Why does he still have pictures and my family on his Facebook? HE'S the one who left me!

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#1 October 31, 2014 - 12:51pm

Why does he still have pictures and my family on his Facebook? HE'S the one who left me!

My Narc ex-husband finalized our divorce two and a half weeks ago. It was his choice, he left me during the discard phase which I have been used to because out of the four years we were together he would leave me every two to three months and come back. The cycle would restart because I allowed it.
I have been completely NC since then. I took the steps to delete his family from social media, and my sons. I blocked his numbers etc. Yesterday my mother came to visit and made a remark to me about my Ex's Facebook . I did look at his account though my mothers and come to find out he still has tons of pictures of us, and he is still friends with ALL my family. I begged and cried for him not to leave me, and him telling me he could not be married, that our relationship was over, he wasn't happy, saying he was so miserable with me, pulling the rug from beneath me AGAIN for the 19th time.
My question: if he chose this and basically forced me into a divorce after I begged him not to, why does he still choose to keep contact with all my family and have pictures of us everywhere on his social media?

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November 1, 2014 - 9:48am

Hi Truth, I hope this doesnt

Hi Truth,
I hope this doesnt sound nosey but are you taking steps to work on your self esteem. It must be in absolute tatters after 19 D and Ds. What an absolute lowlife.
The bad thing is one gets attuned to accepting horrific, abusive behaviour over time. Our standards for acceptable, normal behaviour are trashed. Its so important to get them back and enforce what is acceptable and not. I really had to work on that. All best

October 31, 2014 - 7:36pm

Narcissist's do NOT think about thngs the same way we do

One of the first things we learn to do in recovery is to stop looking at what the Narcissist does through our own lens. What you would do or what he would do have nothing whatsoever to do with each other.

You may take yours down as closure, to step in moving on, to remove painful memerios and so on.

To the Narcissist they are simply wallpaper. Picture's that make him look popular and like he has a life AND Narcissist's do NOT offer closure, they keep the door open for future supply options AND once a Narcissist "sleeps" with you, is married to you, involved and so on, he claims "ownership" of you in his mind, you become part of his stable, his posse, his many conquests. I had her and she still wants me, I left her, type of thing. Ego, grandiosity and the whole twisted mess.

He does not take them down because it makes him look like he gives a damn like he is making an effort to act "pained", which of course he is not.

It's like that silly song, I'm not in love, the picture on the wall hides the stain. 10cc's I believe recorded that song back in the 70's.

They just don't think about it enough to remove them.

My father kept all his xwife's stuff out and up on the walls, the new GF was pissed, he said, what's the big deal? He did not love his deceased wife so much as, he could not be bothered to redecorate, just because she passed, the stuff was not triggering to him in any way because they do not think or feel that way as we do.

Your X will redecorate FB when he feels like it, or not. He may leave the pic's up to triangulate with NS. You look so happy with her, why do you treat me like crap and so forth.

I wouldn't make too much out of it, I am sure he is not thinking about it one way or another.

Recovery is about what we do, not them. He is never going to do things the way you would or what would make sense to you.

They don't think the way we do. They think about themselves most of time, unless of course they want something from you, at which time they are thinking about how to get it from you.

xoxox,
Goldie

October 31, 2014 - 1:40pm

truthishere

I am the One who left my Exnh, But I still have photos of him on facebook with myself and Our Kids, also I now have some of his family on it who I Ignored for years after I left him, but as time has Marched on I no longer care about him and also the family of his are also my Kids family, In the End it Simply Doesnt mean a Thing.

This probley hasent actually Helped you' but Maybe One day, Like me, You won't care what he puts on facebook..

November 1, 2014 - 7:21am (Reply to #2)

Truthishere

I completely agree with Goldie and Used. Bottomline, and what is most important is the expression, actions speak louder than words. His Facebook page is a facade, think beyond it and how he treated you!

Janie

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