IS the N really happy if he has to rub in my face he's "happy"

34 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Oct 8 - 4PM
shortway
shortway's picture

IS the N really happy if he has to rub in my face he's "happy"

If someone is happy...why would they feel the need to rub it in someone's face..More so..if you are really truly happy do you really need to say it to your ex..Like it seems just to get me going..I refuse to believe he is "happy"..grrrrrr..
She "makes me happy".i 'finally found someone who makes me happy"..I have a girl who cooks for me every weekend"...blah blah..sorry it's friday..weekends aren't easy...still NC though!

Oct 10 - 10AM
shortway
shortway's picture

Love you guys thanks...I

Love you guys thanks...I shot him down with all his 'happyness"..It is hard,i had my sister's wedding shower yesterday,i'm 32 and italian..Family is family oriented..If Im single they are like worrying...and ya know the whole bridal shower thing plus the cutest baby was there..Kind of all in your face type of day...Hard day..
Oct 10 - 3AM
MissM
MissM's picture

Happy - it's bull

Because they know all we ever wanted was to be 'happy' with them, they use it as a trigger word. It's the easiest, most effective way of throwing us back into self-doubt, self-blame and mind churning confusion. Mine threw in the words 'happy in a relationshi now' when I told him recently I'd found out about his private disgusting page on a vile swingers site. And told him it's all I needed to open my eyes to him once and for all. So he got the happy word out. Hmmm let's think. So you've gone from self-serving cockroach who treated me like shit, to closet homosexual swinging degenerate, to now happy in a monogamous relationship. Yes and I'm Queen Elizabeth. So it's bull. Know it's just to make you churn inside. They use it like a foreign word in a travellers phrase book.
Oct 9 - 9PM
iAmMINE
iAmMINE's picture

rubbing "happy" in the face

If you ask me their "happy" stinks like shit. It's not real. It's not lasting. More than anything it's not authentic at all. If they HAVE to tell you about it and you choose to listen to it in the moment... hear the total opposite of what is being said to you (thrown into your face)... it's actually a part in the play of "devaluing". The only thing left to do is not be in the play... PS: If I had a bottle of something (much like in Alice in wonderland) that made everything so CLEAR after drinking it... I pass it out for free. ~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~ ~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them, --she said, (taken from my final remarks in a Sync Weekly Magazine article about my art and mySelf

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

Oct 9 - 4PM
shortway
shortway's picture

NC is tough....This isn't

NC is tough....This isn't easy...How new supply is back from vacation and I'm sure it;s just la-de-da..."happyville"...blah!
Oct 9 - 1PM
miinx
miinx's picture

they all read from the same

they all read from the same script, dont they? after i left my N he shacked up with some naive, religious 20 year old virgin. of course she fell for his tricks and the "true love waits" thing went out the window quickly. he spent all his time telling me how perfect she was - cooking, cleaning, waiting on him hand and foot. Of course, without missing a beat in his neverending cycle of using, he eventually he got bored of her and the cheating began. too bad shes too young and inexperienced to know what shes gotten herself into. hes a thousand times worse now than he ever was with me. they only get worse as they get older.
Oct 9 - 1PM (Reply to #29)
jaycee
jaycee's picture

they all read from the same

Miinx, thank you for saying what you did, i still have days when i feel like now that my hn is in his mid forties he will become a better person, so glad to hear you say they only get worse with age. and that happy thing, i dont believe for one second, if someone tells you they are happy and they are a narc, they are not happy just looking to upset you for their own supply. unfortunately, i wish my hN would say he was happy, he constantly complains how unhappy he is (good post thought) and how he cant wait to get out. now thats scary, cause that could mean one of two things, hes happy, or hes looking for my sympathy.........oh no.....Jaycee

Jaycee

Oct 8 - 8PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Happy people dont have to

Happy people dont have to tell people they are happy they are too busy living it. The minute a Narc says he's happy you can bet he is not! Its always a trip to opposite land with them
Oct 8 - 8PM (Reply to #27)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Its 100 percent true. In

Its 100 percent true. In many cases if you want to decode what a Narc is telling you just think of the opposite of what he says and thats what he means. Completely Psycho but I swear there is alot of truth in it.
Oct 8 - 8PM (Reply to #25)
shortway
shortway's picture

thank you,made my day...now

thank you,made my day...now i can sleep...hahaha brieis is going to kill me for saying that..
Oct 9 - 11AM (Reply to #26)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

LOL!!! I might whack you

LOL!!! I might whack you with "The Wet Noodle of Encouragement and Refocusing on YOU" :D
Oct 8 - 8PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Happy people dont have to

Happy people dont have to tell people they are happy they are too busy living it. The minute a Narc says he's happy you can bet he is not! Its always a trip to opposite land with them
Oct 8 - 6PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

He didn't even pretend he was happy

When I was in high school, I was infatuated with a boy named David. He ended up dating my best friend... and he and I were "just friends." He was honest about why he preferred her.. so I got closure. He ended up marrying someone else eventually, but I'm not bitter about the whole thing. He was honest, said he was happy with her... okay, end of story. Able to move on. Then with the ex-Psych professor, he flaunted his curator girlfriend not long after I had told him about my pastor friend's death. So, instead of letting up on the humiliation, he decided to tighten the screws. When the girlfriend and I introduced ourselves to each other, it was very cordial... and the ex-P beat a hasty retreat, so she had to dash down the stairs to keep up with him. What was odd was that the ex-P and his girlfriend were virtual clones of each other. She was a very masculine woman, with a crew cut (like him) and in a pants suit. They acted more like brother and sister than lovers. I expected the flaunting of hand-holding, making out, tons of passion, just to rub it in. The girlfriend introduced herself to me instead of the ex-P introducing her. He made such a quick exit he didn't even introduce her to his colleagues. I EXPECTED him to rub it in my face... but the pair were so cold and emotionless with each other it was kind of shocking in its own way. No arms around each other's shoulders, no hand-holding. Nothing. Once more, with feeling. FEELING!!!
Oct 8 - 5PM
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

this makes me mad!

My HN was always preaching to everyone "I believe in being a great husband and father, nothing else matters. My family means everything to me." He repeated it all the time!!! Once, his sister (who always agreed w me) said to him, "stop talkin about it and BE ABOUT it and get a job." God, I love his sister!
Oct 9 - 11AM (Reply to #20)
Alive
Alive's picture

blueeyes

you have written something here that i feel i should highlight --'was' My HN WAS. Good on you! you referred to him in the past tense. He was once was but now he is was, lol hope you understand.:)
Oct 9 - 8PM (Reply to #21)
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

happynow, lol understand???

Not only do I understand but I feel it! Gosh, kind strangers? Will you ever know the role this sit has played in my recovery process???? THANKS, I'm going to do a dance!
Oct 8 - 5PM (Reply to #19)
shortway
shortway's picture

Yeah if he is soo freakin

Yeah if he is soo freakin happy why bother writing e...and if he believed in being a great husband..then BE IT...they are full of crapola
Oct 8 - 4PM
shortway
shortway's picture

The only time my N said he

The only time my N said he was to blame also..ever apologizing to me or anyone,ever was when I came back from NC and blocking him on Fb about 5 days ago...He just knew I was all business and weakened..and let him in,then only to be set up....to have this said to me"I do respect my girl, a lot.. and right now, I'm doing what I have to do to move forward with her.... I like my life right now...and she is a big part of it.... so if u can't deal with it, then I don't know what to tell u.... THIS IS THE GIRL I CAUGHT HIM CHEATING WITH..do you believe he has the audacity to ask me to play nice..wtf!!!!
Oct 8 - 4PM (Reply to #13)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

You're doing it again :P

You're doing it again :P
Oct 8 - 4PM (Reply to #14)
shortway
shortway's picture

what am i doing

what am i doing again....besides everything/...letting him get to me....grrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Oct 8 - 5PM (Reply to #15)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Obsessing about him :)

Obsessing about him :)
Oct 8 - 5PM (Reply to #16)
shortway
shortway's picture

I know...i know...ugghh how

I know...i know...ugghh how i know...he's so gross I dont even like him..it's the principle of the matter that gets me in a tizzy
Oct 8 - 6PM (Reply to #17)
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

girls!

Don't we all obsess at times? What's a healthy vs. And un healthy obsession in all of this? None? When were over the trauma? I'm wondering if there is a difference between obsess and venting?
Oct 8 - 4PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Mine just told me "I make

Mine just told me "I make him happy" WTF? you dont return my calls or texts for days sometimes and you havent physically seen me in 5 months. They are such freaks.
Oct 8 - 4PM (Reply to #11)
Alive
Alive's picture

BIG

freaks.Totally
Oct 8 - 4PM
shortway
shortway's picture

Yeah like what is their

Yeah like what is their deal...I kind of shut the door on mine in an email..and he didnt' like that..so he wrote'i don't know why you write long emails,i don't read the'...trying to plug his ears to the fact I'm done..yeah right..thats' the ONLY one he didn't read...sux it..lol
Oct 8 - 4PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

No. And we aren't really

No. And we aren't really "happy" when we rub their faces in it either. We're just trying to draw them into the arena so we can thump on them some more. Once you get some NC under your belt, it starts to clear up things. Even reading his Facebook is threatening to your NC.
Oct 8 - 4PM (Reply to #8)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

I never did thump the ex-P...

I always got punished for defending myself, accused of "not listening" or violating his boundaries. I never thumped on the ex-P in person. He wanted me cowering, afraid, in tears, so he could show off what a mess I was and he could be with his stable girlfriend. The ex-P was downright sadistic when it came to my happiness. He avoided me, he'd say "You're TOO HAPPY." I'd get the withdrawal/silent treatment of "I'm not important to you" from him if I were happy. He enjoyed his ability to reduce me to tears, make me feel worthless,etc. If I had committed suicide or attempted it out of heartbreak, he would've LOVED it. It would've made him happy. So yeah, rubbing it in his face means he can't come crawling back to me for supply... I've heard of Ns/Ps coming back out of the woodwork after 15-20 yrs to prey on former victims. Rubbing my happiness in his face (and I forgot he was an N in the first place, I assume that like any normal teacher, he'd be happy about me being happy and successful) was probably the right thing to do. So yes, happiness is the BEST revenge... besides, it's legal! "No Supply for you!"
Oct 8 - 4PM (Reply to #3)
shortway
shortway's picture

I don't read his FB

I don't read his FB anymor..Thats was the first to go..my friend changed the passwords..so i can't read it..although im curious..But I'm struggling this hour with NC..
Oct 8 - 4PM (Reply to #4)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Keep up that struggle honey

Keep up that struggle honey :) Good job. Remember when you get all obsessive about him like you are now, you are avoiding a feeling you don't want to feel. Maybe it's loneliness? The weekend is coming up.
Oct 8 - 4PM (Reply to #5)
shortway
shortway's picture

Well I get these highs and

Well I get these highs and low..Last night I went out with a girlfriend had a great time...Tonight is my "in"night...usually "in' nights were spent with him..It's lonely yes,but very hard to not look at his FB page..The N's hooch is coming back from vacation and part of me wants to see how much if the yeven missed each other and if his response will be more stand-off-ish because she is coming back..The likelihood is yes,because his supply is coming back, and I'm just an interruption..Thats why i'm sticking to NC now becaue when she comes back I want him to be like wtf happened to my ex..this is the first time she dropped off face of the planet..I want him anxious..FOR ONCE!!