2 weeks, NC, but I feel like telling him off

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May 21 - 10PM (Reply to #25)
ACgirl
ACgirl's picture

Wallaby, I want to help on the Docu- Narcu!!

I am working with a few production companies that do documentaries. Let's meet for "Kawfee" and "tawk". I told Barbara I would like to exchange email addresses. This is going to be a great thing to do because so many people need to know this. This is a subject that needs to be blown open on a large scale. We need to expose these toxic creatures and raise awareness. I can't tell you how much this website has helped me. I feel it has saved my life. My friends got tired of hearing me complain, but I understand because they couldn't relate. But everyone on this site can relate. We have all been through this. Your post back to me was wonderful. You said so many things I could relate to. Funny, I too was driving near the beach yesterday and I remembered some good times we had and I started to cry. My heart really hurt. I suddenly felt confused and thought that maybe I didn't "play" it right. I am still amazed at how I still miss him, yet know he was bad for me. You mentioned a few times that therapy helped you. Maybe I should go back to therapy. Would it help me discover why I am still "sticking" to this fantasy of a fake relationship? I have also seen these words "cognitive dissonance" a few times. What does that mean? Looking forward to meeting you. ACgirl
May 21 - 11PM (Reply to #26)
wallaby (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

COOL!

Let's do this thing! Let's "Tawk"! I just learned today about a documentary on Psychopaths from a Australian film maker who followed N guru and self-admitted psycho/N himself SAM V... around - I will send you the link via email. I think our niche would be discussing not the damage they do in society (as his docu does apparently) but the havoc they wreak in relationships. The stuff we talk about on this forum. (We should be in contact with him though probably). People just don't know about it! and NarcNarc is one we interview - hers is a classic case! We have so mcuh to talk about! Yes you should be in therapy -as Barbara talks about - if you have had an up close brush with these types it leaves you with PTSD and just emotionally and cognitively messed up, confused, damaged. It's NOT that there is anything inherently wrong with you that you have a hard time "getting over it" - it is typical no matter what your background. You need to find a therapist who UNDERSTANDS N's and their MO and the wake of the damage. B can send you referral links. I also know some good therapists in LA. I actually practiced down there - I have a degree in psychology - so know the lay of the land there. Cognitive dissonance is what happens to you when you are trying to hold two contradictory states or sets of information in your head at once. You cant hold them both at once - they are dissonant. Like when you know smoking kills but you smoke. You either need to quit smoking OR you decide smoking is not that bad or won't hurt YOU. It's like that with N's -we are so brainwashed and conditioned by them to have these strong attachments to them (we think they are our soulmates)- yet they do things that send up red flags and tell us they are bad for us (like yours chasing bimbos). If we stay we decide they'e not so bad and WE are the problem - we are not loving enough, we complain too much, we are not sexy enough etc. etc. They then reinforce those things. Even when we leave we have these feelings we've been conditioned to by them- the longing, the fantasy of the perfect soulmate connection etc and they remain despite the fact we have this whole other body of growing information that they are Assholes and don't care about us at all, in fact enjoy hurting us. And the conditioning is so strong with them our bodies change chemically and we have whole set of bonding hormones enhanced by stress etc (WAY MORE of this happens than in non-pathological relationships). It's at tough predicament and we often fall back into the fantasy and the "oh its not so bad, or its just me" thing to makes sense of our overwhelming attachment feelings so when they come back knocking on our door we "try again". It's not like a regular break-up in other words! Barbara will direct you to posts on cognitive dissonance - look through the blog on the left side. Will email you later! and will try to bump this up the post so its not so skinny.
May 21 - 6AM (Reply to #24)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

ACgirl

sent you an email about this ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 18 - 6AM (Reply to #18)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

NC

Like enoughalready said, I felt really bad ignoring his txts, e-mails, voice-mails for a while there. That's because we are compassionate people whose natural inclination is to help when someone needs us. But that compassion is misdirected toward them, and was terribly abused by them. They do not deserve an ounce of it any longer. acgirl, you are NOT stupid, I'm sure you've read here about brainwashing, trauma bonding...this board is full of smart, strong, successful woman, and a few men. It has nothing to do with stupidity, it has everything to do with how skilled these predators are to fool even therapists, the courts, etc. I'm telling you, NC really works, you go from being so worried what they think to not giving a crap, it is truly amazing. Yes, I still have hurt feelings now and again, but I wouldn't take his butt back if he were the last man around...I'd rather be alone than to be with that nightmare of a creature again.
May 18 - 4AM (Reply to #6)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Starting over and ACgirl

I am nine weeks nc and i had just what you guys had yesterday , i just wanted to TELL HIM .. not sure what i was going to tell him as there is just too much , its like i want to sit him down with a gag over his mouth and tell him all the things he has done and how they made me feel , i want to read the whole of WWLP to him , i want to get a black board out and show him diagrams whilst every five minutes wack him over the head with a cricket bat ... I worked it out he left me 5 times in all . 5 times ! and every time he hovered me back in , it took him less and less work to hover me back in as i was loosing all my strenght , i think he thought all he would have had to do was click his fingers and i would have been there this time but i put a stop to it . We are not retards or stupid , quite the oppisite , They did such a number on us . We have everything they dont , thats why they wanted us so they could suck it all out of us . I had a dream last night and i was singing and in the dream i was thinking i havnt sang for so long , its a sign im getting better . Scoop x
May 18 - 11PM (Reply to #17)
Starting Over.....
Starting Over... and Over's picture

So glad ur getting better!

Awsome! Im so happy that you are getting better and are actually singing in your dreams! Stay strong! Love Yourselves ~Starting over

~ God is Bigger, God is ABLE!

May 18 - 8AM (Reply to #7)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

"wrong to ignore someone"

but he's not 'SOMEONE' he's a NON-HUMAN PREDATOR if a Tiger ripped your arm off - would you go back and tell the Tiger off? ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 18 - 8AM (Reply to #8)
bubbles
bubbles's picture

Wise words Barbara..

If you don't get what you want, you better hope you want what you get, eh?
May 18 - 11AM (Reply to #9)
ACgirl
ACgirl's picture

ACgirl wants to Thank you...

I woke up this morning to read all these amazing posts that everyone has written. I can't tell you what a help it is reading what everyone writes. Sometimes at night I feel so weak, but then I read what you great people write and I feel strong again. It's so strange.....I am pretty successful in the entertainment business. I am able to do a lot of amazing things, and yet...I feel so helpless with this N. He makes me feel like I am not good enough for him and that he has to run off with these "bimbos". Forgive me for calling these women that, but if I were to tell you who these women are, then it would make sense as to why I call them bimbos. He is surrounded by these women where he works. He is like a kid at a candy store. Yet he treats me like I am a dime a dozen. What I have accomplished in my life is rare. It is so hard to get anything done in the entertainment business. People have told me that I am a "force of nature" and very attractive. And yet, the a** hole makes me feel like I am worthless. So many times I have thought...what more can I do or be? Why am I not enough for him, etc. All those kinds of thoughts. I am going to do what Neveragain5 suggested. I am going to tell him off here tonight when I get home from work. I have never really written up my story. I am going to write up all the things I would like to tell him. Then you will all see the same kind of BS we all go through. I thank God for this website. It really helps!! You guys are the best!! Acgirl
May 18 - 12PM (Reply to #10)
gullablegull (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Are you Sandra Bullock? :)

Are you Sandra Bullock? :)
May 18 - 11PM (Reply to #16)
Starting Over.....
Starting Over... and Over's picture

ACgirl I thought you might be...

I thought you might be the KARDASHIAN who just had the baby...lol! Anyhow you are a strong, wonderful, awesome , women with everything to offer. Someone once said it like this..."You're the right woman for the WRONG man!"

~ God is Bigger, God is ABLE!

May 18 - 1PM (Reply to #11)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Gullablegull i just spilt my

Gullablegull i just spilt my tea that was so funny . Your on fire today ! Go girl !Isnt it funny these moods ,up ,down despair to laughing .. i havnt cryed all day ! Its evening here now , i took my friends children out door swimming for the first time this spring , we had hot toast sitting by the pool wrapped in towles . such a beautiful day .. Its these small pleasure that mean so much to me now days . Scoop x
May 18 - 11PM (Reply to #12)
ACgirl
ACgirl's picture

I'm not Sandra B, but.....

That was funny Gullablegull and I loved your description Scoop of sitting by the pool eating hot toast wrapped in towels. I am not Sandra Bullock, but I am a TV writer/producer. I have recently sold several (dare I say it) reality shows. Ironically, I am involved with my own life reality show called.."Get Me out of here, I've been hijacked by a Narc". Just kidding, but that is what it sometimes feels like. I also write feature films and TV movies. I just read some of the stories on a different thread that people wrote in about how they knew their man was a N. How amazing that their stories seemed identical to mine. Later on tonight I am going to write up my story and tell him off here on this website instead of writing to him. I am going to keep NC. But I will let you in on his Narc antics.
May 19 - 10AM (Reply to #13)
Starting Over.....
Starting Over... and Over's picture

ACgirl

So glad u are hanging in there. I'm trying my hardest! Hardest meaning I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin...that's how bad I want to cal him. BTW...what does AC stand for?

~ God is Bigger, God is ABLE!

May 19 - 8PM (Reply to #14)
ACgirl
ACgirl's picture

AC stands for Archangel Chamuel

Hi Starting Over. A friend of mind told me about Archangel Chamuel. He is the angel that guides over matters of the heart. I googled information on him a few months ago. I sometimes read books about different sorts of things to give me hope. So, when I found this site (It's All About Him) I felt there may be hope to feel better, so hence ACgirl. I really loved what this Angel represented and it is my hope that someday I will find that kind of peaceful love. I want to call him so bad too. I also wish I could tell him how much he hurt me. Sometimes I fantasize that it would make a difference. But it wont. What do they say....success is the best revenge. So, I am going to be the most successful person in the universe (well, maybe just the planet) and then he can kiss my a**). That is how I am going to fight back. I can't change him, but I can change me. I can't control him, but I can control me. He will be sorry he ran off with the bimbos that are going to drain his cheap wallet. So, that is how I comfort myself. I know I will get there. I believe in myself. You MUST believe in yourself. Yes, it hurts. I cried today. But what was I crying for? Was it him or was it the dream of real love? It was what I thought he was. Just like going through the jungle in search of clean water. You want to drink it so bad you imagine you see water. Then you get up close, but it is gone. Do you see? It was never really there. We got fooled. So, how can we feel bad about something that was never really there? So, I am going to continue to be successful and then even more successful and he will be sorry he lost the best thing in his life. You hang in there and be strong. We MUST be thankful we got our lives back. That is what I will think about when I fall asleep tonight. I will be thankful. God bless all of us. Acgirl
May 21 - 6PM (Reply to #15)
Starting Over.....
Starting Over... and Over's picture

So proud of you

Wow. Youre so strong! Good for you! I am doing everything in my power everyday to move on. Ive been attending Al-Anon meetings which focus on taking care of ourselves,(did I mention he's an alcholic?, reading books, talking with people that support me, making an effort to look presentble even when I just dont care, etc... Do you know that my ex sister in-law has been talking to him (and who knows what else!) behind my back?! I dont know what to feel at this point. Am I imagining this or what? The reason i think this is cause #1 when we went on a double date with her and her date they were totally flirting. #2 she had called me on his phone after that with a lame excuse. #3 He told me she was attractive. #4 A couple of weeks before we broke up they would both poke me on face book at the same time everytime. I recieved textd messages from both of them minutes apart, I recvd emails from them at the same times (literally). All this was consecutive for about two weeks straight. No words can express the utter turmoil I feel. If it wasnt for my faith in God and my loving and supportive family I would have killed myself because of the emotional turmoil alone and wondering if I was just imagining it... but how could all that be just a co-incidenece. My ex sister in law has always been jealous of me and my family, since she didnt have that. I honestly think she's a narc. Anyways, enough feeding into all this negative energy. Bottom line, I'm still in another state and NC for a week and a half now...(but Im going back to Cali at the end of the month). Ive changed my number, removed my Facebook profile and have blocked his emails. I cant believe I still second guess myself and wonder if it had anything to do with my insecurities, and whether or not he is just an alcholic. But then ther's the sister in-law thing. See how my thoughts can drive me nuts?! BTW...Im working on a book about my moms life. It's going very slowly. Wish me luck that I'll soon finish it and it be a success! The idea on the documentary is brilliant! Let me know if I can help. I guess you can get my email addy from Barbara if needed :) Lots of love! ~ Starting Over

~ God is Bigger, God is ABLE!