I received the check in the mail / what do I do with Iphone?

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#1 Jul 14 - 8AM
Happy1
Happy1's picture

I received the check in the mail / what do I do with Iphone?

I need your opinion. I was doing fine this morning and then checked the mail on the way to taking my son to Cub Scout Camp. My N sent the money he owed me. I don't know why but that just turned my spirits upside down again today. He did the right thing by sending me what he owed.
I still have his Iphone and my therapist said he doesn't deserve it back. He was stupid enough to leave his Iphone in my car and I should either throw away or turn it in for battered women to use for 911. She said it will be empowering to me to take this control.
I am in conflict on whether or not I should give it to him now. I really don't want to mail it and spend any money on his cheating match.com iphone. I don't know what I should do. What do you guys think I should do? Part of me is angry that he is blaming me for him being on Match because he said he needed to see what normal women looked like and I was such a bitch. he said he didn't have any intention of meeting any or dating any. He had a hidden profile. I know no matter what, what he did was wrong. I keep telling myself this. I'm just so angry that he can justify doing something like that in his head and really think he was right in doing it. I'm far from a bitch and quite opposite. I'm too nice I think and I've caved into people all my life.
What is all of your opinions? I'm feeling low because he did something good by giving me my money.
Oh, and I haven't heard from him about Iphone lately. he hasn't sent me anymore nasty messages.
Thanks,
Sad1

Jul 14 - 8PM
NancyM
NancyM's picture

Hi honey

I'm with Ninja, I don't like calling you sad. Anyway have been watching your progress, and just to let you know I am very proud of you. 7 days is a huge hurdle, and I like seeing that anger bubble up every now and again. We got your back..you go girl!! xoxo

Nevergoback

Jul 14 - 8PM (Reply to #53)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Thanks NancyM

I will definitely change my name when I think I'm past the really sad phase. 8-) I appreciate your support and I'm glad I'm getting anger too. I wish it lasted longer but thank God I'm at least feeling something besides sadness. Thanks so much for having my back! 8-) hugs
Jul 14 - 8PM
gigi9
gigi9's picture

The only thing is that if

The only thing is that if you do not give him the phone back he will hold that over your head and use it as a reason to stay energetically connected to you and to be able to vampire you back. I use to think just throw it away but the more I think about this find someone you know who may know him who can give him the iphone. Otherwise...even 10 years from now...he will use that as leverage to track you down and ask for his iphone. Leave nothing between you two. I had to do this too. Anytime I found anything that I knew he would be looking for someday...I would bag it up and leave it on the hook of the gate in the backyard...without a call or a text that I was doing so. I just left it...because I knew he would use it someday to track me down as a reason.
Jul 14 - 1PM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

Sad, This is gonna sound

Sad, This is gonna sound harsh. Give him the god damned phone back. This is only a connection to him! Let it go honey. I know your hurt and angry but you have to move on. I dont care if he asks for it back or not. Be the bigger woman and let him have his piece of shit phone back so you can move on. If you do anything else with it , other than giving it to him, it will be for means of retaliation. You will feel good for a bit but then be angry later that you looked like a crazy ex that was seeking revenge. I know he deserves to have it done but this is not about him anymore, it is only about you. Its time to let it go. Pack that phone up and if i have to drive to your house and get it tonight so i can deliver it to this piece of shit i will. Give it back, block his number and emails, move on now before you start to go backwards again. As for the money. He did this to feel superior, typical N response... Its part of the game...screw him cuz he is still the same looser he was before he paid you. Nothing changed there. I luv ya girl and you know i got your back....xoxoxo only one way to go...Forward

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Jul 14 - 12PM
Used
Used's picture

sad1

he wasent stupid enough to leave his iphone in your car thats what he intended to do so you would look at it, you did, your anger and hurt was his supply and the reason he hasent asked about it b/c he is depending on you being so eternally gratful for money[please dont forget he owed you it] that he knows you will go on a guilt trip and when he is ready to forgive you for looking at his iphone lol, he will be gracious enought to have sex with you, please dont be played,
Jul 14 - 1PM (Reply to #40)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Used

He did contact me a few nights ago with the note below: Liam is sick and is going to the doctor and my work phone is dead and I can't find out what is going on because of your god damned childish fucking game of keep away with my other phone. Thanks you stupid fucking idiot. Don't show your face here. Don't you dare I don't think he wants any communication from me and is pissed I have his phone (which I still have).
Jul 14 - 9PM (Reply to #48)
better off
better off's picture

Oh please!!!! What a

Oh please!!!! What a f**king liar. Well, whose responsibility is it to charge the phone he HAS? Waaah waaahh... my phone is dead. Get a charger, loser. Yeah, right, he couldn't find out about his SON, sure. He couldn't find out what was going on with his bimbos! Who don't HAVE his work phone number. Liar liar PANTS ON FIRE!
Jul 14 - 9PM (Reply to #49)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

yes! That's exactly how I

yes! That's exactly how I felt about it! I thought that if his son is that sick he might want to drive an hour to see him. What a great concerned dad!
Jul 14 - 1PM (Reply to #47)
Used
Used's picture

sad1

as we say in the uk[oh what a geezer] which usually talking about a man who abuses women WHAT A CATCH; throw him back in the water and throw his f;;king phone with him. dont show your face here, means do b/c tho he is ranting on he still manages to get liam to a doctor, money to you and still communicate with you ,as i said what a catchx
Jul 14 - 1PM (Reply to #41)
NinjaGirl
NinjaGirl's picture

Oooh

I don't think he gets his phone back until he can learn to ask for it civilly without name-calling. So he wrote, "Don't show your face here. Don't you dare"? Where does he mean? The boating area? Who the hell does he think he is?
Jul 14 - 2PM (Reply to #46)
broken23
broken23's picture

Now i am even more convinced

Now i am even more convinced he doesnt deserve his phone back If you do give it back, Before giving it back delete all the contacts, soak in toilet water, or get a lot of sand in it and then leave on boat deck.
Jul 14 - 1PM (Reply to #42)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Yes, he means Indiana

Yes, he means Indiana boating area where I have made friends and that's where I was on Sunday. I was on their boat. I don't think he liked that at all. I have chased after him each and every time and gone to his house after a break up begging for him back. I think he thinks I will do that again and wants to make sure I don't go to the boat.
Jul 14 - 8PM (Reply to #44)
Amy
Amy's picture

How did he know?

How did he know you were out on your friends' boat? Is he stalking you?
Jul 14 - 8PM (Reply to #45)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

No, the people I was going

No, the people I was going on the boat with told him I was coming out unfortunately. They don't understand what an N is and how this is not a normal break-up. I can't blame them for telling him but it was harder.
Jul 14 - 1PM (Reply to #43)
NinjaGirl
NinjaGirl's picture

Indiana??

LOL He has some nerve. Continue to hang out with your new friends. On the way, toss his phone onto the deck of his boat when he's not there.
Jul 14 - 12PM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

sad1

I didn't see all the posts about the phone, but did you ever hear from any of his skanks? Or are their numbers in the phone? At least let them all know what a rat he is or change the outgoing message to say "This is the rat's voicemail. If you are getting this message I'm probably busy f*cking over some poor woman who thinks I love her. Leave a message and I'll come to your house as soon as I'm done with her." Something like that?
Jul 14 - 1PM (Reply to #28)
Used
Used's picture

sad1

i know where i would stick his i phone , unfortunatly he would like too much,
Jul 14 - 1PM (Reply to #29)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

LOL... probably the same

LOL... probably the same place I want to stick it. I'm afraid to admit it but I feel I still do have a connection and making him unhappy because he doesn't have his iphone. I think that's why I've been able to stay NC.
Jul 14 - 1PM (Reply to #30)
NinjaGirl
NinjaGirl's picture

Wait

You think you've been able to stick to NC because you have his phone? Is that what you're saying?
Jul 14 - 1PM (Reply to #31)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Yes! I know it sounds crazy

Yes! I know it sounds crazy but yes.
Jul 14 - 2PM (Reply to #38)
broken23
broken23's picture

its not crazy. they have

its not crazy. they have made you crazy for so long it feels a little good to watch him riled up. but the NC thing is for you...you need a connection with this loser, get rid of that phone. and write down how good it felt when you were nc and with the power!!
Jul 14 - 1PM (Reply to #37)
NinjaGirl
NinjaGirl's picture

Honey

(Because I don't like calling you Sad) You have to give him back his phone. We've discussed fun ways of doing it, but you still have to. He's a prick, and he doesn't deserve it, but it is his. And you have to learn to maintain NC on your own. I would still make sure to cash his check before doing so, however. Maybe your new boating friends could give the phone back to him? I just don't want to see you having contact with him. He sounds like an angry, bitter man. Let him have his stupid phone. You get to retain your pride and integrity. And I know you'll be able to maintain NC without the phone.
Jul 14 - 1PM (Reply to #32)
betty2020
betty2020's picture

Sad can you hear what you

Sad can you hear what you are saying??? Dump all connection NOW. You must only one way to go...Forward

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Jul 14 - 1PM (Reply to #33)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

I know it's still a

I know it's still a connection to him. I will place in the mail this afternoon. I just don't want to affect my NC. I'm afraid of myself.
Jul 14 - 1PM (Reply to #35)
betty2020
betty2020's picture

Perfect sad. This phone is

Perfect sad. This phone is the connection thus the contact. Its gonna be ok. You can do this. You will make it and be stronger than ever for it. Get the check cashed and go to the post office and put it in the mail today. Its the only thing you have to do for today. Do not send a note with it, only the phone. xoxoxo only one way to go...Forward

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Jul 14 - 2PM (Reply to #36)
Used
Used's picture

sad1

my ex let something slip once, he had some books and cd,s here, iwe had a fight and i told him to go and take it with him after a lot of tooing and froing he scream i cant take them out of here thats my control, after we have a row and i go home. i can still go round there again b/c my property is there, i said take them or i will bin them, he took them, and that goes for anything they buy you, everything he ever bought me i gave back, and when i finshed with him 9months ago, i had my house totally cleaned and decorated through out.I WAS DONE
Jul 14 - 1PM (Reply to #34)
NinjaGirl
NinjaGirl's picture

No, wait

MAKE SURE you cash his check first.
Jul 14 - 9AM
ClusterF
ClusterF's picture

You could cash the check at his bank

If that's convenient. Then you'd have the cash quickly, no waiting around. Then send the iphone back. They are expensive, and even though he doesn't deserve it, it would probably feel better for you if it were out of your hands, and you didn't do anything with it that would make you feel guilty.
Jul 14 - 8AM
better off
better off's picture

First of all, CASH the check

First of all, CASH the check and make sure it's good. Secondly, he owed you the money, period. That really has nothing to do with his phone. He owed you that money anyway. If you want to get rid of it and have it be over with, then have a friend drop it off or something. That doesn't cost money.
Jul 14 - 8AM
NinjaGirl
NinjaGirl's picture

I don't know if you saw my message yesterday

He didn't do something nice. He did what he had to do. Doing something "nice" would have meant sending you extra money because he knows you need it right now. He paid you back what he owes. That's it. You take the check, cash it, make sure it COMPLETELY clears, and then send back the iPhone, postage due. My mom is a Postmaster. These things can be done. Or you can have your friend give it back to him. But not until the check clears completely. I would give it about two weeks to make sure. And you don't accept any calls or texts from him in the meantime. He should have sent you a money order. He could have his phone back sooner, then. And make sure you get outside today and get some exercise, even if for just 20 minutes. *big hugs* I'm really proud of how you're doing, you know.