Why Narcs Marry or: Did He Ever REALLY Love Me?

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#1 Aug 26 - 4PM
no more an echo
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Why Narcs Marry or: Did He Ever REALLY Love Me?

I hear these sentiments so often on this forum so I want to address this again for the Newbies here (and as a reminder to myself and for the long time forum members, too!)

You probably are understanding, through your readings, that the wife is his 'Madonna' (in his 'Madonna-Whore Complex)- the pure, asexualized woman that fluffs his back pillows, powders his ass and asks no questions- challenges none of his beliefs.

But let's see what the experts say...

Sam Vaknin says this and so much more:

"Narcissists are misogynists. They team up with women who serve as Sources of SNS (Secondary Narcissistic Supply). The woman's chores are to accumulate past Narcissistic Supply (by witnessing the narcissist's "moments of glory") and release it in an orderly manner to regulate the fluctuating flow of Primary Supply and compensate in times of deficient supply."

Read more at: http://samvak.tripod.com/narcissistoppositesex.html

We normalize our NarcoPaths and give them status:

"The narcissist may sign a marriage certificate, but in his mind he is never "really married" to you. He has simply captured you as a source of narcissistic supply. You are either financially advantageous to him, increase his status, or with your beauty you are an enhancement on his arm."

Read more at: http://pammierose.tripod.com/id32.html

This is from an EXCELLENT article on how Narcissists "love" (VERY) immaturely and how they are stuck in "young" love which is intense, passionate and romantic while it lasts:

"He loves the romance, the attention, admiration, adoration, promise of ideal love and hope that he has found "the one" who will tolerate all his weirdness without question. When his beloved begins to question him, differ with him or make demands, his "weirdness" escalates...
The narcissist doesn't want to grow up and be accountable. He is entitled to constant attention and admiration without having to invest anything more than the initial time it took to woo you"

WOW. That's from: http://www.narcissismfree.com/art_did-the-narcissist-ever-really-love-me...

And this is from one of my previous posts. I feel a need to go here again because if a NarcoPath chooses you (or 'Hoovers' you) IT IS NOT A COMPLIMENT!

Narcs cannot 'do' normal, healthy adult relationships and Sandy Hotchkiss says it so well in her book entitled: "Why Is It Always About You?" in the chapter "The Fusion Delusion".

I write this, too because we all have a tendency, Post Narc, to imagine him and New Woman in Wedded Bliss (or Dating Heaven)- and you need to understand his disorder better if you believe that!

We all have bad days, though, and these two themes help me get through them:

http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2012/06/14/still-missing-mr-narc-still-b...

http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2012/05/12/narcboy-has-lot-prove-now-wer...

So, in the words taken from the site- The Path Back To Self:

"And so the question "did he ever really love me?" can be answered simply by saying 'he loved you to the extent he was able.' "

And, Ladies, how pathetic is that?

Oct 4 - 10PM
evergreen
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captivated!

Sep 1 - 9AM
Radiolady
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Why Narc's Never Marry

Sep 4 - 9PM (Reply to #35)
no more an echo
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"emotionally in reverse"

Aug 29 - 7AM
abusednomore
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What a fab post, thankyou. It

Aug 28 - 9PM
petite7heaven
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Pet Names- - Paradiso

Aug 29 - 9AM (Reply to #25)
Jenna H
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what mine said about his marriage

Sep 4 - 8PM (Reply to #32)
no more an echo
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it just showcases the way their twisted mind works...

Aug 29 - 1PM (Reply to #26)
neverlookback
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pretty

Sep 4 - 9PM (Reply to #31)
no more an echo
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ha- neverlookback!

Aug 29 - 1PM (Reply to #27)
Jenna H
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damn evasive

Sep 4 - 8PM (Reply to #28)
no more an echo
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" I even called him a narcissist once! "

Sep 5 - 7AM (Reply to #29)
Jenna H
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echo....

Sep 6 - 8PM (Reply to #30)
no more an echo
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'relationship purgatory' & doubting my perceptions

Aug 28 - 9AM
brinamarie
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amazing, amazing post!! i

Sep 4 - 8PM (Reply to #21)
no more an echo
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marriage not needed for narc to triangulate!

Sep 6 - 4AM (Reply to #22)
brokenacc
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So true

Sep 6 - 8PM (Reply to #23)
no more an echo
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'like a damn lifetime movie...'

Aug 26 - 8PM
rosedewittbukater
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Great post NME

Sep 4 - 8PM (Reply to #19)
no more an echo
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yep, rosedewitt

Aug 27 - 5PM (Reply to #18)
no more an echo
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I just wrote this to a fellow 'Path-Forwarder':

Aug 26 - 7PM
blondelover2
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I finally get it

Sep 4 - 9PM (Reply to #16)
no more an echo
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He IS sick... & don't you forget it!

Aug 26 - 11PM (Reply to #11)
neverlookback
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Think about

Aug 28 - 10AM (Reply to #15)
talktothehand
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Discarded

Aug 28 - 1AM (Reply to #12)
no more an echo
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A Narcissist is a Psychopath 'Lite'

Aug 28 - 8AM (Reply to #13)
neverlookback
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exactly Echo

Aug 28 - 9PM (Reply to #14)
no more an echo
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we are collateral damage to their enormous egos

Aug 26 - 8PM (Reply to #4)
no more an echo
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the narc relationship shows us how deeply we can love

Sep 6 - 9PM (Reply to #9)
virgoluv
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I like how you said

Sep 6 - 9PM (Reply to #10)
no more an echo
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Neverland