My Story Sarah5

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#1 Feb 7 - 1PM
sarah5
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My Story Sarah5

I am honestly at the end of my rope. I guess the scary part is knowing he will try to come back. My story is very similar to some that I have read. We met 1 year ago - the first few months were a whirlwind: he swept me off of my feet (I was even hesitant and stood him up a time or 2). He wanted to move quickly - met my friends, my family, kids, etc. I already knew his family so I felt comfortable that he would not turn out to be a monster. Little did I know. We are both divorced. He was married for 15 years - me 7. He always talked about how trust was most important and that if anything else, I had to trust him. After about 4 months of dating, he started changing - he created problems in his mind (regarding trust) and then blamed me for them. He always told me I didn't trust him and that someone was feeding me BS. This was not the case. I couldn't understand any of it. Then - BOOM.. out of no where he blew up, shut down, and went silent. One word: DISTRAUGHT. I couldn't eat, sleep, think. I seriously think my body was shutting down. I reached out to every source I could think of. Trying to find answers. I started to figure some things out and began to regain control. Then out of no where - he slowly started to pull me back in. I was so happy to just hear from him - I didn't care what the problem was. I was in complete denial and excused his actions as "well, he was married for 15 years - give the guy a break." This pattern continued through the remaining year except it was 1 month on/ 1 month off. Since then, I have found out about other women, drugs, lies, have been tortured, pampered, etc. etc. I could go on and on. And on. Two nights ago I scared myself. I went by there to "find peace between us" - he had a fire going and made me stand outside in freezing weather staring at it through window until I apologized. So that he could hear me say it through the door. Then he let me in. He was in a rage of complete hate. He called me names, yelled at me, threw things, and then asked me to play a game of darts??!! I was (and am) beyond confused. At one point, I think he was testing me to see if he could hit me. When I felt this threat, I became very defensive and told him to back the hell off. He then asked me to leave. I walked out and then he locked the doors. I wasn't finished so I knocked and knocked. He ignored me. He actually went to a back bedroom and went to sleep ( I guess). He also TEXD MY 15 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER to ask her to tell me to leave. I have read about narcissism in the past but until the other night I have not been convinced that this was the problem. After reviewing a timeline of our "relationship" I am convinced this is the problem. I have still been searching for the guy I originally met. The one that "adored" me. That would support me, protect me, and never leave my side. Where is he? He did not exist. This scares me. Actually it terrifies me. I started reading "The Path Forward" and here I am. I NEED to recover from this somehow and if this helps, it will be well worth it. I feel paranoid about everyone, I feel pathetic, embarrassed, sad, etc. I do not know what to do. I feel like my life is such a mess.

Feb 7 - 3PM
Done sourcing
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The guy you think you were

Feb 7 - 2PM
Hunter
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Ugh.. Welcome to

Feb 7 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
sarah5
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help

Feb 7 - 3PM (Reply to #3)
Hunter
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Life is about choices.. They

Feb 7 - 3PM (Reply to #4)
sarah5
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true

Feb 7 - 3PM (Reply to #5)
Hunter
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Ding,Ding, Ding.. Goldie is

Feb 7 - 3PM (Reply to #6)
sarah5
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ok

Feb 7 - 3PM (Reply to #7)
Hunter
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http://www.lisaescott.com/for

Feb 7 - 3PM (Reply to #8)
sarah5
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thank you

Feb 7 - 3PM (Reply to #9)
Hunter
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Send Goldie a Private Message

Feb 7 - 3PM (Reply to #10)
sarah5
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ok

Feb 7 - 4PM (Reply to #11)
TDbfree
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Please cut him loose forever