Narcissist Recovery Blog

Just Keep Dancing

Wow, I truly believe we meet people in life for a reason and I met an amazing woman today at the Printer's Row Lit Fest. Her table was right next to mine under the Illinois Women's Press Association (IWPA) booth. Her name is Susan Brauer. She was abused for twenty years. Her ex-husband had her convinced that she couldn't work so she would be dependent on him. She finally broke free, went back to school and now has her Master's in Engineering. She truly is an inspiration and I KNOW I met her for a reason.

Chicago Literary Festival - Printer's Row Book Fair - Today and Tomorrow!

I will have a table this weekend at the Printer's Row Lit Fest. If you're local and at the fest, please stop by to see me. I will be under the Illinois Women's Press Association (IWPA) booth along with other local Chicago authors on the corner of Dearborn and Polk. Would love to see you!

10am to 6pm
June 12th and 13th

I'm giving out flyers with the address of our messageboard. I hope to reach hundreds of women today and tomorrow. Look for newcomers on our site and please welcome them!

Building Awareness on Narcissism

When I first started writing my book five years ago, I couldn't get it published. No one knew what a narcissist was. I spent twelve thousand dollars self-publishing it twice. The first book title was "When he's only into himself" and the second book title was "He's So Vain." You can look them up on-line.

Spinning Straw into Gold

I opened up "Simple Abundance" tonight - a book my Mom gave me over ten years ago. Anyone have it? It's by Saran Ban Breathnach. It's a wonderful book. Tonight, I opened it up to the following passage. No joke.

START OF PASSAGE

Spinning Straw Into Gold

"Stories are medicine....They have such power; they do not require that we do, be, act anything - we need only listen. The remedies for repair or reclamation of any lost psychic drive are contained in stories." ~Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Why Retraining the Brain is Important

A friend of mine ended a relationship with a man she loves because of her fear that he was about to reject her. It turns out, he wasn't going to reject her at all. He loves her very much, but now he is hurt that she broke up with him and is hesitant to take her back for fear that she will end things again and hurt him.

I have done this type of thing before and can tell you this self-destructive behavior will get us absolutely nowhere. We must understand this behavior is an automatic reflex/reaction based on experiences we have had in our past. Because of pain from our past, we react this way in an attempt to avoid being hurt. Unfortunately, in the end we not only hurt our partner, but we hurt ourselves. We have sabotaged the relationship.

Why He Keeps Coming Back

"The narcissist I was involved with had me change my entire life for him then called me and in a 5 minute telephone conversation told me he changed his mind and he was not going to be with me. He said it as casually as if he decided to have chicken for dinner instead of steak. Then he proceeded to f with my mind for another 3 years." ~Foolmeonce

Why? Why does the narcissist keep coming back? Why can't he leave us alone? It's important to understand that a narcissist has no inner-sense of self. He disconnected from himself a long time ago. Because he has no sense of self, he must be validated by others in order to feel alive. Without outside validation, he feels dead inside.

The Path Forward

Happydaysahead - I hope you saw the thread from this Fall that I just re-posted in response to your question on what Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is and how it works. CBT is one of the most effective forms of treatment, in my opinion. Why? Because it's based on the most recent advances in science and technology that now show us our brains are much more plastic (changeable) than we ever thought. The reason this is important is because it means we can retrain our brains.

It took me many years of suffering before I finally tried Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. When I did, it changed my life. Was it difficult? Yes, I was shaking and cried the first time I did it. Was it worth it? Absolutely!

The Origins of "The Path Forward"

I'm re-posting this from the Fall.

Sun, 10/18/2009 - 21:54 — Lisa E. Scott

Monica - "I Won't Back Down" is one of my favorite songs! Great song to run to or work out aggression at a gym.

You have to follow that up with "Running Down a Dream" by Tom Petty as well. Together, they're a very healing combination of songs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5tF_-AkU6U

Barbara - Thank you for pointing out my music! (And for coming up with "The Path Forward"!)

Moving Forward

While I do not know what's in store for me, I know one thing. I cannot control the past or the future. Yet, I can control how I respond to both.

I believe that our happiness is not based on what happens to us in life, but instead on how we respond to it. I know some of you may think this sounds cliché, but think about it for a moment, if you will.

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all you devoted mothers! You truly are an inspiration and deserve to be celebrated today and every day!!

"By and large, mothers and housewives are the only workers who do not have regular time off. They are the great vacationless class."~Anne Morrow Lindbergh

"A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path."~Agatha Christie

Understanding the Narcissist's Cycle of Idealizing You to Devaluing & Demeaning You

Being in love with a narcissist is a confusing state of affairs, to say the least. In the beginning, a narcissist makes you feel incredibly loved and valued. He appears to be head-over-heels in love with you and worships the ground you walk on. He writes you poetry, takes you out for romantic dinners, and finds all your little quirks endearing and adorable.

Once a narcissist feels he has obtained control of you (through marriage or moving in together), you will see a completely different side of him that you never knew existed. Unfortunately this is the REAL him. Narcissists have often been described as having a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality. Once in control, a narcissist becomes demeaning and cruel.

Great article on John Mayer by Melinda Tankard Reist

In an interview in this month's Playboy, John Mayer says he can't keep his hands off himself. Giving new meaning to narcissism, Mayer says he prefers an intimate night in with his computer to a night out with a real live woman.

Even when he's with a real woman, Mayer confesses he is just using her as a masturbatory aid while porn images and stories run through his head. To Mayer, women are only a means to an end: his own, self-assisted, big bang.

Here's an extract:

MAYER: ...pornography? It's a new synaptic pathway. You wake up in the morning, open a thumbnail page, and it leads to a Pandora's box of visuals. There have probably been days when I saw 300 [naked girls] before I got out of bed.

PLAYBOY: What's your point about porn and relationships?