I haven't yet managed to get out

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#1 December 29, 2016 - 9:00pm

I haven't yet managed to get out

My story may initially sound like God's plan, but it's become my worst nightmare.

Back in 2014 I was living in the UK, organizing my life to move back to Brazil, after being 11 years abroad. I met an old friend on facebook whose sister was on one of her facebook pictures. I asked her about her sister and she told me she was single and looking for a long term-relationships. She also told me about her sister's previous relationships that never lasted because she only had bad experiences with bad boys. I then contacted her and all felt so wonderful. She was sweet and witty. I immediatelly connected with her. We shared interests and all seemed so perfect. Then we agreed to meet in Brazil for the new year of 2015. She picked me up at the airport and took me to her town. What had been good, became amazing. Chemestry was skyhigh and sex was just the best I had had. She showed her town and encouraged me to find a job there. Three months later I visited Brazil again to see her and look for a job. Returned to the UK and came back to Brazil four month later AND I FOUND A JOB with a state bank. As there was an ongoing economic crisis, finding a job back here and a loving and supportive woman seemed to be God's plan.
It is important to mention that the red flags were all over the place since the very beginning. I remember she saying that for her sex was just sex and love was a separeted thing. She blamed her previous boyfriends for the problems she had in the past and I noticed that she never had actually a long-term relationship. Neither had she stayed with a job for more than in a year. She would disappear from my radar for days and suddenly show up blaming her phone. I found her a bit weird but I was deeply in love with her so I was willing to give a go.
When I settled in Brazil, I was hopefull we would start our relationship. I am 38 years old, divorced with no children. So I thought that she would be the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with.
Then the problems started. The loving and caring woman became cold and detached. She told me she found a job as a farm insurance surveyor. That would require her to constantly travel in to the country and often being without contact. She also said she would like to get to know me better as she had some doubts about my character. Hence, I started seeing each other once every two weeks for sex. I was given no option but to accept her terms. We would only meet when and where she wanted.
Because things happened the way they did, I started questioning whether that was God's plan, as life became a emotional rollercoaster. When we're together, it was great. But when she was gone, I felt sad and in pain.
I then realized her excuses for disappearing had no consistency. When confronted, she became agressive and rude. She blamed me for not understand the nature of her job. She also refused to meet my parents and didn't want to introduce me to her family.
As time went on, I felt I should have a frank conversation and end our 'relationship'. I told her I would understand if she had another person but I wasn't happy with that arrangement. She replied she loved me and had nobody else. However, she was sure I was cheating on her. She assured me she had been working hard and I wasn't being understandable.
After another couple of months I became a bit paranoid and crazy. I started doubting my sanity for how I could love someone so much and not trust her. A lot of pain and confusion.
Nearly out of mind I decided I should check her whereabouts and see for myself. But how? The only possible way was gps tracking her car. I did not need to do that. I should just trust my sixth sense. It was there 24/7 shouting at my ear. But not satisfied I ended up doing it. On a Friday evening (yes, her travels always started on Fridays) she called me saying she was on a distant part of the country and would soon be without telephone service for a couple of days. But the tracker was showing her car in the capital of my state, about 150 miles away. I then went to the place and found her with another man. She had a life with him too. He was about 20 years older than her and seemed wealthy. It turned out she had no job. She just had a sugar daddy.
I waited until she came to see me and threw all the facts on her face. She said I was no better than her and she did that because she knew I was cheating on her which was false. We broke up and I felt a great relief.
But then, a few days later she came after me. She said she no longer was with him and she loved very much and wanted a life with me. As I was weak, I ended up again having sex with her and the same rollercoaster story went on.
It's been a year and I feel drained and exausted. I abandoned my personal projects and lost pleasure in life. I have no strenght to find the exit door. I have read It's all about her and found it inspiring for my case. But I can't find the strenght to say enough is enough.
Last week she said she was going to spend Christmas with her parents in a farm. The bell rang. I went to my parent's but on the way back I drove to her sugar daddy's place and found her there. I called her on the next day and said I had enough. Today I felt empowered to have no contact. But I ended up unblocking her and we chated again. I don't know what to do.

February 9, 2017 - 2:05pm

Malignant Narcissist

When we are without our Narcissistic partner we feel more empty and alone than we ever have in our lives. The cycle of what feels like the best sex we've ever experienced is followed by Cruel Abuse, Silent Treatments, Jealousy, etc... They are so right when they say No Contact is the only way to heal and move on. It is also the only known weapon we have against them. Stay strong. You will make it through this if your strong enough. You need to know that you are and not think that you are. Don't let her win. The Narcissist I was with had several ex boyfriends. 5 of them committed suicide. BE CAREFUL. LOVE YOURSELF. THERE IS HELP!


February 7, 2017 - 7:06pm

I hear you; struggling to leave the narcissist

We have both here. Those struggling to get out and those out already facing the aftermath. Keep reading and sharing, it's a process. Most people try at least 7 times before they are fully out. I am beginning a new support group shortly and this will help you in understanding where you are with all of this and sharing and hearing the other stories is beneficial in giving you strength to get out if this is what you decide. You are not alone in this there is support available. We want you to succeed and to regain your peace of mind.
Much love,
Goldie xo

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