I received the check in the mail / what do I do with Iphone?

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Jul 14 - 8AM (Reply to #2)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Thank you! It's weird

Thank you! It's weird because I do desperately need to money and he has taken advantage of me financially even when I've been laid off. He would always tell me to pick up groceries for the boat or he never had cash on him and constantly told me he would pay me back. I know he truly owes me more than what he paid and yet it seemed like something nice for him to send me what he owed these past few weeks. It's strange how I can think the best of him when he has done nothing but treat me like dirt. I'm actually scared to deposit this check today and I have no clue why. He sent a note that I'm a money hungry bitch. Which is laughable because he has never taken me anywhere and never bought me anything. Because I asked for my money back I'm a money hungry bitch. I can seriously count on 1 hand how many times we have gone out to eat and we have been to the movie 2 times in 2 years to see movies he wanted to see. Yes, I can see where I'm a gold digger. He's warped. I am going out today. I'm forcing myself. I know I have to and almost wish I didn't open the stupid mail box today to see he sent me the check. I was doing so well. I will have to fight the urge to not go out today. Wish me luck. Sad1
Jul 14 - 12PM (Reply to #23)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

sad1

Oh, my gosh. If I didn't know his name now, I really would think we had the same N. I was a money hungry bitch, too, and we went out five times in three years. I paid for the $200 dinners and he paid for the byob taco place the three times we went. I ate "dinner" at his house once, and I brought all the food to cook. He ate at my house countless times, drank thousands of dollars of vodka I bought him (his special brand)for his evenings at my place, but when I asked him ONE time to bring over some vodka because I ran out and my daughter was sick and I couldn't go out to the store, he said, "We don't need it." I mean, there are two liquor stores about a hundred feet from his house. I made all the picnics for our days on his boat (before we were uninvited) and packed breakfast, lavish lunches with cheese and fruit and salads and roast chicken, gallons of vodka, and steaks and all the trimmings and a grill to cook dinner on the beach. I will never forget the first time he took me to a friend's house for a party. I bought a bottle of vodka to bring because my N drinks so much of it, so I thought it would be only fair, as well as some desserts. He forbade me from bringing them. He said, "They'll expect it next time. Keep it for us." When we got there, not to worry. There were three half gallons of my N's vodka brand on ice, waiting to be served to him by his adoring friend and his wife. I found this was the case with all of his "friends": they all made the food he liked and had plenty of his booze ready to please him. He never paid for anything, brought anything, or contributed anything. At my birthday party, which he showed up to three hours late, he gave me a bottle of wine and said, "Put that away. It's not for your friends, it's for us,"
Jul 14 - 12PM (Reply to #24)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

helldweller

It's amazing how similar our N's are. It's scary! I did the same as you and bought the groceries for his house and mine. I would buy everything he loved and never cared the cost. I would buy his alcohol also. It's crazy how they never took us out or bought us anything and WE are the MONEY HUNGRY bitches? They are the users that took advantage of our kindness and wanting to please! That's so unfair but lesson learned.
Jul 14 - 11AM (Reply to #20)
broken23
broken23's picture

oure such a gold digger and

you are such a gold digger and money hungry bitch! this post made me SO MAD i can barely eat lunch. WHO THE HELL IS THIS GUY? my n's brother? this guy took advantage of you financially, and the reason why you feel so "lucky" for getting the money he rightfully owed you is because you have never received anything, and your mind expected the money wouldnt come. now that it has, you think he has done something nice. when inreality its all about him. the only reason he send it you is because he wants to make sure he gets his freaking phone back. do not give him the benefit of doubt that he send you that money for some normal purpose. If I were you and you need the money i would sell that phone otherwise donate it to a battered woman and just like them lie and say i put it in the mail must have gotten lost. and play innocent. It is time to take back the control. I hate to see a wonderful woman on this board be manipulated. No it is normal for someone to on match.com just to see what normal woman look like! This guy is a piece of work (well they all are). You want to go on match.com be a man and break up with you first. What he wants is to have his cake and eat it too. You were just too smart to blindly let him walk all over you hence you are a bitch. Go out and enjoy the lovely day the best you can!! xo
Jul 14 - 11AM (Reply to #21)
broken23
broken23's picture

oh this made me so mad

oh this made me so mad because after all the things i had done, but especially all of the financial things i had done. loan him money, let him use 10k of my money, get him a job at ivy league institution where he could be published and get paid and finally pay off his credit card for the first time ever. when he got his first check - he didnt even tell me - and when i asked for something, i think it was starbucks, he called me money hungry. POS!!!
Jul 14 - 12PM (Reply to #22)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Thank you broken23, You put

Thank you broken23, You put it so now I understand why I feel he did something nice. He has done nothing nice for me in months...nothing! no kind words or nice gestures. It's sick how he has twisted all my thoughts around that I would think by him actually giving me what he owes that he did something really nice. You're so right! He didn't do anything nice at all. That he thinks I'm a money hungry bitch because of it is absurd and the match.com thing is laughable. You're right about him. He should have had the decency to break up with me before match.com, but he has done this before. He needs to have another woman before he breaks up with me. He must not have had her yet and is very pissed that I caught him again. So he has no N supply at the moment and is probably frantically looking. I'm sorry you have done the same with loaning of money and getting him a job even! They will suck us dry of whatever we have and then spit us out. They do feel they are entitled to everything and will take advantage of anyone. They are all huge POS! You couldn't have said it better.
Jul 14 - 9AM (Reply to #3)
better off
better off's picture

They are kings of

They are kings of projection.. the money hungry one is the rich man who uses his laid off girlfriend to buy his groceries. What a POS.
Jul 14 - 9AM (Reply to #4)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Yes, but worst of all is

Yes, but worst of all is that I allowed it because I wanted to do nothing but please him. Even if it was my last dollar. I would spend it on him and lost all my senses. How crazy is that.
Jul 14 - 9AM (Reply to #5)
NinjaGirl
NinjaGirl's picture

The key thing

Is that you have it back. He called you a money hungry bitch? Don't deposit the check. Cash it immediately and toss his phone into the water near his boat and have your friend tell him to go for a swim. F*cking a$shole. Ok, deep breaths (me, not you). Cash the check immediately, take the phone to a park and put it in a specific bush, and then have your friend tell him where he can find it. It's like geo-caching! He'll have a blast! She better tell him to hurry, though, in case someone else finds it first.
Jul 14 - 9AM (Reply to #6)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

OMG Ninjagirl, You crack me

OMG Ninjagirl, You crack me up and make me smile! I guess the evil?, gosh, I don't know if it's even considered an evil side of me. But, I truly just want to prolong anything with the stupid phone because that's his baby. It's his lifeline. He lived on the thing and I always thought it was so rude. Now I know why he was on it all the freaken time. I love your idea of leaving it under a bush. That's so funny! He is in Indiana on his special boat everyday because that's where his job is. He has a house about 30 minutes away but is never there anymore. I don't even want to make the drive to drop it off at his house. It's tempting to leave it like you say. Maybe under his bush at his house...hahahaha! But I know he would just ask his very nice ex wife to go pick it up so he wouldn't be put out. I guess the only pain he feels is for his material items so I guess I want him to feel something. That could be wrong but that's how I feel. Fuck him! Pardon my french. 8-)
Jul 14 - 9AM (Reply to #7)
NinjaGirl
NinjaGirl's picture

Honey

It's good to see you mad. And as long as you have that $200 in CASH in your hands, I don't care what you do with the phone. Your friend could tell him that calling you names just delayed him getting the phone back by another two days, and would he like to say anything else bad about you? Yeah, I kinda like the bush idea too. If he threatens you even once, you call the cops immediately. Do NOT answer any calls from him whatsoever.
Jul 14 - 9AM (Reply to #8)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

I like that idea

I like that idea NinjaGirl, If I do get a threatening email I will let me ex know who is a cop. I guess I just don't plan on doing anything with the stupid phone right now. I just can't be bothered with him. 8-)
Jul 14 - 9AM (Reply to #9)
NinjaGirl
NinjaGirl's picture

:)

Just stick with it. You're still in a fragile state right now. You're walking a razor's edge, you know? I do hope you get rid of that thing (he really should get it back eventually) though, because I think it will give you peace of mind. But I understand why you feel the way you do.
Jul 14 - 9AM (Reply to #10)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

You're right and I'm sure I

You're right and I'm sure I will return it eventually. I just feel like I have the power right now. I just won't rush to do what he demands I guess.
Jul 14 - 1PM (Reply to #18)
betty2020
betty2020's picture

your returning the phone is

your returning the phone is for you and not him. who cares what he wants doesnt want, likes, dislikes. This is for you. Come on girl, i know you can do it. Your stronger than you think only one way to go...Forward

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Jul 14 - 1PM (Reply to #19)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

You're right. I will drop

You're right. I will drop in mail right now and try not think but do it and go to my son's Cub Scout Camp. I don't want to cry. I don't want to go backwards.
Jul 14 - 1PM (Reply to #11)
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

I vote for cash in hand,

I vote for cash in hand, then send it postage due. Like it, like it, like IT! We never have the power with them. Never. I learned that the hard way over and over again because we are human and they are not. Because they have practiced their skills all their life and we have not. I'm guessing that as long as you keep the phone the more he will assume you don't want to let go of him. Sorry to be blunt, but I assume that too. When you resolve to go NC for yourself, I doubt you will be going back to the lake for a while.

almostlydia

Jul 14 - 2PM (Reply to #12)
Janet
Janet's picture

Just want to add that I

Just want to add that I agree with Betty2020 (and others) who say cash the check and send the phone back - done deal NC. As betty wrote - it is for you not him (jerk that he is). Doing the right thing feels good, especially when they always do the opposite. Peace. J

Peace. J

Jul 14 - 2PM (Reply to #13)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Sad

I'm playing catch-up on the board. Wow, he has some nerve. I can't believe he told you not to show your face at the boating docks. Who the hell does he think he is. Like Ninjagirl said, it's good to see you start to get angry. Channel that anger. Drop the phone in the mail AFTER you cash the check. You don't need that connection to him and it's the right thing to do. You can do No Contact, I know you can! We're here for you .
Jul 14 - 5PM (Reply to #14)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

I guess I do feel good that

I guess I do feel good that I sent the phone to his work certified mail. I know I did the right thing which he could never do. I did cash the check and that should be that. We have nothing more of each others so we should be done. He has no reason to contact me and I just have to stay strong. Thank you all for your help with my Iphone ordeal. It was hard for me to do the right thing when I wanted to throw the stupid thing away. 8-)
Jul 14 - 5PM (Reply to #15)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Sad

Good job! You did do the right thing, which is something he could never do so you definitely should feel good about that. You can do this, I know you can! xoxo
Jul 14 - 5PM (Reply to #16)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Thank you Lisa! I know I

Thank you Lisa! I know I wouldn't be NC for 7 days right now if it weren't for this wonderful message board with all you wonderful ladies. It's really helping me a great deal! Thank you!
Jul 14 - 5PM (Reply to #17)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Sad

You are more than welcome! Thank you for offering your support to all of us too! This is a community and it's wonderful to have people like you here. I wish you didn't have to be here, but since you do, I'm glad we found each other! xoxo