Exposing the narcissist to all of his friends/family/new relationship

While I have "outed" mine several times to his friends, family and new and old girls he has cheated on me with, I have to say that it feels good , but does not effect him..it just eliminates a few people he was getting his "supply" from and gives him even more time to try to get it from me again or make me miserable..He is not embarrassed or ashamed of his behavior..instead justifies it or convincingly insists it is all lies or that I am psycho. now I have no desire to out him..I just want him to leave me alone...

Hi There! I am relatively new to this site. However, I am as well recovering from relations with an N. In my case he was always calm..he did the gas lighting thing...never the less i did not "out" him per say but i finally stood up for myself and told him off after constantly being devalued and discarded ect...i felt liberated and in control ;) then, of course, i felt awful with the withdrawl kicked in, and today for the first time since email i actually feel a bit better...see the email below.. "yes i know you are angry or whatever?????" how dare you devalue & diminish my feelings....."no that's not true"????......as if i am imagining things?.......... in simple terms...with me you are exercising your optionality...in other words, at the moment there is nothing to benefit from me so you have no reason to keep in contact or care about anything because at the moment there are other more important activities you are involved in....but...you are trying to keep me in the background just in case there is nothing else one day or perhaps concentrix opportunities or whatever strikes your fancy....It's good to keep options opened isn't it Lukas??....good for business, using girls, or whatever....I should have listened in the beginning when you said "i use the girls and hurt them before they hurt me..." So, I AM NOTHING BUT AN OPTION FOR YOU.....another female that you will continue to hurt.....so you play and use words like "oh yes i know i am an asshole for not calling"...blah blah blah...or your standard response "no that is not what i want" (BUT YOU NEVER SAY WHAT YOU WANT!!! YOU KEEP IT A MYSTERY BECAUSE YOU KNOW I WON'T STAY IF I KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT YOUR INTENTIONS!!!)....as though you are the boss in control of this friendship or "special friendship" or whatever it WAS.....you set the rules as they are convenient for you...you call only when there is a reason or when convenient or as though your calling is some special gift to me......???? "i have 5 minutes so i am calling you".....or how about the times you FELL ASLEEP IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR CONVERSATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OR THE TIMES YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVED ME WHILE IN A DRUNKEN STUPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sad news though....i really cared and invested my time and emotions in this friendship because at one point i trusted you and believed when you told me you would always be there for me as a friend......I GUESS ALL IT TOOK WAS FOR ME TO BOOK A TICKET TO MUNICH TO SEE THE TRUTH......"if my friends from northern germany don't come then it should be okay"???? Translation - sure lila my friends from northern germany said they may come but if they don't i can keep you as an alternative and if they come there are always solutions we can find another place for you - I AM A FRIEND WHO YOU HAVE NOT SEEN IN 2 YEARS WHO IS COMING FROM USA.....oh yes..i forgot...i am just an option when there is nothing else more important around...... you don't even know what is going on in my life because you are too busy planning for your vacations, parties, meetings, hair, feet, and sexual affairs with the women you set out to hurt.....YOU SAID IT NOT ME........ more sad news, i expect that while drinking with your misogynist wingmen (partners) that you will twist things around and speak badly about me and my family...you will talk and complain about how difficult or annoying i am....or how much money you gave...it's just what you do.....you can't help it........it's your huge ego..... (by the way...your stint with mark young was your own and you were advised by myself and steve dawson-who did not charge you because of relations with my mom and dad not to engage with those people...but your exact words were "if i don't i will never know so it's like a gamble i am willing to take" so you should shut your mouth about that) i don't expect that you will feel sadness or remorse for your behavior...or that you've lost a great friend....i don't think you are capable....you are too busy feeling sad that your friend is moving to mainz....a couple hours drive in the car.....please.......i don't expect you to feel sad about losing me.....i think you will not even think twice as you are too busy and important....in fact, i expect you to smile and think...."oh she will call because she always does....." that is fine too.....think whatever you want....or don't think....i don't care anymore..... i don't think you are capable of feeling for others...you have no empathy......just feeling for yourself and saying to others what is convenient in the moment....... I also suspect that when you helped me financially it was just what you do because it is easy....no emotional investment involved...and later it is easy to say "i gave her so much money....and she only complained"...... more sad news....i always only speak highly of you and am grateful and let my friends and family know when i thought you were caring.....now i don't know what to say.......or think......... Now i understand Jan (the queen misogynist) ...our friendship will never work because i approach relationships (whether male or female) with caring, empathy and emotion while you have no empathy...instead you have short term "affairs" so you can maintain control and so you can play by your rules to get what you need to feed your ego while void of feelings and regardless of how it hurts the other person...when the the other person questions the rules you walk....... So, i want to thank you for teaching me several hard, confusing and painful lessons.....CONGRATULATIONS LUKAS YOU HURT ME BEFORE I HURT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! because i would not have hurt you.....ever......don't you feel fabulous.....or i guess the question would be don't you feel???? Finally, although you spoke badly about dirk's wife i am sure she is a nice person but you will never be friends with dirk's wife......he loves and respects her......and for this you hate her....and she's got you pegged...ha ha she knows you and exactly what you are....or what you are not........ Well, sad for you.....I am no longer an option for you.....too bad....you have no idea what you just lost......now....... I have lost nothing.... Game over.... Thank you....... - Show quoted text -

A few of my friends and family members suggested this to me but I couldn't do it. My cousin suggested that I forward any texts and emails he still send me to his OW but I won't do it. It's so tempting....I just can't. I pity him, feel very sorry for him because he is messed up and I don't want to make things worst for him. I figure karma will take care of him eventually.

The ex-Psych prof threatened to dump me (even tho we weren't romantically/sexually involved) if I told other people how he treated me. The problem was-he had MAJOR verbal diarrhea. Apparently, he'd brag to his colleagues how he was mistreating me... and that's why they had shunned him by my junior year. They were strictly business with him. As for my final D&D, it was PUBLIC and UGLY. The ex-P would be angrily berating me, I'd be weeping, he'd publicly humiliating me, I'd be sobbing "I'm sorry" and he'd be saying coldly "You're embarrassing yourself." My senior thesis advisor happened to go to the same church I did, and right after our pastor died from cancer (we both went to the funeral),the ex-P flaunted his girlfriend. I remember saying to one of the ex-P's colleagues (who had gone to UVA with him),"I didn't know he already had a girlfriend",and the ex-P's colleagues gave me a thoughtful moment of silence. My final D&D wasn't nastiness kept behind closed doors. The ex-P was TOO LAZY to have the "nice in public,a-hole in private" image. He didn't mind that my classmates hated his guts. When I told him that my friends HATED him, he smiled. I know the ex-P is terrified to screw with me again, because if HE broke NC, HE'D be the one having the mental breakdown, while I'd be smiling pompously&licking my chops. He knows that getting revenge on a former student... looks tasteless, and his mind is mine to play with. As a cat does a mouse... before the mouse becomes lunch.

I'm surprised at this, actually. Don't people start thinking YOU have the problem and not the narc?

Yes, I outed him to everyone. I still do. All of the neighborhood Starbucks know about him (regulars and employees) and have asked him not to loiter leering at women. Plus my new husband plays in a local band and when the N shows up for a gig (he started doing this suddenly after 5 years) I make sure everyone in the bar knows about him (patrons, bartenders, owner, bouncer, etc) and women won't go near him. I've thought of snappy comebacks to every response and can pretty much convince whoever I talk to that I'm telling the truth. I have alot of back up support since my husband and I are respected in the music community which gives me alot of credability. I know NC is best (and I've been NC communicationwise for 5 years) but I feel that silence is their friend. He'd LOVE me to be silent. I won't give him that pleasure. Exposing him makes me feel empowered. A few weeks ago he finally caught on I was doing this and disappeared from the bar scene completely. Good riddance! But I'm sure he'll reappear someday. But I'll keep exposing....

I have him posted on a couple of Cheater/Player webistes. His profile is getting well-over a million hits, and he's one of the most popular posts on the Cheater webiste. The OW, while I was mindful that this woman is overly trusting and naive - belives all the garbage the narc is feeding her, I still felt like I had to try to reach her. I don't know if the narc managed to intercept my letter or prevent my emails from going through to her or not, but from his own posting on his former website, it is clear that SHE HAS BEEN WARNED that someone is trying to warn her! At some level she has to know the truth whether she chooses to acknowledge it to herself or not. The truth is out! So when he gets bored, finds new supply, and/or decides to start abusing her with typical narc behavior, I think she will remember the warnings, and it should help her on some level I hope. I don't hate her or wish her any harm on her. She's just his newest victim. I think the relationship should last at least a year, maybe two max, and then its adios amigo. My hope is that after she has been left broken and bleeding, maybe I will be able to reach out to her and comfort her. I hope I have treated her as a compassionate friend reaching out to someone who needs one.

I didnt have to OUT mine... His awful actions...taking OW around town behind my back while I was at home watching his kids, telling people we were broken up when we werent, being obvious to our whole town what a BASTARD he is...!! People dont care that much but they did get disgusted by his selfish actions. It was funny when he said that I told people and that he was getting "shunned". I said I was not that powerful and that his ACTIONS SPOKE LOUDER THAN WORDS! In the end their KARMA will come to them all!

YES, I OUTED HIM TO HIS OW,AND ANYONE ELSE WHO WANTED TO LISTEN....ALTHO I DIDNT WAIT UNTIL I WAS NC...I DONE IT WHILE I WAS STILL WITH HIM, BUT INTENDING TO GET RID OF HIM....HE PULLED ME ON A COUPLE OF THINGS I HAD SAID,THAT PEOPLE HAD TOLD HIM HIM...I SAID YES I DID SAY IT...SO WHAT!!!!!...I COULD HAVE SAID A LOT MORE THAN I DID AND SHOULD HE BECOME A PEST AGAIN...I WILL!!!!!