be any. Everyone here was right. You want to make excuses and I understand this, really I DO. But we're not here to tell you that everything is going to be as you wished it could be. We all know that it won't. We are here to tell you what is best for you knowing that you will do as you need to do until you begin to understand the reality. Believe as you want, a a man with no soul does not need forgiveness nor does he even think of it. What we are telling you here is that there is no future in this for you and we hate to see you continue to waste your life believing, and hoping there is. Please don't come back at me with any what if's, I spent 5 yrs on what if's. I hope you don't. almostlydia

almostlydia

Oct 13 - 10PM (Reply to #7)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Amen . . . and Jaycee . . .

I get the sense that what drives you, is what Almostlydia says . . . HOPE. I think providing you with opinions on what his endless, monotonous texts to you MEAN might satisfy your obsession, temporarily. If that's all you want, is some superficial relief from the tension, well OK. You can get that here. If you child asked you for bread, would you give her a stone? You ask for relief . . . and we care about you enough to refuse to ONLY give you a superficial bandaid for your gaping wound. I suppose you could title your thread "Please help me interpret this text from hN, but don't start in about why I care what he thinks or why I should question my obsession with him and the whore and why it is destroying my life."
Oct 13 - 9PM (Reply to #4)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Jaycee/Forgiveness

Jaycee, forgiveness is something we do for ourselves, and when we do it, we are totally releasing control and letting nature take it's course. This is not to be confused with the "illusion" of forgiveness, so that we can look at ourselves as the "bigger" person. With Narcs, I don't think forgiveness is part of the equation. We must focus on forgiving ourselves for being careless with ourselves, our needs and our feelings - for tolerating abuse either aware of it or not. Please explain why if he's looking for forgiveness why this is something worth discussing. How does this play into YOUR healing?
Oct 13 - 9PM (Reply to #5)
Janet
Janet's picture

Jaycee, I know how hard this

Jaycee, I know how hard this is accept. He is not looking for forgiveness and he does not feel guilty. He has a personality disorder. He is incurably ill. Peace. J

Peace. J