My Narcissist Boyfriend's Mentality

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#1 July 8, 2017 - 1:08am

My Narcissist Boyfriend's Mentality

My narc bf said final stage of love is sex.I said I don't agree with him,he said what is the purpose of love? Then why love? I asked why parents love their children? What is the purpose? Parents don't get physically intimate with their children,then he said Parents love their children to feed them in old age that is the final intention.I felt bad hearing all that said by him

September 5, 2017 - 3:57pm

Thank you, Kavya

Hi Kavya,

Thank you and I hope that you find the same as well. Right now, learning self-love and how to recreate my life are my main areas of focus. It takes a lot of time, effort, and energy to get over abuse, to realize that what you thought was love was one-sided bs, that the person you loved never existed, and figuring out wtf to do with yourself.

It's amazing how crippling it can be to realize that the world is before you and you can do anything you wish (within reason and resources) after having been myopically focused on one person for so long.

September 6, 2017 - 3:31am (Reply to #7)

All the best my dear for your

All the best my dear for your recovery.It's very difficult to get over the abuse

August 24, 2017 - 6:13pm

I had the same thing happen almost

When I finally told my narc bf that it was over it was after he basically told me the only thing I was good for was sex. He only wanted to come and see his kids and stay at my place if we were sleeping together. He said what point is there to come to see them if he wasn't getting anything. Umm maybe your kids. Anyways, he basically told me I was the best sex he ever had and made me feel like that was the only thing I was good for. It hit me hard and took a long time to get over. But I know now its a lie. He is a loser and I am so much more than a physical trophy!!!

September 5, 2017 - 2:44am (Reply to #5)

How mean he is,he doesn't

How mean he is,he doesn't deserve you.I know dear how painful it can be to hear such things.It's good you are not staying with him

September 3, 2017 - 7:34pm (Reply to #2)

Sex is their weapon

I did not have children with my ex-boyfriend, who is a diagnosed narcissist. He never complained about the quality of sex, except to say that he didn't feel that we were having enough, which is laughable because there was one point where we were having sex 21 times a day. Typically, at least three times a day. That was after he seemed to slow down. I don't know if he had someone else, I like to convince myself that he did not cheat, not necessarily because of me, but because of his image (he lauded his family values because he had a son with his ex-wife). Yet, I am not completely convinced. It is important to remember that sex is a weapon for narcissists.

I recall him telling me that he wanted more sex, but that "he wasn't going anywhere." I was stunned when he complained, because (as I said) we were having copious amounts of sex, to the point where it would physically hurt me. As much as I loved sex with him, I felt like I was never good enough, like what I did was never enough, and that is how he got me to transcend my boundaries. I did everything with this man, you imagine it, I did it (short of bringing in other people, etc.). When he was done with me the final time, I felt like a disposable c** receptacle of his. He got what he wanted. He promised me a house, marriage, and a future all so that he could secure sex at his behest. He knew no boundaries with me, and even when I said no to certain things, he continued, and I allowed it.

I am sharing this as a reminder that sex is what they use to keep us attached. I firmly believe that they couldn't care less who is in bed with them, as long as they have a warm body they are temporarily content. We, on the other hand, attach sex to emotion, which is one of the many reasons that we suffer so much and that they can get us to doubt ourselves and their commitment. The ironic thing is that as much as they lie to us, they reveal their true feelings by the dismissive comments they make.

Do I believe that mine did not stray? I have reason to believe that he did, with prostitutes, during one of his disappearing acts on a weekend that we had plans. He ended up in Costa Rica (according to him), which is a destination for men who are looking for prostitutes, as it is legal and cheap there. He claims he went on an alcohol-infused bender, which is true as I could smell the alcohol on him and even in his car when he came back, but assured me that he did not sleep with anyone. I suppose that I lied to myself. I only researched Costa Rica and prostitutes last week, and the did his disappearing act July of 2016. He had, according to him, solicited prostitutes in the past. Why I stayed with him after knowing that is beyond me and why I believed him when he told me that he didn't sleep with anyone else when he was with me is also beyond me.

I don't want him in my life ever again. He left me three times, and I initiated no contact when he tried to hoover me after the third sudden break up last month. I feel stronger and happier and have traveled out to Sedona to heal. Being back in my home state of NJ is difficult and returning to my regular routine once the summer is over will be tough (we met at one of my jobs), but I know that I am better off. My body, mind, and spirit feel much better without him. I no longer shake, have anxiety attacks, or live in fear. The rest will take time.

I'd love to have sex one day with someone who values the love attached to the act of sex as much as I do. Remember, we all deserve to be respected and have our sexual desires and boundaries respected.

Love to you all...

September 5, 2017 - 3:01am (Reply to #4)

I am sorry you have gone

I am sorry you have gone through this shit.We woman are emotional so narc men take advantage of our emotions and trap us,when they are bored they dump us.We all deserve to be loved.I hope one day a boy will love you so much

September 5, 2017 - 3:01am (Reply to #3)

I am sorry you have gone

I am sorry you have gone through this shit.We woman are emotional so narc men take advantage of our emotions and trap us,when they are bored they dump us.We all deserve to be loved.I hope one day a boy will love you so much

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