When you unmask him? What happens?

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#1 Oct 31 - 2PM
Anari
Anari's picture

When you unmask him? What happens?

I am new to this forum and would really appreciate a response. I told off my Narc a few days ago- completely unmasked him. I told him things he didn't think I'd find out, such as who he owes money to, who he's cheated on with me with, how his 'big talks about dreams are pure big talks and no action' and told him point blank what people really think of him. Probably not the nicest thing I could have done- but I was tired of his constant blames on me and no accountability of his actions. So now that I've unmasked him- what will he be feeling???? I know I've already been devalued and discarded but am I to expect revenge..?????will him come back...etc etc.
Is this man gone finally for f****** good????

Nov 1 - 10AM
darling.girl
darling.girl's picture

Gone forever?

My narc came back to me after 30+ years! I dated this schmuck in high school. I had the sense then to realize that if a guy cheats on you 3 times with another girl, then he's not worth it. Fast forward 30 years, and he pursued me from several states away. I was extremely vulnerable at the time, so I fell for his bag of tricks! Thirty years! Don't put anything past them.
Oct 31 - 11PM
FINALLYFREE2BME
FINALLYFREE2BME's picture

The only guarantee....

...is the one you make to yourself that no matter what he does regarding hoovering you will remain NC and *never* let him in again.
Oct 31 - 11PM (Reply to #24)
Anari
Anari's picture

Maybe I just don't get it- as

Maybe I just don't get it- as i'm new on this forum...but I can't cannot cannnot see why he'd try to be back in touch. I outted him... outted the monster...he had no idea where i got my info from...i did 8 mos of research...and was just waiting for the right moment...he's calling me a crazy stalker... ( surprise..surprise)... but i guess i take pride in it. I'm staying NC....and LOL i will let you know if he ever comes back.. i think this was a big narc injury...and I'm pretty sure he's GONE!! ( but what do i know)!
Oct 31 - 11PM (Reply to #25)
aceonelady
aceonelady's picture

Anari...Dear

Expect the Unexpected with these guys...Mine wnt NC on me,cut me off on Skype,Google Talk everywhere we have been together...i live in Holland he in the USA..I did everything to get closure,he never gave me..whe i did stop emailing him,he also changed his phone number...suddenly 2 years later i got an email saying he was sorry about the insults he threw at me ,and he hoped thinghs were better for me...and gave me a new emailaddress,specialyy made for me ,hesaid...i said ok thank yo..nothing more,nothing less...2months later another email saying he was wondering and noticing i haven't send any emails to him lately...and 2 weeks later,another one and 3 weks later another one...thanking me for not sending any emails...and to have fun...then i did sent an email back telling him to go fuck himself,and to stop sending nothing saying emails,it was very irritating and i do not need that.His answer was that he wants nothing to do with me,and i have no reason to contact him,but i do.See what i mean?They are fucked up wackos...so expect the unexpected HUGHS

Aceonelady

Oct 31 - 11PM (Reply to #26)
Anari
Anari's picture

LOL

You know you have a good point... when I expected the norm..I was always baffled...but if I expect the opposite... maybe I'll get his game? I really hope this is over though! Thank you to all ...this already feels a bit more manageable with the forum this blessed website! Hugs and prayers and most of all STRENGTH to all!
Oct 31 - 11PM
ValiditySeeker
ValiditySeeker's picture

When I finally started standing up for myself

He increased the intensity of the cruelty. Instead of being 45 minutes late on a routine basis, he'd be an hour and a half late or leave me stranded in the heat for two hours without a phone call. He mocked me and criticized my appearance ( makeup palette choice. Wtf?) I noticed the emblem went missing from my car hood and money missing from my purse. Just call him MotherFucker Jones.
Oct 31 - 11PM (Reply to #22)
ValiditySeeker
ValiditySeeker's picture

OH then

He quickly started looking for new supply. As soon as he found someone who was unable to stand up to him on account of being an illegal immigrant. When he secured that supply, I was dumped coldly. He said I wasn't good enough. Uhm, right. But I find it amusing that most narcs can't be alone for more than five minutes. They line up the next target before they leave the current one.
Oct 31 - 3PM
Journey
Journey's picture

Welcome Anari, like others

Welcome Anari, like others have said, they usually do come back... they hate to lose or have anyone else EVER call the shots (which is essentially what you did). I will say however, that if they feel embarrassed enough sometimes they might not come back... at least it could be a long time before he does - when he thinks everyone has forgotten who he really is under that mask. My exN was not unmasked as succinctly, yet he has not returned because he KNOWS so many people look down on him for how he treated me and the way he left. He stays away because he can not deal with that and even told me as much. Narcs have typical patterns, but circumstances will prevail. If he finds supply that is satisfying enough, he may never return because it is so much work for him and narcs generally don't like that extra work unless they NEED the supply you could possibly still offer. Putting the mask back on and keeping it on is NOT an easy task for them when it's been ripped off like that. Whatever happens, be glad if he does not return. It does not mean he cares less about you, because narcs don't really care about us anyway and at least he will not be confusing you with the hoover causing any doubt in your mind. I am so grateful mine has not returned, it was hard for a long time to accept I wasn't even worth that much to him considering they usually do return, but now I'm so thankful. It's been over two years... I'll let you all know if he shows up again some day, though it seems highly unlikely that he ever will now, since new supply seems to always be readily available to succumb to his reptilian charm and sex appeal - yuk!

Journey on...

Oct 31 - 4PM (Reply to #20)
ready2receive
ready2receive's picture

Calling the shots..

Good point, Journey.I think xN has ceased all contact with me, because as hard as it was, I knew that in order to get rid of him completely, he needed to feel like he called the shots. He stoppped contacting me because I wouldn't forgive him after all his "efforts." So, now he thinks people still think he's great and caring (of course, they don't care and/or think he's an ass). A Narc's ego is so big and so fragile all at the same time. You have to do whatever it takes to get them to stay away, Anari. I am so thankful that xN does not try to contact me. It makes life so much easier.
Oct 31 - 2PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

My guess .. Silent

My guess .. Silent treatment.. Get ready for the insanity. Read , read , read.. NC Hunter
Oct 31 - 2PM
dabussard
dabussard's picture

He will come back

When I unmasked mine, he disappeared for awhile... He was the master of the silent treatment... When he was silent he was with the OW's... While he was silent with me, he was telling everyone that I was the crazy stalker bitch... They will work on ruining your creditability with everyone... He was silent for six weeks or so then the hoovering started... Once you unmasked them, look out because it becomes a game to them... They will toy with your feelings... Go NC and never look back!! Good Luck!!
Oct 31 - 4PM (Reply to #17)
rosedewittbukater
rosedewittbukater's picture

6 weeks

Wow Dabussard, that is the same amount of time mine was silent for - in between when I unmasked her when and she started her last (hopefully final) hoover. These predators really all are following some kind of script, aren't they???
Oct 31 - 2PM
Used
Used's picture

anari

YOU SHOULD BE SO LUCKY...LOL...HAS HE GONE FOR GOOD, NO HE HAS JUST GONE FOR NOWXX
Oct 31 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
Anari
Anari's picture

Really? But I outted im out!

Really? But I outted im out! Why would he come back to me? His friends say he's in shock cuz he cannot believe I found everything out and that I was sooo harsh with him. He's in shock--why would he EVER come back to me now that i know EVERYTHING! Doesn't he have pride? or self respect? Are you guaranteeing his return?
Oct 31 - 9PM (Reply to #15)
rosedewittbukater
rosedewittbukater's picture

No guarantees

Honey the only guarantees in life are death and taxes (smiling) I have to agree with Journey (and Deidre). I think when called out this way this is a form of narc injury, which most cannot bear, and though a hoover could potentially happen, it would be more likely not to happen unless a) they are completely out of (all other) supply b) a significant amount of time has passed. And if it does happen, the really vicious ones will just use this as a way to reel you back so they can "finish the job" and completely destroy you. If and when this happens, you will by then be strong enough to see through it. And to answer your question about pride, I believe they do have their own "version" of pride, but there is nothing good about it. It's one of the seven deadly sins. hugs to you, Rose
Oct 31 - 9PM (Reply to #14)
foreverfun1
foreverfun1's picture

to be honest, they rarely

to be honest, they rarely believe anything bad about themselves. they don't reflect and try to improve themselves. they think they are truly perfect. hard to believe but it's true, so he will think you're just crazy or a bitch. sorry i know it's unfair and frustrating but i've learned the hard way.
Oct 31 - 6PM (Reply to #13)
outOFtheFOG13
outOFtheFOG13's picture

he will come back because you outed him...

and if for no other reason than for the moment, he sees you have the upper hand. He will worm his way back in with apologies, lies and excuses and once he has his foot back in the door, he will pull the switch and try to drag you down to a level beneath his. Once they have gotten back in our good graces and they recognize we took them back in spite of their transgressions (if they even admit to their transgressions) they will continue that behavior. And beware, when they feel rejection, they will go to every end to destroy you. Character assassination is their specialty. They can only make themselves appear superior by knocking you down. They want you to believe you are the bad person and they want everyone who knows you to believe you are the bad person. Be careful. The post stating “You won’t win a word war with these types. They’ll twist everything around to make you look nuts, and then you may find yourself flying off the handle.” is dead on. It is like getting in a pissing match with a skunk. I hope for your sake you don’t have to go through any of this. Keep your distance from him and at all costs avoid a debate with him. Best of luck
Oct 31 - 4PM (Reply to #12)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

One more thing, anari. Stay

One more thing, anari. Stay classy. No more dialogue, stay NC. That’s how you stay classy. I remember when my ex N bashed me to anyone who would listen. Granted, I did cave a few times against NC, just to find out why on earth was he saying these lies about me? To that, he bashed me more, over text. Now, he’s going through a friend still, trying to bait me to call him. But, he was silent for a short time, because he had new supply. Point I’m trying to make is…silence breeds class. I believe this. You won’t win a word war with these types. They’ll twist everything around to make you look nuts, and then you may find yourself flying off the handle. Best to stay silent, stay classy. So back to what I was saying, about him bashing me. I remember when I didn’t ‘fight back,’ so to speak…people (our once mutual friends) told me how classy I was, that I didn’t stoop to his level. I appreciated the comment, but I have to say, it was hard not to tell the dude off. But, if you hold it together, and stay silent long enough…it becomes easier. YOU WIN WITH NC, TOO. Not that it’s a power struggle, but to them it is. So, win this game for yourself. Stay NC. Regardless of his ‘next move,’ stay NC. Hugs, and proud of you!!
Oct 31 - 4PM (Reply to #6)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

First—who ended the

First—who ended the relationship? Did you or he? That’s key. If you did, then expect revenge. Expect him to badmouth you to anyone who will listen. I speak from experience. If he ended it. And you told him off afterwards, he will go silent. But, he may hoover when he feels like it, as I think they hoover when they do the breaking up, as they sense the old supply is crawled up in a ball somewhere, waiting for their return. Dead serious, they think this. All this said. If I could offer you some advice. END THE MUTUAL ‘FRIENDSHIPS,’ AS WELL. You think these people are your well meaning friends? You’ll see…they’re not. A funny thing happens when you leave narcville. The ‘well meaning mutual friends,’ better know as narc’s groupies/minions…will try to draw you back in. For their own entertainment. Again, I speak from experience. You may very well NEED to get rid of these ‘friends,’ as ‘friends,’ don’t report back and forth to either friend…but, these ‘friends’ will. You’ll see. Do yourself a favor, and go NC on them, too. You will always get daily updates on this asshole…from them. In hopes that they can keep the drama all going strong.
Oct 31 - 9PM (Reply to #7)
Anari
Anari's picture

To everyone who has replied- thank you thank you thank you!

Well I actually ended it in January and walked away saying I was done--and I hadn't heard anything ( first time since normally he always comes back)...then stupid me runs into him in October and he was all nice...we went out for dinner..and WHAM he told me he could never see us together ever again...and he blamed everything on me.....and then.... ANARI got real nasty ( a side he hadn't seen before) and I was SOOOO unclassy ( oops) couldn't stop myself and sent 30 or so ( I know crazy me) texts nasty texts with all the info I had found out about him in it. Every LITLLE LITTLE LITTLE piece of evidence. I was so mad at myself I lasted ten months NC after a total of 3 years of pure hell. And it took one day for him to get his power back. He still has it... BUT ATLEAST I TOLD HIM EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT OF HIM and others too. His friends mentioned how shocked he was that I found out this stuff...but I really dont' think he'd be back. Since he ended it....and since I outted him...but you guys know best. No contact this time round is VERY hard I keep getting withdrawl symptoms and am a mess. But i'll get back to NC. I just dont' want him to come back anymore....I can't take it...and NC is the way. Technically he didnt' come back when I left in January soooo hopefully this will be the end of the cycle. He's dating a beautiful asian girl..so hopefully that's enough supply. Maybe he wasnt' a narc....but my pyscologist also agrees he is. Thanks for your support you guys!
Oct 31 - 10PM (Reply to #11)
wannaletgo22
wannaletgo22's picture

Hi Anari- I'm in a very

Hi Anari- I'm in a very similar situation. My n reeled me back in after nc, and the minute I trusted him again, he started treating me like dirt again. I want ballistic- called other women I suspected he'd been involved with (found out one had been pregnant w his child and miscarried a couple months earlier). I confronted him with all of it, and he was so childish in response. He didn't deny it gor once, but just came back with pathetic insults....I'm crazy, a cunt, a psychotic bitch who could never make a man happy....told me to leave him alone . I hope it's the end of the story. But I fear retribution. He's threatened to send pics of me (that he manipulated me into sending) to my co-workers..and I'm pretty sure has subscribed me to a bunch of porn spam that has loaded up my inbox since our confrontation. But it's been a month and I've heard nothing. I hope you are done with your guy as well. Keep us posted and best wishes.
Oct 31 - 9PM (Reply to #8)
Amiee
Amiee's picture

They do that...the NC drives

They do that...the NC drives them nuts then they say stuff to trigger us, push until we cut loose and appear to be the crazy one..It is so frustrating! But it is part of the game. :)
Oct 31 - 9PM (Reply to #9)
Anari
Anari's picture

my hair

I've lost my hair- or a significant portion of it cuz of him. I now wear a wig. This is because of pure HELL. I. Don't. Want. Him. Back. Ever. And I sure to hell hope I don't meet him in Heaven...or Hell.
Oct 31 - 10PM (Reply to #10)
Amiee
Amiee's picture

I am so sorry! I pray every

I am so sorry! I pray every day he someday suffers the pain and hell he has caused me, ten fold!
Oct 31 - 3PM (Reply to #5)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

He has a disorder .. You are

He has a disorder .. You are giving him too much credit .. He feels nothing.. It's a game of insanity.. Start reading Hunter
Oct 31 - 2PM (Reply to #4)
Used
Used's picture

anari

i cannot guarantee it, who can?, but this i can guarantee, he has no pride , no dignity,and no morals.....now that i do guarantee...xxx
Oct 31 - 2PM (Reply to #3)
Layla
Layla's picture

Pride and self respect are for normal people.

.....these morally bankrupt fools are the gifts that keep on giving- pain and misery that is........stay away from him. love~ Layla