Why We Must Write About Our Experience of Trying to Love a Narcissist

Here's why it's so important to write about what you're experiencing:

Today we now have proof that writing is therapeutic. James Pennebaker, PhD., a psychologist and researcher, has conducted studies that show improvement in immune system functioning and emotional well-being when research participants write about difficult or traumatic events in their lives.

As Linda DeSalvo points out in her book, “Writing as a Way of Healing,“ many writers, like Virginia Woolf and Henry Miller describe their work as a form of analysis or therapy. Before treatment was available, many writers used their work in this way.

DeSalvo describes the therapeutic process of writing like this:

“We receive a shock or a blow or experience trauma in our lives. In exploring it, examining it, and putting it into words, we stop seeing it as a random, unexplained event. We begin to understand the order behind appearances.
Expressing it in language robs the event of its power to hurt us; it also assuages our pain. And by expressing ourselves in language, by examining these shocks, we paradoxically experience delight – pleasure, even – which comes from the discoveries we make as we write, from the order we create from seeming randomness or chaos.

Ultimately, then, writing about difficulties enables us to discover the wholeness of things, the connectedness of human experience. We understand that our greatest shocks do not separate us from humankind. Instead, through expressing ourselves, we establish our connection with others and with the world.“

As you can see, it’s very important to share your story with others. Whether you write it on the messageboard, journal it privately, share it at a support group meeting or with a friend, it is absolutely critical to write about your experience of trying to love a narcissist.

We must make sense of what happened to us by organizing our thoughts and expressing our feelings. Only then can we finally put the bad memories to rest. Memories that are not sorted out and filed away in our head will only nag at us and recur until we are forced to deal with them. Rather than wait until things explode from avoidance, we must be proactive and allow ourselves to experience healing by writing and sharing our story.

Jan 19 - 7PM
kaitaly's picture


Okay, so I am new to this site---Just what are the characteristics of the N man?