What do you think YOU were used for?

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Apr 2 - 9PM (Reply to #36)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

weekends

do things for yourself this weekend long hot bath long walk rearrange furniture... new sheets, new curtains? less reminder of him open your windows if you can - fresh air... go buy yourself one thing you don't need but really want always plan ahead for weekends but NO CONTACT!!! ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Apr 2 - 1AM (Reply to #29)
tasha
tasha's picture

Hey Barbara

I think they send pictures of their penises to women because, they want the women to love it as much as they do!!hehehe!!The sick sick people they are!
Apr 2 - 8AM (Reply to #30)
aceonelady
aceonelady's picture

the only thing that worked..

Was his big mouth,lying saying this that he never did to me,he had sex with me twice,and couldn't keep it up more than 4 minutes or so,talk yes he could , a lot....and masturbate on Porn,but he told me while having real sex with awoman he didn"t always need to come or get hard....They are not HUMAN...

Aceonelady

Mar 29 - 10PM
TexN (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Needed a home...

And a family. I was the perfect single mother of two little cowboys & he stepped in as the cowboy father. He loved all the attention the boys would get (4 & 6 at the time) with their hats & boots. He really thought it made him look good...They don't come any more useless than him!
Mar 29 - 10PM
itreallyisabouthim
itreallyisabouthim's picture

Front + Help w/ Rent

I think I gave him credibility. I think he liked that I reduced his rent. He used to say his ex only got with guys so they would pay half the rent. Now I know this was projection. He took crap endlessly from his other ex (under the guise of being a forgiving soul) until she stopped paying rent. Then he kicked her, her daughter, and their stuff right out to the curb. Oh, how clear it all is now. Oh I forgot the biggie: a uterus. He also used to say (about guys who had been burned by those horrible women we are) "Well, at least he got a beautiful daughter out of it". I always thought that was a very suspicious thing to say.
Mar 29 - 12PM
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

from Sandra Brown's site...soul suckers.....

In short, the psychopath - and the narcissist to a lesser extent - is a predator. If we think about the interactions of predators with their prey in the animal kingdom, we can come to some idea of what is behind the "mask of sanity" of the psychopath. Just as an animal predator will adopt all kinds of stealthy functions in order to stalk their prey, cut them out of the herd, get close to them and reduce their resistance, so does the psychopath construct all kinds of elaborate camoflage composed of words and appearances - lies and manipulations - in order to "assimilate" their prey. This leads us to an important quesion: what does the psychopath REALLY get from their victims? It's easy to see what they are after when they lie and manipulate for money or material goods or power. But in many instances, such as love relationships or faked friendships, it is not so easy to see what the psychopath is after. Without wandering too far afield into spiritual speculations - a problem Cleckley also faced - we can only say that it seems to be that the psychopath ENJOYS making others suffer. Just as normal humans enjoy seeing other people happy, or doing things that make other people smile, the psychopath enjoys the exact opposite. Anyone who has ever observed a cat playing with a mouse before killing and eating it has probably explained to themselves that the cat is just "entertained" by the antics of the mouse and is unable to conceive of the terror and pain being experienced by the mouse, and the cat, therefore, is innocent of any evil intent. The mouse dies, the cat is fed, and that is nature. Psychopaths don't generally eat their victims. Yes, in extreme cases the entire cat and mouse dynamic is carried out and cannibalism has a long history wherein it was assumed that certain powers of the victim could be assimilated by eating some particular part of them. But in ordinary life, psychopaths and narcissists don't go all the way, so to say. This causes us to look at the cat and mouse scenarios again with different eyes. Now we ask: is it too simplistic to think that the innocent cat is merely entertained by the mouse running about and frantically trying to escape? Is there something more to this dynamic than meets the eye? Is there something more than being "entertained" by the antics of the mouse trying to flee? After all, in terms of evolution, why would such behavior be hard-wired into the cat? Is the mouse tastier because of the chemicals of fear that flood his little body? Is a mouse frozen with terror more of a "gourmet" meal? This suggests that we ought to revisit our ideas about psychopaths with a slightly different perspective. One thing we do know is this: many people who experience interactions with psychopaths and narcissists report feeling "drained" and confused and often subsequently experience deteriorating health. Does this mean that part of the dynamic, part of the explanation for why psychopaths will pursue "love relationships" and "friendships" that ostensibly can result in no observable material gain, is because there is an actual energy consumption? We do not know the answer to this question. We observe, we theorize, we speculate and hypothesize. But in the end, only the individual victim can determine what they have lost in the dynamic - and it is often far more than material goods. In a certain sense, it seems that psychopaths are soul eaters or "Psychophagic."
Mar 30 - 12AM (Reply to #20)
neveragain5
neveragain5's picture

This is SO true! I was under

This is SO true! I was under a lot of stress at the time that I met him. Trying to change career paths and going to school. Generally, I am a very outgoing, cheerful person and about two days after spending the weekend with him, I was having tremendous anxiety, diarrhea, headaches and occasional vomiting. I was getting sick more often and was moody. I was crying all the time because I was trying to break it off from the stress of him being there on top of all the other stuff and he wasn't allowing it. I should have gone NC with him at that point, but I knew every time I saw him, he would be "normal" again. I remember him saying when I wanted to break it off, "I don't want to let you go, you are the kind of person that can light up a room just by walking into it". I came to the realization that he was trying to steal that light.
Mar 29 - 6PM (Reply to #15)
neveragain5
neveragain5's picture

He definitely used me as a

He definitely used me as a front or a trophy. He was always so self-conscious about the fact that he lived with his best male friend and that they were even mistaken for domestic partners! :) He used to walk around and call everything, "gay", although he was the most masculine man I had ever been with. All his hobbies were very "alpha-male". Methinks thou doth protest too much!
Mar 29 - 6PM (Reply to #16)
enoughalready
enoughalready's picture

weird

He used to say everything was "gay" too. I always thought that was a weird answer. And he was as masculine as he could be. But one never knows why they say "that's gay", unless he's really gay?
Mar 29 - 8PM (Reply to #17)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

enoughalready

we have had this discussion too many times to count Gay-ness does not equal Narcissist. There are similar percentages of Narcissists in the GLBTG community as there are in the heterosexual community. Narcs tend to see the world as Black & White or Right & Wrong (their idea of right and wrong) and are very prejudiced and judgmental. Sexual Narcissists also tend to be ANYSexuals... meaning any orifice will do... ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 29 - 9PM (Reply to #18)
enoughalready
enoughalready's picture

that's comforting

....Not. To think he cheated on me w/ other women is one thing but to think he would possibly choose a guy is another. This gets sickening as knowledge of a narcissist increases.
Apr 2 - 9PM (Reply to #19)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

any orifice will do

Psycho-Boy called me a 'fag hag' because I have many gay & lesbian friends. He called his ex-fiance's husband a fag too. He would go on & on about he should have married HER because she brought home women for 3-somes and would do ANYTHING sexually... in detail!! I would have that PTSD 'Freeze Response.' The worst was one day he told me IN DETAIL about the sex he had with his WIFE the night before. I told him how INAPPROPRIATE that was to talk about his WIFE like that. His only response was "you and I can NEVAH!!! be together late that again." WTF??!!! Not what I was telling him... a**hole Anyway, after all the anti-homo talk he asked a bunch of times if I knew of any gay men who could keep their mouths shut who would give him oral so he could 'experience' it. Then he'd ask if I had any girlfriends into casual sex... of course that was before I found he'd hacked into a couple of my IM buddy lists and was IM my girlfriends for quickies. Treated me like his PIMP! gross just gross... ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 29 - 11AM
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

users of the WORST kind

So we have a wide spectrum here, financial, front, sex, emotional, domestic.... They use us all for something, they use EVERYONE for a specific need. When I was reviewing WWLP a few days ago they stressed how they form attachments where as we form a bond with someone we love. I can conclude whatever we were used for is not as important as how we were all betrayed, the pain is the same. Maybe we left feeling we had more dignity if we were used as a front vs a porn partner, but they treat their fronts like shit and its the same lies, cheating and wasted years loving someone who never loved us back. They act and abuse everyone, abuse is abuse!!! I always thought their side flings received the worse form of betrayal, but how untrue. Their fronts or live in partners are here just as I am expressing the same amount of anguish they caused them if not more.
Mar 29 - 8AM
dysenchanted
dysenchanted's picture

Emotional energy

I was his source of "loosh". Once he drained me dry he couldn't drop me fast enough. The sex,cooking,laundry,financial support etc. were all nice fringe benefits,but it was my emotional energy that he was primarily interested in. Now that I have none left, he has disappeared.
Mar 29 - 3AM
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

i was his front too

i believe he chose me because he wanted to do an 'exchange'...i was normal...respectable...what he wanted to do was dump all his personal garbage onto me...and take my respectablility as his own...take on my life as his own.... one thing that that stands out is...i had good credit...he'd blown his credit years before....he menaced and threatened me into having some of my credit cards issued to me in my first initial only...which was the same as his.....so then he could throw down MY american express card..with J. Doe on it...like it was his own...so that elevated him in public...to other people..from being a dunken loser with bad credit to being a guy who could throw down a gold american express card... i also believe that from the day he met me he intended to use me for his own agenda...then when he had sucked me dry, he planned to kill me..i think that was always in the back of his mind....after he had destroyed just about everything else...he tried to murder me in my sleep for my life insurance and to get his hands on the cars and my dwindling checkbook.....it was all about money....i was nothing...he was willing to kill me so he could get his hands on what little was left...one time,after i'd gotten him out of the house...he called me one night..late..very very drunk..and he was saying stuff like.. 'if i could have just gotten rid of you, like i wanted to, it would have all been mine..because it IS mine..you're nothing..if i could have just gotten rid of you once and for all..it would have all been mine and my life would have been perfect'....so yeah..he was USING me to build a life for HIM and then he planned to kill me and have it all... and for years i was his punching bag...he could abuse me behind closed doors....take out all his nastiness on me...then walk out into the sunshine wearing his mask, whistling a tune.....he used me in many ways.... and ultimately all of them were so he could appear 'normal' to the outside world..
Mar 29 - 12AM
Kelly
Kelly's picture

Not yet sure

I think the 1st N used me to look "normal" for his parents or maybe to look "normal" for himself. Initially, (he told me later on of course) when he found me online, he wanted to just mess with my head because he said my profile made me seemed really shallow (Since he has no real sense of humor, he ACTUALLY didn't get that I intentionally made it super shallow to elicit laughter.) He pretended to get my humor! Yep, psychopath much? Early in our relationship, I told him I wouldn't have unprotected sex unless I was in a secure, loving relationship. He did everything possible to make me feel that way. His mom tucked me in when I stayed over one night! After I gave in willingly, he broke up with me two days later - - (he actually manipulated me into doing it by tossing away the condom at a vulnerable time about two months prior - I almost broke up with him at that point, then I took him back . . .) My last exN/Psycho might have had an agenda from the get go, but I'm really not sure with him. I had canceled two second dates with him in the past. It's a long story, but basically, I was seeing someone else both times we had set up second dates and both times, the guy I had been seeing asked for exclusivity before I could make it to a second date. He may have been seeking revenge. When he D&D'd me he said "Why didn't you dump the guy you were seeing for 4 weeks for me?" Ummmm we had beer and some nice conversation, we just met, that's why you psychopath? BUT, when D&Ding he ALSO said "I don't even date Sephardic women seriously" and the piece de' resistance "I don't even like New Yorkers." So, I don't know. He had a problem attracting women until 5 years ago because of a skin deformity on half his face. (Now he's VERY attractive.) I'm an attractive lady. When he idealized me, he didn't stop with the "You're so beautiful" and telling me how he never gets the hot girl. Maybe it was just a status thing for him. See if he can get "the hot girl." Oh yeah -- He told me that he wanted to meet me because I said I have in interest in film production. He's a screenwriter (turned entertainment lawyer.) The earlier part (of our ephemeral relationship) revolved around him lecturing me about his knowledge of screenwriting. I told him I was writing a screenplay and he put on a whole mentoring act. I think I made him feel important.
Mar 28 - 11PM
aceonelady
aceonelady's picture

used for...

I think i got used for his cyber sex fantasies(he induced me on phone sex at least 2 times a day),heused me to boost his ego(a poor getto boy that has a well educated good looking in a nice financial position in Europe)he used me to hurt the mother of his children(i found out he didn't tell her about me but did tellall about us in bits and pieces to her son who kept her updated )to help him feel better about his miserable self ,and to feel powerful and in controlby withdrawing sex,affection and personal contact when i finally went to be with him and i think his kick was the control and humiliation he did put me trough and i suspect him of being gay of bisexual ,and he has girlfriends to keep his macho image ,because he did a lot of sex talk on the phone but in person he had ED and only had sex with me twice and that happenned with a half hard dick that turned soft very fast and then he would say i was worst then a porn star and sex with me was disgusting...But months later he told me that he was thinking a lot about how would be doing a man,and he was skipping around here and there and he was talking to somebody on internet and skype and that he would meet THEM when THEY were ready....and he was wering a ridiculous beeds turquoise necklace with a BEAR CLAW hanging on it and i saw he had bought a web cam,which he didn't have with me,and he was taking a lot of vitamins,maybe triyng to help his ed...but he gained about 1225 pounds ,and i saw he was drinking too very stron caribbean rum,straight,something he didnn:t do before...i think he re created himself and i googled him and i found out he was watching pretty disturbing porn...i am sick,broke having flash bacs and afraid thinking who is he really,,,for me he was a father of 3 children,a very intelligent black american that worked very hard as an utility worker at Housing Authority trying to help others that are in the same bad situation he was a child with a mother that abused him,was on drugs and booze and had 6 cchildren that she could't provide for...and now i don,t know anymore who he is or was...he broke up with me,he didn,t want any contact,he is NC and he blocked me evrywhere and changed his nickname on the internet,he disappeaaread from the face of the earth,only sometime ago he did let me see he was talking on skype with somebody...when i asked about it if he was having a good life he told me alot of crazy making insinuations nothing concrete ,only pretty disturbing stuff which still is triggering more anxiety,imsonia and low self esteem and fear...i don,t know how for heavens sake a person(thing)did fool me like that...

Aceonelady

Mar 28 - 11PM
enoughalready
enoughalready's picture

used

I was used for an "ego boost"-he'd always say, come home to meet my parents so I can show you off. I always felt like a trophy to him. Yet he treated me like dirt.I definitely was used for"sex", maybe once every week to 2 weeks. Never could understand why his penis was semi-hard the last 2 yrs. It hurts to know I loved someone who never loved me back. He was such a waste of protoplasm.
Mar 28 - 8PM
Jessika (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

With my ex N I was

the "front" woman ... the good girl which made him look good and normal. We looked like the professional attractive 'power' couple (as he often labeled us). However, little did I know he had a hidden sex filled crazy warped life simultaneously present. I was treated like crap the way most of us on here have been; cheated on ..... he barely ever had sex with me (perhaps once a week) and at those times he would sometimes had ED- Blah!! This new narc (colleague) who I will DEFINTELY now go NC on and not feed into him obviuosly wants me as his side whore I am sure. What a piece of ****!!
Mar 28 - 7PM
gullablegull (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Definitely front!

Laundry, meals, cleaning, yardwork, remodeling, doing his errands...."fetching his tea".......YUCK! He used me and the children to appear to be a family man, and not a coveting psychopath bipolar perverted narcissist! So glad he's gone................now if he'll pay up, I'll be happy to disappear with the kids myself! Wish me luck!
Mar 28 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

used

Mother, emotional whipping post, ego-stroker, spoiling him... I hated being 'that' person. :( Yuck is right!!!
Mar 28 - 9PM (Reply to #3)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

I am glad to see that we deal with the huge way they use us....

It baffles me that the exN's in our life used us as a "front for being a normal, loving, family man" and that is what it was. That sucks the big wazooo! Mine used me to help him through his divorce.. used me to help him "regain himself" and "find himself in himself" ie, have sex with me....while he was cultivating a full blown relationship with another woman and her 4 kids. He used me as the anchor at work. The relationship he confided in, spoke endless negativity about his ex to..he used me to show how powerful he was,,how he could transcend by boundaries and have control over me, and that is needed to "get off my high horse"..he said that to me alot, and never knew what they meant,, He used me to isolate himself from his work, so he could play me against others in the office. He used me for sex. He used me as a lunch partner. A tax write off.
Mar 28 - 10PM (Reply to #4)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

used

NarcMother: horrible evidence that her husband was disgusting, as was his daughter, punching bag, something to hate - ME 1st Narc: Notch in his belt, sex - someone to be thrown away when it got inconvenient Psycho-Boy: Sex, a personality to absorb 2nd Sociopath: Jealous, a personality to absorb, a punching bag, some one to wipe their evil on exNH: Someone to make him look normal and be his personal maid service, a tax deduction ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 29 - 9PM (Reply to #5)
Nothanx
Nothanx's picture

To make the Dream girl jealous

Mine used me first and foremost to make his "dream girl" jealous. She had no interest in him unless he was with me. He also used me as a front for his co-workers and his family. He hated being the "40+" single guy at the party, and he used me and my kids so he would fit in better to his family and society.I was the one to go to family parties, funerals, host dinner parties, spent the night with him in the emergency room, took care of him after surgery, let him spend the holidays with my family, etc.... The dream girl was his secretary, and she was paranoid that the other people in the office would find out that she had a thing with my narc. Having me in the picture made it easier for them to spend time together without raising suspicion. So weird that someone can tell you in total detail and with passion that they love you, only to have ulterior motives. I am still so completely amazed and messed up because of all this cruelty!
Mar 31 - 6PM (Reply to #6)
The Girlfriend ...
The Girlfriend of Dr Jekyl's picture

Mine Used Me For Everything Mentioned Here

...mine used me for all the same reasons as everyone else's pathological used them. Sex, companionship, stability, a decoration, housekeeper, money, cooking ...affection/attention/admiration/validation...a warm body, any emotional reaction, supply of any kind...a punching bag, someone to blame and yell at, someone to show off, someone just be THERE FOR HIM!...so he wouldn't be alone, a back-up or secondary supply, whatever he wanted or needed...he looked to me for it...they use you for everything...suck the life out of you...and toss you away like you were nothing to them...all with a smile on their face and claiming innocence and 'what a great guy' they are...saying everything was YOUR fault, slandering you all over the place...and getting off scott-free for all the lives they damage...without a care in the world... SNAKES! all of them!