Narcissism and the Church

Yesterday on NPR's "Talk of the Nation",the subject was clergy abuse/the abuse of power. It was an excellent discussion, with speakers such as Rabbi Lawrence Kushner. Rabbi Kushner said he had to remember he was a human being, a flawed human, and NOT to confuse himself with God, whom he represented. He spoke powerfully of carrying the Torah. Another pastor spoke of how she sets "firm boundaries" with laity who try to get too close. Unfortunately, the ex-Psych professor would use the excuse of setting boundaries for the emotional abuse. He acted as if I had been the one abusing him, when in fact he crossed the boundaries into humiliation and abuse. This was the teacher who engaged in nasty personal attacks when I lost my grandfather. He abused his power as a teacher... just as the clergy have abused their power. There's a local church that suffered a terrible scandal when a pastor basically used it for $$$, ran off with his mistress, and left the church broke. They're still recovering from the betrayal, though it happened at least a decade ago. They trusted their shepherd, they didn't think he'd fleece them.

Thanks for your post Lisa. I am grateful for the progressive LDS publishers who want to educate others like me with your book. I have seen "Its All About Him" in LDS bookstores in my area! I had a terrible time when I left my EXNH, also an LDS church leader at the time. He had been guilty of unrighteous dominion (infidelity and abuse of all kinds) throughout the entire marriage. Narcissists are manipulative and mine had worked behind my back to turn all my good but confused church leaders against me. I had no support from the men in church. My bishop even told me to that I "provoke him" when I called during a fight where I had been beaten by him with my baby in my arms. I taught the children at church with fingerprint bruises around my neck that day. My cunning EXNH had convinced the leaders that HE was the victim of abuse and had been subjected to MY rages. I called 911. It was embarrassing to have my EXNH's name (also a local doctor) in the newspaper for domestic assault. After the incident my EXNH met with the church leaders to discuss MY anger problem. I was sent to anger management therapy and we went to marriage counseling together! He was diagnosed with NPD and I was diagnosed as a victim of domestic violence with PTSD. I had hidden this because I wanted to present a happy family image to the outside world. I had not been raised to believe that anything else was possible. In the end, the EXNH abused me at the church in front of the bishop. The men immediately helped me move and gave me FULL support. My EXNH lost his membership in the church on the grounds of extreme unrighteous dominion. To this day, he has no remorse and blames me for all of the infidelity and abuse. I understand that my bishop had never been exposed to the kind of evil cruelty that a narcissist is capable of and didn't recognize it. Women like me can also be naive because we are taught from birth that people are good, kind, loving, and trust worthy. We are also taught to be submissive, obedient, and stay with RIGHTEOUS husband forever. Divorce is not an option and accepting that your spouse is disordered is not either. I just wanted him to repent! I thought when I met my EXNH at church that I had found a "keeper." Although grateful for my children, I had no idea of what would transpire. Women from all walks of life, especially those from patriarchal-based religions and cultures, need your book! I was naive. I had no idea that NPD even existed. I have such good men in my family and there are so many good ones in the church, too. It is especially sad when a disordered man gets into a leadership position and preys on the vulnerable. We can't change them but we can be smarter!