Things that make you go, HUH!?!

78 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Nov 20 - 8AM
thenewjane
thenewjane's picture

Things that make you go, HUH!?!

I was talking to my therapist today about how one of the best red flags for disordered people are when you get that sense that they are not what the seem. I called it, "the things that made me go, huh?!" I am getting really good at being able to spot this now in people, and any time I start feeling like, huh?!? about someone, I pull back from interacting with them. If I had only known to trust this feeling, instead of being intrigued by it, when I was getting involved with my N. :((

So, I'm wondering what your "huh?!" moments were. Some of mine:

"I have no close friends". Huh?! Given his many social engagements, his # of FB friends, and his big family, I would have thought he had many.

"I hate to talk about my feelings. I just deflect when people ask me questions about myself." Huh?! Isn't that what we were doing most hours of the day, talking about you and your feelings?

"I don't know, maybe I'll get them in the summer?" HUH?! This is what he said to me about when he would see the kids that he said he cherished so much when he left. No plan for custody? No desire to keep them close?

"She takes so many pills, she's like an old lady." HUH!?! This is your response to my concern that your wife may really suffering from depression? You have zero empathy for her.

"I'm so afraid that one day, I'll come home and she'll have packed her bags and left." HUH!?! If this is how you feel, then what the hell are you doing messing with me? Not to mention, with how awful you make her sound, it seems like that would be a good thing? Such projection!

I'm so grateful to be aware now that our mind's way of trying to make sense of things should not be mistaken for ATTRACTION. It is just cognitive dissonance that keeps us hooked. Once we are know this, we can take control and stop the spin!

Hope you are all having a great N free day!

Nov 24 - 10AM
Deidre99
Deidre99's picture

As Hunter says,

Nov 22 - 10AM
Froglegs
Froglegs's picture

From all three.

Nov 24 - 11AM (Reply to #76)
Deidre99
Deidre99's picture

I wonder if they can hear

Nov 22 - 7AM
COMomoftwo
COMomoftwo's picture

My xnh has a brother that is

Nov 22 - 3AM
talktothehand
talktothehand's picture

Huh?!

Nov 21 - 6PM
COMomoftwo
COMomoftwo's picture

They are such strange creatures!

Nov 20 - 8PM
Im_always_fine
Im_always_fine's picture

The best friend thing was

Nov 21 - 5PM (Reply to #71)
thenewjane
thenewjane's picture

"best friends" of N's are suspect

Nov 20 - 6PM
lookingahead
lookingahead's picture

if only I knew about this disorder before we met.

Nov 20 - 3PM
IncognitoBurrito
IncognitoBurrito's picture

When he said

Nov 20 - 1PM
misshymers
misshymers's picture

Red flags

Nov 21 - 7PM (Reply to #67)
IncognitoBurrito
IncognitoBurrito's picture

Check!

Nov 20 - 1PM
brinamarie
brinamarie's picture

"You dont love me, you love

Nov 20 - 1PM (Reply to #63)
misshymers
misshymers's picture

Totally!

Nov 21 - 11AM (Reply to #64)
talktothehand
talktothehand's picture

Totally

Nov 23 - 1AM (Reply to #65)
Dragonlady
Dragonlady's picture

Haha!

Nov 20 - 1PM (Reply to #62)
thenewjane
thenewjane's picture

And the biggest dummy award

Nov 20 - 12PM
Sickofhim
Sickofhim's picture

Hello, massive red flags!

Nov 20 - 12PM
newbegginings
newbegginings's picture

Huh?

Nov 20 - 1PM (Reply to #59)
thenewjane
thenewjane's picture

LOL!

Nov 20 - 12PM
Sickofhim
Sickofhim's picture

Things that made me go, huh???

Nov 20 - 1PM (Reply to #55)
thenewjane
thenewjane's picture

oh my gosh

Nov 20 - 1PM (Reply to #56)
Sickofhim
Sickofhim's picture

Yup, same words!

Nov 20 - 1PM (Reply to #57)
thenewjane
thenewjane's picture

whoa. Unreal. A page out of

Nov 20 - 10AM
unbreakable
unbreakable's picture

RED FLAGS: I want to slap me!

Nov 20 - 12PM (Reply to #14)
Sickofhim
Sickofhim's picture

I'm seriously convinced that

Nov 21 - 11AM (Reply to #53)
cassia
cassia's picture

That is SOOOOOOOOOOOO true, Sickofhim!!!

Nov 20 - 11PM (Reply to #50)
Alissa
Alissa's picture

hahaha LOL Sickofhim, I

Nov 21 - 1AM (Reply to #51)
Sickofhim
Sickofhim's picture

A total game where we are the

Nov 21 - 8AM (Reply to #52)
Alissa
Alissa's picture

Narcopoly!! Yes that's the