Please help quickly, HE IS HERE !!! Hunter was right!

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Jun 6 - 9AM
nancyh
nancyh's picture

IFGI

You have come so far please don't throw it away because you know and I will testify that if you see him while he's here - I give you until the day after he leaves, Thursday, that you will be balled up on the floor in the fetal position in anguish. Do not see him or talk to him. Nan

Nan

Jun 6 - 9AM (Reply to #43)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

IFGI/Nancy

I'm not smart in a lot of areas but I know the narc game! Nancy is right! Hunter
Jun 7 - 3AM (Reply to #44)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Hunter

I think you're smart in a lot of ways...and an EXPERT in the Narc game...
Jun 6 - 3AM
Used
Used's picture

ifinallygot it

oh dear, you instigated this by texting him, please dont forget this man sent you an interview of him self how indiffrent can someone be...he now knows you are back in his web,and though you say this is the first time he has been in touch in 6mnths...he wouldnt have if you hadnt got in touch first...you say you will lose all respect for self if you have sex,so you are going too? he hasent cared for 6mnths wether you are dead or alive...all i can say is dont do it dont meet him but if you do you will go so far back in your healing. so he was laughing oh i bet he was...it was that easy for him ,down the road how convienent. HE DROPPED YOU LIKE A PILE OF TRASH AND HE WILL DO IT AGAIN...THIS TIME YOU WILL FEEL A MILLION TIMES WORSE...I AM SORRYX EVEN IF HE IS THE DEVIL YOU DONT HAVE TO CONNECT WITH HIM DO YOU?
Jun 6 - 1PM (Reply to #36)
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

yep but

He would have called anyway being back here down the street. Apparently, I only exist if I am physically within reach. He likes the chase, we parted "in love" and I was a good GF. Of course he was going to call as soon as he got back to town - he knows he had a good thing and that I loved him even if I had not texted about the deaths... Remember I am the one who reached out to him in March after 2-3 months of NC when he sounded so sad (now I think he was sad because he knew I had seen his gross behavior on FB by mistake). Anyway, he KNOWS I love him and there is no way he would not try to catch me if he is in town. I will let you all know if I speak to him, which I probably will. I will NOT be going to his house (our old love den) under any circumstances - too creepy to see all my gifts and stuff to him all around, plus I think he shipped alot of his furniture across the country. I think his house would traumatize me more than him... Maybe he will get busy and not call back - just knowing I still care may have met his needs. I am sure he is getting plenty of sex elsewhere...and he can go long time without it... Its the game he likes more than the "act". What would be great is to see him and feel nothing and speak my mind and get my stuff back. I really don't care about my stuff but I think its wrong to let him keep it forever - lets him think its ok... I do not feel "loved" even though he was very "loving" on the phone... I want a normal life with someone who enjoys me, not a bad boy superstar still doing the college thing in his 50's...it is a matter of breaking the long bond that formed...
Jun 7 - 1PM (Reply to #39)
girlsinger
girlsinger's picture

Hi There, we feel you..believe me

Hi we are all feeling you, believe me your last sentance says it beauitfully "I want a normal life with someone who enjoys me, not a bad boy superstar still doing the college thing in his 50's" now here is the evidence, despite your pain of your healing... "Its a matter of breaking that long bond that formed" right there...you nailed it how do you plan to do that? that needs to be your only concern, now we dont heal if we keep asking the wrong questions "I bABYED HIM AND SENT HIM A TEXT ASKING ABOUT... WHEN DO YOU get to give up the mom thing? you are in total control of that decision personally, I dont need a baby I like a grown man you are so used to your 'dance" with him you dont even realize there are any other men out there and worse, you dont have any idea how precious you are 10 years of your life is a long time think about it Only a narc can hurt you this way you will see him or not that is your personal choice what I am wondering is this: and I had to answer this for myself about myself is HE going to be the defining moment of your life? you know with the covert N's (the cancer of all N's) its all so gentle and light, and funny, they leave you hanging in mid- they have no sense of time passing... until 10 years of your precious life and love are regarded as absoloutly NOTHING BUT A FUNCTION! the reason I believe the covert N's are deadly is because of what I just said its important that they dont really let you know and keep you floating and aching why? because they create a super-hero senerio in your mind that way they become waaay more than they really are in YOU MIND and that is what they want, its all they have.. they want your mind your love your humanity your grace got another 10 years in hell to spare? I dont I wont personally, I bought myself back I finally had a funeral for my dream with the exN damn life is so short I am simply "Not available for shaming" anymore, in any area of my life took alot of work worth every minute of it game over I called it I did, he no longer holds any strings love is a decision to unlove is a decision too...... I really got it that my ex covert N never ever deserved my fingernail clipping much less my heart.. be blessed k
Jun 7 - 9PM (Reply to #40)
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

thank you girlslinger

Your words are getting through to me - you understand exactly how it is..We have not spoken since Sunday - he is in a huge family lawsuit and leaves probably in the morning. I am pretty sure I am not even on his mind...I think the whole episode is over... I was anxious all day but feeling better after reading your words. I have been getting better for 11 months - I can't let one day undo all this hard work... You are so right - he has no sense of time! He sounds like he has been away on a short business trip! I mean really, it was nuts - like one of his old usual calls but he showed a little more interest in me this time, asked about the deaths, my accident, my condo in the sun... Ay yay yay...wish I had not texted him. That just shows me that I am no match for him and not strong enough for a talk to tell him off or how he made feel...I am only partially healed and was not ready for this chapter. I don't want to be afraid of him but I am afraid of the hurt that could follow if I see him. If I WAS stronger, I would have told him off Sunday instead of being happy to hear his voice which I was...
Jun 7 - 10PM (Reply to #41)
girlsinger
girlsinger's picture

Respectfully I must disagree

Hi There, Precious One I dont think I am alone when I say you have done an amazing job of holding on to your dignity! I mean, do you feel you failed yourself in some way? why?... because you sent him one text? respectfully I must disagree if you got the lesson then it was worth it if you are able to recall & retain the anguish when he left you hanging like he always did by not responding and doing his whole covert N nightmare and always will then you are well on your way, girl you know what I learned? I learned that no real growth or healing or permanant growth of any kind is LINEAR its never a straight line, never its always 3 steps foward and 1 step back the step back is for "reflection" we dont seek it we do our very best to avoid it we need it.... you are 'stronger" stronger than you realize it takes immense strength to be true to your feelings while at the same time knowing the Narc is poison for you whats the big deal you were happy to hear from him...right? that is a normal for a woman that was in love he id the 'disordered one" hey just like Deadre40 said earlier, you dont have to hate him you just owe it to yourself to understand that you are and will always be a "Function" and that is so brutal to our souls, to hear nevertheless... its the truth to a covert Narc, we are toasters, microwave ovens, TV set's...a tool to be used and discarded..period its nothing personal (to them) I say Bravo to you sometimes we "fail up" if you need to tell him off write it and post it here get it out!!! as Lisa would say be blessed k
Jun 7 - 1PM (Reply to #37)
girlsinger
girlsinger's picture

Hi There

Hi we are all feeling you, believe me your last sentance says it beauitfully "I want a normal life with someone who enjoys me, not a bad boy superstar still doing the college thing in his 50's" now here is the evidence, despite your pain of your healing... "Its a matter of breaking that long bond that formed" right there...you nailed it how do you plan to do that? that needs to be your only concern, now we dont heal if we keep asking the wrong questions "I bABYED HIM AND SENT HIM A TEXT ASKING ABOUT... WHEN DO YOU get to give up the mom thing? you are in total control of that decision personally, I dont need a baby I like a grown man you are so used to your 'dance" with him you dont even realize there are any other men out there and worse, you dont have any idea how precious you are 10 years of your life is a long time think about it Only a narc can hurt you this way you will see him or not that is your personal choice what I am wondering is this: and I had to answer this for myself about myself is HE going to be the defining moment of your life? you know with the covert N's (the cancer of all N's) its all so gentle and light, and funny, they leave you hanging in mid- they have no sense of time passing... until 10 years of your precious life and love are regarded as absoloutly NOTHING BUT A FUNCTION! the reason I believe the covert N's are deadly is because of what I just said its important that they dont really let you know and keep you floating and aching why? because they create a super-hero senerio in your mind that way they become waaay more than they really are in YOU MIND and that is what they want, its all they have.. they want your mind your love your humanity your grace got another 10 years in hell to spare? I dont I wont personally, I bought myself back I finally had a funeral for my dream with the exN damn life is so short I am simply "Not available for shaming" anymore, in any area of my life took alot of work worth every minute of it game over I called it I did, he no longer holds any strings love is a decision to unlove is a decision too...... I really got it that my ex covert N never ever deserved my fingernail clipping much less my heart.. be blessed k
Jun 7 - 1PM (Reply to #38)
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

omg, In my fantasy I see

omg, In my fantasy I see sending my exnw fingernail clippings and some ear wax, with a card that reads, "Wanted you to have this. Something that is as specially meaningful about me as what you gave that was special about you", thanks for this humorous moment Slinger Chris
Jun 6 - 12AM
girlsinger
girlsinger's picture

I was thinking bout U

Hey girl I was thinking about what was happening with you was just reading your post.. is there any way you can go back east sooner? hey, as far as the ones that have "bounced back" dont be so certian the N encounter is a very intense wound, as you know I mean think about it.. even a romantic relationship for 10 years that broke up with a normal guy would be really tough add an covert N in the mix and its almost impossible to imagine you will ever be ok again but you will and the secret is refusing to re-open the wound, its simple just not easy so you are grieving, my friend at the end of the day...isnt that what it really feels like? grief... after thousands of hours of reading and studying the covert N, I got as far as I could and it helped alot but then I began to study plain old grief and thats what has really helped for me I view my N as a death, his death and actually wrote that in my last Email to him he feels "immune" to death, or illness because, as you know he is a doc and because he is an N then I began the process of grieving google Dr Kubler Ross..or you can see her on youtube the stages of death that is what I followed in the beginning you see these men dont have an internal life so walking away from anyone or anything is really nothing for them and as inconcieveable as that may be I promise you its true Dr N talks about his cancer patients very 'matter of fact" they dont go away because they were never there I dont know how you feel about this but I cannot imagine being with my N after someone else has been with him I would never judge anyone that could I just know me and I cant...no way the thought of that makes me really sick Im glad that has been my saving grace there is love in this world,I swear... its there at the end of your sorrow& grief be blessed k
Jun 6 - 12AM
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

I feel like crap already

He did not call back tonight. Not that I want to talk twice in one day to him but it feels like more rejection and a game to make me want to see him. I know he is with his family tonight and they are facing a serious problem together but still...he if he was at all serious about apologizing and seeing me, he would have called or texted. Maybe just knowing I was nice to him today after all the hell he put me through was enough supply to satisfy him. Now that he did not "pursue" me tonight, I am less inclined to believe he ever missed me so maybe its a good thing. If you miss someone, nothing could keep you apart after 10 or 11 months... I am inclined to think he probably has several new GFs in new city but do not care to know. His self esteem seemed way up, with a job and money, and more attention from his past life... I really am not solid yet in my recovery -seems I took this N experience harder than some of you who have quickly bounced back. I am just barely starting to look and act normal. I promise you I will protect myself if there is any further contact and not be a door mat. I am not a WUSS in general but I just felt safe with my quiet N and was blown away with the D and D - should have seen it coming but didn't! Thought he was crazy about me! I hate knowing I am just another woman on his notch after all the love I gave... I really need a change of scene bad. Too bad I did not leave this week to be with family back East...I do feel very alone even though I have friends... My triple ex BF has been coming around to walk his dog with me - he is very smart and talked tough to me today about this stuff - however, I think he was a bit jealous too even though there is no romance between us. I think I can't handle men right now. They scare me or maybe I just pick the scary unpredictable ones...I need peace. I would rather die than go through this kind of heart break again - I am an active productive person who has barely been functioning since November...though, yes, I am much improved...thanks to all of you and your collective wisdom...there is alot to learn...
Jun 6 - 5AM (Reply to #33)
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

Mine was

a covert narc, it sounds to me like he was testing the waters to see if you are available, probably to service him , hope you do not do it and so not contact him anymore.If at some point you can wrap your head around the fact he doesn't love or care about you ,even though you gave your all, you will see things in a different light, you are simply an object to him, nothing more or less,
Jun 6 - 5AM (Reply to #31)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

So sorry!

Ahhh, the blowoff. If I could rack up quarters for every time CharlieSheenWinning blew me off, I'd be in a mansion in Bali. Seriously, I think the blowoff is the most insidious form of abuse. It's like they drive you to the edge of the cliff. . . then leave you there. And you're teetering on the edge saying, "Push me off already!" That's how sick the dynamic becomes. When I read your post yesterday, I honestly thought, "She's worried, but that mf'r is going to blow her off and not call later, anyway." They're all the same. And they don't feel for or miss anyone. That's the hardest part to accept. I'm hoping now you blow *him* off. He deserves it. You're in my thoughts -- I really know how you feel! {{hugs}}
Jun 6 - 7PM (Reply to #32)
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

yes and faking it...

I am so used to being ignored by him so I barely noticed it - assumed he was with his family watching the game and planning for court for family legal battle this week That is how screwed up I am, the blow off did not even phase me as rude. I am kind of relieved as I need some time to think. I DID ask for my keys and some money (small amount from last summer when I UNKNOWINGLY ASSISTED him in leaving me, that I had told him I may or not need back. Well it turns out I may have a tiny paycheck in August and with several deaths in the family, I want to be paid back. He said he will pay me back next pay check. Neither of us ever asked the other for money so there was no financial abuse in this rel. But I felt like such an idiot being nice to him that I was pretending to be tough asking for my keys and money...I can live without the keys and the small amount of money, I am just trying to not let him think he can do any old thing to me and I'll be cool with it - like lock my stuff up for a year and not communicate!
Jun 5 - 4PM
girlsinger
girlsinger's picture

Ifinallygot it

Hi our N's are very very similar from from all you have shared, all I have read and I do feel on some level we do 'manifest" people places things lets face it, you get what you Think about the most wheather you want it or not hey, I get it. my exN is very sucessful, top of his field charming quiet we never fought he was never ever violent with me...ever he always rememebered my birthday flowers at the door when my computer broke he sent a new one the next day & OVERLY involved and emeshed with his family, he's 45 you know the drill but I ask you is there any hurt that could ever come close than that of a covert N? they are so full of good humor, lighthearted then is there any anguish so deep than when they just leave after a decade of your life like you never exsisted..like you were never born and take up with hoe girl? here is what I "heard" when I read your post today First of all he's in town facing a stressful event (having to go to court) now this is really simple to see (when your not emotionallly involved, that is...)) he NEEDS what you can PROVIDE he dosent need YOU...please be clear this is not you as a WOMAN, he misses the wonderfulone that was his GF for 10 years he is an N and he needs a function performed your the perfect supply his home town..etc & he already tested you...had years to do so so he knows full well what makes you tick you are clearly a very devoted and loving person PRIME supply for a covert N why should he mess that up by having that "messy" closure conversation with you? he might need your "services"..later..why close a door? like now..he needs comfort, he is 6 years old emotionally 6 year olds also throw away thier favorite toy when the shine wears off... NEVER thinking twice..they do the same with partners this is how a covert N thinks remember hes not cruel, like those other psycos....he's just deadly hes laughing you aching classic Covert N set up.. Tailor made for him what did he have to say when you said "I think were both crazy not discussing the break up"? you skipped right into why he's there in the first place my guess is because he is a "master deflector" a cover N's specialty... lets see dropped you off at the airport you were in love 10 years together then not a word about what the hell happened he could care less you didnt exsist..(you still dont, to him) but your usefulness does your there...pining and has a new girlfriend maybe you think this is just a phase and he will be back when it all blows over sounds rational to me, but N's dont DO rational they also dont DO love theyDO what looks right to keep images up N's of this ilk are all "image" nobody's home inside...no one that is why they seek out a woman like you who will never ever call him on his inhumanity that is just the way he likes it is he the devil? wow....any dbout? you said you would never "respect" yourself if you were with him again I hope you reflect on that statement because we can break our contracts with others but when we break our contracts with ourselves no aguish compares I cant help but notice he answers your questions with either another question or just deflects it altogether..( co covert N) my feeling is your going to do what you want my feeling is that you actually still think there is a person in there after all...he's so funny after all...dosent 10 years account for anything? Im sorry no, not with a covert N.... who on earth would believe such a thing? but its true you lived without your "stuff" for this long do you really need it back? remember everything a covert N says and does has a thought and a trick behind it my question for you is would you be able to reflect back to when you chose your handle 'Ifinallygotit" what did you finally get? perhaps the answer to that would provide you some insight please do read up on the covert N they are the cancer of all N's in my opinion the 'silent" killer your not kissing another man since he left wont bring him back besides, he feels nothing about kissing his new girlfriend its all an act, covert N's are about one thing CONTROL and how they go about getting it destroys people from the inside ...in the worst way's my God I feel for you please do try and play it out to the end what will you have to gain? perhaps herpes from his new girlfriend? remember..play it out to the most logical end you will find its a 'No win"...always a no win with N's (you wanted tough)..be blessed...K he realizes he broke your heart but in the N way So, please remember what "broke her heart" means to a covert N it means as much as.."pass the salt" but his needs are his ONLY concern..period.
Jun 5 - 6PM (Reply to #23)
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

Girlsinger

thank you for taking the time to write this to me. I truly appreciate it and I will read it twice. If I do not know how to handle the situation or feel read to say the hard words, I will just not answer the phone. He was everything to me - my family here. We were friends a total of 12 years - dated casually for 3 years (because i did not really live here back then) and then fell "in love" about 7 years ago - he stopped seeing all his other GF's (after being a long time bachelor) but truth is, he was miserable in a conventional relationship (remember his high profile on the road career for 20 years meant ladies in every city - no GF). I am a good person and stronger - I do not think he can crush me now. If I do agree to see him, it will be in a public place, not our houses with couches and beds near by.... I thank you for understanding how much more difficult it is to resist a quiet, charming non cursing Narc, who does not overtly try to hurt you. I guess it is bizarre that he sounded so devastated about our break up in March, ignored me in April with the fall, then emailed and texted about the deaths. I think he is disappointed I did emotionally lean on him more with the deaths, like I used to for everything. I texted back a day later "I am ok, thanks for checking" that was it. Then a day later he calls "this is N calling..." He sounded fine, none of that extreme shame from March - maybe he knew I had already forgiven him - which I have. I truly do not believe he has the skills to do any better - I KNOW he does not love me - people do NOT do this to people they love. He has a total disconnect going on. He has probably had 3 hoes by now back in his old fast lane, bars, being in the spot light. I do not fit into his new life...c'mom, can he really bring a highly educated, athletic, causual woman with no make-up to the bars and functions to show off? NO, I do not fit into his new world - but here on the West Coast, I was perfect supply... His REAL style is like me...this is a low key place - not flashy - this is where he grew up. Regarding deflections - yes you are right - he never answered me about how crazy it is we never discussed our break up. Maybe in his mind we never broke up? Or he was waiting for me to calm down and forgive him? None of this matters as it is hopeless. I promise you all this - I will NOT have unprotected sex or any sex with him if I do decide to talk. He is here for sad reasons - the lawsuit is over the death of his sister who he personally nursed and took care of in his house until she died. Yes, he is kind to his family - all the dysfunction is around romantic relationships and responsibility... I do love him even though he is so so limited. I want to be happy again and enjoy life with a real partner - I just had a male friend talk tough to me about this - I know seeing ex N seems like a quick fix to end the pain, but I see what a long tough recovery this is and how much of it has to do with my own family of origin issues. I will go back to counseling this summer -
Jun 5 - 7PM (Reply to #24)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

IFGI

You are going to get yourself in very big trouble. Good Luck! Hunter
Jun 5 - 8PM (Reply to #25)
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

I have not agreed to meet him

who knows, he may not even call back. if he could go easily for 10 months without me, I doubt he is dying to see me now - I spilled too many beans already on the phone - that takes the fun of the chase out anyway... I just looked on his FB for the first time since Jan when I saw the pic of the woman. He has changed his settings and has his pics blocked now. We have mutual friends on FB. Maybe he was being sloppy having it set on frriends of friends in the past. Maybe that was the shame in his voice when we spoke - knowing I had seen those gross pics. I do not think I will get in trouble - he leaves Wed and I am very busy. I do not have alot of time for anyone right now. Busiest time of work and I leave soon for memorial services back East. I do feel sad that he wrecked our relationship but like everyone says, it was not that great to begin with - maybe we were just addicted to each other and its just chemical and not even a love affair, but for me it turned into love. I wish I hated him but don't - his games and limitations just seem pitiful - but I do see myself as vulnerable now, though at least I am healthy and mobile now and spending time with friends. My sister and I are not close, but I will give her full support as long as she needs after losing her husband...she has never given me any by the way...
Jun 5 - 8PM (Reply to #26)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

IfgI

He is playing a narc game with you. Please, you are in a vulnerable state with a death, a sister you tolerate, and a bum leg. Really look at the big picture. Let him go. Its hard but you must. Do not see him. It will hurt a lot worse than your leg. Hunter PS I miss my dog whisperer all the time, But there is no going back
Jun 5 - 8PM (Reply to #27)
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

thanks for the support

I am going grocery shopping and forgetting about this for a minute...jeez, why me.
Jun 5 - 8PM (Reply to #29)
girlsinger
girlsinger's picture

good idea

ditto Hunter perfectly stated, as ussual be blesses k
Jun 5 - 8PM (Reply to #28)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Why you? Because you are a

Why you? Because you are a good person. They love that. Step back. good idea. Hunter
Jun 5 - 5PM (Reply to #22)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

GS

YOU Nailed it! AND smooth! WOW...great answer, advice and support... Hugs!
Jun 5 - 4PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

IFGI

Ive shared this before , But its so funny to me so Ill share it again. My BFF was narced and finally dumped her N after 8 yrs of Back and Forth BS. She left his things on the front porch in the hot sun. He also had some chicken in the freezer. She thought he should have ALL of his belongings. So in his bag of things she included the Chicken, with a note, She wanted to be polite, it said" ROT IN HELL JACKASS" teehee. His name is Chuck, so before this site we have refereed to being Narced as being Chucked, I love my friends. Hunter
Jun 5 - 4PM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

I'm sorry you're having to

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this jerk yet again! ugh! I agree with the others. You could just have him leave your stuff on the steps, and then YOU could leave HIM a blow up doll...with a card that says...here you go, I had plans tonight. :P hahaha! (seriously, that would be epic, as my son would say) I would go NC. Who gives a fuck that he's in town? Continuing the back and forth, only feeds his fire. Only gets him closer to you. He wants to break you down, so you let him in...so he sleeps with you, and then takes off again. Laughing the whole way in his head. Please stay NC. Don't answer his calls. If he swings by, don't answer the door. I'd try to be out a lot during the next week or two, for however long he plans to be in town. Stay at a friends...anything to avoid him. But, don't tell him your plans. I KNOW THIS IS VERY HARD. But, you need to take care of yourself. He doesn't care about you. He only cares about himself. And contacting you was only about him. Not you. {{hugs}} hang in there...we have your back!
Jun 5 - 4PM
Alibi_10
Alibi_10's picture

May be too late. ...

.... just logged in, but if you haven't done it DONT do it! !!!!!! Big mistake. .... huge. Please. I know it is so hard because they shape shift and can seem normal again. He is the devil in devils clothing. Sending you an interview with himself in response to sad news? Did I mention don't do it?! x
Jun 5 - 5PM (Reply to #14)
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

FB devil weirdness

I just looked at the hoe's FB page and it does not look like her unless she dyed her hair. Anyway, there is a lady's pic with red devil horns on the top of her head!!! How weird is that?? I don't know if this is his GF for a fact - all I know is he posted 2 pics of them together in Dec and Jan. Remember, I do not know anything about his life anymore. he could have 3 new GFs for all I know. I think that is his "fake" showboat life and now he is home to his "real" life and wants to connect with someone real who truly cared. But he was gaming me on the phone and of course I know he has never has a "real" relationship ever and I am the closest he ever got to one. I think the only reason he was with me so long is because over the years, I broke down and just accepted all the dysfunction and him. A healthier person would have dumped him. Remember I did dump him after his first silent treatment in 2004 or so. I have never been part of a harem and I never will - you do not need to worry about that! Plus, god only knows where his man parts have been... I think I will just speak to him on the phone when he calls back and say its not a good idea to get together...he does not ever beg. He can drop my keys in the mail slot. He is not the type to stalk - never has - likes people to come after him. I hope I resist the temptation to see him. I really don't have strong feelings right now, so maybe I am over him. I am not feeling nervous, scared or excited...just don't want to let myself get cozy.
Jun 5 - 6PM (Reply to #16)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Ummm..... the title of your

Ummm..... the title of your post is: Please Help Quickly, HE IS HERE!!! And yet you say, "I am not feeling nervous, scared or excited...." Those are the words of a panicked person. Sounds to me like you have major CD going on and you're trying to convince yourself that you're "cool" with talking to him, you just need to keep your head about you. "I hope I resist the temptation to see him. I really don't have strong feelings right now, so maybe I am over him." Who are you trying to convince, us or yourself? These are not the words of someone who is over anybody and does not still have strong feelings. Your cry for help, is anything but. You KNOW you are weak when it comes to him as we all are. You KNOW you need to stay away from him, like any addict that needs to stay away from their drug. Even to LOOK at it. Please, do not talk to him anymore! "I think that is his "fake" showboat life and now he is home to his "real" life and wants to connect with someone real who truly cared." This statement tells me that you DO believe it's a stage he's going through as somebody else said, and this recent contact is not just a "drive by" for some supply and afterwards he will leave you in the ditch again as he goes back to his now "real" life. You are forgetting that their entire persona is a "fake showboat life." The new life and persona that he's adopted is his "real" life FOR NOW, and it is not with you! He left you in the blink of an eye after 10 years without looking back! It's what these guys do! Like a snake shedding it's skin, they shed their old life, complete with all the trappings, for a new one. Ask yourself: What do you say to yourself, what internal dialogue, justification do you use to rationalize giving this snake access to you of any kind? Seriously? What are you saying to yourself right now to make it OKAY to hold your Jugular vein out for him to sink his fangs into? Because if you see him, that is what you will be doing. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but what I'm reading and "hearing" in your words, are rationalizations as to why you "hope" you won't succumb to his temptations, while you protest no longer having strong feelings for him. That is a contradiction. You are making excuses for yourself and for him. You know what everyone says here is right, but it's ultimately up to you. Please stand strong and DON'T talk to him or see him. Don't do it for us, do it for yourself. You're heading back to LaLa Land. Denial is rearing it's ugly head again. Do not listen to his words, LOOK AT THE ACTIONS! Hoping you stay strong, Smitten XOXOXO
Jun 6 - 11PM (Reply to #18)
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

Smitten kitten

This post is really speaking the truth to me - this is really telling me like it is - this is what I need - you totally have my number, you get me and this narc business. I am starting to get anxious about him being here and not communicating... Luckily I am busy and will soon leave town which should help. I was planning on moving in the Fall - I guess I did not leave soon enough... Such a huge bummer that the years mean so little to him-at least with other old boyfriends there is a permanent closeness. I just adored him and accepted him unconditionally - but I was so stupid for not thinking I could be tossed like others in his past - I really thought this guy loved me and was just afraid of intimacy... I am struggling with facing the end...the hopeless end... I was SO much happier and healthier when i was away from here in April at my sunny condo. This incident just solidifies in my mind that its time for a big change. My car is parked on the street here and anyone can tell when I am home -