So, you have an asshole ex narc, too, huh?
Sounds like your ex was the drama queen, not you.
Narcs are the biggest!
Mine TOTALLY was! Called him that, too.
I also called him a little bitch.
Are there any other guys here???
"You're seeing things that aren't there."
The biggest issue wasn't a specific comment, it was that he would bend over backwards to come out with sentences that could be interpreted in many different ways, and any time you thought you'd caught him in some bullshit, you'd get the same ending: "I never said that. You misinterpreted me."
The latest one, if this is actually aimed at me (it may not be), is that I'm a "drama queen"
My narc father's approach is always the same: Deny it. "I don't remember that" - and to be honest, I think he genuinely doesn't remember the things that he's said or done. It's only when several family members compare notes that we can be sure we aren't imagining things.
You wrote:
"I never said that. You misinterpreted me.
Or
"I never said that"
(Ha! The selective memory trick).
Mine did that same gaslighting crap to make it seem like I was crazy.
Evil. Pure evil.
The one I heard was ...."it is just a mis-communication"?
Really! Really! just a mis-communication, I think NOT! You said that you NEVER FOUGHT WITH ANYONE ELSE.....Ha Ha Ha. What a lying jerk!
I can't believe the hateful things you say to me. Stop it right now.
The things you say I'm doing to you are the things you are doing to me.
You say I don't love you just because I don't do what you want. That's not healthy or fair
Me: why wasn't I good enuf for you?
Him: I'm paying for my bad decisions no need to rub it in
great idea!
my first N: called me names like he was a 2 year old "dumb dumb" being my favourite.
second one just turned it back to me: "this shouldn't bother you, something else must be going on with you",
"you are just like my mother. she does this to me"
"You're just being a bitch" "You're trying to control me"
"Maybe you just don't handle stress well"
and then I would believe all that garbage and bite my tongue and not call him on stuff....you know the drill. Crazymaking!
Nothing beats you being on the rag for the entire relationship though.
OMG you have no idea how something you just said TOTALLY healed me and put some of worst fears to rest! Let me explain. My narc is a criminal, and he told me that when he was breaking up with his ex-wife (about twelve years ago), he taped her phone conversations for the last three weeks of their marriage. Then a few nights later when I lit into him about some of his behavior, he said to me "Well maybe you can talk to your husband that way but you can't talk to me like that". So then my cell phone for three months has been doing the CRAZIEST shit! I thought OMG he's wiretapped my phone. But now that I'm looking at your post I think I may be totally off about the wiretapping, and that they just all say the same things. OMG.
p.s. and with the cell phone tapping fear, I had it because my husband DOES drive me nuts and I DO lose it with my husband a lot, so I thought the narc knew this because he was listening to my conversations! Can you believe the level of fear I have been living in from this asshole?
and imagine mine being a Sheriff how he has access to so many things, I would be scared to death to leave my house if I didnt calm myself down and say, its ok you are safe, he lives three hours away.
Level of fear: Sometimes I could kick myself for ever staying so long with this unstable, disturbed person, sometimes I think I was damn lucky I wasnt killed. Do you know what else dawned on me a few days back, my psycho went to my fathers funeral and I gave a eulogy and in my speech I mentioned how my father always called me MY DEAR, my psychopath called me MY DEAR through out our whole relationship, the bastard remembered that as he listened to my speech and how very much I adored and loved my father, now if that is not a predator I dont know what is.
I complain so much on how much this man betrayed me but not once do I think about the DANGER I was in and how truly dangerous he was. That is something I think we lose sight of. We live in fear because they have something wrong mentally and that is NOT a person you want to have an affair with, I am SO GLAD I am far away from him and he cant just drive by or stalk me or follow me, that has been a blessing
I know one on this forum that have had the living crap beat out of them, she escaped him but he beat her very badly with his fists, USUALLY they are NOT violent but there are some that are. He was such a cheater that he would come home and his face would smell of a womans genitals, I KID YOU NOT, she could smell it - women know what that is!!!!! Strange after she called it on him the minute he got home he would run to the bathroom FIRST then greet her. I mean, really? Take a shower at least for Gods sakes!!! She said to him, I dont like the way you smell and he said, what are you talking about, he KNEW damn well what she was talking about. I am telling you they are animals, they have no conscience, values, morals, ethics, NOTHING and to think I was involved with someone who was so disordered like this.
I am so bitter and scared that if I were divorced I wont even look TWICE at a man that is good looking, I will run like hell its ONLY TROUBLE and I know that is not true of all good looking men but that is how skeptical I am from this experience. Patiencegoal I really dont know if I can ever let myself love again, not even my husband I WILL NEVER EVER be hurt like this again, the wall is up and its not coming down.
No you will let love in at some point. I know exactly where you are and I am in a similar place but it's going to get better. Listen, you know when someone is a narc right off the bat now. I know I do. I recognize it in people within minutes even if they are just female friends. So you will quickly start to weed narcs out of your hair and that will leave you So much more time for really loving and cool people.
I can spot them a mile away also, I dont even SPEAK to those I suspect are NOT RIGHT, male or female. I like your idea of working out, I joined a gym recently, that is open 24-7 and I am going to get rid of this weight I put on from depression - I think the exercise will raise my seratonin levels and help greatly. I felt wonderful when I was working out regularly a year ago but I became too depressed after I lost my job and fell into a deep depression. THen I went NC and good lord the first 6 weeks was hell I was a wreck - I am ready now
if someone can be THAT observant and try to win my trust with him as I did my father, you KNOW they are up to something that is NOT GOOD, that is the mind of a true criminal, my counselor always told me he was extremely smart and skilled at what he does. When I called him he would answer his phone, "Yes my dear"? I was soooo drawn to him calling me that in the beginning because it stirred up the love I had for my dad, and that is exactly why he did it too
Mine told me I was in a fairytale and living our relationship like a fairytale, just because I thought if we had problems, we would try to work them out because that's what couple's do.
Of course, I was the delusional one. He doesn't know that none of his unrealistic expecations for a girlfriend (or exwife) or future girlfriend will ever be fulfilled.
called me a c--t
I don't think I'm
very cool!
Yep, gay male here!
:-D
"You're seeing things that
gaslighting
gaslighting
Same....
I can't believe the hateful
great idea! my first N:
GREAT GREAT GREAT POST THANK YOU!!
p.s. and with the cell phone
Ya
It's try they really all do
yes they do
nlookback
Your right
what you wrote about him
I think
very calculative and
They must be the same guy...
Pretend
Yep...mine said I wanted to