Well, he's officially ignoring me now too...should I just be grateful? Why does it hurt so much?

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#1 Sep 20 - 3PM
AJRD
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Well, he's officially ignoring me now too...should I just be grateful? Why does it hurt so much?

I work with my N...went NC 3 weeks ago (as much as one can go "no contact" when you see the person on a daily basis). Anyway, he's now officially ignoring me--I suppose getting "back at me" for going NC on him.

I should be grateful and working hard to move on. But him purposefully ignoring me hurts...a lot more than I thought it would. Why do I wish for contact when I know it's so bad for me?

Part of me (the stupid part) hopes that he will apologize, admit he's an a--, and that at least I can salvage a friendship with what I THOUGHT was a very cool guy (for at least the first 3 months we knew each other).

Is it wrong to want contact still? I refuse to contact him...I'm remaining NC on my end, he's blocked off facebook, etc.

Should I just be happy he's ignoring me too? Will that ever stop hurting?

AJ

Sep 21 - 7PM
stillnotconvinced
stillnotconvinced's picture

I want to be friends with my

I want to be friends with my narc because I feel lonely and he is someone I could have a decent conversation with and see in person (at least I know how to steer around most of his madness)...so I broke NC in a stupid way by texting him. However, he's the one that's ignoring me now. And I can't stand it. He's also a scary person when it comes to holding grudges - he puts together these elaborate plans for years to come about how he will exact revenge (not physically) on the 'slights' caused him by others. I feel like I'm still on that list from something that happened a while back (though I was hardly at fault, I think). I'm scared of this and that's also why I want to keep my "enemy close." Now I feel like I'm digging my own grave, so to speak, because I can't bring myself to leave him alone, not understanding why he's ignoring me now. I think it's a power trip; that's one reason. I blocked the ability to receive and send texts...I'm hoping that next time I get the urge to contact him (though I've called also), that at least he won't get my texts.
Sep 21 - 7PM (Reply to #15)
AJRD
AJRD's picture

It still hurts

I know what you mean--the fact that he's ignoring me hurts so much...it's a power trip...I know that logically, but it still hurts.
Sep 20 - 6PM
sawthelight
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one more thing AJRD, when

one more thing AJRD, when you said the stupid part of you, what you mean is the HUMAN part of you. don't put yourself down because this lowlife messed with you. they are experts at manipulating people. just use your knowledge to stay strong.

sawthelight

Sep 20 - 8PM (Reply to #13)
AJRD
AJRD's picture

Yea, I have a good friend

Yea, I have a good friend that keeps saying "you are human." I hate this right now because I know that I don't have a lot of control over my feelings...all I can control is my actions...hence the NC.
Sep 20 - 6PM
sawthelight
sawthelight's picture

AJRD, i am 3 months NC

AJRD, i am 3 months NC with my N. like you, it is hard for me cause he lives right down the street and just "happens" to walk by my house everyday. its pathetic really. i know it's hard, but you MUST remain NC! i feel so empowered since i started ignoring him first. i know it drives him crazy. at one point, he started ignoring me too, and yes, that bothered me, but then i realized that he is just such a loser. even when he tried to ignore me, i knew he would eventually try to contact me, which he did. but i was strong and kept ignoring him . i feel better than i have in a long time. it does suck, but it is normal to feel bad when he ignores you. just remember that he is really just a pouting 5 year old ( i just insulted every 5 year old). stay strong and you will feel better than if you continue to be sucked in by him. you can do it!!

sawthelight

Sep 20 - 8PM (Reply to #11)
AJRD
AJRD's picture

Everyday I wonder if this

Everyday I wonder if this will be the day he "comes back." Is that sad that a part of him wants him to? Not to resume things as they were, but to be that good and decent guy I thought he was. I know that "good guy" was the fake and the N is the real guy, but it is so hard to let it go.
Sep 20 - 3PM
DitchHisAss
DitchHisAss's picture

It Does Hurt But

And you should Offically IGNORE HIS ASS! The Sun does not wait to rise until his ass appears. You are important too! DO not break contact. It gives you the greatest since of empowerment to DITCH HIS ASS! Look good when you go to work -put your makeup and perfume on (if you wear them) be happy and walk right past him. They hate to be ignored believe me. Do not let him see you moping or hurt it will only make the monster grow. If you want to cry wait until you get home. Go for a walk on your lunch break or get in your car and drive if you can. Find some other co-workers that you can interact with. Do not give this fool another ounce of your energy. DITCH HIS ASS!

Be wise - Be Smart - Be Well - Be You!

Sep 20 - 3PM
kiwi10
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vallidation..

i dont know if you have read my posts, but i understand. after being married three years to what some people believe on here to be total psychopath who beat me with a belt, i still have trouble not looking to him for an appology or vallidation. it will pass i think :( just try to vallidate yourself. I dont think he owuld be avery good friend to you.
Sep 20 - 3PM (Reply to #7)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

It Will Pass Fierflie

And I am praying for your healing...what he did was barbaric and no one deserved such treatment. My blood boils when I think about it. I hope you are getting some form of additional help outside this board to help with your healing. You are a beautiful creation that deserves love, happiness, loyalty, kindness and compassion. Edit the above and add whatever else are the desires of your heart, and repeat it to yourself over and over again...especially when you're mind is wandering over to the "DARK SIDE"...which translates to: Thinking about that POS. I hope one day someone kicks the shit out of him....UGGGGGHHHH! Hugs
Sep 20 - 3PM (Reply to #8)
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

awe michelle!!

thank you so much for your super kind words and prayers! i'm honored that you would pray for me... and also that you are angry for me. he's a good looking lawyer so he gets vallidatipn all over the place. makes me sick. i just sit at home with a broken heart. oh well.... at least i can love,
Sep 20 - 3PM (Reply to #5)
AJRD
AJRD's picture

I know I am waiting for the

I know I am waiting for the apology that will not come...I know in his eyes I'm the crazy one...not him. Thanks for your words.
Sep 20 - 3PM (Reply to #6)
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

yeah, i was the crazy one

yeah, i was the crazy one too... even after he beat me, cheated on me, left till all hours of the night, showed up late to our wedding, refused me sex... ect... why wouldn't you be crazy if some guy was like that? i'm sure yours did the same thing to you.
Sep 20 - 3PM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

AJRD

It is normal to want some kind of validation, some remorse...something, but AJ...it isn't going to happen, and if it does, it is only because he's looking for more supply from you. You don't deserve crumbs. These people are not human. That is the reality... They are a penalty. Hold your head up high...it hurts, we are here, we support you. Take the focus off of someone who lacks empathy, morals and values. Although you may be feeling rejected the reality is.... HE IS BENEATH YOU. Forgive yourself for misjudging his character, it's happened to the best of us. EVEN THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN IN THE WORLD Halle Berry, Sandra Bullock, Tigers Wife...have been screwed over. Ain't a darn thing wrong with you. Do your job, earn your check, own you and like my aunt says...Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke! Chin UP...
Sep 20 - 3PM (Reply to #2)
AJRD
AJRD's picture

Thanks Michele

I have a hard time separating the image that he projects (all- American, family man, good looking, charming) and who I know him to be. And then I begin to question myself--what did I do to make this side of him come out? (Well, I know what I did...I didn't have sex with him.) I didn't give him what he wanted, and so I am NOTHING to him. But the image remains...the memories remain of what a good guy I thought he was. I'm having more trouble letting that go.. Thank you for your support. AJ
Sep 20 - 4PM (Reply to #3)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

AJRD

AND...you didn't give him sex because for women, we need to feel in tune. Feeling women...unlike paid prostitutes give their bodes as an expression of love. I am sure you "loved" him, but you could not give him sex being so conflicted, knowing something was wrong. Your denying was a testament to the fact that on a certain level, you valued yourself and was not willing to give your body and soul to someone who was not worthy. At the time, maybe your cognitive mind could not process it, but your drive definately reacted. You did nothing wrong...actually, there were protections in place without you even recognizing it. The hell with what he says, if all he was looking for was a hole, he could find that anywhere. Send him off in your mind, he's not worth it...YOU ARE. All the best.