Why is NC so difficult even though I know he is no good for me?

This is the nature of grief, loss, and change

We grieve endings whether they were good or bad, it is still going to be a big change for you, as well as a loss. The loss of what "should" have been, never was, the good and the bad. We grieve the death of the hope, fantasy, and illusion of what we wanted it to be.

We fear the unknown and often get comfortable with that which is familar and venturing into the newness and unknown may be challenging on many levels.

Just because a relationship had many hurtful components does not mean that there were not things about being with that person which brought you comfort. As awful as PD's are, in truth it was not all bad or we would not have been with them in the first place.

Letting go and moving on completely is a process and often it takes longer for the heart and the emotions to catch up with the head.

The thinking part of us can comprehend and reason that we are making the right choice, it is our hearts which need more time to heal and catch up with what our heads already know.

You are perfectly describing the dilemma which all of us struggle with and eventually face when making the decision to end it with a PD (going complete NC).

If it were a smooth easy transition and a cut and dry decision, we would just do it and make it without any inner turmoil.

This is tough to do. Ending any longterm relationship where we have a long history with the person. You know you are making the right decison, now you just need to be gentle with yourself while the emotional piece begins to kick in and join in with your rational thinking.

NC is the only way to end a relationship with a PD, any contact, generally keeps the fantasy, hope, and illusions alive.

Cut your losses and go through that initial discomfort, which eventually will end, and give yourself a chance at at peaceful and prosperous life.

God bless,

For additonal support, to join one of our support groups, or to speak with Goldie directly, http://www.lisaescott.com/blog/goldie


Jan 18 - 11PM
pumpkinpie's picture

Thank you for this

Sep 29 - 10AM
GenuineHeart (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

The Laundry list

Sep 29 - 2PM (Reply to #28)
jma1213's picture

Laundry list

Jul 24 - 7PM
jma1213's picture

so very new to this no contact

Jul 24 - 10PM (Reply to #24)
1stnarcexp11's picture

He may be wondering why you

Jul 24 - 10PM (Reply to #25)
jma1213's picture

I will let him keep wondering

Jul 25 - 11AM (Reply to #26)
1stnarcexp11's picture

You're welcome

Jul 24 - 8PM (Reply to #22)
jma1213's picture

Not sure

Jul 25 - 11AM (Reply to #23)
Used's picture


Jul 22 - 6AM
1stnarcexp11's picture

Great post btw Goldie. Much

Jul 17 - 7PM
maui3375's picture

Goldie..so true

Jul 9 - 7AM
foolednolonger1's picture

theres a simple answer. We

Jun 26 - 3PM
Ladydb123's picture

Getting Over

Jul 17 - 3PM (Reply to #16)
baab's picture

thats what they do....use

Jul 21 - 11PM (Reply to #17)
1stnarcexp11's picture

Yeh my pity for him soothes

Jun 24 - 6PM
sharlenemorgan's picture

Lovely times

Jun 13 - 11PM
bluegirl's picture

Thank you Goldie. If there

Jun 12 - 1PM
Deidre99's picture

I read this the other day, in

Jun 10 - 4PM
chris53's picture

Thank you Goldie for posting

Jul 21 - 11PM (Reply to #11)
1stnarcexp11's picture

"It was just a dream" wasn't

Jun 10 - 1PM
Bluefox30's picture

Thank you for this.I am

Jul 22 - 12AM (Reply to #9)
1stnarcexp11's picture

U took the words out of my

Jun 10 - 10AM
Reason2Believe's picture

Thank you,

Jun 10 - 11PM (Reply to #1)
LindsayM's picture

Once again thanks Goldie

Jul 22 - 12AM (Reply to #7)
1stnarcexp11's picture

Exactly. My ex narc got mad

Jul 13 - 8AM (Reply to #2)
transcend's picture

I only remember the highs too


Apr 1 - 4PM (Reply to #6)
LulaB's picture

I can relate.

Jul 22 - 12AM (Reply to #3)
1stnarcexp11's picture

WOW! IF my ex narc and I

Jul 22 - 5AM (Reply to #4)
transcend's picture



Jul 22 - 6AM (Reply to #5)
1stnarcexp11's picture

I have never heard of a list