I am in a huge amount of pain right now

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Mar 29 - 12PM (Reply to #39)
jen79
jen79's picture

and I was expecting this sick of it

You were moving on and you have been processing yourself throught the shit more than ever. You reached a point you never reached before, freedom, you were getting better. They sense that. believe me. Remember that we are still all one and still conncected. If you like it or not and if you are aware of it or not, on some level everyone is psychic. And they sense this. I hope you can get through this now faster than before. I am sure of that sweetie.
Mar 29 - 4PM (Reply to #40)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

The psychic connection

I totally agree with you on this. Around the time I left NM behind, the ex-Psych prof impregnated his girlfriend. It was eerie. Just about 9 months after I left, she had given birth to twins. It was weird. The ex-P would had a weird fascination with pregnancy that just wasn't healthy-he saw it as some proof of manhood/science project. He was obsessed with what expectant women ate. He also would say that if he got a woman pregnant, she wouldn't leave him.
Mar 29 - 12PM (Reply to #38)
jen79
jen79's picture

sick of it

I sent you a message. Hope you read it. I dont want to share again here in puplic. But you know it was only to get a reaction from you. You can trust me on this.
Mar 29 - 11AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

sick of it

I know this is coming one of these days for me, too. After a few more months I'll get the "I'm getting married and I wish you well" text. I wouldn't put it past him to get married just to piss me off and hurt me more. They stop at nothing. You are right that it is finally over, but your body and soul are not going to give up as easily as your intellect. Trust me, I'm having a whole new round of tears, desperation, incredulity, etc etc after three months of the silent treatment. You have got to be very careful and very strong now. xoxo
Mar 29 - 9AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

He's fucking with u! Sick

He's fucking with u! Sick Bastard! He goes silent then pops up to tell you this? It's a game. Even if he is getting married, why does ge feel it necessary to tell you? He's full of shit! He wants you to beg like a dog! Grrrrrrrr! Idealk
Mar 29 - 8AM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I don't know if I did the

I don't know if I did the right thing but I sent him a text telling him that u don't send txt messages like that unless u intend harm. That he was the one who initially pursued me not and played every emtn to make sure he did and then flipped the coin. I told him I knew one thing for sure and that is that I know he is plenty pissed off at me for some unknown reason and that it is clear that I have some effect on him or he wldnt have sent that txt. I told him that I will process this in a healthy manner and tht I may or may not tell my husband but that I knew I am a beautiful succesful woman and that I would never throw myself under the bus again and of that he can be certain and that I didn't care who was reading this and that I felt sorry for gf in that I'm sure she is unaware that only a few short months ago he was teling me its not over I love u etc Now I'm done he will NEVER harm me again.
Mar 29 - 10AM (Reply to #32)
venuslovedpluto
venuslovedpluto's picture

Sick Of It =)

Good morning to you :) I am Stoked to hear your words. I think it's totally okay that you texted something to him but I hope you don't put any stock into any replies he might shoot back. You know they use all of their mental energy thinking up ways to Appear superior/bulletproof/suave/aloof/mentally healthy...rofl. You know what I find funny??? My ex often postures MY attitude in his texts. No joke. He even uses entire phrases, perceptions, exact things I've said to him in other fights. Lmao. How weird is that?? I try not to overthink that one but you get my point. Where are their own minds? They're actors. They have a database like you wouldn't Believe, a checklist of the things that make women double over in pain too. The things that hurt You, he remembers Every One. He'd literally toss ginsu knives if he could, this comes from a bottomless well of insecurity. No sense of self. He's not worth your frustration, girl. I know you need to work through it in your own way and you're seriously doing Fine I think, but don't forget...you cannot apply the whys and whats and how could theys of a normal mind to one like his. You're wired entirely differently. I'm so glad you're refusing to let him touch you. He can't, you know. If you don't allow it in your airspace. I'm proud of you. I admire your honesty. P.S Hell YES, he broke Silent Treatment to Grace You With His Textual Presence rofl to suck you for supply. He wanted to provoke you, it appears, to get some words that reflect what's up in your head and how you feel about him. Poor Dracula, there's one less source for his a$$ now. Word.
Mar 29 - 11AM (Reply to #33)
It'sAllAboutMeNow (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

VenusLovedPluto

You make some great points and I like your advice. I wanted to point out that your ex emulated you because he had no personality and N's become who they are with. My exN used to do the same thing and I used to think it was cute and because he really admired me. Bahaha... boy was I wrong! I have read that they choose their victims according to traits that they admire about them. Be it looks, intelligence, materialistics, etc.. Must be sad and lonely walking around not knowing who you really are. One way to put it is that they are literally a mosaic of everyone they have been with or admired at some point and when they look in the mirror that's what they see. Just a piece of everyone they have victimized. DISGUSTING!!! SOI- I'm really glad you woke up feeling better. I do think that he is trying to ruffle you feathers. Don't let him see that he has and don't give him that satisfaction. That'll ruffle his!! Make him squirm!!
Mar 29 - 4PM (Reply to #34)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Identity theft

When it comes to the ex-Psych professor, he confused himself with Arthur Schopenhauer, Ludwig Wittgenstein, and Leo Tolstoy... so they should be checking their bank statements for unauthorized charges&go to the identity theft department. Just sayin'. Some would say that Ns/Ps can't countenance rejection/abandonment... but he did. He'd say that much younger women rejected Tolstoy&Schopenhauer, thus missing out on the companionship of geniuses (Arthur&Leo were both Ns) Arthur was in his 40s when a teenaged girl rejected him;Leo was in his 30s when his much younger female ward rejected him for being controlling. The ex-P *ONCE* used to think of himself as a philosopher, a philosopher of religion, and an expert on Augustine's "Confessions." Okay, fast forward to my senior thesis on Augustine's "Confessions",then becoming a religion writer 3 years later. Um, he no longer considers himself those things. I have subverted the paradigm. Stole his false identity, it seems, hit the stores, and he paid the bill. With interest charges&late fees. "Must be sad&lonely walking around not knowing who you really are"-The ex-P would say that he wanted to be a philosopher... as of '09, he is now a literature expert on "War and Peace" (his Bible) He'd say he was a professor because his father was a professor. I suggested being AN ACTOR to him because he could get different roles, be role-playing, and be paid gobs of money. It was unsolicited advice on my part... but I had to say it. "Just a piece of everyone they victimized"-The ex-P would parrot things his father said. He'd parrot Cora Diamond's arguments on vegetarianism from "Eating Animals, Eating People." No wonder that after the final D&D, one of my friends described the ex-P was a collage of people, that he had cannibalized them.
Mar 29 - 5AM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Good Morning everyone. I

Good Morning everyone. I thank each of you for your support you will never know what it means to me. This has been my only outlet otherwise I would have suffered in silence. I am ok this morning strangely. Im sure part of the shock and awe BUT in many ways I feel a release from the pressure cooker and in many ways I feel this is the closure I have been needing. When I see that text message I know clearly it was designed to hurt me. It really is so transparent. Yes I loved him like any normal human being would I have also known that this man is quite disturbed and I have continually put myself out there for him to harm me. I will continue to work on that as I know that is not the sign of a completely emotionally healthy person but I do recognize it. Round one I recognized nothing. I simply compartmentalized and threw it in a secret closet inside of me. I WILL NOT ALLOW THIS MAN TO DETERMINE MY WORTH. I WILL NOT ABANDON MYSELF. He is a pig. I feel so sorry for the woman as she is the same woman that he supposedly was "friends" with and "kicked to the curb" as soon as we reconnected. Heres what I got from him after telling him that I understood that we dont express love for eachother in any healthy way and if it were to ever work I have got to get myself to a healthier place. Mind you he hasnt spoken to me in 5 almost 6 months. Our last communication before the silent treatment was he says its not over. I love you bah blah blah last nite I get: I just want to let you know this is not a private number. Its a business number. Im getting married to a nice lady named ____________ in the fall. Good Luck take care of your family. N I say how many people have read these texts. He responds: None And there you have it. So you break 5 months silent treatment just to tell me this?
Mar 29 - 5PM (Reply to #30)
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

SOI

OMG what a BASTARD! A sick twisted selfish bastard! He only did that to get a response out of you! BASTARD!!!!! I'm so sorry. I know that was painful but you are in a much better place to deal with it now. You've made amazing progress in the last month! What a piece of crap excuse for a human being!
Mar 29 - 6AM (Reply to #29)
Used
Used's picture

SOI

yes this was designed to hurt you,b/c you got away this was designed to hurt you, but the truth shall set you free, this sad exscuse for a human beign feels the need to hurt you , why? b/c you stuck to your guns, good for you, i dont believe he will marry her he is playing her to hurt you, so you must have realy hurt his ego. GOOD GIRL. its about you moving on and will continue to do so, good luckx
Mar 29 - 4AM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Hi SOI

I am so sorry to hear of your pain and upset. You have been through a nightmare with this guy and come so far. Any new news may set us into a tailspin. The ultimate news and betrayal of course, is that they are getting married. This would appear to be the ending to a horric situation. Yes, this would be the case if we were dealing with a "real" man. PD's are not real, they have a false self and as much as this hurts and I too would be devestated to learn this news if it were me, we must remember that marriage DOES NOT represent the same thing that it would to a "real" boy. These guys are like Pinocchio as wood, he is not a "real" boy and he certainly is not a grown up man. He is a false self and make believe personality. Therefore marriage to them is nothing more than a new adventure and a new opportunity to fuck with someone on a more permanent basic and you know, the only ones they want to marry are the ones who they think they have completely under their thumbs, so the fact that they don't marry you or can't in your situation is reflective of your growth. Not an insult but a compliment to your strength. PD's marry the ones who are still gaga about them and either cannot see the truth or think they can change them through marriage. Many of us have been there and it anything, this woman is in for the hellish ride of her life. Also marriage NEVER stopped any self respecting PD from cheating up a storm anyway. They don't even go into marriage imagining faithfullness, they go into thinking: oh goody now I can have a homebase and a slave to do my dirty work AND screw around whenever I want, what a life, aren't I the lucky one. This does not mean he is done with you; this means he is not only still screwing with your head, now he has another to screw with as well. He may not even be getting married. As you know, it is not uncommon for them to up the ante when we change. They take all the tools out of their toolbelt when they can see our growth. If one thing doesn't work, they try another. It is possible that he is simply saying this to get a reaction. I know mine would do that if he thought he needed to. ANYTHING to get a reaction. My mother is sick, I am sick, my child is sick, I hurt myself, I lost my money, I'm getting married, blah blah blah. Whether or not he is getting married and this remains to be seen, the bottome line is: why did he have to tell you this now? What an ass, he is just keeping the game going and trying to hurt you somemore. He knew damn well this would cause a reaction. What a complete piece of shit. YOU ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS. This pisses me off. He just cannot leave well enough alone, oh no, he has to keep throwing more logs on the fire. This is a freakin tree. Enough is enough. He needs to leave you alone. Block this f er once and for all and do what it takes to get back on track. Cry, scream, go to the beach and throw things; whatever it takes to get this complete piece of shit out of your head once and for all. I am here for you, if you need to talk, call me. Much love and prayers for your peace, SOI, Goldie
Mar 29 - 4AM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

You know sick of it...

I was thinking he's just messing with you? Then someone else mentioned it...so you know...I'm just wondering...I mean it's freaking MARCH!!! He needs to text you tonight to tell you he's getting married in the fall? Nah, he wants a reaction...don't feed it. He may very well be...but his motive was to mees with you...don't let him....keep moving forward. Hugs
Mar 29 - 9AM (Reply to #26)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

I agree!

I agree!
Mar 29 - 6AM (Reply to #25)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Actualy Michelle thinking

Actualy Michelle thinking about it i think youre right on this , that text stinks ... sick of it i recon its bate so you respond , its a hover attempt .xx
Mar 29 - 4AM
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Sick of it

I hope you get pissed because I am! What a complete dick! Another stab for you! A punch in the stomach for sure ! He knows he's hurting you and wants an emotional response. If you show anger or any emotion that's what the sick fuck is looking for! They will go to the most pathetic lengths to get our attention. Who knows if the terd is really getting married. They lie and cheat and don't know what the truth is themselves. I know they will fake or do anything to get a rise out of us. I hate your narc!!! Big fucking dickhead!
Mar 29 - 3AM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Oh sick of it , im so sorry ,

Oh sick of it , im so sorry , it sucks , we have to at times like this remember that he will not change , he will treat her the same as you , there was NOTHING you did to make him treat you this way , he is a damaged person and has been since very early childhood . Cling to the basics of this condition , it will help you stablise youre emotions . Read the blogs again and again and get it firmly in there that he is metaly ill , not normal , he is an emotional retard as the ow WILL find out . xx
Mar 29 - 3AM
jaycee
jaycee's picture

im so sorry for you

im so sorry for you, as i know, i will eventually get the same text. its all so sick and twisted, but in the end your pain will be gone, it will not last forever, someday we will all look back and know, we just got the short end of the stick and no biggie, our lives will be so much better off. no matter what, they did us a favor, they can no longer abuse us. feel better, you are worth more.

Jaycee

Mar 29 - 1AM
neverlookback
neverlookback's picture

TOTAL SHOCK you are feeling

I think one day I will get a wedding invitation in the mail, and it will hit me just as it has you. First the fact he had to tell you tells me he is a fricking sick SOB, knowing what pain he already caused you, I mean was it really necessary to tell an x he was getting married for gods sake, of all people. What the hell would you care it was only meant to further hurt you. Would you want to be married to someone so cruel, and sick, ewww who is the lucky bride to be? Marriage means NOTHING to these individuals, its not a marriage that would come close to normal he is disordered honey and unfortunately even disordered people get married. I know it makes you wonder why wasnt I good enough, (even though you really would not want to marry this man) you are and were good enough sweet pea, you were probably too good for him, let them ride off into the sunset together trust me they will not live happily ever after, remember all the books and research you have educated yourself with this disorder, marriage is a piece of paper my dear what makes a partnership is TRUE LOVE, LOYALTY, HONOR, RESPECT, not the marriage license. Do you think because he gets married he will suddenly have those qualities? Not in this lifetime. x0x0x0x0 you will get back on track put away any self doubts, Please BLOCK this SOB from being able to contact you.
Mar 29 - 4AM (Reply to #20)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

And picking up on what neverlookback said...

Really...of all people, you had to be the firs to know...WHO on earth texts this kind of info to an ex? YES...a Psychopathic Asshat... AND you are getting twisted up in knots over juvenile behavior! Sick of it...he's a little boy. You are twisted up in knots over an impotent little boy! Stop it right now...recharge and regroup! Today is a new day and I gave you a lecture in a private message. Don't make me spill ALL my secrets!
Mar 28 - 11PM
It'sAllAboutMeNow (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Unbelievable @ss

This guy knows exactly what he is doing. I'm sorry that he is putting you under such undeserving distress!! I fear the same news may eventually find it's way to me and with his so called "friend" he claimed to have through out our relationship. She has tolerated more than any one else probably has in his past so he keeps her close. I'm not in your shoes right now but I'm sure I'd have a pretty darn difficult time with it too. Don't give him all the hard work you have put into rebuilding yourself after all the destruction he has done. He doesn't deserve a clipping of your toe nail. Well, maybe in his eye... I hope you find strength and peace during this time and know that you deserve so much more than an empty souless dirt bag like him. He's found a new victim and she will soon discover the wrath that is this emotinoal vampire. You have an army of Narc hating women behind you!! XOXO
Mar 28 - 11PM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

SOI

Oh, I'm so sorry. I know your pain. I remember when my EXNH told me he was getting married. Not an easy day, to say the least. Keep in mind though - you definitely dodged a bullet. While that may be hard to see right now, trust me, you did. Just know this while you pull yourself through this. You are so much better off without this toxic man in your life. He would bring you nothing but unhappiness. Be grateful someone is taking his needy ass off your hands. I feel sorry for her, but glad for you. Every experience teaches us something and it is only through experience that we learn, grow and transform. Remember it's ok to feel pain right now. You need to process your anger about this. Failing to do so will only keep you stuck. Pain is scary, but it is also essential. Do not repress how you feel. I'm glad you came here to vent and "get it out." You need to do this before you can move on. While I know it's going to hurt like hell for awhile, remember: “God instructs the heart not by ideas, but by pains and contradictions.” ~ Jean Pierre De Caussade When something hurts in life, we typically avoid it. We rarely think of it as something we are meant to learn from. In fact, we immediately try to find a way to get rid of the painful feeling and tell ourselves we will be happy when something else we’ve been waiting for happens. We run away thinking we can avoid our reality, but what we don’t realize is: Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know. We can lie to ourselves or run all we want, but the lesson will keep returning in different forms and manifestations until we learn what it is trying to teach us about our reality. The very first noble truth the Buddha points out is that suffering is inevitable in human beings. It is part of the human condition. We cannot avoid it. We must accept suffering and open our hearts to look at how weak we are being when we try to avoid it. Only then can we discover that the very thing that terrifies us is in fact a way for us to reconnect with our true self. It's time for your to find yourself now, SOI! The progress you are making understanding your codependency and this incident is not just coincidental. It's all happening for a reason. It's part of your journey. This is what you must remember right now. You are finally free to get well now and reconnect with yourself again. Get in touch with your inner self without being distracted by this ridiculous man who is never satisfied no matter what you do for him. Be glad you can move on from him and know you are not alone. We are here for you! Always, Lisa
Mar 28 - 10PM
becsta777
becsta777's picture

It will get better

I know it will get better. Remember, every emotion is impermanent. I know what you are feeling. I am thinking of you and sending love xo
Mar 28 - 10PM
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

SOI

I'm crying for you right now. I KNOW the pain you are going through, and it is heart wrenching. And why do I know the pain? Because Narcboy told me about 4 different times he was getting married. And it destroyed me...because I was across the country from him and couldn't make myself free fast enough. Did any of the marriages go through? NO! Why? Because he was a Narc, and whenever he was engaged, he would fly out to see me or I would fly out to see him and we would spend some romantic time together... and he decided that he couldn't bear to give up his harem of probably dozens of women. I don't want to give you any hope...because I don't want you to have hope of a reconciliation, because you don't want a reconciliation. But realize this: 1. He did this to hurt you...why? because realized he couldn't have you, because he could never be the man that your husband is. 2. He won't get married, or if he does, he will never be happy in the marriage, because he cannot be committed to one woman. 3. His wife won't be happy in the marriage, because he will never be 100% available to her. 4. If they do get married, it will be painful, and probably short. I know it hurts now...believe me..I TOTALLY understand it. But it doesn't mean what marriage means to you. He probably just thought that he is getting older, and "heck" why not just get married? Hey, I called you today, by your vmail was full. Can you call me tomorrow????? We could both use a talk. A good time is at 8:30am PST. xoxoxoxo hang in there. It will take time but this too shall pass.
Mar 28 - 10PM
venuslovedpluto
venuslovedpluto's picture

Sick Of It...I think I know where you're at...

It's the dissonance, sort of. The part of you that knows what's good and right for you doesn't want him or his crap...but it still hurts like hell to not be wanted by him anymore. To be the past while someone else is the present. You can't help but think about the things you'd have done differently...the ways your mind tells you that you're maybe less than memorable to him. Remember, this is natural- the discomfort you're feeling. Your mind will play tricks on you too as it sorts this new information, placing it in and around the memories. Try and embrace it. It's the Normal Way for a loving, mentally healthy, sensitive human being to feel. I hope you realize this too. *Huge Hug*
Mar 28 - 10PM
Arwen
Arwen's picture

You THINK it;s over

DO NOT KILL YOURSELF first of all...WE LOVE YOU. Now let me tell you a little story about me and the Narc I was with for almost ten years on and off. He is so incredibly pathological he is known the world over for his abusive behavior in many ways, yet he still manages to somehow hold down a job. He too got married and it almost killed me when I saw that woman THE NIGHT he asked me to join him at a party...guess what?..he brought her as well, AND, there were two other women I knew about that were connected to him that were ALSO invited to the same party! Well to make a long story short, not long after his marriage he pursued me and several years after that he pursued me again with absolutely NO regret or even vague connection to the fact that he had a wife. And I was still so sickeningly addicted to this man I thought was the love of my life that I was as flattered as I was sickened. That is long over for me. But the point of the story is, this woman knows who and what he is, she is also a terrible narcissist and at the very least an inverted narcissist that I can't stand to be around for a minute, AND, he will NEVER EVER EVER stop f-ing around. Trust me PLEASE and others here who have told you that this marriage means NOTHING to him other than saving face for some kind of societal pressure to get married.
Mar 28 - 9PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I gotta pull it together

I gotta pull it together before my husband gets up for work in a little while. Thank God for them. I do love them. This was all about unresolved trauma for me. I guess I can consider it resolved.
Mar 28 - 9PM (Reply to #12)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Sorry to pull your coat...

Perhaps for the moment cause hubby is waking up you need to pull it together but do you see what you are doing? You are considering it resolved... IN 0 to 60 POOF issue resolved... Sorry, it's not...but pull it together for the moment for appearances...but please FIRST don't bullshit yourself, next don't bullshit us. It's not resolved... Half hour ago you were on nervous breakdown mode and now...instantly...it's resolved.... No sickofit...no...
Mar 28 - 9PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

So does a person really leave

So does a person really leave a pick up on classmates of himself with previous girl friend when he is getting married in the fall? normally I would say no but in this case YES