My story: sure to puzzle you all! :)
On April 1st my relationship ended after almost 5 months with an Indian doctor. Here's how it transpired:
In the beginning he chased me, we went out many times- always a place he wanted to go mostly I think I chose twice the whole time I was with him where we'd actually have a date. He constantly tried to get me to his apartment. Finally, I caved on a weekend. He set the times, blamed his residency on how busy he was. In a nutshell this continued for the duration of our short relationship. He did not have too much affection towards me and in fact, never belittled me that I can remember which is why at first I wasn't sure he was a narc. What did happen in the later parts of our relationship told me everything and I chose not to believe it, blamed it on his career, he was on-call a lot so I always chalked it up to that. An early red flag: after our second date he responded to one of my texts like I was a different girl with a different name.
I never knew his schedule but he always managed to slip me in to spend time with me. I would NEVER speak to him on the phone unless he was demanding to know where I was in regards to a date we had or if I forgot his apartment number. He had a very lovely apartment in the sprawling park in a major city (not going to post the city just for privacy's sake), perfectly tailored shirts, all the latest gadgets, and I asked once about his shoes-custom made. I never really thought about why he cared about the finer things in life, I never cared that much- now I know.
On MANY/nearly ALL occasions when we'd talk he would not ask about me, I would have to bring up my own issues and he'd be sort of polite and ask questions. I would hear more about his accomplishments and why he wanted to make 500k a year in a subspecialty of his field. I thought it was interesting but you can only talk about yourself so much and expect the other person to hang on your every word... I was bored of it. He would complain constantly about how tired, upset, or how he would get yelled at. Most of the time he was 'sick' but I knew it was an act because he was fishing for sympathy and I would always ask if I could do something for him. I ALWAYS asked. He loved sex, he loved watching movies at home or a theater far away from his house, he was very isolated as well and kept me at an arms length when it came to his emotions or what he foresaw the future being with us.
I remember once asking if he liked me and he said "I like you." just like that. No affection, no romantic anecdote, no gazing look, he just stared at his computer screen as he said that to me. I was always puzzled why I was with him, I felt like I could love him and a part of me did love him especially in the beginning. I remember once when I was teaching him to drive, we had to do it at the time he wanted of course ad he took me to dinner afterward, he looked at me with very loving eyes and got up and kissed me out of nowhere, gleaming at his accomplishment of driving to a particular destination for the first time and getting over his fear. I helped him and he 'rewarded' me I guess? When we went back to his house he asked me to stay over, he had work the next day but didn't want me to leave and told me to get up in the morning at 6 with him. That was our first intimate night together and in all honesty, if that behavior continued I could see myself still with him. That was the most NORMAL he ever was. We held each other all night, waking up together and parted ways sending little cute texts as the day went on. We were happy. That was the end of my happiness.
In the months to come I was constantly wondering what he was doing, only hearing from him maybe once a day if I was lucky. Only through text as always! He would make weird excuses as to why he couldn't see me, telling me he was tired or he wasn't feeling well. Our relationship was one without substance, it was all about him not being lonely and not feeling like a total shit that he was getting yelled at by his attendings and seniors a his hospital. I was always re assuring, telling him I missed him, that things would get better. Meanwhile I was losing my job, I had gotten into a car accident- I remember the night that I got into the accident I told him and his only response: "r u ok?" he then must have fallen asleep or had one of his whores waiting I suppose. Days passed and we met that weekend, he told me to leave late because he was meeting 'friend' for drinks to which I asked "what friend?" because I was the girlfriend that was entitled to know, I didn't know ANY of his friends- he assured me it was a college friend from India (yeah right) I was suspicious. (That night another red flag: I was looking for mouthwash under his sink and generally being curious and found two giant boxes of condoms, one box was opened and one sealed.) I'm assuming it was a booty call or a date in order for him to get his ego fix. I went down that night, we got drunk, condom broke, and the next morning I was hesitant to have sex when he decided he wanted to...I let him and he didn't use protection so he says "let's just get the plan b pill". I thought..."that easy, huh?" I didn't say anything and I think he may have felt bad about not using protection but he didn't feel THAT bad. I thought that was very weird how he would force things on me but I suppose to some extent that's normal. At any rate, we went to breakfast before getting the pill, he talked about himself the WHOLE time as usual. Finally venture to the pharmacy to get the pill, I go back to his place, take it (I didn't have a choice, he stared at me with iced eyes.) I ask him "do you want me to go?" he says "As you wish." ??? So I took that as another way of saying "Yeah I got better things to do and since I got what I wanted and ensured there would be no consequences, fuck off." The next day was the last time I saw him, he didn't talk to me all night, no texts. Apparently he drank again, all the meanwhile I looked at his OKC profile and noticed that he was on. He was ALWAYS on there and I confronted him about it many times, he said he'd take it down but never did of course. The last day with him he barely talked to me, he barely looked at me. We drove again and he was pissed off and moody as always. I think he was also mad because I was critiquing him, and isn't that what your supposed to do when teaching someone something? Well he hated that fact. We came back to his place, he let me sit with him, he looked at me funny, barely spoke to me. He finally touched my face and gazed at me, he looked pained= said he was going to his Uncle's in NY the next weekend, touched my face again, kissed me and we said goodbye. I didn't hear from him after that for days, no word...I left it up to him to text me. He did, saying he was sick again but he was going to a basketball game with a 'friend'. That was the last of our normal conversation over text. I didn't hear from him until that point on, I begged him to text me back to know what was going on and he finally answered one day "I'm sorry, I haven't been feeling well.". Another day I told him that I was upset that he wasn't talking to me- another 3 day stretch when he was apparently at his Uncle's. I called bullshit, said we had communication issues. I honestly believe he started seeing someone or tried to from that point, like having a constant flow of fresh ego boosters to perk him up so he isn't lonely. Before we broke up, I asked him if this was it and that I deserve to know. He texted me with "I'm sorry for not responding I am currently having a personal crisis and I need to rebuild myself mentally and personally. I am not ready for a relationship at this time." and that was my goodbye. I don't know what I did wrong. I never will know. I haven't heard from him for the most part but he told me through e-mail 10 days or so after breaking up he says "you are a great person,you'll do well. I hope you find a job soon. This had nothing to do with you." Subconsciously, yes he was right. It had everything to do with him. I found out a lot over this past month, he has several dating profiles and I'm almost certain he was never in NY, even if he was it wasn't long. He had vacation this month so it was pussy scoring time for him I'm sure.
At any rate I'm sure there's more that I'm not remembering, but I can't think of it right now. Point being, I was never a thought on his mind, he was a coward, either he is a narc and super depressed or one or the other. But I gave everything I could, I was there at the snap of a finger when I shouldn't have been. I was a comfort in his life for a short time and was totally there to serve him and he knew it. Thankfully I didn't tell him I loved him. I did try NC for a while but I kept getting caught up in trying to poke him into telling me what happened since it initially worked in the subsequent e-mail days after the breakup. No such luck. Haven't heard from him at all since 4/8 and I hopefully never will. Although that is a fear of mine, I did care for him quite a bit but I just can't see that he even realizes that he is a narc and would change. I broke NC again today saying that he was a coward and that if he didn't want to be with me why didn't he dump me in the beginning of all of this.
I'm excited to hear all of your thoughts. I feel like he borders a narc personality but maybe from a 3rd party I could be wrong. He was pretty nice for the most part, very caught up in his personal beliefs about every little thing, stubborn as shit, emotional at the wrong times (like not going to the gym), and self absorbed about how great he was, smart he was, etc. Thanks for reading and sorry it's so excruciatingly long!