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Feeling dying inside now. pls help me.

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#1 Mar 30 - 2AM
AquariusGal
AquariusGal's picture

Feeling dying inside now. pls help me.

My almost 4 weeks of mumdane life (not getting really close to any friend) had a turn when i met a friend (months of no contact already due to change of class), on my way back to project.

Then she began to ask about my bf.
I have no choice i say we are silent period now which i lied (just dindt want to say much)

But she began to tell me her problems. What she been tru is as hurting.
As she speak i can see and feel her tears struggling not to drop.

Only at this point i finally digged out those buried so long misery and tell her abit. Seeing her face i recalled myself. Hearing her story triggered all my inner deep fear, hurt, misery and sadness.

After departed due to work commitment, i went to peak into his FB. I see alot of things.

It's like finally he went into FB added so many people.

From there i also see he took alot pictures with different gals, all individually.

One he has a photo with a gal, so happily together and close.

He even wanted to go concert with her.

I am broken down.
Wanted cry on way home.
However after i reached home, all tears seems to stuck, now feeling damn bad now.

Anyone lives in asia, or what save me.

Mar 30 - 6PM
AquariusGal
AquariusGal's picture

tell me how can fight back fate playing on me?

In this round of 6 weeks holiday, I can't work. There is no way I could do anything New. I am also struggling trying to find a new route out. But everyday 8 to 5 in school with only 2 person I can work with. This is rather a mundane life. What can I do!??? :,( I can't do anything new at all.
Mar 30 - 5PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Aquarius

Ok Stop looking on FB ASAP. Please. YOu are hurting yourself, What he does is no concern to you. He's the one that is dead, The walking dead. You need to figure this out, You need to understand what he is, a monster! Then you need to start doing things for yourself, Not with a woman or a man, For yourself. What do you like to do? Let work on those two things to get you out of this. Idealk
Mar 30 - 3PM
SoOverItNext
SoOverItNext's picture

I understand

I feel your pain but understand this. It is sooooo not worth it. You can't let a man determine your worth. You are so much better than him. If he can't treat you how you deserve to be treated, there is someone else out there who will. I know that's not what you want to hear right now but it's so true. If someone would have told me that 6 months ago (which they have), I would have told them they don't know what they are talking about. But, now that he is out of my life (only partially because we have a daughter together), I know I deserve more than he can EVER offer me. Being away from him, I began to love myself more and understand that my love is too precious to have it thrown back in my face. Your love is too loyal to have it thrown back in your face. Your love is too unconditional to have it thrown back in your face....Stay strong and know that we are all here for you night and day and you WILL get through this. You WILL find someone else who appreciates you. And hopefully, you can keep in mind that karma is real and while he's happy ans smiling now...Karma NEVER forgets and doesn't lose addresses. He will get what he deserves!
Mar 30 - 3AM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Aquarius

Hun, I am so sorry listen, these guys are disordered but they are not the source of the sun rising or the air going into your lungs. I say this casually now but I remember that pain very very well... The only thing I can say is that you have to give time time. Do you feel suicidal or are you saying this as a figure of speech? If you feel suicidal, you need to get yourself to psychiatric emergency so they can stabilize you. These relationships cause trauma which sometimes can cause people to feel suicidal. There is no shame in this hun...this pain cuts like a knife... BUT you will heal I promise you if you can ride that wave, you will get better, it takes time, it take a lot of venting, and writing, and sharing and getting angry and going through all of it to get it out of your system. Aquarius girl, we are here for you...you are not feeling a pain we haven't felt and we've made it through. YOu are strong, you are beautiful...you have purpose and meaning your spirit and essense was put here for a reason and that reason was not to be bound for life to the narc...we must not attach ourselves to the earthly...the earthly can enhance but it cannot define us... You have a mission in life...this pain, this experience is but one of many we will have throughout out lives...it is what we make of it...it is part of the journey and we come out on the other end, stronger, wiser, elightened and very knowldegeable about PDI's...so in the future, hopefully we'll know how to avoid them but most of all, if we do it right, we come out of it knowing ourselves and loving ourselves a whole lot more. Hold on hun and keep writing and getting it out and find a therapist if you don't have one. Stick to the board as well. Hugs!
Mar 30 - 4AM (Reply to #2)
AquariusGal
AquariusGal's picture

I dont even know what i want

I dont even know what i want now. I think i might need a guy to hang out through (but i dont think i will feel the same and i dont want get hurt, i dont want to want to cheat people either) I want new fun clickable friends but my current life dont allow me to. I feel so weak. All the period and lask of sleep and horror from what i see. I dont look the same anymore. I just look weird i think. Like some walking dead. Yet he is so well i dont understand. I was so sad that i feel like dying inside, perhaps dying could end the sadness and pain. But for now i think i might do it. My mind is still working, so havent failed to think what is not right. I dont even know should i be happy for the gal that she gona have a nice devoted kind BF soon, so worry and sorry for ever one day she might go through shit. But maybe shd wouldnt. ~Living through life.
Mar 30 - 6PM (Reply to #3)
Arwen
Arwen's picture

I think you should get to a hospital now if you can

I had serious depression twice and needed serious help and I was feeling like I needed to end my life. I was helped. You don't have to feel like this and I am very worried about your last post. PLEASE go to a hospital right now and just start to talk to a doctor there and tell them how you are feeling. You are going to be JUST FINE and let me tell you something...this man you speak of - he is NOT happy although he may put out that front. He is twisted with pain, anger, regret, self-hate, self-loathing, and any new woman in his life will be his next victim I PROMISE. Much love please send me a message privately if you need to.