Did anyone else's N critcize their sexual skills?

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#1 Sep 4 - 7PM
Caligirl
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Did anyone else's N critcize their sexual skills?

This is so embarrassing, but today I feel maybe it was me bc I wasn't enough sexually for him. In the d&d, he started critiquing my sexual performance. I felt uncomfortable with him in bed bc of his kinky sexual side. It wasn't emotionally intimate either. I'm an open gal and into experimenting here and there though. He didn't take hardly any time for foreplay. Anyway, in the end, he doubted my abilities. In an argument, I mentioned being able to orgasm with oral sex with my ex (he started the comparisons). He doubted that (saying, "Oh really. I'm surprised" in a doubtful tone) bc I never did with him and never had one in the middle of sex without touching myself, you know just vaginally. However, I have done so before occasionally just not with him. Plus, anytime I tried to guide him, he never listened. Ladies, is this normal for women? My friend says she fakes it with her husband a lot. I've heard this happens a lot, faking. I never have. I feel maybe he thought I wasn't sexual enough bc I didn't, so he d&d'd me. I'm pretty sure he likes floozy women and that's why I'm wondering if maybe they do have orgasms easier, and I wasn't enough sexually. :(

Sep 8 - 7PM
Miss_Jade
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My ex criticized me too, but

My ex criticized me too, but wtf did he know anyway? he was a virgin who watched waaay too much porno before me. Mine was really weird sexually (and not very good at it) And while i wasnt home he fucked the side of the bathtub and the side of the couch alot. This is what he told me one night. Who admits that?? He has enough nads to tell me what to improve upon but he can fuck a bathtub? Anyway, i digress. Lol. Its not you. I think all narcs dont know what the hell theyre talking about when it comes to sex. None of them are very bright to begin with. A normal man would probably love you. Haha. Stay strong girlie. - Jade
Sep 9 - 3AM (Reply to #51)
Caligirl
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Jade, thanks! Your post made me laugh and cheered

me up. These Ns do say anything and are clueless. Ok, mine said when he was younger, he used to f*ck the bean bag chair in front of the TV, when his parents were gone. He would make like a crack with the material and f*ck it. Lol. These guys f*ck anything. I'm still laughing over the bathtub. Umm, wasn't it cold and hard? Geesk!
Sep 9 - 11AM (Reply to #52)
Miss_Jade
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OMG mine told me the same thing!!!

He told me that when he was 13 he ripped a hole in his basketball bean bag and fucked it over and over while his parents were gone...aparently that habit never went away. After he told me that i had my couch cleaned...because its an expenisve couch and im a little angry that he had intercourse with it on a daily basis. =p HAHA! What is wrong with these dudes? Im serious.
Sep 9 - 2AM (Reply to #47)
grace67
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I Was going to bed..but I've

I Was going to bed..but I've just got to jump in on this one! First, he Admitted he fucked fixtures and furnishings?! I laughed so hard I scared the cat! That's priceless!!! And, on down the thread, someone (sorry, started typing before I caught who said it) said that their XN could last 15 or 20 minutes?! Dang... I remember looking at the clock and thinking "Well, there's 4 minutes I'll never get back.." Mine was either one extreme or the other. Either had trouble getting/keeping it up (actually complemented me on my oral skills at helping with that!) or he couldn't climax. We had A Lot of sex in the first couple of months we lived together..after that it was alot of passive aggressive withholding on his part. He never actually complained about my "skills", but would just tell me when we got in bed that "I'm sooo tired...but I'm gonna f*ck you So Hard tomorrow!" Tomorrow rarely came in the last few months of our "relationshit" (thanks Sunafterrain for that one! lol) Regardless of whether is verbal put downs or just staying on the damned computer (fakebook) until it was too late and he was "too tired", it plays hell with our self esteem. In a nutshell, I don't think it's Us that has the issues in That area either!!!
Sep 9 - 11AM (Reply to #49)
Sunafterrain
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Gracie!

LOL!!! I SWEAR our disordered ones are the same SHEESH! Our sexual relationshit never provided me with ANY satisfaction, but BOY was he a "happy" camper. He liked oral a lot, but i always had this feeling that he hated intercourse, cuz, well it's just too damned personal!
Sep 9 - 11AM (Reply to #50)
needing2know
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my ex would take a Bj over

my ex would take a Bj over sex any day ! And believe me he was freakin spoiled!
Sep 9 - 2AM (Reply to #48)
Caligirl
Caligirl's picture

Grace, thank you! The comments have been so

Reassuring. My N was a verbal N, so he probably was acting out to make me feel bad. It worked! I'm starting to feel better though.
Sep 9 - 2AM (Reply to #46)
Anabelle
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Mine was also an almost

Mine was also an almost virgin, horrible in the bed watching porn ALL the time. But he became ok, but never with any fantasy. Sex was really "robotic" at the end. Always the same.No passion, only to the point I was passionate and I imagined he was passionate too. Bullshit.Finally -when he dumped me- e N told me that -sorry- he was jerking off for OW whenever we had a fight. (=OW is my fault, because I was always fighting-jerk) Finally he f..d her and he was so relieved that the TRUTH CAME OUT. As you can see.... life is pretty simple. :)
Sep 8 - 9PM (Reply to #44)
CaminoReal
CaminoReal's picture

Jade

Your post made me smile! You are right, they don't know what they are talking about--including sex. The porn adds to their disturbed view of love and sex. Thanks for the post! CaminoReal
Sep 9 - 1AM (Reply to #45)
Miss_Jade
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No problem, i knew this would

No problem, i knew this would get a few laughs...cuz its funny when people tell you stuff thats *this* out there. But narcs live in their own world and think and say what they want. =p
Sep 7 - 9AM
TNR1
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Never was critized to my face....

but after he told me that he used to think about me when he was having sex with his first gf, I started to wonder who he was thinking of when he was having sex with me.
Sep 9 - 2PM (Reply to #42)
Totally Stunned
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Hey TNR1 - mine too. He once

Hey TNR1 - mine too. He once bragged to me how great he was with his wife, how he brought her to new levels of amazing sexualness. But then told me in the very next sentence that with every new skill he learned, thoughts of being with me, playing with me take over. He craved craved power and being the best lover in the world.
Sep 6 - 11PM
Sunafterrain
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juliemarie!

ROFLOL!!!I just couldn't help but laugh with your post. Hilarious! I faked it almost the entire ten years. I can count the orgasms I had on one hand, yet the sex was still addictive to me and I can't understand why other than that I felt it was the only time I felt we "connected". WHATEVER! It wasn't an connection at all. The last time he had sex, he asked me what women liked. I couldn't believe it! After ten years of sucking his thang, and doing him up with so much foreplay, every stinking time, he has the NERVE To ask me what women want? Bastard. He wasn't concerned about what I wanted. He hated oral. Only three times in ten years that was done. When he went to stimulate my clitoris, he ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS and EVERY single time, rubbed his finger on my pubic bone, just above the clitoris. Even when I moved his hand to the right place, he'd move it back! I had this really strange feeling that he didn't really like sex, but he liked it. I can't explain that. He didn't like DOING anything for me, but he LOVED the foreplay I gave him. He ejaculated pretty quickly so it wasn't like marathon sex with him, except maybe on occasion. He didn't have that stamina. Just so weird......so very odd....
Sep 6 - 8PM
juliamarie
juliamarie's picture

Academy Award

My ex thought I was the best sex he ever had....because I faked it. Almost every time. He thought he was such an amazing lover. He really wasn't. He was fat, out of shape, unable to perform half the time....basically not so good. Apparently, if I had faked the rest of our relationship we'd still be together!
Sep 6 - 9PM (Reply to #37)
needing2know
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LMFAO I SO CAN RELATE TO YOU,

LMFAO I SO CAN RELATE TO YOU, I DID THE SAME THING TO MINE, AND HE WAS THE SAME WAY, OH THIS IS TOO FUNNY, DO YOU THINK WHEN THEY END UP WITH SOMEONE ELSE THEY WILL FIGURE OUT WE LIED LOL
Sep 6 - 9PM (Reply to #38)
Caligirl
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See, I gotta think OW in the past faked

it. He was ok with intercourse, kinda hard to f*ck that up (no pun intended), but I heard the O is harder to achieve with just penetration, but his oral was all over the place, wild, inconsistent, rough. It hurt! He sucked (no pun intended). Lol
Sep 6 - 9PM (Reply to #39)
needing2know
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LMFAO! my ex SUCKED at oral ,

LMFAO! my ex SUCKED at oral , he didn't know how to do it at all lol, he didn't even know how to kiss lol
Sep 6 - 5PM
Unfreakinreal
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Can someone then decipher this?

He wasn't able to achieve orgasm by masturbation. According to him, he never could. Took quite a while before he could come in any other position than on top of me. Wanted sex every time we were together, would be physically aroused just by standing in the kitchen. Claims to have no interest in porn but did really like pictures I sent of myself. Told me from the beginning that he had a small penis, which he did, but seemed to take some strange pride in it. Was only able to come from oral twice in his life. I kinda feel bad that his mind is so screwed up and he despises himself so much that he can't even give himself an orgasm. That must really suck :) I guess he pretty much used me for masturbation then?
Sep 6 - 10PM (Reply to #34)
Caligirl
Caligirl's picture

unfreakinreal

Ok, I'll take a guess: 1. Masturbation, may have learned it was bad 2. Missionary, maddona part of maddona/whore complex 3. Sex drive, typical man and narc. Men think about sex every 6 secs 4. Think he is lying about porn. 5. Taking pride in small penis, really insecure but talking it up for you and him 6. Only came twice during oral, has issues, thinks it's bad. Madonna/whore? 7. They say they use women for masturbation, but I don't see that from what you said. He doesn't even get aroused from his own hand, so who knows. I'm thinking he's a cerebral, not a somatic, so doubtful. He doesn't sound like he knows what really gets him off. Maybe he has a physical condition too.
Sep 6 - 10PM (Reply to #35)
Unfreakinreal
Unfreakinreal's picture

Caligirl

Thanks for your insight... :) Hadn't considered the madonna/whore thing at all. I was thinking mainly cerebral although he exhibits signs of both. He is a first responder as well as a nurse, very humanitarian jobs for the image but nothing inside the soul. Great looking guy, also very short, never bothered me but I am sure it doesn't fit his ideal picture of himself. He's a strange one, that's for sure, but he is someone else's problem tonight. Thanks for taking the time to respond, it is much appreciated. Xoxo
Sep 5 - 6PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Not for sex, but for being sexual

The ex-Psych prof tried to lure me in my freshman year as the Sexy Philosopher. He'd bare his chest down to his navel at the coffee shop (he was fit at the time), no undershirt underneath... and it's obvious he shaved. He liked wearing form-fitting jeans, and he'd smile when he practically had his d*ck in my face in class. The ex-P and I never got sexual because I never felt comfortable with him. My adrenaline was always running high... and I had that "hyper-awareness." Getting physical requires a measure of safety... and I didn't sense that. He tried to talk me into sex my junior year... but by then he was so fat, the seduction didn't work. If you're going to lure someone into the bedroom, looking desirable kinda helps. The ex-P would always rag on how horrible&disgusting sex was. He thought it was awesome that Sofia Tolstoy would sob&contemplate suicide after having sex with Leo. He thought it was fine that Paul Wittgenstein (brother to the more famous Ludwig) and Leo Tolstoy forced themselves onto their much younger partners. The ex-P would castigate sex... and yes, he discussed his masturbation habit. He criticized ME for being sexual. If I wore a dress or a skirt, I'd be called a slut. I came upon an insight reading an essay on "War and Peace" (the ex-P's favorite book) titled "Undoing Eros." Tolstoy portrays Pierre&Natasha as having an Ideal Marriage. Natasha is completely subservient to Pierre, Pierre is under Natasha's boot... in other words, they dominate each other. In "Undoing Eros",the essayist says "Pierre separates Natasha from her femininity." He doesn't look at her as a sexual creature. He bashes his first wife, Helene, by calling her a WOMAN. Natasha is not seen as a WOMAN (despite the fact she has 4 children with Pierre) The ex-P was very uneasy with sex&gender in general. He didn't like it when I joked if he resulted from a virgin birth. He was a cerebral Narc. The supply he got from me was *NOT* sexual. He hated the idea of being a sexually desirable teacher.. he knew I had had crushes on teachers in high school... so he fattened himself up, and he never took care of his decaying teeth. He'd talk about himself as old, decaying. He had his own version of the Madonna/whore complex. He preferred it when I was tomboyish and "looked like a boy" (to quote a friend) He wanted a partner WHO LOOKED LIKE HIM... and his girlfriend (now wife) certainly did.
Sep 5 - 11AM
aceonelady
aceonelady's picture

i just....gave it...

I just gave myself away to ex N SEXUALLY IN A TOTAAL WAY...i came very easily even when i was pleasing him orally...he had ed issues,but for me i found ways to please him and me...i just loved that man!And he did criticized my HOT siate just telling me i was too much and that he noticed i have been around the block...well i was then 50 and yes i had been married for 28 years but had never ever had sex so good as with the N...because was in my head...i had waited 2 years to have sex with him,an when i did 2 days after he D&D me...starting to withold sex and afection...and broke up with me,even our friendship,,,he turned the switch off and could only criticize,devalue ,silent treatment and push and pull.There i was,in Tulsa far from Holland with the man i waited to be with for 2 years just being abused,ignored,and mentally beaten.Is been almost 3 years but the wound do not heal.My brain get everything i did and do read here,but my heart and my body still aching from craving.

Aceonelady

Sep 5 - 1AM
Anabelle
Anabelle's picture

Nooo

For a woman to have an orgasm emotions need to be present or at least a big portion passion. If you feel deep inside that something is not ok, you will have troubles to get there. Your body acts according to your soul, even if your mind was brainwashed by an N. You can't deceive your body. N's are selfish in bed and projecting they lack of passion at you. I am a passionate lover, but with him I felt I was always left behind. Just after he dumped me and I slept with someone else (I was desperate to prove I am ABLE to sleep with someone else) did I realize, how strongly could I criticize his skills - even a one night stand was better than him :) He was a zero. But since in my mind he was Mr. Amazing, I blamed my stress for the unsuccessful bed stories.
Sep 5 - 2AM (Reply to #26)
freaked
freaked's picture

Anabelle, thank you so much

Anabelle, thank you so much for being so specific. For the first time i am realising...that it was not my fault at all. He was like a wild animal
Sep 5 - 2AM (Reply to #27)
Anabelle
Anabelle's picture

desperate animal

You are welcome :) I think sexuality is the only source of some kind of "sensation" they believe to be feelings. That's the only place where they believe to feel something for someone. Since the body feels something. It's something to hold onto... They are just desperate to feel something and get disappointed because they feel nothing besides the normal body sensation. So they project the anger to you. Sad.
Sep 5 - 11AM (Reply to #28)
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

Anabelle

They feel nothing during sex, except the primal ejaculation and present sensation, nothing more. They use sex as a weapon and obviously it's a good one since a lot of women talk about how great the sex was. For any personality disordered individual, sex is about power. He's there only for himself. It's a hole to him, nothing more. There is no "feeling" about it. If he is pleasing a woman, he's not doing it FOR HER, he's doing it to prove what a great lover he is, BLECH!
Sep 5 - 12PM (Reply to #30)
Caligirl
Caligirl's picture

Annabelle and SunAR

Great explanations and spot on regarding my N! I always got that feeling he was trying to give me pleasure so he could boost his ego, and really wasn't into it or into me. It was just utilitarian, a necessary part of sex that a man would do with ANY woman, period. Also, for him it was about power and very game-like. He used to call it playing all the time! Sometimes he wanted me to bite him or resist him. The very last time with him I was scared bc he would not heed my "no's" and he had an evil look on his face. Thanks for your insight!
Sep 5 - 11AM (Reply to #29)
Anabelle
Anabelle's picture

Sorry maybe it's my English-

Sorry maybe it's my English- I am not a native speaker. I just wanted to explain, that sex is the closest where they can get with their ejaculation to the idea of "feelings" since they don't understand what those are. So it's a positive "feeling". Body sensation as emotion. I didn't mean they have feelings. I agree with you 100%.
Sep 4 - 11PM
freaked
freaked's picture

i used to vent out

i used to vent out anonymously on the internet about the concept of marital rape. sometimes i wonder if the govt noticed and took steps to pass a bill against M.R. NEVER once even did he make me feel good .. NEVER means NEVER. But, as i had never dated any guy before my marriage to the narc jerk, i had no clue .. it was only after he forced himself on my when I was in Day5 of mourning over my parent's demise...that it flashed in my mind that there is something horribly horribly WRONG going on. and YET i blamed MYSELF for not being able to 'perform'. I was told.. grief and sorrow are personal feelings..and that the world around me cannot be expected to join in the sorrow party. It was a horrifying moment ..
Sep 4 - 11PM
CaminoReal
CaminoReal's picture

Always felt like he compared

Me to his other gf. I do not have the experience that he does, and he often said I was a novice in some areas. It was like getting a grade. He also complained that we didn't orgasm at the same time, and that he did with his other gf. What an asshole! He used to make me lay there for a while afterwards while he told me a story. I now believe that it was at this time that he USED NLP and other mind control techniques. He was quite SUGGESTIVE about new and naughty things we could do. I always wanted to please him to show him I was better than his other gf---and THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTED!