dawncheri's story

12 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Mar 30 - 12AM
dawncheri
dawncheri's picture

dawncheri's story

I am learning.....

My story...well...I have to say first that I am so thankful I found this site! And grateful I am not alone in this. I purchased "The Path Forward" and am in process of reading it. I have been reading about N's quite a bit in the last several months..and am finally truly accepting things as they are...
This such an ugly story..only recently I have began to remember all of it..I thought I was healing ..beautifully..no anxiety..no real nightmares...but its all coming back. I have known this man forever..high school sweethearts...broke up 34 years ago...he contacted me 2.5years ago. I am married...almost 30 years now..and I love my husband..but I'll admit when the ex came around I was going thru a mid life crisis...feeling old, over weight..outdated..my husband..always looking handsome..had a woman chasing after him..not that he even acknowledged her..but I sure did..anyway...2 of my 3 kids were getting married..and the third one moving out.. Husband was going to be gone from home for 2 months..all of this going on when the ex contacted me. So, when he started saying he never got over me..always loved me..all of it..I was smitten. and had never felt so wonderful in my life...He adored me...and of course I began questioning everything about the last 32 years. What ensued was not a physical thing..but an emotional one. He touched on every vulnerability I had. The first 9 months or so were amazing...I didn't lift a finger to contact him...he did all the work...calling, texting, emailing..he even came to see me in our hometown when I was visiting. Handsome..oh yes..charming..amazing smile and laugh..and he always knew I loved how he said my name..so he said it a gazillion times those few days we saw each other....We spent 3 days talking..trying to figure out why we broke up...could we even try again..did we still love each other the same way..there was no physical contact except to hug hello and good bye...he told me to go home and figure out what I wanted and let him know...we live 500 miles apart...I did...and I decided I wanted what I thought was my destiny...HIM! So, I contacted him ..via text asking him to call me...he took 4 days to respond...and when he did, it was three letter..WTF??? I replied..can you call me?? He said No! then silence for the next week. Now, I knew by this time he was living with ex wife #2 and their adult son..and her 2 adult boys..one gf and 2 grandkids. But he promised it was just out of convenience. So, I assumed, maybe something was up..and didn't read too much into this silence. When he finally did contact me it was via text to ask what I had wanted...I said I had made my decision and I wanted a future with him...OMG!! He exploded!! Telling me that he has a family there and that I was crazy and that he never said any of the things I was reminding him of....I was floored! He said whatever I thought in my "fantasy" world we had nothing..and that we could be friends but nothing more....I asked why he was doing all this...he finally replied that he suddenly remembered that I had broken his heart in school. had cheated on him cause he saw it!! (I never did that..but after months and months of telling me this...some how I began to think I had done that and had just forgotten)...said that I was the reason he didn't trust women..had 3 failed marriages...no relationships with his kids..and why he had tried to kill himself....Let me tell you..thus began a 15 month assault on my psyche that I am just now starting to recover from. He hammered me.for 2 weeks...then silence for another week...I was so relieved he quit contacting me..felt like I could breathe again...and my husband and I were starting to reconnect...Then cam the phone call...I answered.. cautiously...he acted like nothing had happened!!! he called me baby..said he missed me..loved me and wanted to come out here to see me....I questioned what the hell was going..and smooth as silk he tells me that his son had seen the texts I had sent and so he had to pretend like I was some crazy stalker..so as not to arouse suspicision... He was so convincing...told me to hold on a while and we would work it all out...I..foolishly agreed...He called 3 more times that week and texted non stop for days...so I was hooked again...this time this phase last 6 weeks...then he started in again on me..blaming me..calling me names..saying I ruined his 50th birthday because I sent a Happy bday text...WOW!! By this time the guilt and shame of all the horrible things I had done to hurt him was almost unbearable....I cried for days...and didn't hear from him for 2 weeks...then on Thanksgiving day I get a text saying I Love you....but don't text back...so I didn't....that night late...I got a text asking why I didn't text I love you back earlier in the day..I said you aksed me not to reply...he sent back "HAHA..Do you always do as your told?? Don't you have a mind of your own??"...This PISSED me off....I didn't respond..turned off my phone and went to sleep. He texted for two days and I didn't answer..by now I was starting to see he was a bit of jerk..and was remembering how he treated me in school....and also remembering just how wonderful a life and husband I have here....A week later I answered a text...but I was wasn't nice..I told him I wanted to end this farce... He was livid..said I hadn't changed..was a coward and a chicken cause I had promised him I would leave here and come to him...I decided to call his bluff...so i said your right...come get me tomorrow...I will be ready....he didn't answer back..lol in fact I didn't here from him again until Christmas day..and it was more like an obligatory greeting. Which, by now was just fine. That was Dec. 2011...there were small exchanges between us until Feb..and he wished me a happy bday...but also jumped down my throat for some of the guys I had on my friends list on FB. People we went to school with...INCREDIBLE!! So, we fought...I was increasingly becoming aware something wasn't right..but had yet to really grasp it. March and April things improved..I reasoned it was because I had told him that i wasn't putting up with his crap anymore and he had decided to change his attitude towards me. I had to go out to our home state on business..in fact I had to go to the city he lives in...I told him I would be out there and we planned to see each other...and we did...it was strange and awkward....He took one look at me and you could see him salivating..he tried to grab me and I pulled back..stating that I wasn't going to go down that road with him until I felt secure he was for real about things....He said he was having a hard time concentrating cause I looked so good...BARF! We talked for about an hour and he said he had to go see his daughter...when we got up to leave..he tried to kiss me..I just looked at him asked what he was trying to accomplish..he said he was going to show me how he felt..I said it would take more than a kiss...He left..almost acting defeated...I waited 30 mins and called him and asked him to come back later that day and we could discuss things further..he said ok...by now I was waffling..and thinking he must have meant what he said..that he loved me and wanted me...of course he never showed back up..telling me that I had ruined his feelings for me that day by spurning him....more guilt and confusion on my part. That was in May of 2012....Summer progressed with this on and off again business..and then one day I heard the word NARCISSIST!! I looked it up..and began reading about this mental disorder...IT FIT!! And after that I was never the same...By September..I began mirroring him back...if he was mean I was mean....if he blamed me..I blamed him..on and on this went until just about two weeks ago..when I finally called him what he is..a NARCISSIT!! A liar, a cheat, a loser..a pathetic soul lost for ever in his own fantasies that disgusted me....He then told me had a new love...that she was amazing..young and beautiful...and she "got him"...but I knew..in my heart this was another lie for the simple fact that I know he never texts and drives..and the whole time he is telling me this he is supposedly driving to her house hahaha..and once he said he was there,he kept texting me for over an hour!!! I called him out on this and he said F*** it..BYE! HAHA I knew then I had him! I sent him an email telling him that he no longer had any power or control over me....and to never contact me again that I have him blocked on email and cell phone!! Before the email was blocked..he sent one that read "Don't you ever ever email or text me again" but..I never replied..so as far as he knows I never got it...but I guess he thinks he had the last word...jerk! I felt so good for the last 2 weeks..until today...when things just started coming to mind and they hurt....made me angry all over again...I find I want to contact him and tell him he is an evil man...I know I can't do that... but I want too. I pray he never comes back...but, I am afraid he will forget all the ugly things I called him... need NS and try again...Well, thanks for listening, I know it's long...but I feel better for having shared my story. God Bless

Apr 20 - 8PM
dawncheri
dawncheri's picture

Thank you....for you reply

Apr 20 - 8PM (Reply to #11)
Kitty122868
Kitty122868's picture

Actually..

Apr 20 - 7PM
Kitty122868
Kitty122868's picture

Goodness, dawn...that man..

Apr 2 - 3PM
LulaB
LulaB's picture

Your Story Hit Home.

Apr 2 - 4PM (Reply to #7)
dawncheri
dawncheri's picture

You're welcome!

Apr 2 - 4PM (Reply to #8)
LulaB
LulaB's picture

Thank you so much!

Mar 30 - 3PM
dawncheri
dawncheri's picture

Well.....

Mar 30 - 1PM
Journey
Journey's picture

Welcome to the forum, I'm

Journey on...

Mar 30 - 7PM (Reply to #4)
dawncheri
dawncheri's picture

Oh dear...

Mar 30 - 8AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Welcome to Narcville

Mar 30 - 10AM (Reply to #2)
dawncheri
dawncheri's picture

One thing for sure...