had another bad crash, yes, second one, unreal
had another bad crash, yes, second one, unreal
Have a concussion and bruised back (fell off again on vacation) which is bad but i could have been killed. Texted Narc I was in ER, again. he ignored first text but when I texted again that I was going for CT scan and back xray, he called - guess he knows the brain is serious.
We talked again when I was released. He is so awful, really, laughed when I said I would give him a chance to be sincere since he seemed so in love in June - what an ass I was, he was like, um, "I'll think about it and lets just stay in contact." That means " I am back here having fun, forgot all about the fake love night with you back home and I don't really want to stop having fun to see you but why don't you just stay on the shelf, just in case". I was so horrified, His ego is so huge that he laughed, like "you may give me, the king, another chance?". i think my last rays of denial finally broke, he is really a low life sleazy guy screwing bar ladies and trying to squeeze last little bit of fame out of his career which ended 15 years ago...this is a 55 year old guy with no money, values or stability to offer (he is emotionally stable, I mean life style).
My plane flying home got delayed and rerouted through his city. although the lay over was short, he did not even care enough to say hello. I am struggling with the concussion and having small business problems upon return - and too bashed up to work and Narc treating me like crap. I don't really care anymore - I think its just habit to reach out in crisis. i can't move anytime soon even though I dislike it here because now I am in bad shape and my business needs me here...bummed and trapped.
My triple ex-BF is being very nice to me. We are not messing around, just friends and I really need some support now. I know he regrets our break up from 16 or so years ago.
I think I am on the final round of totally giving up all hope on my Narc back East. he is not even checking on me and I am alone and dizzy from concussion...three of my best friends have left this city permanently this summer - I have way more friends at my other home but cannot earn a living there...my money is funny too this summer... things are not good, but thankful to be alive. I am not really hurting about the Narc ignoring me as much as ashamed of my relapse (pretending he is not disordered and allowing him to disrespect me again). I am just miserable now but no longer heart broken, more deep disgust and slow painful acceptance that my life has changed forever...too hurt to do my sport again so no real outlet and cannot be on computer much or head will not heal - just have to rest which I hate doing...
I am a big mess right now but still better than last winter - thanks everyone...
treated like crap
yes!
Depressed and vulnerable
ifinally goit it