Why Ns don't sleep (my uneducated theory)

90 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 May 5 - 10PM
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

Why Ns don't sleep (my uneducated theory)

One of the other posts was talking about how their Ns don't sleep. Mine doesn't either - he rarely ever sleeps through the night and winds up reading most nights....has tried lots of sleeping pills.... nothing worked.

One day he came to work looked pretty terrible from not sleeping... I commented on it...and of course he raged.

So I said, "N.... sleeping through the night requires you to have a clear mind and a pure heart....at least that's what my parents always told me!"

He did pause and think about that for quite awhile and then quietly left my office (he knew I was on to him then).

May 29 - 6PM
GIJ
GIJ's picture

This makes me want to puke

Another strong piece of validation. One of the first things mine told me was that he rarely slept. He also covers this with saying he is a vegan and that vegans naturally need less sleep because of better nutrition with no animal protein to bog the body down (Oh really??) He hires people from many time zones around the world so I thought he was "working" when I observed him up all night, night after night. Members of his staff would often say they would get calls in the middle of the night with the expectation that they be available. He drained and depleted them. This never happened to me. Just something I watched from afar. And of coarse in my f'ed up haze I'd think, "oh how dedicated he is to his work. How can you not admire a guy like that." (That is what is making me puke - that I could actually be so deceived and brainwashed) Such a simple question to ask - "how well do you sleep?" or "What did you dream about last nigh?"...answers to these types of chatty questions can reveal much if you know what to look for (and WHY!!) and what may be a HUGE red flag.
May 25 - 11AM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

Im wondering why mine slept

Im wondering why mine slept so good.??? I had a different experience. My N would go off on his rages, be out with hookers during the day and come home and sleep like a baby. I would be the one awake at night. Wondering who i was laying next to. Crying quietly in pain and misery as he snored his way to dawn. What should i make of that?

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

May 10 - 9AM
Belinda
Belinda's picture

Hi It would be lights out,

Hi It would be lights out, time to sleep and he would do what is not humanly possible, like pretend he was fast alsleep snoring like within 30 secs of saying "goodnite" to me (he was waiting for me to fall alsleep!) I knew he was pretending but After I did fall alsleep eventually I would be woken up by a variety of different 'things' such as... - hugging me warm loving embrace while giving me repeated little kisses (ah isn't that sweet) whispering to me over and over "I love you, I love you, I love you so much, Ill love you forever" When I'd wake I felt like I was melting and felt waves of love and then he would pretty much pretend that he was asleep again... I NEVER experienced this behaviour with him while awake. - I woke up to him jerking himself off beside like several times a nite - He would tell me often in the morning of how I slept through him- ie. pinching my nipples as hard as he could and would say that I never even flinched! (bull) I'm sure I'm not the only one who has experienced brainwashing while sleeping... not 'sleeping with the enemy' more like 'trying to get some sleep with the enemy' lol
May 16 - 11PM (Reply to #87)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Belinda

Just read your not sleeping post and it was too weird. In three years we slept together in a bed overnight three times. The last time was about two months ago. We had gone out to dinner and came back to my place. We went into my bed (unheard of) and fell asleep. Of course, he didn't actually TELL me he was staying over (a huge deal), but I had to figure it out when he said good night and fell asleep. Of couse, I was so freaked out that he was there (plus he has the narc snoring thing) that I was awake most of the night. When I'd drift off and wake up, I was always shocked that he was still there. I woke up again at 4:30 and he was gone. He suddenly felt he had to go home at 4:15 in the morning for some reason. When I called him in tears asking where he'd gone, he said, "I thought it was morning." Then he said, "Honey I kissed you about twenty times while you were sleeping." So unbelievably weird.
May 10 - 1PM (Reply to #85)
TexN (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Belinda

ExN did that to ex gf (after me). She said he wouldn't have sex with her but she'd wake up to him jacking off! What a creep...
May 11 - 7AM (Reply to #86)
Belinda
Belinda's picture

somatic?

Hi TexN, The ex monster and I had sex pretty much everyday for almost 9 years...and gradually slowed down to couple times a wk. to none when I went nc. (this has been the toughest issue to deal with over the course of just about 5 mths no contact) So even after marathon, I'd still be woken up while to him getting off in the night beside me... What a weirdo jerkoff eh?
May 9 - 9PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Psychopaths have faulty brain connections, scientists find

By Kate Kelland LONDON (Reuters) - Psychopaths who kill and rape have faulty connections between the part of the brain dealing with emotions and that which handles impulses and decision-making, scientists have found. In a study of psychopaths who had committed murder, manslaughter, multiple rape, strangulation and false imprisonment, the British scientists found that "roads" linking the two crucial brain areas had "potholes," while those of non-psychopaths were in good shape. The study opens up the possibility of developing treatments for dangerous psychopaths in the future, said Dr Michael Craig of the Institute of Psychiatry at King's College London, and may have profound implications for doctors, researchers and the criminal justice system. "These were particular serious offenders with psychopathy and without any other mental illnesses," he told Reuters in an interview. "Essentially what we found is that the connections in the psychopaths were not as good as the connections in the non-psychopaths. I would describe them as roads between the two areas -- and we found that in the psychopaths, the roads had potholes and weren't very well maintained." TIMING IS KEY The scientists cautioned against suggestions the study could lead to screening of potential psychopathic criminals before they are able to commit crimes, saying their findings had not established how, when or why the brain links were damaged. "The most exciting question now...is when do the potholes come -- are people born with them, do they develop early in life, or are they a consequence of something else?" Psychopathic extremes have been portrayed in Hollywood blockbusters by characters like the serial killer and cannibal Hannibal Lecter. Psychopaths often violate social norms, are manipulative, impulsive and sensation-seeking, and appear to feel no empathy or remorse. Dr. Craig, who conducted the study published in the journal Molecular Psychiatry with colleagues Declan Murphy and Dr Marco Catani, stressed that the numbers in the brain scan study were small, with only nine psychopaths analyzed and compared with nine non-psychopaths. "Trying to get people of this particular type to take part in a study, and also then deal with all the security you need to get them into a brain scanner, is not an easy feat," he said. The study used a new brain imaging technology to further analyze psychopaths' brains after previous studies found that the amygdala part of the brain, which processes emotions, and orbitofrontal cortex, which handles impulses and decisions, are structurally and functionally different in psychopaths. "Up until recently the technology hasn't been available to look at the connections between those two brain areas in any meaningful way," Dr. Craig said. But a new technique, called diffusion tensor magnetic resonance imaging (DT-MRI), allowed the researchers to look at the white matter tract linking the two key brain areas. As well as finding clear structural deficits in the tract in psychopathic brains, they also found the degree of abnormality was significantly linked to the degree of psychopathy. "As for the moral significance for society, and how society wants to deal with these things, that is a little premature," said Dr. Craig. "This is a small study and the important thing it raises is that more research needs to be done." http://www.nhs.uk/ ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 9 - 10PM (Reply to #81)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Fascinating article

Might even answer "Nature vs. Nurture." Since it's built into the brain, it's more difficult to cure than say, a bad drinking habit. What's worse is that MOST psychopaths are under the radar... a common trait of narcissists is that they follow the law... so they're not usually in San Quentin...
May 10 - 6AM (Reply to #82)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

incurable

it's NOT 'more difficult' it's INCURABLE ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 10 - 3PM (Reply to #83)
wallaby (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

LOL

I love how you say it like it is, B!
May 8 - 11PM
enoughalready
enoughalready's picture

sleep subject

XN always complained of getting little sleep due to allergies and sleep apnea. His cell shut off every night at 2300. I suspect he had it that way so he can fool around at night and didn't want to be bothered. In addition, he farted and burped loudly a lot. And didn't have a problem having a bowel movement w/ door open. He said -his *hit never stinks! Absolutely disgusting.
May 8 - 9PM
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

can't find it right now......

but i've also read somewhere that they don't have REM deficits...and that some of them don't seem to dream...the psycho always said he never had dreams.........
May 9 - 8PM (Reply to #64)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Dreamless sleep

That IS a sign of a mental problem. People who have been tortured and not able to dream are usually mentally ill as a result. If you don't have dreams, your brain isn't wired right (or it's that way due to torture) Sleep-deprived people can suffer from hallucinations, etc. (I'm talking about abuse victims here as an example, NOT ABUSERS)
May 10 - 7AM (Reply to #68)
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

i'm talking about NARCS and PSYCHOPATHS........

studies show that they have REM deficits.....and do not dream....just another way they ARE NOT HUMAN...... psychopaths and narcs are not VICTIMS of anything....
May 10 - 9PM (Reply to #69)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

They're predators

No wonder my ex-N complained of his "inability to sleep" (yet didn't like coffee) Is it any surprise that Stephenie Meyer's vampires DON'T SLEEP AT ALL? The traditional vampires slept in their coffins in the daytime. Meyer was onto something. The TWILIGHT series is terribly written, it glamorizes abusive relationships... yet she knows Narcs don't sleep.
May 11 - 8AM (Reply to #70)
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

THIS IS NOT A BADLY WRITTEN DRAMA, Susan....

PSYCHOPATHS are badly written REAL LIFE........ do you really believe these monsters don't sleep because of COFFEE????????? you need to turn off stupid Twilight and start reading books on psychopaths and narcs.......and GET A CLUE.......
May 11 - 9AM (Reply to #71)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Twilight is bad news

What I think is BAD about TWILIGHT (beyond the fact I couldn't read past the first chapter) is that it makes abusive relationships look good. Edward is emotionally abusive--and now teenaged girls swoon for him. That's TERRIBLE. "Monsters don't sleep because of COFFEE??"-That's NOT what I was saying. Meyer was right in showing that predators DON'T SLEEP. They're NOT NORMAL. They're NOT BEING HUMAN. Please,read what I actually said.. it has nothing to do with coffee...it has EVERYTHING to do with "no rest for the wicked"...
May 11 - 9AM (Reply to #72)
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

i READ what you SAID...

and you said it twice on this thread..... "No wonder my ex-N complained of his "inability to sleep" (yet didn't like coffee)" "My ex-N always complained of sleeping difficulties (yet he complained coffee irritated his stomach)"
May 11 - 9AM (Reply to #73)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

I'm sorry

Okay. I'm sorry. My ex-N clearly wasn't "wired right"--so that's why he didn't sleep. And when it comes to neurology, he lacked those mirror neurons and cognitive empathy. He was NOT NORMAL.
May 11 - 9AM (Reply to #74)
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

NOW you're tracking.......

'not normal'.....not HUMAN is more like it...but at least 'not normal' shows you're getting it.....
May 11 - 10AM (Reply to #75)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Self-interest is normal,Narcissism ISN'T

During the D&D, my friends were saying that my ex-N wasn't acting "normally"--his lack of apology/remorse, that he'd reduce me to tears in public, that he didn't let up when I told him that a friend of mine had died. The behavior struck them as unnatural... it was worse than NOT NORMAL... it wasn't HUMAN. Too bad this website wasn't here back in the late '90s, it would've explained A LOT.
May 11 - 10AM (Reply to #76)
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

your friends were idiots....

i've had lots of friends who were idiots......that's why they're no longer my friends........ people like your friends are how these monsters walk around unnoticed and unimpeded.....
May 11 - 10AM (Reply to #77)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

They caught on before I did

My friends saw my ex-N for what he was... an emotionless monster. I didn't dump them at his insistence. One friend called my ex-N the Devil, another said he was "using me to look human." It was my friends who REALIZED his behavior wasn't normal, wasn't human... they were there when he D&D'd me... good thing I didn't abandon them because he thought they were "weird"...
May 11 - 10AM (Reply to #78)
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

then it's time for you to catch on, too.....

if you saw that bastard in Trader Joes and ran over his foot with your cart....he probably wouldn't recognize you...and if he did, he'd certainly never let you know it...... it's like better off said...WE are IRRELEVANT...in some ways those basdards are a one man waaaaaaaay off broadway production...and we are just props.....cardboard cutouts...their SHOW must go on...no matter what prop is standing there.... .
May 9 - 9PM (Reply to #67)
aceonelady
aceonelady's picture

dreams....

My ex N told me he never dreammed,only when we were still in the long distance phase,he told me he SAW me Standing next to his bed 2 times while half asleep.....That says enough i think.....I was in Europe,he in the USA...

Aceonelady

May 9 - 8PM (Reply to #65)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

they don't dream

Dr. Robert Hare says Psychopaths & Narcissists rarely, if ever, dream. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 9 - 9PM (Reply to #66)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Sleep, perchance to dream

My ex-N always complained of sleeping difficulties (yet he complained coffee irritated his stomach) His addiction to movies would compensate for his lack of dreams... and "Terminator" was one of his favorites...
May 8 - 9PM (Reply to #63)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

no dreams

the 2 psychopaths I was involved with - both told me they never dreamt either ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 8 - 12PM
broken23
broken23's picture

God he didn't sleep until

God he didn't sleep until very late either, at first it's endearing to get the late texts and attention then mind would just wonder what is he doing probably porn and infedility. When he did sleep he would just be gone it was so hard to wake him up like a kid and it took like 10 tries. If it was me being late to something I should lighten up or eventaully learned get there myself. If it was him well then he yelled about where his things were. so frazzled. I can't wait for him to join the real world in two years when his Med school is done o always wondered how he would wake up and work hard.
May 8 - 9AM
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

Too much

Just after posting this thread.....just got an email from N at 3:14am (a personal one)...and I frequently get emails in the middle of the night (oh, but I'm not supposed to read anything into that) I am so tempted to respond.... "you are either partying way too much, sleeping around too much - somewhere else - or really have a guilty conscious..... not sure how you function!" I would love to get some ideas for a witty response to this. Any suggestions???