Oldie a Newbie Again.... When will I let it die?

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#1 Nov 7 - 12AM
FreeMe
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Oldie a Newbie Again.... When will I let it die?

I've been on this site for 1 year, 34 weeks. I have learned so much about personality disorders, narcissism and myself. I have gone NC more times than I can count. I have been D & D'd more times than I can count. No longer is my struggle with the Narc "wanting me back" nor vise verse. . That ship has sailed. My challenge is myself. In recent months I have allowed his odd and unexpected "visits". He has "shown up" at my house & I have't said, "LEAVE!!!"
No, on the contrary. I invited the NARC and his "friend" in. He showed up with gifts. I dined with them, they asked if they could "crash" (such a weird expression for 51 & 62 year of men to use...professional men to boot) at my house and I let them.
Yep, the co-dependent enabler (me) sat there with my heart in my toes while the "friend" kept mentioning the woman the NARC has been dating off & on for a year. I sat in my own home with these bizarre men talking about their trip to Cuba & about the trainer the N is supposedly dating. I had been sick for the two days prior to their arrival, but this visit pushed me over the edge. I ALLOWED it. Shame on me!
They stayed the night, got up very early the next morning, the NARC helped himself to my kitchen, made breakfast, and left.
I may never know the answers to my questions:

- Is the NARC bi-sexual?

- is his very gay friend one of his sexual companions?

- Does he actually have intercourse with the OW (if here really is one, or maybe she's just a decoy because he's really gay)

Why the f--k do I care? I know with certainty he is pathological liar. I know he would NEVER tell me the truth. I suppose I just want to tuck him and the whole 4-3/4 years in a tidy little Narc box with all the sordid answers and let it go- All I've ever wanted is the TRUTH. That's it! The truth.... And I know I will never get it- Why am I stuck on this point? I KNOW TOO MUCH not to KNOW or believe I will NEVER get the information that could put the puzzle together for me. Why haven't I let it go?

I'm here to read, listen & learn... I need to slam the door on his smug face once and for all...

G'Night forum friends...
FreeMe

Ps- ZanShin... I'm so proud of you. You have stayed strong! You've come so far! Look at you go!

Nov 7 - 3PM
Taralynn
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FreeMe

Nov 7 - 10AM
ZanShin
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You can do it too, my dear :)

Nov 7 - 11AM (Reply to #11)
FreeMe
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Oh ZanShin... Youre so right on...

Nov 7 - 10AM (Reply to #7)
ZanShin
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PS: Support Group

Nov 7 - 11AM (Reply to #8)
FreeMe
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Hi Zan

Nov 7 - 12PM (Reply to #10)
Goldie
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Hi Free

Nov 7 - 11AM (Reply to #9)
spinning
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Hopefully with your schedule

spinning

Nov 7 - 10AM
thebigpayback
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it stops when you say "no

Nov 7 - 5PM (Reply to #5)
talktothehand
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FreeMe

Nov 7 - 9AM
ItsFinallytime
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Hi Free. I can relate very

Nov 7 - 9AM
boomer14
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when?

Nov 7 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
FreeMe
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Dear Boomer