Their sickiness of their sexual addiction

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#1 Jan 24 - 9PM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Their sickiness of their sexual addiction

I was once asked by a writer to tell my story of my encounter, her book is to be on the market soon, I declined, she wanted to write a chapter in her book on my experience. I declined because I didnt feel comfortable telling my personal experience of how I was raped and brainwashed by a psychopath, of course the names would be different and my story I am sure would have helped others to see the severity of their disorder and how anyway can be taken for a ride. I went through the whole interviewing process but at the time I guess it was too painful to talk about and so I declined, it was my personal choice.

I can however share with you for the ones who have suffered at their hands of their sexual addiction and their addiction to pornography. First know and understand the victim does not have to be beautiful, sexual addiction is not about being over sexed its a horrible addiction of sexual control and power over another. Having a beautiful victim is just an added bonus for the predator, as my counselor once said its all about the genitals, mine would have chosen two toothless whores over me if they gave him what he wanted vs a one on one sexual encounter, BORING to them, normal sex does not do much for them which is why as I look back why mine had alot of ED problems with me. I am going to talk rather x rated but I am only quoting his words: This is how a psychopathic sexual predator talks and his exact words to me. This was said shortly before I started extracting myself. "I think we should have a threesome, her Pu--y juice and my come would be all over my dick, then I would screw you from behind while I fingered her, then I could go down on her while you watched and I could watch you two do the same to each other. Here comes the best part, hold on to your seats, he was talking about a mother and daughter threesome, MY DAUGHTER, he also said he wanted to knock my daughter up so he could have an air to leave all his fortune to. Or he said I could F--k you both separately then when we are together tell you how your daughter was, wouldnt that turn you on? He said they do that in other cultures you know, ya the country must be called incest. Said that was his dream to have a mother and daughter.

At first I was never going to share this but then I thought it will give maybe others a better idea of the sick moral depravity these men do. I told him he was sick and of course he tried pulling that old projection on me saying, you are just as sick as me baby,and laughed and said if your daughter is anything like her mother she is a nempho. I didnt know just because a woman was sexual she was a nempho. Naturally I told him dont ever mention my daughter in our conversations again, why dont you and your lovely GF daughter go at it and he said, oh her daughter is butt ugly, oh I see like that would matter I thought. This was over a year ago but I often think of what he said and some days it haunts me. I hope when we speak of sexual addiction and perversion you truly understand what some of these sociopaths are capable of doing and just how truly truly sick they are. THey are consumed with these thoughts and their quest for such horrible acts never ends, always searching for sick acts, their minds are sick and this is what they REALLY were before we met them, after we met them and long after we are gone. I do believe they will all self destruct by their own doing just as Carolyn always states. Addictions destroy and that is a fact.

Jan 27 - 12PM
TexN (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Another sick bastard...

I think my exN held back some cos he knew i had 6 brothers that would have his hide if they saw any physical abuse (they weren't aware of the mental). He would always say i was a little girl trapped in a woman's body cos i was so green. He was obsessed with the size of his penis. He always talked about getting a pump to make it bigger. Austin Powers???! I thought it was weird that he had a friend send me a picture of his erected penis & ask me if i thought it was his! WTF? Can u imagine one of us ladies asking a friend to take a picture of her boobs & sending it to our guy? Probably the grossest thing ever was when he had me watch some sick sick video of...are you ready??? Two girls together, one takes a crap & the other one eats it! She throws up & eats it again! It was named "two women & a cup" or something like that!...Wheew, I think I'm gonna be sick!....
Jan 26 - 7PM
Cgrl
Cgrl's picture

Wow

I cant believe what I am reading here. Because we were long distance in the beginning he would send me alot of porn from youporn I think it was called. He sent me pictures of this one porn chick with two guys and he would always say I looked like her. She was a hag. I would just look at it like, wtf. I didnt even remotely look like her. But now I get it. I wasnt that I "looked" like her - it was his fantasy of me "being" her. They are sick fcckers. Thats all I can say. He was always sending me little movies on my phone of him masterbating and cumming. amazing. I remember the night his wife called me when I found out he was married - I called him to confront him and he started having phone sex with me. I said - stop it, what are you doing - his reaction - "its too late". Can you imagine, the seriousness of his fccking wife calling me and he wants to have phone sex which was the FIRST time he did that. And I stayed. And he moved here. And he did the same fccking thing to me with someone else.
Jan 26 - 10PM (Reply to #45)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

exactly the same

sounds EXACTLY like Psycho-Boy one of his gfriends uploaded a 'home movie' he sent her - called it his ultimate LOVE note to her. Made it in his bathroom. It's still online (let me know if you want to see it :P ) ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Jan 26 - 8PM (Reply to #44)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

Cgirl!!!!!!!!

Ooooooooh that sucks!!!!!!!!!! OMG,,,noooooway,,,, OOOOohhhh that is so saaad,,,and so awful.. That is a total lesson,,,,,ooohhh that is terrible.
Jan 26 - 5PM
Empathy
Empathy's picture

Yep.. myne wanted my daughter to bring home her girlfriends

My ex narc never wanted a girl. When Kelsi was born he was moody and cranky for weeks. Suddenley one day he was all happy again and I asked him why : He said: "It's ok to have a girl .. when she is old enough she can bring home her girlfriends for me" Sicko. Just another reason why i had to leave. too bad he still gets custody of Kelsi every second weekend. Who knows what he is doing to her. sicko. Jo I WILL Survive.
Jan 26 - 1PM
empty68
empty68's picture

Sick! Sick! Sick!

I can relate to all of your stories regarding sexual behaviour. Thinking about how I degraded myself to particpate in his perverted activites disgusts me....even when I tried to explain I didn't/don't enjoy something he would try to convince me otherwise....he would tell me to stop hiding from myself....ughh!!!

```Live,Laugh,love```

Jan 26 - 2PM (Reply to #30)
angelgal
angelgal's picture

I'm disgusted with myself and that sick SOB!

I, too, am so disgusted to think about how I gave into fireguy's sick sexual fantasies. I know he use to watch porn on the internet because he would tell me some days when he started pulling back from me, "we need to stop having sex because it complicates things and I just don't wanna be in a relationship right now"(WHEN HE WAS LYING AND IN ONE THE WHOLE TIME LONG DISTANCE THATS WHY HE COULD HIDE IT SO WELL FROM ME)..."I wanna pleasure myself and not have sex with anyone".."after you leave I'm going to turn on the internet and watch porn and jerk off". "Wanna watch with me and you can rub me"? I NEVER EVER DID THAT, thank, God!!! I feel so low and am so mad at myself for letting him degrade me in all the other ways that he did. When we were having sex in the beginning, he use to say things like..."I want to cum on your face" or "put your finger up my azz when I cum". He also had a thing about grabbing my neck and want me to go down on him but I'd have to look at him while pleasing him....he would keep saying.."LOOK AT ME" in a forceful controlling manner..."I wanna see your eyes" and if I didn't look at him, he would grab my hair and in a bossy way say, "didn't I tell you to look at me?" OMG, how did I put myself in his sick sick world? Being a little kinky is one thing, but he was way over the top and HAVING A long distance girlfriend 7hrs away, while doing it!!! She just doesn't have a clue on who this sick SOB really is!! He is a SICK F**KER and she is living with him now! Now that I know she was in the picture all along and has moved in with him, it just makes everything we did sexually that much worse for me. I wish I could take it all back! I hope his d**ck falls off!!
Jan 26 - 5PM (Reply to #37)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I think we had the same freak

But mine has your beat by just one little fettish he has, he seems to like golden showers, GROSS, it has to do with control and wanted my arm pits hairy, like three inches long, I felt like a fricking monkey I am laughing because I cant believe I did that, well its not the worst I guess, if that is all he wanted I wouldnt be on this site, my legs hairy and my you know what hairy from the stomach to the butt crack he would say, YUCKy, now THAT I refused to do, sorry but I wont throw away my hedge trimmers, ha ha he wanted me to put a strap on penis on and do him in the butt, so here is a funny story I put the damn strap on on and I couldnt stop laughing and he was sooo pissed, I was walking around saying, things like now I have the power, because I have a penis, but I was laughing so hard I was crying because I looked so rediculous and it kept slipping off so the penis was to my knees, ha ha ha you had to be there it was a hoot, I told him how would you like me to come on YOUR face you sicko I will degrade you for a bit, of course he said YES, wish you could. One time I didnt know he brought this dildo and it was on the floor by the bed so I got up and stepped on it and slipped, I am serious, I said WTF is that looks like a torture tool big enough to be a door stop I told him, geez that thing is not going near me and I threw it in the corner and it bounced off the wall, God he was pissed, hope he and his GF has plastic sheets when they pee on each other, ha ha ha Mine said the same sick shit to me, finger in his butt, I AM NOT putting my finger in anyones rectum, I did enough of that when I had to take my babies temps with a thermometer and that was enough and on top of that what do you think your finger would smell like after putting it there? Great we can smell BUTT now while we make love just what I want. ha ha, even the dog would jump off the bed with this vile creature, poor dog probably thought he was going to get included in some of these festivities, I heard the dog say, I am outa here as he left, ha ha Mine also wanted to have another man with us and stick both their dicks in me at the same time in my vagina, ya like thats gonna happen, I am not giving birth to two dicks sorry, he would probably get off rubbing his penis with the other mans penis he said you can have the best of both that way. The only word that came to mind was OUCH, coming on the face, neck, breasts, he wanted all that if I was brave enough I should have smeared it all over HIS face but he probably would have loved it. ANd he always wanted me full of come by other men just dripping he would say then he would screw me, the other word that comes to mind there is DISEASE, so that will never happen. Mine was a very very naughty boy, also wanted to force my head down until I took it all, WHICH I NEVER DID, hey if you like someone blowing snot in your mouth go for it I was never a girl that swallowed tried it once in my single days and threw up, he would pull my hair and force me to say I loved him, slap my ass HARD thought I liked pain, he found out I didnt when I slapped him back in the face and said that hurt, he laughed. Once he peed on me I wasnt expecting it I thought he was coming then I realized wow wait a minute what the hell are you doing, I told him what the hell do you get out of that, it did NOTHING for me, now excuse me while I soak in the tub for 12 hours. Kinky is fine, but within reason, but dont bring a foot long dildo and a strap on I will run for the hills naked if I have to, They are so gross and sick I never had sex like that with any man,
Jan 27 - 3PM (Reply to #38)
rache
rache's picture

Cynthia

LMAO,LOL,har har har,i laughed til i cried reading your post here.It sounds so much like my sick,perverted OLD man N(66).He wanted me to have his penis,and,a black guy penis in me(he's so prejudice,about ripped my head off when i mentioned my great-great grandfather was black!)...and,he wanted to pee on me too(let him once in shower),then,wanted to jack off while i had sex with two men but he wanted to fantasize that,as,he said he didnt want that in the real(penis envy )-i wouldnt have done two strange guys no way! Then,he told me i love you so much i would clean you with my tongue after you crap! BARFS!!!!!!!i won't even let him in bathroom when that happens! And,the dildo thing-yeah,wanted that too-i told him i have never been in to plastic(all naturelle 4 me),and,he wanted to have sex with me after i had been with someone else(fantasy)and wanted oral with me after.SICK,f..k..s
Jan 27 - 7PM (Reply to #39)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

HEY JACKPOT

Finally found someone here whose sociopath was just as sexually perverted as mine, except Barbara's Psycho Boy ranks up there too, but I dont think he wanted men like ours did. Seriously I dont think mine was bisexual my counselor says he was 100% sure he was but like Barbara calls them "Anything sexual" ha ha ha but I have to admit most men I know that are straight would not want another mans penis touching his, mine even said he would let another man give him a blow job, my x boys friends would have probably beat the shit out of another man that tried to do that so I dont know. Ya two dicks in us at the same time, I once asked him and just HOW would you do that position wise? He said easy, you on top of one and one from behind, I said, and you of course have never done that before right? ha ha ha Wonder who he would get off on more the man or the vagina? ha ha Ya the peeing thing, now dont laugh and nobody judge me but I think you are going to LYAS when I tell you this, since I was potty trained I have gone pee in the toilet, (or on a country road when I had too much to drink in my younger days mmm) so he begged me and begged me and begged me I did sort of think to myself YOU DO DESERVE TO BE PISSED ON, so I said ok I will try and I COULDNT DO IT, we were in the shower and I tried and tried and tried (and I really had to go too) so I ran to the toilet until I started to go then ran back into the shower and said ok I think I can do it now, and NOTHING, so I ran back to the toilet to start going and I yelled I think I can do it now get ready, so he jumps back in the shower, (this is soooo funny and I am very embarassed telling you all this, so again NOTHING, I could not go for the life of me because its strange how we are preconditioned in our minds to go on the toilet not people ha ha ha So he peed on me in the shower, ewww it was warm and he actually got so turned on he came after he did it too. So I said Tell me Fred (not his real name) do your dogs pee on you too, and do you pee on them does it get you off? I was laughing again so hard, and he was pissed (no pun intended) he takes this shit seriously, I asked him once if his mother dropped him on his head when he was a baby he didnt find that very funny either, did the ol circuits get fucked up there in your head? And why do you want my arm pits hairs long like a monkey, he said because it turns me on like you are a man, and dont shave your pussy he said, dont harm one single hair on that pussy, he was actually stroking my arm pits hairs during sex got his really hard. i would clean you with my tongue after you crap! BARFS!! ewww that is called "rimming" and that is very dirty and lots of bacteria can get into the picture with that sick shit, I prefer to use TP thank you very much. I remember our very first sexual experience, this is really funny, I AM VERY SHY and he just takes down his pants and sticks it out so I am looking up at the ceiling very very shy he takes my hand puts it on his penis and I pulled my hand away like it was a snake or somethingm well I was scared.... so he drags me on the bed while ripping my clothes off and I keep putting them back on, ha ha he takes them off again so I said wait, I have to go to the bathroom and he said ok I will go with you, he stands over me while I am peeing in the toilet and I said, GO AWAY I need privacy so he says oh ok you are soo shy, I know he must have taken a bottle of Viagra because the man just went at it for at least 40 minutes and then got up and said I am thirsty lets take a break, I said did you come and he said, hell no so we go back at it I think I got a injured disk when all was said and done and I could hardly walk for two days afterwards, he was like a wild animal grunts and moans and noises. THen it happened,What is your wildest fantasy you want to do with me, ANYTHING YOU WANT, ANYTHING he said, I said I dont have any I think we are doing ok now dont you and he said would you like another man and me to pleasure you sometime? I said NO I dont want some stranger, how about a woman then? No women dont turn me on sexually, ya but he said they are soft and they would know how to make you come real quick, you would love it. I knew after those comments I had just made the biggest mistake of my life sharing myself with him, I thought this guy is really sexually strange what have I done. Oh almost forgot he wanted to come in me then have a woman go down on me and not tell her he came in me, more degrading women that he could get off on. Mine was 54 so he still has a few more years left in him with the help of viagra I am sure. He would give me money to go to the bars and find someone for us, so I did I took the money and bought a pair of shoes and told him I couldnt find anyone, ha ha ha When the truth was they were hitting on my left and right but I never told him that, wanted me to go out pimping for him to bring him victims, said we could F--k the shit out of them, then throw them out and then have our private fun. What a nice guy huh? I never did any of it, one time we went to a gay bar and a woman kissed me tongue and all (yuck) I think he must have messed his pants right there, I thought good you are done then we can go home. ha ha I never kissed another woman before it was not my cup of tea. The woman kept following me in the bar the whole night wanting to go home with me, I had to hide from her good god I thought leave me alone, she kept saying things like boy what I would like to do to you, I wanted to ask now are you going to be the man or woman? ha ha but I just got the hell out of there. Can you imagine the crap they are into he was soo mad at me that I didnt take her home with us and I said if you want her go get her she is all yours, but she didnt want him, she wanted me, what a hoot. NEVER AGAIN. I cant believe I ever thought about such a thing, yucky and this is the very thing he LOVES and would do in a flash, man or woman he didnt care, didnt care if they were really ugly either, didnt matter to him just as long as there was three way sex involved, I suppose he is only interested from the waist down anyway. I compare him now to what he appeared to me as and he is not even the same person, he was such a gentle, quiet, caring, thoughtful person and he turned into a sick animal in just a few short months, wow just goes to show you how sick they really are when they pretend to be someone they arent. I never even thought he could swear let alone say the word pussy, ha ha my breasts were tits, my butt was an ass made for f--king, my genitals were called pussy, he used dick, cock, wad, pump ya, ride it, ..... all filthy degrading references to body parts, he would often say you are misbehaving I need to stick my dick in your mouth to shut you up, and give you a little pain to teach you who is in charge. I got so mad when he said that I said oh really, huh you think so, huh and I couldnt think of anything back to say so I said, and you need a salmon stuck up your ass, would you like that huh huh, a salmon of all things I never heard him laugh so hard. He once called me a Gutter Slut, I laughed in his face and said ME a Gutter Slut, you must be confusing me with some of your other women because you know where I came from and it wasnt the gutter, I came from a very proud and fine and upstanding family and he knew that, and SLUT? Because I have sex I am a slut? Now just where would you be then without all those women who have sex with you, what does that make you a man whore? I did stand my ground when he tried to devalue me I would always say nice try with projection but it wont work with me, he would say projection? I thought what a dumb ass. I used to tell him who the hell do you think I am? One of your stupid little young sex groupies that drool all over you when you service them MR ED? I called him Mr Ed all the time and he would say why do you call me that, ha ha I never did tell him. He was an awful man, rotten man and one that I never wish to see again, and I never never told him how he destroyed my life for almost three years and I never will, he wont care or he will laugh. I hope nobody ever crosses his path if they do he will be the one with the salmon sticking out of his ass, ha
Jan 27 - 9PM (Reply to #40)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

cynthia

Just so you know here's the deal with Psycho-Boy and men. Since my best friend is a bisexual female he wanted to know if we'd ever. I told him NO. First, she's young enough to be my daughter and second... well, just not my thing. He hinted that he'd PAY us to "do the nasty" in front of him while he j/o'd. My friend and I made a joke out of it but after the blowup we both were quite disgusted. Psycho-Boy told at least one of his other girlfriends that my best friend and I were TAUNTING him sexually and we FORCED him over the edge!! He still tells that story to THIS DAY!!! ROFL! Then he started saying his ex-fiance's (who he made sound like a sexual ANIMAL who he SHOULD have married but married a mutual friend of his & hers) husband named Marty was GAY. Somehow this got on to the fact that I have some gay male & female friends and how I don't judge people based on their sexuality. His response "YOU'RE A FAG HAG!" When I got peeved and left... he called back reeling me in. Later in the conversation he said he'd NEVER been with a MAN but he was REALLY curious about it. Then he asked if I could 'set him up' with one of my gay friends! I was disgusted and didn't speak to him for a few days until he, once again, reeled me back in. I know IF I was so inclined - and set him up HE WOULD HAVE GONE THROUGH WITH IT! This is the same guy who on his website portrays himself as right wing, religious, moral, ethical, family-oriented, in LOVE with his wife. LOL!!! He even had a MySpace site up about me where he called me a predator who would screw anyone, taunts men, is a fat horrible pig, blah blah blah... Can we say PROJECTION? So yeah, Cynthia - they are ANYSEXUALS... shoot we even have a CHICKENFUCKER and a PAPAYAFUCKER on this board! ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Jan 27 - 10PM (Reply to #41)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I understand now

they will screw anything just for the experience of it, doesnt make them gay just perverted and sexually open to anything. I guess there ARE Gay psychopaths but they dont torment women like ours did. I am sure psycho boy would have done it in a flash just because it was some new sexual experience and not because they are gay.
Jan 26 - 2PM (Reply to #33)
totally confused
totally confused's picture

Wow, it must be all those

Wow, it must be all those porn films they see. He asked me continually if he could "cum on my face "... I was really disgusted and he said "i came out of tele tubby land" ... Maybe Im too puritan, but is this a normal practice ??. I think its so disrespectful to a woman.
Jan 26 - 5PM (Reply to #36)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

totally confused

Psycho-Boy (Mr. Ethical, Religious, Family Man & Political Pundit) loved porn of "facials"!!! Just LOVED IT. He'd send me a link, I'd say "ugh that's gross" and he's say "sorry I am just sooo NEEEEEDY." BLECH!!! I thought it was disgusting... no WONDER his wife didn't like being with him. He told me she'd give him a BJ but not let him finish and he was SOOOOOOOO upset he had to go in the bathroom and finish himself off. I told him "my god that's your wife!! TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!" then he'd get pissed at me and subsequently coerce me into cybersex and blame me for 'wanting it.' WTF??? Where's the intimacy in that? IT ISN'T THERE!!!! these guys are SICK SICK SICK - the minute they ask you to watch or do something outside your comfort zone - NEVER LET THEM GUILT YOU. They are Sexual Narcs and addicted to perversity. ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Jan 26 - 5PM (Reply to #35)
angelgal
angelgal's picture

Totally Confused

It must be a porn pattern for these sick guys to watch this sick shiite and then coerce us good women to do these degrading acts! To me, this is NOT normal practice AT ALL. I've dated a lot over the years, and when I think back, I NEVER EVER had one other guy ask to do such a thing to me. He was the first and ONLY! I was very disgusted and shocked when fireguy made this mentally sick request! I really still can't believe that any guy would have the nerve to ask any women for this...but it just really shows how mentally sick they truly are...NARCS/PATHOLOGICALS/SOCIOPATHS ask because they only care about their own selfish sick needs and will do anything to have them fulfilled, they don't care how it will traumatize us! I've come to realize, only these kind seem to ask for such disgraceful acts because THEY ARE NOT NORMAL!!!
Jan 26 - 4PM (Reply to #34)
rache
rache's picture

It IS

Its degrading.
Jan 26 - 2PM (Reply to #31)
rache
rache's picture

angelgal

honey do not beat yourself up over this-use it as a LEARNING experience,because,thats exactly what it was.He,and,all like him will get their just desserts.
Jan 26 - 4PM (Reply to #32)
angelgal
angelgal's picture

Rache

Thanks for your kind words and support. I need to stop beating myself up, I know, its just so hard when I think of all the sick things this guy thought he had a right to coerce me to do with him, knowing darn well he was with someone! I just cannot seem to grasp all this yet. All I keep thinking and saying to myself is, "he had no right"! Just like all the other sickos out there had no right to hurt, lie, use and abuse all the other wonderful women on this site! You words are so true, Rache! I need to use this HORRIFIC situation with fireguy as a learning lesson for sure. I just think I learned far more than I can handle sometimes. I believe in KARMA and I pray every night he, and, all like his sick selfish self will get theirs someday! Thats what I'm holding onto each day to help get me through this. Hugs to you and everyone suffering here because of a sick Narcissist/Pathological! May they all rot in hell together!
Jan 25 - 6PM
Cgrl
Cgrl's picture

Im so sorry Cynthia

Since we are on the subject - I can share here. He used to brag how he coerced some woman he met who believed she was having a relationship with him into anal sex. He told her everyone was doing it. He was married. This was before I found out he was married he told me this. He is a sick fcck. He told me how his live in would invite other women on the weekends to have sex with them. He would cook and she would go on some sex site and call someone she knew and invite her over. He also told me in the end of this relationship she put a gun to his head and ended up in the hospital. I can see now how he drove he to do that. When he came here I was the only one working and he had no money. He told me we could set up a website and people could pay to watch us have sex. They would not see our faces. I just blew it off. He told me he use to do this with yet another woman. He would type or talk I dont remember dirty to her and she would do sex crap on line. Yeah great guy. I actually considered marrying him. There is way more - the swinging. The threesomes with a college professor and his wife. The guy use to watch. The sex in public places or bars - I dont remember what he said where people watch you. Yup. Wonderful huh? Cynthia - I do not know you but what I read here that you post is insperational. You have no idea the strangers you touch here. You are a very special woman. You care. You share your deepest most darkest secrets with us. You are sent by someone to help us and protect us. Whoever is looking over you loves you very much. Dont ever lose what you have in that wonderful heart of yours.
Jan 25 - 8PM (Reply to #28)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Whoever is looking over you loves you very much.

I hope my dad is watching over me, and your words were the kindest anyone has said to me in such a long time. I miss my father so much especially during this difficult journey in my life, I wish I could once again feel his arms around me telling me how proud he is of me, that meant so much to me as I was growing up to be told that almost daily by both my parents. Even though they are both gone I still think they give me my strength and remind me everyday how proud I made them, it doesnt take much does it cgrl for some sick person in the world to come along and try and destroy all the love and hard work my parents put into my life to develop me into the person they wanted me to be, a person I could be proud of within myself, they tried to protect me from the bad in the world, sometimes as parents we cant always see whats coming, bad things happen to good people they did tell me that. Its awful what yours did, using our bodies for public display for other peoples sick pleasures, ya great marriage material, watching other people have sex in person which does nothing but degrade humans, that is their stock and trade and that is what they live for. My dream man what he offered me in the end was just to use my body for others to have sex with so he could watch (NEVER DID IT) that is all he left me with, those were what his big promises of love turned out to be for me, he put the mask on so I would fall deeply in love with him then he wanted to watch tommy, and Bob and mike and suzie or sharon or whoever screw me as he joined or watched, that is what my Psychopath did to me. His plan was slow and calculated. Dont ever lose what you have in that wonderful heart of yours. Just a few days back I posted some comments that I was afraid that I could never love again, yet you made the comment that I have a wonderful heart, I hope so because I would rather die than close my heart off, I cant live without giving and receiving love to others. I look at my psychopath almost as if he is the walking dead, there is no love inside, he is dead inside, there is nothing there for him to connect to others. Our hearts will heal and maybe one day we will love like we have never loved before because we have seen first hand those that cant love.
Jan 25 - 4PM
itreallyisabouthim
itreallyisabouthim's picture

cynthia

I know that must have been very hard to write, even here where you know people understand. I am sorry you had to go through that.
Jan 25 - 1PM
totally confused
totally confused's picture

Mine called me a "lousy lay"

Mine called me a "lousy lay" once, while he bragged about the great animal sex he had with his ex, but the truth is he had ED... He was also hooked on porn. Can somebody tell me why Ns like porn so much ?.
Jan 26 - 6AM (Reply to #24)
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Hooked on Porn

I think that they are hooked on porn because they are totally devoid of emotion or affection for the object (the woman). Sex without emotion or affection is truly banal & boring. Therefore, these guys need external stimulation to get it up & keep it up. Almost exactly a year ago my N went out-of-control, his abuse escalated, and began to move into physical abuse. I am convinced the reason was that he was moving into the area of sexual degradation of me. I refused what he believed to be a few simple requests which any wife who loves her husband would comply with. In retrospect, I now see that he was most likely trying to intimidate me into sexual submission. Easier to do what he wanted rather than refuse. The cause & effect was not so clear, everything was so hazy & confused & chaotic. But, one of the most abusive & frightening episodes occurred when I refused to have sex with him. I told him that he would have to explain his most recent statement: "I was never emotionally or sexually connected to you. I married you because I thought my love for you would transform you as my Ex-Girlfriend's love for me transformed me." That coupled with sexual requests which made me feel like an object. And, when I told him that I would feel objectified in doing as he requested, he became angry. I was making a judgment upon his desires, no wife should do that, if I loved him I would make him feel safe & secure. Also, any of my requests were of no interest to him, that did not stimulate him. It's all a one way street, their way. And so where did I fit into the equation? I was there to service him. We may have been married, but there was no relationship. Actually, we were married 8 months when we had a conversation about men who preferred to remain single because they liked the thrill of the chase & did not want to be tied down. He said, "But what do they do about sex?" I was stunned. I brushed it off. But, the inference I made at the time was correct. My N was incapable of art of seduction. Too much work. He just wanted a woman in the house for when he wanted her because she owed him as she was his wife--his woman--his sexual object. Also, when I started with my N -- he too had ED. Funny. I saw this as a red flag. But, I was too understanding. I wanted to walk away from him. But, he seemed so invested in me. I seemed so important to him. And, on paper, he was the perfect man of my dreams--good-looking, educated, intelligent, well- & securely employed. He wanted a relationship. To build something with somebody. I was so worn down from men who told me on the first date: "I don't want a relationship. (Unsaid just sex)." The irony of it all is my N really only wanted support to maintain his lifestyle: Money (two incomes in a household), Sex & Laundry. All those other men on shallow dates were at least honest. But, isn't that the point of a pathological, always folding in on oneself--everthing is just the opposite?
Jan 26 - 8AM (Reply to #25)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

porn

I think that they are hooked on porn because they are totally devoid of emotion or affection for the object (the woman) They are DEVOID of every emotion except PRIMITIVE RAGE. Period. For anyone or anything. Everything else is a mask. An act. In porn: women never say no they are always in the mood they will do whatever you want they don't talk back they are fantasy beautiful they only want sex not a relationship with one click they are there or gone What a perfect partner for a soul-less, Non-Human Narc ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Jan 25 - 8PM (Reply to #23)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

totally confused

http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/06/02/why-narcissists-are-addicted-pornography http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2008/05/28/are-narcissists-warped-sexually (read whole thread) http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/07/porn http://cyberpaths.blogspot.com/2006/12/addicted-to-online-porn.html ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Jan 25 - 9AM
rache
rache's picture

Sexual depravity and N

My ex N always does better masturbating.When we were together in person, pills did nothing for his ED.He would ALWAYS me to talk about other men/twosomes/threesomes while we were having sex(i was never in to groups-raised very puritan)but,made up horribly pornographic tales to satisfy his sicko weirdness.I guess this is the worst sexual thing i did for the sick bastard!
Jan 25 - 8PM (Reply to #11)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

rache

look at it this way they masturbate with our bodies because we are just objects... so masturbating themselves is having sex with themselves - the ULTIMATE for a pathological ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
Jan 26 - 1AM (Reply to #12)
rache
rache's picture

Masturbates by himself

You know what?He would always say things like oh baby my cock looks so good,it feels so good baby! Its shooting out pre.....c.m,and,i'm just stroking it so slowly.Its like he was admiring his own penis! In love with it.
Jan 26 - 7AM (Reply to #17)
passionatebutterfly
passionatebutterfly's picture

Wow... does that sound familiar

Wow....does that sound familiar :( On a daily basis with me on the computer)......makes me sick to my stomach now. Jenny xoxo
Jan 26 - 8AM (Reply to #18)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

awesome bean

Have you read my story? Sounds like Psycho-Boy. BTW - do you WANT to sign your posts with your REAL NAME? Since these posts are publicly readable? ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website