Forgiveness and Letting Go

55 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Aug 23 - 8AM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Forgiveness and Letting Go

"How do you reconcile the unacceptable; the incomprehensible; the unforgivable? You don't. You give it up to God and pray for the wisdom and the strength to let it go. Forgiveness will come and it is within that very act of forgiveness that the miracles can occur."

I feel like I am at a stage now where I have to begin the process of letting go, forgiving, and moving on. I want my life back. I would love to hear your thoughts, feelings, and opinions on this.

God bless,
Goldie

Aug 28 - 2PM
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

Forgiving myself

I'm still reading this thread, so many great insights and so much resonates. The part I struggle with is forgiving myself for things I did when I was with him that hurt others, and I did do a few things I really regret (and that have come back to haunt me, years later). Things that I look at now and just feel horrible about, times when I didn't take a stand for what I knew was right, especially, because it would have meant not being loyal to him. And y'all know what happens when you disagree with an N. In a few cases I can't make amends, and even where I can, there is just no way to explain what my state of mind was then. Just looks like an excuse or a cop-out, as so few people understand the wounds they can't see. Especially when you appeared to be the competent, grounded sane one. I too am getting slammed by the ex, outright lies to make himself look good/save his own ass and all I can do is stay silent and let people make their own decisions about what the truth is. It's really hard. Forgiving the ex...I think I forgave so much, so often, for almost two decades that right now it's better to stay pissed off. I've got to forgive myself before I can even think about forgiving him.
Aug 24 - 5AM
awayfromhim
awayfromhim's picture

Just the title of this post

Just the title of this post had me cringing a bit. I had read awhile back about how it's so important to forgive in order to move on. I read on this or that website regarding relationships and so many of them spewed the cookie cutter mentality of "forgive and move on." In my opinion, it is not that simple when dealing with a relationship with an N or an abuser. I was petrified about this concept of forgiveness as, for one, forgiving an abusive prick of a narcissist felt like I was excusing his behavior. It felt like how it would be after the abuse - he would hit, snarl, kick, bully, slap, etc. and within minutes, hours or the next day, let's pretend it never happened. The other end of the coin had me wondering that, if I didn't forgive, would I go through the rest of my life with this big chip on my shoulder while becoming an old hag with anger issues. While on this recovery journey I recently came to see that, when speaking of forgiveness, that I have had to work on forgiving myself. And that has not only been enlightening in itself, but a real bitch of a task. I will never forgive the N. The abuse I suffered at his hands is an unforgivable offense. I can, however, let go of him, his sickness, and his abuse and walk forward as no longer a victim, but a survivor.
Aug 28 - 12AM (Reply to #49)
gigi9
gigi9's picture

Forgiveness is never about

Forgiveness is never about the other person...it is always about freeing one's self......
Aug 28 - 7AM (Reply to #50)
Used
Used's picture

gigi9

yes gigi9, when i can fully forgive my self for the absolute crap i put up with, and when i think of an incident[there were thousands] that i let go, or choose to ignore, instead of waking this morning with something i should of called him on, instead of thinking well its done now what can i do. but karma was around today, he tried to join a club i go to, and he was turned down. shame, he wasent given a reason, but he will think i had a hand in it somewhere, i did. i told them if he was ever accepted , i would leave. they did know of him anyway, so that shows ,his chickens are coming home to roost. it is not just what i put up with but the fact i was seen with him at all. so people still assocate us together. yuk. i have to forgive my self, but i am getting there, i do thank god, it was an emotional freindship, if it had been more i dont think i could have coped, kudos to the women on this board who were in a marriage or sexual relationship and got or are getting out, there are days i know i am not going thro what they are and so feel for the woman who still are or did.xxxx
Aug 28 - 9AM (Reply to #52)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

Karma

Used - your statement: "but karma was around today... he was turned down. shame, he wasent given a reason, but he will think i had a hand in it somewhere..." Let me share my story when I felt that God has answered my prayers, but not the way I thought it would be. It was definitely karma. When the abuse was absolutely terrible last summer, I prayed every day that God would lead me in this relationship - what should I do - because it was not working. It was like a tar baby relationship - I'd try to get away and I was just stuck to him - and couldn't break free - but it was not good for me. Well, of course, I was hoping that God would "fix" N and that N would become a nicer person...and that our relationshiop would work out...but that was not God's answer.... The owner walked into my office one night and told me that he was terminating N. I just started crying right away, because I realized that that was God's answer. The owner thought that I was crying because I didn't want N to leave...he knew we were super close and thought I would quit over it. But my crys were relief, I guess, at getting some kind of answer - and I knew that I wasn't supposed to fight it. But I also knew that my relationship was going to be completely OVER with N, because, as you say, he would think that i was responsible, that I had a hand in it - but in fact the opposite was true. I had no input, the owner actually delayed his decision because he knew how close i was to N and didn't want to upset me, and I talked to the owner to make sure that he made a good decision and that it was not rash. But yes, all hell broke loose when N was terminated - he blamed me 100% for it.... it was my fault...as always....and even though the truth was communicated to him by the Owner, N could never apologize to me, although I asked for an apology. (btw....I have never asked for an apology from anyone! It is crazy that I think we have all asked for apologies and of course we never get them. RED FLAG WARNING: to leave right away when this happens in the future!) UNREAL!
Aug 28 - 10AM (Reply to #53)
Used
Used's picture

loveofmylife

about 3 years ago,we were having a coffee and another woman joined us and was very familier with him almost calling him out i just sat there watching him squirm. when after telling me all the women he knew where only freinds, cos i take things on face value[at first] i believed him, cos that was we were, i wouldnt have been freinds with a man in a relationship.But for some reason it kept playing on my mind, cos he said it out of the blue, then one day i was at home, having a real bad day, and like you ,i asked god for a sign, and this is the weird thing, i gave god her namethe woman who had coffee with us and said if its true ,then let her tell me,last year i was somewhere i shouldnt even have been and there she was, she sat near me, asked me if i had seen him, b/c she and he had an argument 2 weeks prior, i said he said he hasent seen you for over 2years, and she said no we were in a relationship, i said were ,she said we are know good freinds, i smiled and she said anyway he told me you have met someone, i said true and then left. i was in such a temper, that i walked all day to cool off. a month later i saw her again, shouldnt have been there again, but this time she is cocky. i showed her a phone full of texts from him, not sexual, but still what you wouldnt expect your bf to send, i then told her, he stalked me.and this so took me aback, she immediatly called him an habitual liar, it turns out, he had gone and lived with someone after she pissed him off, and she said i went back with him, he has used me, and totally lied about you, saying you wanted him.and not him wanting you. all his texts disproved this and everything i told her about him.i couldnt have known about. there is more but ime tired 2day. she went to his home ,i went about my buisness, he came looking for me, and said she was lying. more later xx god done as i asked the rest was up to me. i dumped him. just got to say this, when i said to my friend why doesnt god help his women, she said god guides you, you have to help yourself as well.she was right, i still could have stayed like she has and so many others, but i choose to leave. it was the lies more than any thing else.
Aug 28 - 7AM (Reply to #51)
faithinthefuture
faithinthefuture's picture

used

I was w/N on and off for 9 yrs and I too think of how low I let myself go putting up with absolute crap I put up with and thinking of all the incidents (you're soo right when you say thousands!) that I let go or chose to ignore and all the times I didn't call him on something. The little things were the worst cuz I knew they were wrong but thought if I said anything he would tell me I was being dramatic. And yes thinking too well it's over and done with what can I do about now. do you realize if we would've said something everytime the RED FLAG went up it would've been 24 hrs a day 7 days a week! I'm soo thankful that he's gone and so is that anxiety. But it's like Betty said by the time we realized what was happening they had already brainwashed us and we didn't even know it. I don't want to grow to be an old hag with this huge chip on my shoulder either. so I think the best way to forgive whether it be the N or ourselves is to concentrate on healing us. And I believe by doing this forgiveness will come. Not my quote but...To forgive is not to forget.
Aug 23 - 9PM
Bodhi
Bodhi's picture

I feel that I am in a

I feel that I am in a similar place as well. In my opinion forgiveness is less about your ex and more a gift you can give yourself. This is the last stop on the road to letting go, because if you are unable to forgive you are still harboring negative energy towards that individual. My narc father and ex-narc both had very emotionally challenging childhoods and I truly don't believe they have the tools to change. I can only speak for my situation, but I don't believe they intentionally tried to hurt me per se... the way they treated me was really a way to protect their fragile egos. This doesn't mean I'm going to stick around and let them hurt me further, but for me having compassion for them and ultimately trying to forgive them is my road to moving on. I'm not there yet, but I believe that when I am able to forgive I will truly be set free.
Aug 23 - 9PM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

Bless you Goldie, You were

Bless you Goldie, You were the miracle in the making now the Miracle existing! Acceptance and Letting go is one of the final steps. This is what we all strive for. A place of peace and comfort within oneself. Im so glad your here. The forgiveness is for you not the Narc. You can forgive but must never forget. My cousin said something funny to me tonight. She said "Jody, you are an eternal optimist", I thought about this for a minute because she remembers the old me, not so long ago when i hated the world and everything it stood for. I responded, "its better than being a eternal pessimist. Full of anger, self loathing, misery and doubt! Been down that road! No Thanks!". then i said "life is a state of mind, it can be a state of happiness or of misery, but its a choice we all have. I made my choice and im sticking to it!" she laughed at me and said, "I want what your smoking"......LMAO. It would be nice if we could smoke something that could permanently change the way we see life wouldn't it, hahaha. I guess until that day we are stuck with the old fashion methods. ps. Disclaimer: I do not smoke weed, grass, maryjane, marijuana, nor am i an advocate of it. Just had to put that out there......lol I do drink a little though.. Thanks for this Goldie xoxoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Aug 24 - 5AM (Reply to #43)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Yes, Forgiving Ourselves

Hi Betty, I find it easier to forgive him than to forgive myself. When it comes to me I am extremely tough and hard. I have often received kudo's for being bright yet, many have said to me: For someone so bright you are very gullible, naive, and the bit about viewing the world through rose colored glasses has come up frequently, a Pollyanna. You know like they are saying I am intellectually old and romantically young. I intellectually get that there are sick people who can hurt you, however, on some level I believed that love, God, goodness would always prevail. The biggest thing that was taken from me was my innocence. I am mourning that right now more than anything else. That ability to trust and give so freely has been robbed. My unquestionable loyalty has been shaken. I was loyal, trusting, devoted, and madly in love with this man. I will come out of this much stronger, wiser, and self protecting. God bless, Goldie
Aug 24 - 9AM (Reply to #44)
terri
terri's picture

We're in the same place

Goldie, I know exactly how you feel about the confusion of trust and loyalty. I too always believed in "truth, goodness and love will always prevail" and see now the naivete of that in the real world. In the last few years, I've studied couples who appear to be happy and healthy with each other. I have seen trust between them but it's a measured trust - coupled with the ever-present awareness that both person's needs are being met. In other words, I see the women trusting their men but always making sure they toe the line and give them the same trust and respect in return. That is what I've always been bad at. I've never wanted to "require" or "demand" that a man love and respect me. And that is where I think I fail MYSELF. My guess is that if all of the women on this Board were put together in a room, we'd see that we share that one component of working too damn hard to make the man happy and too damn dismissive of our own needs and desires. PERFECT targets for the narcs! So, don't think of it as "forgiving" yourself - perhaps think of it as loving yourself. And I don't think that is just a problem of ours. I think everyone has that problem to some degree. What was that line from the movie "Pretty Girl" by Julia Roberts - "Why is the bad stuff about ourselves so much easier to believe?"

Believe in yourself!
Terri

Aug 24 - 10AM (Reply to #46)
betty2020
betty2020's picture

Forgiveness is for you and

Forgiveness is for you and you only. You own nothing to the Narc. He is not deserving or worthy of forgiveness as he is an abuser. We forgive those who have made mistakes and genuinely own up to them. This is not a Narcissist. There is only one of two ways a Narc works. This does not wavier. 1st he sees the pain that he has caused but because he is incapable of empathy , he has no concern for the pain and destruction he has caused to you. 2nd, he is clueless of what he has done because he is so far removed from the lack of empathy he possess he cannot see the damage because over the years he has developed the skills to block it out. Notice how they have extremely selective memories? I tend to lead more towards number 1 however. How can you realistically offer forgiveness to someone that sees their wrong doings and makes no attempt at righting the wrongs of their past? You can look at him and feel pity but you are not required or expected to forgive all of the crimes he has done to you. I think Acceptance may be a better word. You can find peace in Accepting that he is disordered and evil lurks in him. Accept that he is not capable of change and you have no power or control in this. You can accept the idea that you are HUMAN and worthy or respect, and love. You can accept that your life is worth more today and set out a plan to improve it Narc free. You can accept forgiveness in yourself and for yourself in understanding that you did not cause this disorder, you had little to no knowledge of what this disorder is and you are not to blame for falling for the mask of goodness when in fact it was all just an illusion. You are not to blame for one thing in this this abusive relationship. You are the victim. Once you have full and complete unwavering Acceptance, forgiveness is there. Lots of love xoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Aug 24 - 9AM (Reply to #45)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

Terri

Have you the book Love and Respect? Sounds like you may have, but if not, it sounds like you would very much enjoy it!
Aug 23 - 9PM
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

I have always been a

I have always been a spiritual person, not because I spent years growing up in a church, but somewhat because of it. The only time I have step foot in a church for as long as I can remember now is for funerals and weddings. But I have become more spiritual thru this than anytime in my life. I have become to understand 'faith' like I never have before. We are not required to forgive the exN's. Forgiveness is for those who ask for it specifically with the intent of never repeating it. What I am searching for is to let it go. This is not forgiveness but acceptance that this is just another twisted path on the journey. I don't intend to forget or forgive but just to learn from it and let it go. Having said all of this, I do forgive the exN for a fate he could not change. That is how I try to come to some terms with this most inconceivable experience. Thanks Brad for the 'letting go' list. This is ultimately the mission we are all on. almostlydia

almostlydia

Aug 23 - 1PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Letting go is hopefully the

Letting go is hopefully the inevitable step we take into a new life. To me, "letting go" means to stop wishing things had been different. Wishing *I* had been different. Going on and on about how unfair it all was. At some point, going over and over that is just bondage to the past, and letting go is essential to healthy living. If I am honest, I haven't truly forgiven a whole lot of people in my life. I have only truly forgiven the ones who've come to me and made amends, and no longer behave in bad ways toward me. I do not consciously hold on to "who has done me wrong", and say to myself "I'll never forgive THAT person!!!" :D Forgiving someone is a natural process. It cannot be forced. It comes by witnessing actual change and maybe even reparation, if that's the case. Therefore, I am unable to forgive my exNarc. There is no reason to. What I DO do, is that I accept him, 100% for what he is. A vile, sad, broken human being who will continue his path of destruction until the day he dies. It no longer has anything to do with me. It is not personal. He is gone. There are terrible things in this world. There are worse things than HIM in this world, worse people. The real forgiveness, the hard task of forgiveness, has been to forgive myself. For being a fool. For being so vulnerable and willing to erase myself. For allowing his destruction to go on with myself and my children. For all the crazy shit I did to cope during and after I got rid of him. THAT is the forgiveness that is needed in my life anyway. I let go of him. I accept he is not who I believed he was. I accept and forgive myself for falling prey to him. I learn from what happened so it will never happen again to me. I find myself in communities of people who've been through similar and reach out to encourage and validate others so they can find new life like I did :) That is my personal "journey" of letting go and forgiveness. It feels solid and peaceful.
Aug 23 - 2PM (Reply to #40)
alma25
alma25's picture

Briseis

It's so wise what you wrote. Funny thing because I was just thinking about him in my life, my past, my presence and I decided to write about it on the board and then I read your post and there's nothing I could add or write in better words. Like you I didn't forgive him, I forgave myself.I accepted the facts, I dealt with the truth. I love what you wrote: It's not personal.He is gone. I'm not angry anymore. I don't feel pain or shame or guilt. Now I'm thinking about going to the mountains, first time without him.I don't cry because of him anymore. I just live. I survived.I believe my happiness is in my hands and he cannot take it from me. I won't let him. If it's your journey I think we're travelling in the same direction. I believe it's the best direction of all.Wish you all the best.
Aug 23 - 1PM (Reply to #29)
OriginalMe
OriginalMe's picture

What Letting Go Is Not...

Like so many people in this community, I was devastated by the abrupt end to my relationship with what I though was "The One." I ran the gamut of emotions and despair. A friend of mine gave me a copy of "The Secret of Letting Go" by Guy Finley; and it has spoken to me in a way that none of my friends could have. Here is a snapshot of when you know you are holding on. This is what Letting Go is not: 1. Letting go isn't living with heartache-filled dreams of what might have been. 2. Letting go isn't the certainty that somebody else was wrong. 3. Letting go isn't clinging to the ashes of one disappointment while basking in the warmth of some imagined new victory. 4. Letting go isn't the anxious search for a new solution to an old problem. 5. Letting go isn't learning to live with the weight of lowered expectations. - MY FAVORITE 6. Letting go isn't the avoidance of people or places that painfully remind you of past attachments. 7. Letting go isn't having to convince yourself of how right you were to let go of something. 8. Letting go isn't the desperate search to find someone agree with you about your side of the story. 9. Letting go isn't the need to rehearse conversations in your mind in an attempt to feel confident. 10. Letting go isn't your insistence that you can let go of (insert name here) anytime you want. I will leave you with the next quote out of the book: "We must let go of this sorry self that is certain to suffer and feel like someone than it is to just let go and quietly be no one."

"Be who you are, and say what you feel; for those who mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

Aug 24 - 8PM (Reply to #39)
lili124
lili124's picture

Letting go

Thanks for sharing this Brad. Very good.
Aug 24 - 3PM (Reply to #36)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

That, my friend, is deep :)

"We must let go of this sorry self that is certain to suffer and feel like someone than it is to just let go and quietly be no one." For a person who has had their sense of self so undermined by a Narc relationship, this quote probably looks like more of the same abuse. But it is not. Nine tenths of my suffering was my rage and protest that *I* was victimized by a Narc. Truth is . . . why NOT me? They victimize everyone. My victimization is not special or unique. Who my exNarc is, and who I am, is not some world shaking combination of evil and evil's victim. I got "had" . I got out and learned from my mistakes. It isn't any more special than that. Letting go of being someone who suffered "the most horrible" and being such a "unique" and special victim has been the source of more peace and simple joy than any other decision I have ever made. Ever.
Aug 24 - 5PM (Reply to #38)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

No longer being a special victim

I wondered the same thing about that quote. At some level, it was triggering. But I had a revelation 7 years ago... I found an essay by the ex-Psych professor online. In the FIRST FOOTNOTE, he TRASHES two of his colleagues--his social equals--for "criticizing his original wording." It was a whole "woe is me",self-pity, an attack on people who helped him for editing. I had been bashed by him-IN PERSON-FOR THE SAME THING. Reading that, I realized I was no longer his "special" victim. He hadn't targeted me because I was female, a student, and in love. He targeted me for being human. Seeing that nasty, hateful footnote gave me a feeling of "letting go." It was like the meditation "breathe in pain, breathe out love." It was no longer a cosmic good vs. evil. The ex-Psych professor targeted fellow professors for his wrath.
Aug 24 - 5PM (Reply to #37)
OriginalMe
OriginalMe's picture

Briseis

One of my other favorite quotes from this book that spoke so clearly to me is: "Letting go is not clinging to the wreckage and mistake it for being rescued."

"Be who you are, and say what you feel; for those who mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

Aug 23 - 9PM (Reply to #35)
betty2020
betty2020's picture

I love this list! I will

I love this list! I will put it in my arsenal. Thanks Brad. We have to be a bit careful with number 6 though. We are victims of abuse. We are not just getting over a break up, we are recovering from serious psychological and sometimes physical abuse. We can easily be sucked back in if we are triggered. People involved with the N and most definitely the Narc himself can and usually do accomplish this with just minimal contact. Sends us straight back to that merry go round of emotion and pain. We must avoid those past people/attachments like the plague. Its the one thing that sets us apart from a normal break up. xoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Aug 23 - 5PM (Reply to #30)
imabloke
imabloke's picture

Brad

Very good analysis.. everything on that list we are all going through i'm sure.. but it gets easier over time.. and things, places, memories, expectations, fade... i know it is for me. I really feel i'm getting my old self back... as i felt i was losing myself when i was with her. I've been NC for about 10 weeks now and i feel so much stronger and happier. There are things i miss, but no one can hurt me now and i'm in control, in control of my destiny. And also i think we have to value ourselves.. we gave... gave it our all, i'm sure.. it hasn't come to anything.. but what would in their world. I like to think i was the best supply she ever had and she'll never have that again. So who's the sorry one now? Saw this earlier on a website... “Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people… not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!” – A.V.
Aug 24 - 9PM (Reply to #34)
lili124
lili124's picture

n/a

Love this also
Aug 23 - 7PM (Reply to #31)
OriginalMe
OriginalMe's picture

Imabloke

Love the quote. I am feeling the same way. I know that me exN is so distraught with himself that he doesn't even know it, and that he targeted me because I was so put together. I have an amazing career that I love, I have an amazing group of friends, I am confident in myself to stand alone, and have a great sense of humor, and I love to laugh. All of the things that he envied and wanted for himself, but will never be because of the demons that he wrestles with. We DO move on, we DO love again, we DO stand with our arms open receiving the gifts of this world and learn to appreciate the little things in life. We persevere! I really do think that at times they do look back on their life in an introspective manner and realize what they had and lost because of their own BS. I am not sure how they process or feel; but I do know that they WILL remember, and will be forever tortured when they see or hear that we are leading the amazing lives that we deserve.

"Be who you are, and say what you feel; for those who mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

Aug 23 - 8PM (Reply to #33)
Amy
Amy's picture

They definitely can feel

But I think it is fleeting. My exN was torn up over his mom's death, and I saw him cry over it many times - especially drunk. He called me drunk and crying several times while we were broken up. I swear those were the only times I saw "real" emotion out of him. Interestingly, when we got back together he told me that he stopped drinking nearly completely because he "lost control" of his feelings when drunk. When we were engaged, he asked me if I thought he would regret not having kids. i told him I thought he would regret lots of things. Turned into a discussion about how he thought he didn't leave anything positive in this world and that he wouldn't be remembered, no one would care if he died, etc... He sometimes got introspective like that - more towards the end. He is about to be 41. Mid-life hitting him?
Aug 23 - 8PM (Reply to #32)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

looking back

I think they do look back from time to time; we they don't learn from it is why they are pathological. Mine once said that he felt like he has spent the last 50 years circling and circling and it was said with sadness. So the smart ones can at least see the facts of their reality.
Aug 23 - 1PM
cluelessuntilnow
cluelessuntilnow's picture

Goldie

I prayed for a miracle and for the strength to forgive. And I have a lot to forgive. I was resisting forgiving because I guess there was some part of me that felt like anger was the only thing left connecting us and if I gave that up he would be truly gone. I actually sent him an e-mail telling him I forgive him for all of it. And OF COURSE he was mean and D&D'd but for the first time in ages I feel freer. I think forgiveness is a process, a journey and since then I have thought God I hate that man, but honestly not like I did. I think realizing that forgiving is for us, for our sanity, our peace and has nothing to do with them is the key. It is for us. It is so we can be whole again. As for the miracle I prayed for? I used to pray for him to change. But now I think I got my miracle and my miracle is the the gift of clarity and light on the situation so I can handle it. The miracle of stumbling upon some answers and I will take it gratefully.
Aug 23 - 8PM (Reply to #19)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

Forgiveness

Same thing here.... Even though I think any reasonable person would agree that his sins were much more serious than mine... I emailed him last fall too and said that I had forgiven him for everything and it was worded very kindly - I wasn't being self righteous and the email had no attitude to it. Basically just said that due to the importance of him in my life and the length of our relationship that I was forgiving him for my own health and so that we could both move on. And of course, I got a hateful, nasty email back saying that he is not sure if he could ever come to the conclusion that all was ok between us. And this was based on the following sins: 1. Me reading his email after he was trying to hide it from me when I sat next to him - I invaded his privacy 2. Him betraying me to many people, lying about me, lying about our relationship, using me as chick bait to women for the sole purpose of getting them to be more in love with him including people he never met and using my name! HIm telling these women he was going to leave our working relatinship asap, but would stay long enough to "retain my diginity" as if it was all so sweet of him... On the SAME DAY that he was smiling/ laughing with me and taking me out to lunch and asking me to define a bonus program for him at work and talking about our future together and telling me that he needed to stay for financial reasons. 3. Me telling him that I could no longer work with him because I felt I couldn't trust him anymore. you be the judge.... and he would not forgive me after I forgave him. And I am a strong believer that forgiveness is for us to let it go.... it has nothing to do with what they did to us.
Aug 23 - 9PM (Reply to #21)
Amy
Amy's picture

UGH!

#1 was mine all the way! He gave me access to stuff but flipped out if I looked at it! Said he couldn't trust me - after I found him planning to cheat on me!