Why Narcs Marry or: Did He Ever REALLY Love Me?
Why Narcs Marry or: Did He Ever REALLY Love Me?
I hear these sentiments so often on this forum so I want to address this again for the Newbies here (and as a reminder to myself and for the long time forum members, too!)
You probably are understanding, through your readings, that the wife is his 'Madonna' (in his 'Madonna-Whore Complex)- the pure, asexualized woman that fluffs his back pillows, powders his ass and asks no questions- challenges none of his beliefs.
But let's see what the experts say...
Sam Vaknin says this and so much more:
"Narcissists are misogynists. They team up with women who serve as Sources of SNS (Secondary Narcissistic Supply). The woman's chores are to accumulate past Narcissistic Supply (by witnessing the narcissist's "moments of glory") and release it in an orderly manner to regulate the fluctuating flow of Primary Supply and compensate in times of deficient supply."
Read more at: http://samvak.tripod.com/narcissistoppositesex.html
We normalize our NarcoPaths and give them status:
"The narcissist may sign a marriage certificate, but in his mind he is never "really married" to you. He has simply captured you as a source of narcissistic supply. You are either financially advantageous to him, increase his status, or with your beauty you are an enhancement on his arm."
Read more at: http://pammierose.tripod.com/id32.html
This is from an EXCELLENT article on how Narcissists "love" (VERY) immaturely and how they are stuck in "young" love which is intense, passionate and romantic while it lasts:
"He loves the romance, the attention, admiration, adoration, promise of ideal love and hope that he has found "the one" who will tolerate all his weirdness without question. When his beloved begins to question him, differ with him or make demands, his "weirdness" escalates...
The narcissist doesn't want to grow up and be accountable. He is entitled to constant attention and admiration without having to invest anything more than the initial time it took to woo you"
WOW. That's from: http://www.narcissismfree.com/art_did-the-narcissist-ever-really-love-me...
And this is from one of my previous posts. I feel a need to go here again because if a NarcoPath chooses you (or 'Hoovers' you) IT IS NOT A COMPLIMENT!
Narcs cannot 'do' normal, healthy adult relationships and Sandy Hotchkiss says it so well in her book entitled: "Why Is It Always About You?" in the chapter "The Fusion Delusion".
I write this, too because we all have a tendency, Post Narc, to imagine him and New Woman in Wedded Bliss (or Dating Heaven)- and you need to understand his disorder better if you believe that!
We all have bad days, though, and these two themes help me get through them:
http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2012/06/14/still-missing-mr-narc-still-b...
http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2012/05/12/narcboy-has-lot-prove-now-wer...
So, in the words taken from the site- The Path Back To Self:
"And so the question "did he ever really love me?" can be answered simply by saying 'he loved you to the extent he was able.' "
And, Ladies, how pathetic is that?
captivated!
Why Narc's Never Marry
"emotionally in reverse"
What a fab post, thankyou. It
Pet Names- - Paradiso
what mine said about his marriage
it just showcases the way their twisted mind works...
pretty
ha- neverlookback!
damn evasive
" I even called him a narcissist once! "
echo....
'relationship purgatory' & doubting my perceptions
amazing, amazing post!! i
marriage not needed for narc to triangulate!
So true
'like a damn lifetime movie...'
Great post NME
yep, rosedewitt
I just wrote this to a fellow 'Path-Forwarder':
I finally get it
He IS sick... & don't you forget it!
Think about
Discarded
A Narcissist is a Psychopath 'Lite'
exactly Echo
we are collateral damage to their enormous egos
the narc relationship shows us how deeply we can love
I like how you said
Neverland