Why's today so much harder than yesterday?

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#1 May 11 - 7PM
Freddie
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Why's today so much harder than yesterday?

Many times today I've started to consider writing the good bye letter and each time I try I sob. I want him to be what he was supposed to be, what he pretended to be and I know he never will be. But every time I try to say goodbye and be 'done' I have a panic attack and can't do it. Why? I have had NC since May 1st, aside from a few hoover attempts on his part, I've heard nothing from him (block are either working or he isn't trying).

It hurts knowing he could give a fuck less about me, about my son, after spending so much time believing we were his world (delusional belief on my part, since he went home every night - he claims not to be with his wife but to be with his kids). If he were to show up right now I would crumble.. Its like all the strength and power I felt yesterday is gone and today and a weak pile of shit. God it hurts sooooooooooooooooooooooo bad.

Someone say something funny, or something to take the focus off this misery I feel please. He was never mine to begin with, he didn't exist, he'll never exist. But I miss my dream :(

May 12 - 1PM
tootsgee
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its the dream that makes it

May 12 - 1PM (Reply to #17)
phantom adoration
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Indeed

May 11 - 10PM
Movingforwardnow
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Freddie

May 11 - 9PM
ruby01 (not verified)
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Freddie

May 11 - 9PM (Reply to #14)
phantom adoration
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that is all

May 11 - 8PM
lostmyself
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I feel the same

May 11 - 8PM
ggbabi45
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Girl I think the hardest part

May 11 - 7PM
luvapug
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ughhhh

May 11 - 7PM
BtrflyGrl
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Awww Freddie

May 12 - 9AM (Reply to #9)
red
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haha pee wee herman

May 11 - 7PM (Reply to #5)
Freddie
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Although my best friend says

May 11 - 7PM (Reply to #6)
BtrflyGrl
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That is funny. I used to

May 11 - 7PM (Reply to #7)
Freddie
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LMAO He is fat and BALD

May 11 - 7PM (Reply to #8)
BtrflyGrl
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Haha, sounds charming. Let's

May 11 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
Freddie
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I posted my story last week,

May 11 - 8PM (Reply to #4)
phantom adoration
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Go easy on yourself

May 11 - 7PM (Reply to #3)
BtrflyGrl
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I'll look for your story...